Feel so sad

[anonymous]

I dot know where to start.
I'm a female in mid twenties. I have had to work very hard to be where I am and therefore very grateful. I have worked since I was 16, and manage to get a university degree and graduate at 21. I lost a lot of weight due to stress and exams. I was teased about the way I looked but Masha'Allah I have put weight on and now look better than ever. I worked in a job I hated for two years and now Masha'Allah I have a good well paid job. I give to charity each month. However I haven't met a decent man to marry. I had one guy who we got family involvement but he just I guess what can I say wasn't the one.
All my friends are married and pregnant and I can't even find a good man. It's what I've wanted all my life to settle. I've lost hope. I don't know anymore. I prayed my heart out last ramadhan, prayed Quran, sadqa and the man that came into my life wasn't the one. I don't know I just feel very low and empty

[Cabdullahi]

What is 'the one'?

When 'the one' is defined and after the definition he seems a realistic creature then be patient you will get 'the one'

Broaden you horizons and inshaAllah you will get a good husband

[anonymous]

I have. Told friend an family ro look even been on a matrimonial site. I'm not asking for much I don't want a rich guy or anything like that just someone who can support me emotionally n financially and together gain jannat

[anonymous]

I AM NOT THE OP.

Salaams sister,

I do not mean to belittle your problems, but would like to offer a sense of perspective for you.

Some sisters, despite having the best qualifications, do not have a job at all, and are way older than you.

All my friends are married and pregnant and I can't even find a good man. It's what I've wanted all my life to settle. I've lost hope.

You're in your mid-twenties and lost hope? Why? Because your friends are pregnant? My friends were pregnant a looong time ago, and are beginning to get the kids that they were pregnant with back then, married. Yet I'm still not married, and the chances are very slim (except if Allah wills).

You have much going for you. You have a nice job. You're nice looking. You're young.

I prayed my heart out last ramadhan, prayed Quran, sadqa and the man that came into my life wasn't the one.

You prayed your heart out last Ramadan? Some of us prayed our hearts out not just last Ramadan, but the last 20 Ramadans, and we still keep going inshaa'Allah.

But we do not lose hope.

Allah is all wise, and He knows IF something is good for us, and if it is good for us, He knows the right time to give it to us. And if it's not good for us, then He'll save us from it, no matter how badly we want it, and no matter how many other people have this thing we so badly want.

Don't look to those "above" you, but those below you. Those who aren't blessed with jobs, or good looks, or health, and give thanks to Allah.

And do not give up or think I prayed so long but got no answer. Keep going and don't lose hope, because you don't know that the response won't come tomorrow.

Trust in Allah and His wisdom, delegate your affairs to Him, make dua to Him, know that He is listening, and have your family do what they can to look, and in the meantime, remain firm and be patient.

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[جوري]

And do not give up or think I prayed so long but got no answer.

in shaa Allah, Allah swt has the very best of the best for you sis or bro. in this life and the next and may he grant the OP what she desires..
ameen ameen ameen

fi aman illah

[TrueStranger]

:sl:

We live in a world that tells us what to do at what age. Go to school till you are 18, then make sure to enter university and receive a degree, after that get a job, and once you do that get married. I think you did all of the above, except the last one and now you're wondering where is Mr.Right?

Don't over burden yourself sis. Finding Mr.Right does not guarantee you fulfillment, thou I pray that Allah provides you with a man that will contribute to your happiness in this life and the hereafter.

Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned. "Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error, our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us (Jews and Christians); our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us Forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Maula (Patron, Suppor-ter and Protector, etc.) and give us victory over the disbelieving people." Surah Al-Baqarah 286

[ardianto]

:sl:

I can't even find a good man

As a female, you are not in position that "find someone", but "found by someone".

I'll be back tomorrow to explain it, Insha Allah.

:)

[Muhaba]

I AM NOT THE OP.

Salaams sister,

I do not mean to belittle your problems, but would like to offer a sense of perspective for you.

Some sisters, despite having the best qualifications, do not have a job at all, and are way older than you.



You're in your mid-twenties and lost hope? Why? Because your friends are pregnant? My friends were pregnant a looong time ago, and are beginning to get the kids that they were pregnant with back then, married. Yet I'm still not married, and the chances are very slim (except if Allah wills).

You have much going for you. You have a nice job. You're nice looking. You're young.



You prayed your heart out last Ramadan? Some of us prayed our hearts out not just last Ramadan, but the last 20 Ramadans, and we still keep going inshaa'Allah.

But we do not lose hope.

Allah is all wise, and He knows IF something is good for us, and if it is good for us, He knows the right time to give it to us. And if it's not good for us, then He'll save us from it, no matter how badly we want it, and no matter how many other people have this thing we so badly want.

Don't look to those "above" you, but those below you. Those who aren't blessed with jobs, or good looks, or health, and give thanks to Allah.

And do not give up or think I prayed so long but got no answer. Keep going and don't lose hope, because you don't know that the response won't come tomorrow.

Trust in Allah and His wisdom, delegate your affairs to Him, make dua to Him, know that He is listening, and have your family do what they can to look, and in the meantime, remain firm and be patient.

Couldn't have said it better!

