PDA

View Full Version : Anything wrong with not having "friends"?



Ramadan90
06-14-2012, 03:58 PM
:sl:,

I cant post in the advice forum so I post it here.

I have made a conscious decision to not have friends, but I still hang out with some people but I dont consider them as "friends". The reason is because I feel it is waste of time and effort really. The only people who truly loves me is my family and I get very well along with my siblings(brother and sisters) and my parents. Allah and the prophet are also people who loves me, more than my parents. My trust is very hard to earn and I only trust in Allah and my family. Islam and family is enough for me.

My life basically consist of self development(in both this world and for akhira) + family + deen. Thats it. The thing is that people around me says " why dont you have friends?", " why are you so arrogant", "why dont you want to hang out with us, do you think you are better than me?" bla bla bla. I am so sick and tired of it. I want to use my time well and people are getting so annoyed by my choice(I havent tell them about this).

What can I do? Help please.
Reply

Login/Register to hide ads. Scroll down for more posts
Imaduddin
06-14-2012, 04:08 PM
Rasulallah salallahu alayhi wa salam has been reported to have said:

Rather than be in the company bad people, be by yourself. But rather than to be by yourself be in the company of good people.

This is a wide topic (from what I know), friendship is an Islamic thing. As Muslims we are commanded to be in jammat (congregation) to avoid being alone. You are more vulnerable to the shaytan when you are constantly alone. It's like the sheep and the wolf. If one sheep goes astray from the herd, then it is more vulnerable by being alone and it could become wolf food.

The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salam was hardly ever alone in his life. We would not have had the sunnah had it not been through his vast amount of companions.

Having said that, you must pay attention to the hadith I mentioned above. If you make friends who would lead you to what is haram, then avoid them. But if you can be friends with pious people, do so as it is much better.

If you want some more hadith on this matter let me know and I will post some for you insha Allah.
Reply

Muhaba
06-14-2012, 04:08 PM
be yourself, but don't make an issue of it. you hang out with ppl, so they would be regarded your friends. what is a friend?

as for not spending time with friends, one shouldn't waste time. a lot of time, ppl just talk about useless things. but we are supposed to not talk too much in Islam. and we are supposed to not waste time. talking and laughing uselessly and going to useless places is of no benefit.

sure, one needs to relax and not work all the time, so from time to time you can go out some place with family or friends. but this should be done once in a while, not every afternoon. young ppl, in teens and early twenties, waste the most time because they have fewer responsibilities. although this time could be better used learning and serving the religion, like attending lectures about Islam and preaching to others.

you can tell your friends about this, and get them to go to islamic lectures with you. you can get them to prepare a small lecture about islam and then go and try preaching. learn and teach islam, those are the two best things you and your friends (and family) can do.
Reply

~ Sabr ~
06-14-2012, 04:10 PM
:wasalamex

Live your life the way you want to (in accordance to Qur'aan and Sunnah, of course).

Don't listen to other people. It's YOUR life.
Reply

Welcome, Guest!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up
Ramadan90
06-14-2012, 04:18 PM
Originally Posted by Imaduddin
Rasulallah salallahu alayhi wa salam has been reported to have said:

Rather than be in the company bad people, be by yourself. But rather than to be by yourself be in the company of good people.

This is a wide topic (from what I know), friendship is an Islamic thing. As Muslims we are commanded to be in jammat (congregation) to avoid being alone. You are more vulnerable to the shaytan when you are constantly alone. It's like the sheep and the wolf. If one sheep goes astray from the herd, then it is more vulnerable by being alone and it could become wolf food.

The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salam was hardly ever alone in his life. We would not have had the sunnah had it not been through his vast amount of companions.

Having said that, you must pay attention to the hadith I mentioned above. If you make friends who would lead you to what is haram, then avoid them. But if you can be friends with pious people, do so as it is much better.

If you want some more hadith on this matter let me know and I will post some for you insha Allah.
Thanks for your reply brother!

I am well aware of the hadith. The thing is that the are not so many truly practicing muslims in my age here. If I could find one and that I can trust, that would be great. But I cant find one.

And I am well aware of the sheytan thing and that is why I am always occupied with anything(learning, excercising etc) but I have my family here too.
Reply

Ramadan90
06-14-2012, 04:19 PM
Originally Posted by Haafizah
:wasalamex

Live your life the way you want to (in accordance to Qur'aan and Sunnah, of course).

