smoking and lying.....what to do?

[anonymous]

assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullah wa barakahtu

i am married and my husband smokes. ^o)

initially when i found out i was very upset, as he lied to me that he wasnt smoking. but one day when he came home from work at day and kissed me i could smell it in his mouth and i was so upset that day that he had been lying to me. :exhausted

but now the way i think of it as i have a sin that i am addictd to that is hidden and he has a sin that is open (smoking). i am trying my best to stop my sin and i dont know maybe he is trying his best to stop his, allahu alim :nervous:

i just dont want him to lie to me, thats all. honesty is one of the pillars of relationship, and if that breaks then the whole relationship dies down. :skeleton:

please advise on what i can advice him :hiding:

jazakallah in advance :statisfie

[anonymous]

please help!

[tango92]

ive tried for years to get a family member to stop smoking, but he still smokes. even though he tried loads of times to stop
i guess it wouldnt be a bad idea to read up on peoples experiences of quitting/ how they did it etc

if you confront him about smoking, this would be like exposing a sin - it could be he is trying to hide this sin from people. and he may find it irritating that your poking into what may be something embarrasing for him.

but on the other hand it may help him to quit, (if he wants to quit that is), if he knows you know

[anonymous]

Need advice Inshallah imsad

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[Scimitar]

Get him some patches,a nd tell him you understand how difficult it is for a smoker to quit. Support him. Even bring him his after meal ciggy so he knows you are his support... but don't let him smoke more than his after meal one.

Attach the patches onto his arm with love and attention, explain to him that you know nicotine addiction is right up there with heroine addiction, but that he will beat it so you can be the addiction in his life :D

make the experience FUN! :) Learn leachother :)

Scimi

[Muhaba]

studies have shown that smoking is dangerous for health, causes lung cancer, etc and ppl who smoke die quicker than nonsmokers.

find statements about the dangers of smking and send them one at a time to your husband, every few days, and he'll be disgusted by it. however, this needs to be done often, not once, so instead of sending him all the claims about dangers of smking at once, send one at a time, every few days (or once a week).

[Hulk]

Someone I know veeeeeeeery well used to smoke. He quit on my birthday last year (totally coincidence). My advice is if you want to quit, you need to keep quitting.. DON'T QUIT IN QUITTING.

Avoid doing the things you do that makes you want to smoke. For example if you meet certain people you smoke, cut back on meeting them for a while.

Personally for someone I know very well what he did was that he was in class whan his teacher was talking about saying no to your nafs. So you need to understand when your nafs is doing the wanting and you need to learn to control it.

[anonymous]

he only smokes at work where everyone at his work smokes at break and lunchtime

I can't be there to stop him?

[Hamza Asadullah]

assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullah wa barakahtu

i am married and my husband smokes. ^o)

initially when i found out i was very upset, as he lied to me that he wasnt smoking. but one day when he came home from work at day and kissed me i could smell it in his mouth and i was so upset that day that he had been lying to me. :exhausted

but now the way i think of it as i have a sin that i am addictd to that is hidden and he has a sin that is open (smoking). i am trying my best to stop my sin and i dont know maybe he is trying his best to stop his, allahu alim :nervous:

i just dont want him to lie to me, thats all. honesty is one of the pillars of relationship, and if that breaks then the whole relationship dies down. :skeleton:

please advise on what i can advice him :hiding:

jazakallah in advance :statisfie

:sl:

Jazakallahu khayr for your question. My sister what we have to realise is that we cannot force anyone to do anything against their will. It is down to the person to stop such a habit. The best we can do is to advise them and make dua for them. The worse thing you can do is to keep pestering him about stopping as that will only have detrimental effects on your relationship, as it will cause arguments etc. Smoking is extremely addictive and so is not so easy to stop just like that with the click of a finger. It requires a lot of will power to stop such a habit depending upon how long the person has been smoking for because it is also mentally addictive as well as physically. So the best you can do is the following:

1. Only tell him of your disaproval now and again, not always, as this will come across as "nagging" and "pestering" and will only cause arguments and stress in your relationship. Therefore pick a time every once in a while when it is convenient and the both of you are not stressed out etc to just talk to your husband in a nice, gentle manner about how much him smoking saddens you because it is so dangerous. Research the dangers of smoking and share them with him telling him of the possible dangers of smoking and the fact that it may shorten his life and cause life threatening disease etc and the fact that does he not want to live long to see his children grow up and be with you etc. But never get angry and frustrated as this will not be of any benefit but only cause arguments, stress and tension in your relationship.

2. Even encourage him to try different methods to quit smoking if need be. But again do all of this now and again and pick the right time when the both of you are not stressed and busy etc, but when you are both relaxed and in a happy mood and even then tell him such things in a nice, gentle manner using wisdom and tact. Never blackmail him or be harsh in your approach because quitting smoking is not so easy and one should be sensative about such a topic and not push it too much or be forceful. We can only try our best but it is down to the person to make the necessery changes.

On top of that make sincere dua that Allah enables him to stop such a habit. Most of all be "patient" as such a process may take some time.

May Allah enable all of us to leave our bad habits. Ameen