[anonymous]

I am grateful for all the good things and I've always wanted to settle down from an early age of 14. Obviously as time passed I've really wanted to complete half my deen. I am grateful for all the good things but this is something I really want Insha'Allah. Please just make dua for me

[Muhaba]

^just have faith in Allah. If and when Allah wants, then you'll get it and nothing will stop it from happening. don't compare yourself with your friends who are already pregnant. just be patient. it is difficult, but know that you have a lot that others don't. like the sister above said, many don't have jobs, many are far older. mid-twenties is young. i have seen women nearing 50 and they are more patient, giving their time to learning and memorizing the Quran.

maybe some of your friends, all tired of screaming children and being full-time house-wives envy you and wish they could've had the life like yours. maybe some of them wish they didn't get married so early. nobody is ever satisfied with what they have. the grass is always greener on the other side.

put your precious time to other things, getting closer to Allah and learning the deen, while also trying to find someone suitable to get married. know that nothing happens without Allah's permission.

[ژاله]

I AM NOT THE OP.

Salaams sister,

I do not mean to belittle your problems, but would like to offer a sense of perspective for you.

Some sisters, despite having the best qualifications, do not have a job at all, and are way older than you.



You're in your mid-twenties and lost hope? Why? Because your friends are pregnant? My friends were pregnant a looong time ago, and are beginning to get the kids that they were pregnant with back then, married. Yet I'm still not married, and the chances are very slim (except if Allah wills).

You have much going for you. You have a nice job. You're nice looking. You're young.



You prayed your heart out last Ramadan? Some of us prayed our hearts out not just last Ramadan, but the last 20 Ramadans, and we still keep going inshaa'Allah.

But we do not lose hope.

Allah is all wise, and He knows IF something is good for us, and if it is good for us, He knows the right time to give it to us. And if it's not good for us, then He'll save us from it, no matter how badly we want it, and no matter how many other people have this thing we so badly want.

Don't look to those "above" you, but those below you. Those who aren't blessed with jobs, or good looks, or health, and give thanks to Allah.

And do not give up or think I prayed so long but got no answer. Keep going and don't lose hope, because you don't know that the response won't come tomorrow.

Trust in Allah and His wisdom, delegate your affairs to Him, make dua to Him, know that He is listening, and have your family do what they can to look, and in the meantime, remain firm and be patient.

Aww MashaAllah. This post just made me smile. If I could ever learn to adopt such graceful attitude, I wouldn't care so much if I ever get married or not. Love and respect!
To the OP, may Allah help you find the right person...:)

[Abz2000]

i pray that Allah reserves the best outcome for u sister, and any other brothers or sisters in such distress,
for it is truly a sad state of affairs.

sadly the issue of marriage has become so complicated that it's seen as like a huge mountain.
the Prophet pbuh and his companions would marry and divorce as if it was a day to day issue,
the companions would go to battle and be martyred, and their wives would be married as soon as the 'iddah was over.
another issue is that love has always existed, and people prefer to be with one whom they love,
but it wasn't an absolute necessity and marriage was very often for convenience and social stability too.
thirdly, there was no such stigma attached to polygyny as there is today, the men would marry a woman they liked, or a woman they wanted to take care of.
and the women also weighed their options and came to a rational decision.
it's sad how in today's age of heavily contrasting darkness and light,
kaffirs go about spreading their seed in numerous women with no responsibility or shame, and there is no stigma attached to this,
whereas, there is so much sadness in the ummah yet we feel ashamed to say "so what, our Prophet pbuh and his companions did it the right way, this is how we'll do it".
wasn't that the honourable way?

God knows, i'll probably be seen as some crazy loon for saying all that, but i believe it was the most balanced and rational way.
and today we have lost that way.

pls play this, i have forwarded it to play from a certain point, but you can obviously go back through it all:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66SZ-ZtitMQ&feature=player_detailpage#t=246s#


the Prophet pbuh left us examples of so many different scenarios, how heavy marriage can be, and how light it can be.

The Prophet (pbuh) married Khadijah (ra), and took her into his home the next day. The Messenger of Allah took no other wife until she died. She lived with him for twenty- four years and one month. Her bride gift was twelve and a half ounces of precious metal. The Prophet fixed this amount as the bride gift for all his other wives.
then there were so many others:
The Prophet sought the hand of another woman whose father described her to him and said: "I wish to add that she has never been sick." The Prophet retorted: "Allah has nothing good for this woman!" It is also reported that he did marry her, but when her father said this, he divorced her.
The Messenger of Allah thus married or sought the hands of twenty-one women. He died having united with nine or ten of them. These were: 'A'ishah, Hafsah, Umm Salamah, Umm Habibah, Zaynab daughter of Jahsh, Maymunah, Safiyyah, Juwayriyah and Sawdah. Sawdah, however, gave her night to 'A'ishah. When the Prophet wanted to divorce her, she argued: "I have no desire for men; I only wished to be gathered (on the Day of Resurrection) among your wives."

Obviously that number was not for the believers at large, 'Umar (ra) had more than four, so he had to divorce some in order to bring it down to the number allowed.

i'm sure many who read the following list along with details may be shocked, simply because of the way we have been conditioned to see things.

http://www.followislam.net/books/beacons/29.htm

Verily in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example for whoever hopes for Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah much.
Qur'an 33:21,