Don't listen to other people. It's YOUR life.
Thank you sister. I will try by best, but I am human too. Its very difficult, but I guess I have to train myself not to listen to people.
Reply

Hulk
06-14-2012, 04:20 PM
Be in the presence of people who remind you of your Lord. It's incredible.
Reply

Ramadan90
06-14-2012, 04:24 PM
Originally Posted by WRITER
be yourself, but don't make an issue of it. you hang out with ppl, so they would be regarded your friends. what is a friend?

as for not spending time with friends, one shouldn't waste time. a lot of time, ppl just talk about useless things. but we are supposed to not talk too much in Islam. and we are supposed to not waste time. talking and laughing uselessly and going to useless places is of no benefit.

sure, one needs to relax and not work all the time, so from time to time you can go out some place with family or friends. but this should be done once in a while, not every afternoon. young ppl, in teens and early twenties, waste the most time because they have fewer responsibilities. although this time could be better used learning and serving the religion, like attending lectures about Islam and preaching to others.

you can tell your friends about this, and get them to go to islamic lectures with you. you can get them to prepare a small lecture about islam and then go and try preaching. learn and teach islam, those are the two best things you and your friends (and family) can do.
Well, I guess relaxing is very diffrent for diffrent people. I get relaxation from being with my family(I am 100% myself) and worshipping Allah. I always feel drained from socialization, I dont know why. Its not that I dont like to around people, just that I get so tired quickly so that I have to take several days to get back my energy so I can hang out again.

I will try to bring them to Islamic lectures.


I am in my early twenties btw
Reply

Ramadan90
06-14-2012, 04:26 PM
Originally Posted by Hulk
Be in the presence of people who remind you of your Lord. It's incredible.
That is what is most important to me. To be around those kind of people who support me in worshipping Allah, but I cant find any in my age here. In western countries most of the young muslims is lost, sadly.
Reply

Imaduddin
06-14-2012, 04:32 PM
Originally Posted by Allah<3
Thanks for your reply brother!

I am well aware of the hadith. The thing is that the are not so many truly practicing muslims in my age here. If I could find one and that I can trust, that would be great. But I cant find one.

And I am well aware of the sheytan thing and that is why I am always occupied with anything(learning, excercising etc) but I have my family here too.
Remind yourself brother that each and everyone of us has faults. You may not find a friend who is perfect, but maybe an imperfect friend might like to be around you and in turn learn from you. Sorry I don't mean to confuse you or tell you what to do, you know your situation better than I do but try to view things from all sides.

Personally speaking I am in the same situation as you. I wouldn't mind having as a friend someone who didn't have as much interest about Islam as me, however, I very much dislike some qualities such as back biting, lying, talking about money constantly etc. If someone was a scholar and had one of those qualities I would distance myself from them. It's just something I personally dislike and would allow certain smaller things.

That's what I mean by trying to understand this a bit better. I'm not criticizing your decision, I just want to help you see what is best for you, sometimes although we know something, we forget it and need to be reminded.
Reply

BadOlPuttyTat
06-14-2012, 04:35 PM
I couldnt agree with you more brother. I have long since left people and stopped having friends. Especially with the type of people that live near me as they are very brainwashed and lack moderate intelligence. Most people in America are brainless and live their lives constantly waiting for the new Iphone or Apple product, they talk about things because they are popular and they must be mentioned. There are no true social interactions in America anymore since it is all Facebook and Twitter.
But as for having friends in general I find it wasteful. I myself am an introvert so social interactions only makes me depressed and annoyed so being away from people makes me feel better. I dont like having pictures in my room as the human face annoys me period. But I am an antisocial sadist so dont take my word for it :hmm: .
You can have friends if you like but I personally do not recommend it :statisfie. Good luck buddy and if you want a real friend then get a dog! Dogs never disappoint you and never leave your side which is why they are mans best friends.
Reply

KnockKnock
06-14-2012, 04:39 PM
Salam brother
I feel the EXACT same way too. They aren't many Muslims in my area who are the same age as me who i can be friends with so i kind of know how you feel though. Like others said you can use the time to learn a little bit more each day about the Deen and spread the knowledge Insha Allah.
Reply

Ramadan90
06-14-2012, 04:41 PM
Originally Posted by Imaduddin
Remind yourself brother that each and everyone of us has faults. You may not find a friend who is perfect, but maybe an imperfect friend might like to be around you and in turn learn from you. Sorry I don't mean to confuse you or tell you what to do, you know your situation better than I do but try to view things from all sides.

Personally speaking I am in the same situation as you. I wouldn't mind having as a friend someone who didn't have as much interest about Islam as me, however, I very much dislike some qualities such as back biting, lying, talking about money constantly etc. If someone was a scholar and had one of those qualities I would distance myself from them. It's just something I personally dislike and would allow certain smaller things.

