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White Rose
06-03-2012, 04:07 PM
:sl:

Our religion tells us to be very kind and forgiving. Problem is when I become too kind and forgiving, I get hurt easily and it affects me when someone is unkind to me. So are there any tips to be kind yet strong in the heart at the same time?:exhausted
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Abdul-Raouf
06-03-2012, 04:26 PM
^^ I have experienced it too... but yes you need to got be more patient as well...Patience is priceless.. Allah likes those who are Patient.
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glo
06-03-2012, 04:29 PM
But isn't that where forgiveness comes in? When you truly forgive, your hurt and offense will disappear.
Kindness and forgiveness are never weak. It takes strength to remain kind and forgiving in the face of animosity and anger.
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Endymion
06-03-2012, 04:40 PM
Be kind to people and put your expectations on Allah SWT.Actually,when we be kind to others,we begin to expect them and sometimes we don't even realize that.Not that we expect them to give something precious,but we expect that they will respect us and value our good behavior which,seldom happens.Mostly people think you are an idiot or you need something and it always hurt.So,when you be kind to people,never expect any thing good from them.Just say this in your heart that im doing this good for Allah's sake and He SWT will reward me and the you'll feel your self strong Inshallah :statisfie

Take care of your self sister.You like people are very valuable near Allah SWT and also,i respect such people somuch :statisfie You are precious,trust me :wub:
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Hulk
06-03-2012, 05:26 PM
Be genuinely humble, it will help a lot. It will help you see things as they really are as opposed to what they appear to be. InshaAllah. Also, we are also to defend ourselves agains oppression so if someone is unjust towards you have to stand up for yourself.
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marwen
06-03-2012, 05:32 PM
If you could be angry, let your anger be only for Allah's sake. Forget your ego. Be like the prophet:saws1:
If you live like that, you will be kind and you will not be hurt by people's offences, you'll be calm.

'Aayeshah Radiyallahu 'Anha says: (Al shama'il Al Muhammadiyah )

"I have never seen Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam avenge himself for a personal affliction, but if one transgressed a prohibited thing from those prohibited by Allah, (To commit a haraam act. The commentators on hadith say the rights of man are also included) then there was no one more angry than Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam. Whenever Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam was given a choice between two things, he always chose the one that was simple, if it did not lead to any type of sin".


حَدَّثَنَا أَحْمَدُ بْنُ عَبْدَةَ الضَّبِّيُّ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا فُضَيْلُ بْنُ عِيَاضٍ، عَنْ مَنْصُورٍ، عَنِ الزُّهْرِيِّ، عَنْ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ‏:‏ مَا رَأَيْتُ رَسُولَ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم مُنْتَصِرًا مِنْ مَظْلَمَةٍ ظُلِمَهَا قَطُّ، مَا لَمْ يُنْتَهَكْ مِنْ مَحَارِمِ اللهِ تَعَالَى شَيْءٌ، فَإِذَا انْتُهِكَ مِنْ مَحَارِمِ اللهِ شَيْءٌ كَانَ مِنْ أَشَدِّهِمْ فِي ذَلِكَ غَضَبًا، وَمَا خُيِّرَ بَيْنَ أَمْرَيْنِ، إِلا اخْتَارَ أَيْسَرَهُمَا، مَا لَمْ يَكُنْ مَأْثَمًا‏.‏
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MysticSoumeya
06-03-2012, 06:00 PM
My dad gave me an advice that I try to follow in my life, it's "BE A LAMB WITH LAMBS ANND A WOLF WITH WOLVES", lol, it's a salvation.
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Qurratul Ayn
06-03-2012, 06:06 PM
:wasalamext:

Originally Posted by Abdul-Raouf
Patience is priceless
Correct and patience is a virtue :D

Originally Posted by glo
Kindness and forgiveness are never weak. It takes strength to remain kind and forgiving in the face of animosity and anger.
Exactly

Originally Posted by Endymion
Be kind to people and put your expectations on Allah SWT... So,when you be kind to people,never expect any thing good from them.Just say this in your heart that im doing this good for Allah's sake and He SWT will reward me and the you'll feel your self strong Inshallah
Insha'Allaah

Originally Posted by Hulk
Be genuinely humble, it will help a lot. It will help you see things as they really are as opposed to what they appear to be. InshaAllah.
Yep, Insha'Allaah

Originally Posted by marwen
Be like the prophet
If you live like that, you will be kind and you will not be hurt by people's offences, you'll be calm.

'Aayeshah Radiyallahu 'Anha says: (Al shama'il Al Muhammadiyah )

"I have never seen Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam avenge himself for a personal affliction, but if one transgressed a prohibited thing from those prohibited by Allah, (To commit a haraam act. The commentators on hadith say the rights of man are also included) then there was no one more angry than Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam. Whenever Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam was given a choice between two things, he always chose the one that was simple, if it did not lead to any type of sin".
Beautiful :)

Just be strong and be kind always, my Sister arjmand. Keep smiling. Being kind is not a weakness, it's a strength plus you are the better person in being so :D

Keep faith in Allaah at all times, and you'll reap the rewards in end, Insha'Allaah.

:salamext:
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White Rose
06-03-2012, 07:06 PM
Jazak Allah for the replies. I understand what everyone is trying to say but what should I do if I am trying to be kind to someone but they keep getting on my nerves. I notice the more I try to bear it for Allah SWT and remain quiet, the more the other person tries to get on my nerve.
What can I tell the person that would stop them? :hmm: And another thing, they don't think I am trying to be kind and calm which makes the situation worse. :(


I guess what I am trying to say is that, the more I show kindness, the more I feel vulnerable when people get on my nerves.
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Endymion
06-03-2012, 07:13 PM
(4:148) Allah does not like speaking evil publicly unless one has been wronged. Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.

