please help! advice needed

[ramzan1]

Asalaam-ulaikum,

My brother (i am his older sister) was seeing a girl about 12 years ago, when she was 16 and he was 18, my father found out and was willing to get them both married if they were serious about each other and willing to spend the rest of their lives together...my brother said he was not ready for marriage and when i spoke to the girl she described their relationship as 'only a bit of fun' to give you an idea of the 'sort of fun' the only way we found out was when a credit card booking for a hotel room bounced...
my father went to the girls house to speak to her parents and the mother basically said that she would speak to her husband and get back to us...meanwhile they took the girl to pakistan and got her married...she stayed with her husband for 9 months and came back to the uk without him and asked for a talaaq as she said she was forced into this marriage by her parents. 4 years later she got remarried to a boy of her own choice - it was a love marriage which initally her parents were against but one which they accepted, she was married to him for 8 years in which she had three children, she then asked for a talaaq as she said that she was never happy with him and still loved my brother (although she had 3 kids, posted pics of her and her husband on facebook and according to her friends you could not judge that they had any marital problems...)during her marriage she was still in contact with my brother which we knew nothing about....we were trying to find a good rishta for my brother but each time he would say that he was ready to get married yet and wanted to focus on his business....basically she obtained a talaaq from her husband and is awaiting a legal divorce, my brother told our family that he wants to marry her as soon as her divorce is finalised...the whole family is against this, because this will be her third wedding, she is very modern and comes from a very bad family in which one brother is on the run from the police for armed robbery, her father and another brother were arrested for drugs and their house has had a number of police raids in the past couple of years, within the muslim community they are not at all considered to be a good respectable muslim family...
the situation now is that over the weekend told my parents that he was going to france for a few days to attend his friends wedding but secretly got married :( my parents are understandably distraught, the girls whole family were present for the nikah but noone on our side was there and her uk divorce is not yet finalised, is the nikah valid?
please advise - i know we must make our own decisions in life but it is very difficult to watch him ruin his, she is the type of girl who will use him and then move on when she is done, the thing that upsets me most is that her mother was in on the whole thing even though she knows how much my parents were against this - all those years ago we were all happy for them to get married as her family's reputation was ok at the time but now is a completely different story plus she has married 'for love' before and left her husband after 8 years who is to say it wont happen again - please remember us in your duas and pray that Allah gives my mum the strength and guidance to get through this - I'm sorry that he has ruined his life but I am much more concerned for my parents welfare and pray that this doesn't take a toll on their health...

thanks for listening
Allah haffiz

[Hamza Asadullah]

Asalaam-ulaikum,

My brother (i am his older sister) was seeing a girl about 12 years ago, when she was 16 and he was 18, my father found out and was willing to get them both married if they were serious about each other and willing to spend the rest of their lives together...my brother said he was not ready for marriage and when i spoke to the girl she described their relationship as 'only a bit of fun' to give you an idea of the 'sort of fun' the only way we found out was when a credit card booking for a hotel room bounced...
my father went to the girls house to speak to her parents and the mother basically said that she would speak to her husband and get back to us...meanwhile they took the girl to pakistan and got her married...she stayed with her husband for 9 months and came back to the uk without him and asked for a talaaq as she said she was forced into this marriage by her parents. 4 years later she got remarried to a boy of her own choice - it was a love marriage which initally her parents were against but one which they accepted, she was married to him for 8 years in which she had three children, she then asked for a talaaq as she said that she was never happy with him and still loved my brother (although she had 3 kids, posted pics of her and her husband on facebook and according to her friends you could not judge that they had any marital problems...)during her marriage she was still in contact with my brother which we knew nothing about....we were trying to find a good rishta for my brother but each time he would say that he was ready to get married yet and wanted to focus on his business....basically she obtained a talaaq from her husband and is awaiting a legal divorce, my brother told our family that he wants to marry her as soon as her divorce is finalised...the whole family is against this, because this will be her third wedding, she is very modern and comes from a very bad family in which one brother is on the run from the police for armed robbery, her father and another brother were arrested for drugs and their house has had a number of police raids in the past couple of years, within the muslim community they are not at all considered to be a good respectable muslim family...
the situation now is that over the weekend told my parents that he was going to france for a few days to attend his friends wedding but secretly got married :( my parents are understandably distraught, the girls whole family were present for the nikah but noone on our side was there and her uk divorce is not yet finalised, is the nikah valid?
please advise - i know we must make our own decisions in life but it is very difficult to watch him ruin his, she is the type of girl who will use him and then move on when she is done, the thing that upsets me most is that her mother was in on the whole thing even though she knows how much my parents were against this - all those years ago we were all happy for them to get married as her family's reputation was ok at the time but now is a completely different story plus she has married 'for love' before and left her husband after 8 years who is to say it wont happen again - please remember us in your duas and pray that Allah gives my mum the strength and guidance to get through this - I'm sorry that he has ruined his life but I am much more concerned for my parents welfare and pray that this doesn't take a toll on their health...