That's what I mean by trying to understand this a bit better. I'm not criticizing your decision, I just want to help you see what is best for you, sometimes although we know something, we forget it and need to be reminded.
Agree with you 100%. Thanks brother. :)
Reply

Ramadan90
06-14-2012, 04:44 PM
Originally Posted by FreakOffALeash
I couldnt agree with you more brother. I have long since left people and stopped having friends. Especially with the type of people that live near me as they are very brainwashed and lack moderate intelligence. Most people in America are brainless and live their lives constantly waiting for the new Iphone or Apple product, they talk about things because they are popular and they must be mentioned. There are no true social interactions in America anymore since it is all Facebook and Twitter.
But as for having friends in general I find it wasteful. I myself am an introvert so social interactions only makes me depressed and annoyed so being away from people makes me feel better. I dont like having pictures in my room as the human face annoys me period. But I am an antisocial sadist so dont take my word for it :hmm: .
You can have friends if you like but I personally do not recommend it :statisfie. Good luck buddy and if you want a real friend then get a dog! Dogs never disappoint you and never leave your side which is why they are mans best friends.
I think we have a lot in common lol. I am an introvert as well and sometimes it is hard to be one.:heated:
Reply

Ramadan90
06-14-2012, 04:45 PM
Originally Posted by Sulman
Salam brother
I feel the EXACT same way too. They aren't many Muslims in my area who are the same age as me who i can be friends with so i kind of know how you feel though. Like others said you can use the time to learn a little bit more each day about the Deen and spread the knowledge Insha Allah.
Yep, I rather be with people who I share the same value with(islamic values). That doesnt mean that you shouldnt be very nice to other people with other values, but I just dont hang out with them.
Reply

Marina-Aisha
06-14-2012, 05:37 PM
well ur lucky u have family that r there for you..i have no friends my family r non muslim and they arent really talking to me either so all i have is my husband and children and Allah.
Reply

BadOlPuttyTat
06-14-2012, 06:17 PM
Originally Posted by Allah<3
I think we have a lot in common lol. I am an introvert as well and sometimes it is hard to be one.:heated:
Well I find that awkward but I am a sadist so others misery doesnt bother me. Issue is I know your not one which makes being a introvert harder. But now you see why being a sadist makes me have an easier life :p
Reply

Endymion
06-14-2012, 06:50 PM
I have hundreds of friends around the world and they all live in my computer.I love them because i came close to my deeyn through them and still,they are my motivation.If you have good people around you,its not bad to spend sometime in their company,enjoy the weather and breath some fresh air.The company of a good friend is priceless.But if people around you don't understand you and you don't feel comfortable with them,just close your gate on them.No matter what they think about you,if you are on the right way,you don't have to be worried about it.I don't even recieve phone call of such people who don't understand me and try to impose their opinion on me.What?They can't come out of phone ;D

And the perfect guide through everything says about friends.

(5:55) Only Allah, His Messenger, and those who believe and who establish Prayer, pay Zakah, and bow (before Allah) are your allies.

Gates closed :statisfie
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
06-14-2012, 08:23 PM
think the solution is simple.
Find those who are more pious then yourself and befriend them. You will find that those people however do not have time for you more then say 3-4 days a month if your lucky because of how busy they are in good works :p
Reply

dqsunday
06-14-2012, 11:05 PM
I am an introvert myself but I do like to go out and socialize time to time. I live with my parents currently till my fiancial situation becomes better, Inshallah then I can get my own place. I really don't like socializing in my home, I prefer to go elsewhere. I spend enough time in my home that entertaining in it is not my prefer way to socialize. However right now, I do try and get out to the Masjid Fridays and for the monthly potluck. The greatest thing I miss/need is a suitable husband...there are times I just want to snuggle...and you can't snuggle with anybody but your spouse. At least I can get a sort of hug from my Sisters in Islam and my parents.

We, as human beings do need some among of interaction with other human beings but I do admit out of all of Allah's wonderful creations...humankind can be so incredubly foolish. Technology is wonderful but its making people more stupid.
Reply

Jalal~
06-15-2012, 06:59 AM
:sl:
I read somewhere that If you want to find good friends, go to your local masjid. The people who regularly show up there are definitely on their way to becoming better Muslims. Hopefully age won't make a difference either because your probably only going to spend 10-15 minutes after prayer just talking to each other and having a good time.
Reply

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

IslamicBoard

Experience a richer experience on our mobile app!