(4:149) (Even though you have the right to speak evil if you are wronged), if you keep doing good -whether openly or secretly -or at least pardon the evil (then that is the attribute of Allah). Allah is All-Pardoning and He has all the power to chastise.
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tigerkhan
06-03-2012, 11:39 PM
:sl:
well i also experience this many times. so i think never do any favor or show any kindness for a cheap person. e.g last day i was in my cousin grocery store. a man came with delivery Oder of some heavy box. i helped him bcz he was alone n aged but he start behaving like i am his servant. so i just wash my hand and said, i did this for u bcz u were old but its not my duty. he was such as cheap person that he lied shamelessly that its duty of both shopkeeper and supplier. i say ok i am not fulfilling my duty so its up to whether u deliver the oder or go back.
even i remember there was some Islamic guidelines for this. so i think better to avoid the cheap person and no need to show any kindness to them.
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dqsunday
06-04-2012, 02:10 AM
There are always going to be people who have no appreciation for kindness done to them. Do not let them distress or upset you. What truly matters is your intent. If you are polite and kind but the other mean and unappreciative, remain polite but don't rise to any attempt they may make to cause you to get upset or angry. Bid them good day and leave the area, if possible. If not, you can always just ask why they are upset when all you did was offer a kindness. If they did not wish the kindness all they had to do was refuse.

If its always the same person who attempts to irritate you because you are kind and polite, I would just ignore them and no longer extend any kindness but still remain polite. Of course it all depends on the given situation too. If they keep asking you to do tasks for them just because they know you won't refuse, but its a task they can do themselves, you can always politely decline. We can do good and righteous deeds but it doesn't mean we are slaves to anybody else, other than Allah.
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Eric H
06-04-2012, 04:22 AM
Greetings and peace be with you arjmand; a poem called 'Anyway'

Anyway
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centred;
Forgive them anyway

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It never was between you and them anyway.

and a short prayer..

May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, superficial relationships, so that we may live deep within our hearts.

May God bless us with anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people so that we may work for justice, equality and peace.

May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that we may reach out our hand to comfort them and change their pain into joy.

And may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in the world, so that we can do what others claim cannot be done, to bring justice and kindness to all.

Amen


Blessings

Eric
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GodIsAll
06-04-2012, 04:36 AM
Thank Allah for those people! The ones that do not appreciate your efforts for their benefits, the ones that show no gratitude, the ones that take advantage of your good will...they are gifts because they are your greatest teachers.

When you can smile and know you did good despite of all this, you are on the path of true God-consciousness.

Thanks, Eric, for posting that prayer. I have always found that one to be very soothing.
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glo
06-04-2012, 06:22 AM
Originally Posted by arjmand
Jazak Allah for the replies. I understand what everyone is trying to say but what should I do if I am trying to be kind to someone but they keep getting on my nerves. I notice the more I try to bear it for Allah SWT and remain quiet, the more the other person tries to get on my nerve.

I guess what I am trying to say is that, the more I show kindness, the more I feel vulnerable when people get on my nerves.
I understand how you are feeling and I have felt it many times before myself.
My strategy would be to walk away from each situation and to pray, pray, PRAY ...

Pray for yourself too and that Allah won't allow any anger and hurt to fester in you.

I often find that when I pray for others, I feel the need to pray for myself too (because it is so easy to fall into self-righteousness and judgmentalism)
For example, if I pray that the other person will be kinder or softens his/her heart or understands God better etc, I pray the very same things for myself too.
And if I pray for strength and protection for myself, I pray the same thing for the other person.
Does that make sense?
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White Rose
06-04-2012, 05:04 PM
Again, thanks for posting such encouraging replies. I really liked the poem. And yes glo, that does make sense. It is very difficult to pray when you have all kinds of emotions building up inside you, but in the end, its worth it. :statisfie
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glo
06-04-2012, 05:07 PM
Originally Posted by arjmand
It is very difficult to pray when you have all kinds of emotions building up inside you, but in the end, its worth it. :statisfie
That's why we need to keep practicing every day. :)
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Pygoscelis
06-06-2012, 03:45 PM
Originally Posted by arjmand
And another thing, they don't think I am trying to be kind and calm which makes the situation worse. :(
This is what stands out for me. What are you doing that you see as kindness and they don't? Different people will interpret different actions in different ways. If a man from France walks up to a male friend, kisses him on the cheek and offers him a croisant with bacon, he'll see this as a kindness, and most of his fellow frenchmen would agree. But I doubt you as a muslim would. Similarly, if you share your love of Allah with a non-muslim that probably looks like a very kind and generous thing from your view point. From the non-muslim's it may come across as pushy and rude. Other similar situations happen all the time. So this could all be a misunderstanding.

Or it could just be that he/she is being a jerk. That happens too. In that case I agree with what has been written by the others above. Rise above it, be polite and avoid them if they are being difficult.
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Snowflake
06-06-2012, 03:54 PM
Originally Posted by MysticSoumeya
My dad gave me an advice that I try to follow in my life, it's "BE A LAMB WITH LAMBS ANND A WOLF WITH WOLVES", lol, it's a salvation.

LOL! Reminds me of advice my dad gave me: "Don't be so sweet that people eat you alive, and don't be so bitter that they spit you out." ;D
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