Please help and pray for me

[peaceandlove]

:sl: to all

I am in very despite situation. Actually, there is a very very tense situation in between my family and my wife family.

I have a baby few days ago, and dew to some mis-understanding or what ever we say my father in law just got angry on something and then shouted on me and on my father too, of-course that not looks nice as we already have few tensions in past.

Now, my family does not want to bring my wife back in home until they apologize and never try to do that again, also there are many other mis-understanding in my wife family (father ,mother too), I had also heard that some people also says some thing to them that was not actually what we mean and they got angry.

NOW , I talk with my wife and he said he want to get home without any condition but me and my family says first stop clear that mis-understanding as otherwise there will me more mis-understaning in the elder of family.

Me and my wife want to live together but family member are not doing what they have to do in that situation. Both are waiting for actions from others.

I am toooooo much tense in that situation, I just have a baby and did not able to celeberate any hapiness of him. I donot want to do any more fight and want peace in my life.

Please tell, me should I still meet my wife and continiue talking him as she is not ready to listen to me and asked his parents to stop such acts and talk with peace and every thing will be fine. I know few words of love can bring all the thing fine but they are not ready to do that ?

I always talk with my wife calmly even when she is shouting and try to ignore her bad things too ,I still talk with my wife calmly , (Actually, I am not a shouting men) my family members suggest me to make shout as she does not understand love , what should I do? My nature is not to shout even someone is fighting I cannot shout like him. Allah has made me like that.

Finally, I would like to say I have a very small heart (not in size,but I cannot fight or too much brave like other men) that is also the problem with me , people say to me be brave like other men but what can I do , Allah has not made me like that, even I had forgiveen people with do a lot of unjustice to me , Is this wrong? Should I try to make me strong and try to start shouting.

I am too much tense at the moment, just like girls whoes home are just going to break, my family members say you are a guy why you act like that, be happy but my heart is not in my control, it alway crying on what was happening to me.

Please also pray for me that Allah will end mis-understanding between our families and give us a happy life.

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:



It's not a good idea to shout at each other . So , try to be calm in all situations.
Keep praying to Allah .
may Allah grants what is best for you all.

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum.

When I was a new married man, my wife older sister was angry to her husband, and back to her parents home. Her husband followed there many times and forced her to go home. But she always refused to back to her husband. Finally, her husband very angry, shout and almost hit her parents. Situation was getting worse. They almost got divorced if some people did not invite a local Aleem to intervene this case and gave nasiha to both of them.

Few years later, in the 6th year of my marriage, there was a misunderstanding between my wife and my mother (We did not live with my mother) that made my wife left our home and back to her parents home, brought our 2 years old kid. And the conflict expanded into inter-families conflict because my wife parents were angry to me and my family.

What I did in this situation?. I did not force my wife to back to our home. I let her stay in her parents house, but I always visit them everyday after working hour, play with my kid, talked with my wife, gave them money. She's still my wife, my kid is still my kid, and I am still a man who have responsibility to fulfill their needs.

My wife parents were very angry to me, especially her father. He always ignore me when I tried to talk to him. However, I never shout at him, but I always tried, tried, and tried to talk with him. If I could not talk to him that day, I tried again in next day. I also talked to my mother, and she could understand.

Finally, at a Sunday noon when I sat in my house, I saw my wife and my kid stood in front of our house gate. I opened to the door and smile at them. Alhamdulillah, they back to me. And immediately, peace happened between my parents (my mother and my step father) and my wife parents.

That was the first time and the last time my wife left me. She has made a promise, she will never repeat it again.

Like I have said, I did not force and even did not asked my wife to back to me. I let her thinking, would back to me or not. But I never neglect my duty to her and to our kid. Frankly, later my wife told me that she ever consider a divorce. And I told her, she could get divorce is she wants, but do not ever prevent me to fulfill her and our kid needs. There is ex-wife, there is ex-husband. But there is no ex-kids, and there is no ex-parents. For the sake of Allah, I should always become a father for my kids, and I would fulfill her needs too because she is the mother of my kids. It made her realize. Alhamdulillah, now I can feel that my wife always try to becomes a good wife for me.

That's my story. I hope you can take a lesson and inspiration from what I have done.

My Allah give you easiness.

[Periwinkle18]

Assalam o alikum

May Allah ease ur tension and help u Ameen

i would suggest u go n meet ur wife n baby show them tht u love them :)

inshaAllah everything will b fine pray to Allah wake up at tahajjud time pray to him tht the mis understandings go away.

inshaAllah everything will b ok dun worry akhi

if possible try talking to ur parents...

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[peaceandlove]

Thanks all for advice, and still one of the aalim give me same advice to keep visiting my wife, and I am trying to visit them and even pay him what ever he demands without knowing my mother , she is meeting me fine but from few days she is also not talking me nicely and I know its all due to the pressure of her family members.

What I think I should keep try to visit him and my child, and pray to Allah may Allah solve my problems , althoug I am a man but still sometime i get started tearing from my eyes what was happening to me.

Please pray that Allah has ease tension between both families.

