My depression friend

[Queen of Pearl]

As-Asalaam Alaykum sisters and brothers,

I need your advices and may Allah will help us too. My friend have been depress for nearly 5 years since her father passed away (May Allah gave him a mercy). She's profoundly deaf and use british sign language. She find it difficult to communication with her family and her family cannot understand her issues. She getting worse now, she became obsessing with one of my friends, if my friend is getting close with other friend and she would get jealous. She copying my friend's version and the way she wear, etc. She called her as her queen, she suddenly tearful if we told her jokey that 'she is your queen'. It was unexpected to see her acts like that. She was day-dreaming almost all day, she even almost cut her finger while day-dreaming and cutting the vegetables in the same time. We told her to go see her doctor; but unfortunately her doctor wasn't strong enough to support her. She have been talked to the sheikh, but she wasn't listen to him. She changed a lot, obsessing, jealous, quiet, upset quickly, depress and hyper if that girl she obsessing is talks to her or sitting next to her. However, I told her that she's still depress and need help, she started to avoid and talks to her obsessing girl about me as a backstabbing. Moreover, I remember she told she met some of girls who interesting into islam. She getting it bit too far by forced them to read Qur'an and we have to reminded her to take it easy.
She always bought up the past that curse us the problems and backstabbing. Once I invited her to my sister's wedding, there were dancing round and she was just stand in the middle of circle of people. Staring on the floor for 7 mins, day-dreaming and the suddenly she back to silly dance. I felt sorry for her but was so hard for her to listens. She pray 5 times a day and read the Qur'an everyday but looks like she wasn't focus. She does admitted that she's depression but she won't let any of us to help her. She asked for help but won't listen.

I have been patience and make a du'a for her almost everyday. If any one who have this experience or knowing how to solve the problems, please give me an advices before the Ramadan coming up.

JazakAllah Khair and BarakAllah for your time to read it.

Sister. :)

[Hulk]

Wa alaykum salam.

Sounds like she might be having a bit of a mental issue but at the same time it is a bit hard to say for sure as I think people who are deaf might have a different perspective from people who aren't. She can't hear the music so maybe that's why she didn't dance and was thinking of what to dance. Maybe..

I suggest being a good friend to her right now and try to make her happy..

[IbnAbdulHakim]

sounbds like shes trying to practise islam and your surroundings is making it hard for her. or have i missed something?

[Queen of Pearl]

Wa alaykum salam.

Sounds like she might be having a bit of a mental issue but at the same time it is a bit hard to say for sure as I think people who are deaf might have a different perspective from people who aren't. She can't hear the music so maybe that's why she didn't dance and was thinking of what to dance. Maybe..

Sheikhs warns me she might have a depression disorder mentality but her family don't want to believe it. We have been invited her to join our social life to cheer her up but in somehow she'd try to ruined our day due of her jealousy. My mum think is better for me to leave her alone because she won't let me help. I am deaf myself too, I use british sign language to her to make sure she understand me clearly but it was hard to solving the problems whilst she bought it up.
The question is should I just be patience and carry on to supporting her or just let it go?

sounbds like shes trying to practise islam and your surroundings is making it hard for her. or have i missed something?

No, you haven't missed something, she's practical muslim and so am I but she give me no choice to help her. I feel like she's starting pushing me away but I am so determined to supported her for Allah's sake. May Allah make things easy for us. Insha'Allah.
BarakAllah.

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[IbnAbdulHakim]

No, you haven't missed something, she's practical muslim and so am I but she give me no choice to help her. I feel like she's starting pushing me away but I am so determined to supported her for Allah's sake. May Allah make things easy for us. Insha'Allah.
BarakAllah.

whats it like when you have a conversation with her?

Have you spoken to her about this at all?


have u told her u feel like shes pushing you away and isolating herself?


sometimes the only thing you can do is support a person, but during that support you will end up watching them in a downward spiral... but the thin gis, we dont know whats inside such people. Maybe shes drawing closer to Allaah, maybe shes leaving this dunya behind. The fact that you guys attending a wedding where dancing took place makes me wonder wats going on inside her... she must be struggling a lot

[dqsunday]

Sister Pearl: One thing I am a bit confused about, is the 'obsession with a friend' you mentioned. Is this another Sister in Islam. Is this just obsessed friendship or more like she is dating this girl (ie as a lesbian couple)?

Is this other friend aware of your friend's obsession/issues? Perhaps enlisting her help can benefit all three of you. Work together to help support your depressed friend.

In the end, she has to want help herself, if she doesn't want to listen to advice and do her own thing, there isn't much you can do.

Perhaps some self help books relating to depression and obsessive compulsive disorders and how to identify them, may be of use to her, if she is inclined to read something like that. Depression is a common condition and there are many ways it can be treated, though most usualy is medication. I don't know how effective medications work on depressed people, but minor cases may not require such medications. Counseling may be all that is needed.

It may be better to talk to her mother or guardian (or husband if she's married) about this too. If she's not legal age, her mother/guardian certainly can take her to a different doctor, maybe one who is familiar with deaf people and BSL and be better able to communicate with her.

[Hulk]

I think in a situation such as this the only way to help is to be gradual. Cause if you make it obvious that you think she has a problem that she needs help with she will go the other direction. When going out try to go out in smaller groups so no one feels "left out". Talk to her about your life and "confide" in a any problem you might have. This might make her feel more comfortable in confiding in you. Most importantly. take it slow. Make dua :)