thanks for listening
Allah haffiz

:sl:

Jazakallahu khayr for sharing your family issues with us. A man is not required to have a wali present when he is conducting nikah but the girl is and seeing as the girl had a wali present for the nikah then it is valid. My sister as hard as it is to see someone so close make what we would see as a mistake, sometimes in life we have to let them make that mistake for them to realise. Most of the time we learn from our mistakes. You and your family did the best you could and now you should just leave it to him. He is old enough to be responsible for his own choices and decisions. It is too late to intervene now, as he made his choice to marry her. The best you can do now is just get on with your own lives and make the best of the time you have left in this world and at the same time make much dua for him and give dawah to him now and again to come closer to deen. That is the best you can do in this situation.

[- Qatada -]

:salamext:

I agree with bro Hamza. Amongst pakistanis, its not a big deal if a guy is 'used' (usually only women lose out), maybe this experience is the only way he'll come to realise that the girl isn't worth it?

Tell your parents to be strong, sometimes people only need to see things infront of their own eyes before they realise what the reality is.

[Qurratul Ayn]

:salamext:

Allaah Ta'ala knows best.

Remember, this life is a test, hardships will always come and go, but we all have to stay strong and pray to The Almighty for help and guidance.

You, my sister ramzan1, be strong for your parents and family and always read your Salaah!!! You will stay strong through this even though you may not feel it! Never lose hope or faith!!!

:salamext:

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[ramzan1]

salam

Thank you to all of you for your advice. We have since found out more incriminating evidence against her, her last husband also married her against his family's wishes and his parents disowned him. when she finished with him and his money she went with atleast 10 other men who she just used for money. Her parents are heavily involved and are after money only, we have found some of the guys she had relationships with and also her ex-husband and they are all willing to talk to my brother and tell him the truth about her. I know there are bad people in this world but I find it incredibly hard to understand how her parents can encourage their daughter to do this, the father is often seen in the local mosque - how do practising muslims not have the fear of Allah???
If these guys don't help to open my brothers eyes - nothing will....Insha'Allah everything will happen for the best.

Allah Haffiz

[aadil77]

salam

Thank you to all of you for your advice. We have since found out more incriminating evidence against her, her last husband also married her against his family's wishes and his parents disowned him. when she finished with him and his money she went with atleast 10 other men who she just used for money. Her parents are heavily involved and are after money only, we have found some of the guys she had relationships with and also her ex-husband and they are all willing to talk to my brother and tell him the truth about her. I know there are bad people in this world but I find it incredibly hard to understand how her parents can encourage their daughter to do this, the father is often seen in the local mosque - how do practising muslims not have the fear of Allah???
If these guys don't help to open my brothers eyes - nothing will....Insha'Allah everything will happen for the best.

Allah Haffiz

:wa:

Your brother is no angel either, from what you say he is also a fornicator. Let them stay married they're both as bad as each other and maybe she'll stick with him as he was her first partner

[ramzan1]

Asalaam-ulaikum brother Aadil,

I agree with you, he isn't an angel either - the biggest losers in this whole sorry affair are my parents - especially my mother :( and I'm sure she will have to pick up the pieces when this girl has moved onto the next guy...which she will i'm sure.