Its been a long 8 months and just when I thought I had overcome my desires and began to embark on the righetous past I find myself falling into my old habits again.
I began praying 5 times a day reading books about islam watching lectures and every thing islamic you could possibly think of and recently I have been losing my iman.
It seems like I only pray just to make my self feel as if I've completed the obligatory prayer as if it is something I need to get out of the way.
I wont even pray my sunnats or witr namaz. I just pray the fard and then I get up..
I don't know whats wrong or why this is happening...
and to top it all of I have been over come by my desires and began masturbation.. At first it wasn't to bad since I did not watch any inappropriate content while doing so but now I have taken it a step further. I feel like crap after I do it yet I keep falling into it.
I don't know what to do I hate my self right now for doing this I feel so dirty and disrespectful towards God I don't even feel liek praying since I am so ashamed after I do it..
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