YusufNoor said: quote: pardon my intrusion into this thread. the BIGGEST question in my mind is: WHY aren't you trying harder to find out what is really bothering your wife? if this happened before and everything was cool and this time it isn't, then something has changed or is different. i would try to determine why things are different this time. un-quote
I don't need to try hard.... I know what it is. You have to know my wife has a difficult character and a very dominant character. My wife is ALWAYS RIGHT, and she listens very little to what others or I have to say and hardly respects the opinion of others.
In fact I thank you for two things:
1) The book which I will buy
2) For the hadeeth regarding anger
you may actually need the follow up as well,
Getting Past No, sounds like you have your hands full.
http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-N.../dp/0553371312
I read the hadeeth and I was proud to know that it goes according to my character and sadly opposite of my wife's. Now she is a born Muslim and I am a revert to Islam from Catholic. If I show this hadeeth to my wife she will probably start an argument and tell me that I think bad of her. My wife cannot discuss a subject in a civil manner. She will not let you express an opinion and will not except any other opinion.
i was a former Catholic long before i became a Muslim, but you see, you and your wife may be in different places. you realize that you found the correct religion so you pursue Islam. for some, it is just what they were born with. they may be blind to the beauty and the wealth of Islam. i'll post some links that will allow to hear some a couple of brothers who present Islam in a way that may be beneficial for you.
So, back to my kids from my first marriage. She says that they do not respect her and so does not want them in my house or near our kids.
My two daughters never did anything bad to her but my wife sees bad in all small things. Once my younger daughter (10 or 11 years at that time) was visiting for a month and during lunch time she had a bad mood and my wife told her to change the mood and my daughter frowned and my wife snapped at her and started shouting at her. I asked my wife to stop this but she turned to me and shouted at me in front of all my children which damaged my dignity. I, of course did not raise my voice or said anything else so as not to heat the matter.
having Patience DOES NOT hurt your dignity, in fact it is an act of worship! [2.153] O you who believe! seek assistance through patience and prayer;
surely Allah is with the patient.
some other Ayats about patience:
[2.45] And seek assistance through patience and prayer, and most surely it is a hard thing except for the humble ones,
[2.153] O you who believe! seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient.
[2.250] And when they went out against Jalut and his forces they said: Our Lord, pour down upon us patience, and make our steps firm and assist us against the unbelieving people.
[3.200] O you who believe! be patient and excel in patience and remain steadfast, and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, that you may be successful
[12.18] And they brought his shirt with false blood upon it. He said: Nay, your souls have made the matter light for you, but patience is good and Allah is He Whose help is sought for against what you describe.
[12.83] He (Yaqoub) said: Nay, your souls have made a matter light for you, so patience is good; maybe Allah will bring them all together to me; surely He is the Knowing, the Wise.
[16.127] And be patient and your patience is not but by (the assistance of) Allah, and grieve not for them, and do not distress yourself at what they plan.
[18.14] And We strengthened their hearts with patience, when they stood up and said: Our Lord is the Lord of the heavens and the earth; we will by no means call upon any god besides Him, for then indeed we should have said an extravagant thing.
[70.5] Therefore endure with a goodly patience.
[90.17] Then he is of those who believe and charge one another to show patience, and charge one another to show compassion.
Surah Al Asr:
In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.
[103.1] I swear by the time,
[103.2] Most surely man is in loss,
[103.3] Except those who believe and do good, and enjoin on each other truth, and enjoin on each other patience.
Once my wife shouted at our little boy (4years at the time) and she took him in the room and was shouting at him. I felt very sorry that a child should be submitted to shouting over a silly thing. My way is to talk and explain but my wife has army style up-bringing. Anyway I decided to take the Camcorder and record her shouting to our child so that I can show it to her mother. As soon as I approached the door, she opened it and took the camcorder from my hand and bashed it against the wall and broke it. My son looked in horror and I got a loud shouting. Till today we could not afford to buy another camcorder.
maybe a hidden camera, but...
The problem is my wife. I never life a finger on her, yet she hit me many times and in her anger said things about my family and my daughters that they are cheap girls. She was not like that when I had first met her.