[peaceandlove]

Specially, if some one live in Macca or Madina, or planning to visit these places please keep me in my mind and pray me from Allah at his house, to make situation well for me. Thanks

[Alpha Dude]

I really like Ardianto's advice. That's a good way to go about it. I must admit, I wouldn't have thought of such a thing. Age and experience trumps youth and inexperience.

Peaceandlove, try to do what Ardianto suggested.

Another thing, though. It's very nice that you have a soft heart, MashaAllah but you should also try to have some kind of courage and firmness. It is necessary in case you need to protect your family etc.

Congratulations on the baby. MashaAllah. :D

[peaceandlove]

One more thing, My mother totally not allowing me to meet my wife or even bring son to home for some time for playing and familiarized my family to my son, If she know she will be very angry that I cannot think off? I know my mother sometime cannot control anger? So should I listen to him , and my not listing and meeting wife and son secrataly is dis-obidense?

[Periwinkle18]

buh y b mad at the baby its not his fault bro plz dun leave ur wife n baby i would suggest u visit them even if u hav to call them to a park or sum place else i suggest u visit them...

u can ask Allah to forgive u buh ur wife n child have rights too

inshaALlah ur in my dua's

[peaceandlove]

I am not thinking of leaving rather i despritaly want that my wife and child will get back home. Actaully, my I always try to talk with my wife polite even when I am anger and my wife occasinally shout on me , so my mother opinion in that my wife does not understand calm and need a shout and anger to show in order to understand mistake.

Also there are people who are creating more misunderstanding my saying different thing to her and my family instead of joining families people talks are creating more trouble.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

any good news , bro ?

[Hamza Asadullah]

:sl: to all

I am in very despite situation. Actually, there is a very very tense situation in between my family and my wife family.

I have a baby few days ago, and dew to some mis-understanding or what ever we say my father in law just got angry on something and then shouted on me and on my father too, of-course that not looks nice as we already have few tensions in past.

Now, my family does not want to bring my wife back in home until they apologize and never try to do that again, also there are many other mis-understanding in my wife family (father ,mother too), I had also heard that some people also says some thing to them that was not actually what we mean and they got angry.

NOW , I talk with my wife and he said he want to get home without any condition but me and my family says first stop clear that mis-understanding as otherwise there will me more mis-understaning in the elder of family.

Me and my wife want to live together but family member are not doing what they have to do in that situation. Both are waiting for actions from others.

I am toooooo much tense in that situation, I just have a baby and did not able to celeberate any hapiness of him. I donot want to do any more fight and want peace in my life.

Please tell, me should I still meet my wife and continiue talking him as she is not ready to listen to me and asked his parents to stop such acts and talk with peace and every thing will be fine. I know few words of love can bring all the thing fine but they are not ready to do that ?

I always talk with my wife calmly even when she is shouting and try to ignore her bad things too ,I still talk with my wife calmly , (Actually, I am not a shouting men) my family members suggest me to make shout as she does not understand love , what should I do? My nature is not to shout even someone is fighting I cannot shout like him. Allah has made me like that.

Finally, I would like to say I have a very small heart (not in size,but I cannot fight or too much brave like other men) that is also the problem with me , people say to me be brave like other men but what can I do , Allah has not made me like that, even I had forgiveen people with do a lot of unjustice to me , Is this wrong? Should I try to make me strong and try to start shouting.

I am too much tense at the moment, just like girls whoes home are just going to break, my family members say you are a guy why you act like that, be happy but my heart is not in my control, it alway crying on what was happening to me.

Please also pray for me that Allah will end mis-understanding between our families and give us a happy life.

:sl:

Jazakallahu khayran for sharing your issues with us. My brother surely this is a test for you and your wife and you should never resort to shouting and getting angry as that will only make the situation worse. If two people are angry and shouting then how will anything get resolved? So you should never have to resort to anger and shouting but there is nothing wrong with being firm and assertive in certain situations. In this case there is much family tension and friction and so you must try to act as a mediator and resolve whatever issues are causing such tensions.

You can only try your best. The main thing is to remain calm, patient and use wisdom and tact and if need be then be firm and assertive when the time is right. You should not let your wife or anyone else walk all over you so in certain situations you should be firm and assertive with her but you should not resort to anger and shouting just always use wisdom and tact in your approach.

Maybe you can also consider getting your own place with you and your wife and child as it is clear that living with family may cause furhter tension and friction in the future. Much of the time it is best for the husband and wife to have their own space and in your case this seems to be the best course of action. So you can live close by your parents but not actually with them.

So continue to try to resolve these issues by even involving a respect elder of the family or even a respected scholar. A mediator can help resolve such issues much of the time. Be patient, calm but when the situation calls for it then learn to be assertive and firm without having to ever resort to anger or shouting. The main thing is to ask of Allah and beg of him. Take every opportunity to get closer to him and in this way he will put peace and blessings into your home so that there is more divine light in your house which will mean more peace and happiness at home and lss arguing and fighting. Play Qur'an in your house and pray much voluntary prayers at home. Pray all your fard in the Masjid. Recite Qur'an and read about Islam in front of family and play beneficial lectures etc.

May Allah give us all peace and blessings in our households and illuminate them with his divine light. Ameen