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View Full Version : I just need to get something off my chest

07-16-2012, 06:56 AM
Why is it that others judge others for their physical flaws when they themselves are not perfect? I realize I am 45 years old, but I still find this to be a problem for adults my age, not just people in their teens. I really thought this was something that people grew out of once they turned into an adult and had children?

For example:

Why does a woman who is not physically perfect herself (weight wise) make fun of another woman who is also large? Is that the type of reflection of God you want to show?

Today I was in the store and a woman who was large (she had large arms, rolls on her legs, double chin, and a waist that was just a hair smaller than the rest of her body, but who also had cellulite all on her legs down to her ankles) and her calves were so large that she had cankles. Please understand that I do not make fun of anyone nor do I like to point out their physical flaws because I believe that God made us all beautiful inside and out, so I am just trying to give an image so someone might be able to un-boggle my mind...

Why would such a person make fun of another person who is large? I overheard this woman discussing this with her daughter (great example right?) saying ugly things like "Oh my gosh, look how obese and fat she looks, I am much prettier than her, her belly fat is disgusting!)..." When how I saw it was by her actions, that woman was no longer pretty to me. She had shown how mean she was to make fun of another human being. What was worse was she wore christian symbols (necklace, earrings, and on her purse), not the actions that my God envisioned.

I felt so awful for the woman they were making fun of and I ran into the her in the next isle over and I just had to tell her "I think you have the most beautiful smile, it just makes you glow".

Why do people want to assume they are better than the next?
Why do people judge what another looks like when they should really be focusing on themselves and their faith?
Why do people truly believe their physical attributes are better than another's and that their personal opinions are facts?
Why do those people assume that they know how a person truly is? Especially when they have only seen one side of things (their side)... I don't remember them trying on their shoes and growing up with them (then again I could be wrong).

I guess I am venting because it really bothered me. I have noticed that these people feel the need to say ugly things about others because if they are focusing on someone else and how they are, then there is no time to worry about themselves and their own problems that lie beneath. I never raised my girls to treat any human being that way, I was never raised that way... In all honesty, I was raised that if I was going to "judge" someone physically, it wasn't to find the negative, it was to find the positive.

Is there anyone out there that might find reasoning and truth in this?

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07-16-2012, 07:06 AM
Next time pepper spray her!

edit: haha seriously speaking I think she probably had a not so good upbringing where a lot of the time her worth was measured purely on her aesthetics.

07-16-2012, 08:15 AM
Because those people have less self esteem and need to talk bad about other people in ordet to feel good about themselves. That is sad. The woman has personal issues. Some people need to learn how to be in other people shoes. What if she was the one who was judged? Would she like it?

07-16-2012, 08:32 AM
yes thats the truth... many point at others without havin human values in their heart....
each one's look is different and life is differnt...that we need to acknowledge in our heart.... only compare for good and try to overtake others by doing good and increasing your good deeds......every other comparison is useless.....

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Amat Allah
07-16-2012, 10:07 AM
it is not permissible even in Islam to do so, Allah The Exalted says in His Holy Book (Qur'aan):

"O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one's] faith. And whoever does not repent - then it is those who are the wrongdoers. (11)" Surat Al Hujuraat

and says AlMight:

"Woe to every scorner and mocker (1)" Surat Al Humazah

In the book of general behavior(kitaab Al Adab) of Abi Dawood:

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: I said to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him): It is enough for you in Safiyyah that she is such and such (the other version that Musaddad's has :the meaning that she was short-statured). He replied; You have said a word which would change the sea if it were mixed in it. She said: I imitated a man before him (out of disgrace). He said: I do not like that I imitate anyone even if I should get such and such.

Whats wrong with people doing such things? Do they not know nor remember that our Creator The Lord of the world Is watching us, hearing us and counting for us? Do they not remind themselves of that day where all of us will stand before Him The Just (Who belongs to Him all Might and Majesty) for reckoning and to be judged?

it will never be the shape, color, race or nationality but Allah The One says:

"O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted. (13)" Surat Al Hujuraat.

and Allah knows the best.

Humbly and with all respect in the world; your sister:

Amat Allah.

07-16-2012, 11:45 AM

In life, we will certainly encounter people with different personalities, opinions and mannerisms - esp. considering that we are all coming from different cultural backgrounds, religious beliefs, ethnicities and, that our enviromental/ past experiences influences our outlook/ mindset to quite a significant degree.

Having said this, it is not a means to justify bad behaviour.

However, it does help us understand and tolerate a lot more - which if we didnt, would make life really difficult and unpleasant for most of us.

I think the best we can do in certain situations, esp if it really affects us, is to approach the person directly, and advise them in a gentle manner.

Perhaps in the above situation, one can say: "Thank goodness God is not as judgemental, and He loves us despite our physical appearances - as He loves you"......or something along those lines.
As long as it is not confrontational or directly insultive - you should be able to walk away unscathed yourself : )

How else can we change the behaviour of those who are so far removed from moral values and a sense of accountability to a higher power?
--> In fact, this is the root of most, if not all of societies problems.

The purpose is only to get the person to reflect on his ways.....and then move on.
Sometimes it takes something really simple, to achieve a really profound result!

And, also realising that at the end of the day, Allah (subhanawataála) is the best of Judgers.

Not a word is spoken, but it is recorded in a book that we will all have to face oneday.

May Allah (subhanawataála) save us all from that day.


07-16-2012, 11:57 AM
Its a general behavior and specially when a woman is healthy and doesn't feel good about her looks.Such women usually compare them selves with others and judge it themselves that they are not "That" fat.Just an easy and quick way to satisfy yourself.
I always get surprised when women who have kilos of make up on their faces point out others that they look horrible coz of heavy make up and declare them selves as simple and natural looking lol
It is also very surprising for me (i won't say funny coz it really saddens me) when women with deep neck and almost no sleeves and skin tight clothes call others immodest and fashion able :hmm:
We can't do anything for such a behavior but to ignore it.I like the idea of pepper spray but its only do able for a person like "Hulk".Other wise you can imagine the results of pepper spraying a woman healthier than you :p

07-16-2012, 03:20 PM
“The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“From the excellence of a man’s Islam is leaving that which does not concern him.”

“That is, to leave that which is not important or befitting of him, whether in speech, actions, or thought.

Thus, ‘the excellence of a man’s Islam’ is its perfection, such that one remains steadfast in the submission to the commands and prohibitions of Allah, and surrenders to His rulings in accordance to His destiny and decree (qada wa qadr). This is the sign of the heart having been expanded by the light of its Lord, and the descent of quietude (sakina) into the heart. The reality of ‘that which does not concern him’ is that which is not needed for a worldly or next-worldly necessity, and does not aid in attaining his Lord’s good pleasure, such that it is possible to live without it…

This includes excess acts and unnecessary speech… This hadith may well be taken from Allah Most High’s saying,

“And who shun all vain things.” (Qur’an, 23: 3)

Mulla Ali al-Qari (Allah have mercy on him) mentioned this in his commentary on Mishkat al-Masabih.

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