totally lonely

[Marina-Aisha]

salam everyone

Even through i have my hubbie for company i cant help feel lonely i dont have any friends non muslim or muslim...i get along people at work but they arent really islamic...and also going through hardship from Allah and i dont really have anyone to talk to....i sometimes go to the mosque in whitechapel but its kinda far and im super shy i havent made any friends...sometimes i just wanna cry and just stay bed never come out..i just wanna met nice muslima sister were i hangout go shopping together and talk stuff..

[Hulk]

Wa alaykumsalam sister!

Don't worry! Sometimes it is better to be alone than to fit in with the wrong people! Trust me I know exactly what you mean. There are many things that I am interested in but unfortunately my best friends aren't interested in. I used to drag them to come along whenever there's a particular activity(e.g lectures etc) but nowadays I do most of the stuff on my own and alhamdulillah I have been making progress. When I meet my friends they'll ask me "have you been doing so and so?" and I say yes. Hehe.

What I'm saying is if you want to make some nice sister friends, go out there do an activity you enjoy where you might find some inshaAllah. I would recommend classes that would increase your knowledge in the deen, that way you learn and inshaAllah make some friends.

From what I can deduce, you seem to have a pretty good personality inside your shy little shell. No worries. Being shy is a GOOD thing. You just need to peel it a bit so that you can benefit more InshaAllah. Oh and I just remembered one way I met some wonderful muslim friends when I was in a place where I thought I was alone. During prayer time, I would find a spot to pray. They would also be looking for a spot to pray, so we are bound to meet each other and pray together. How awesome is that!

Do update us on how it's going! Step by step ok!

[tango92]

your story is kinda similar for many women out there, if you have patience then iA Allah will make a way for you

If there are Muslims in your street then you can try and invite them for iftar and see how that works out. or if you have kids then try talking to their friends parents.

I don't really recommend trying to make friends with people who you don't have alot in common with, of course we love our Muslim brothers and sisters, but for friendship sometimes we need people who we are close with in other ways aswell.

I think if you make dua to Allah that he grants you a good Muslim friend who will benefit you, then he will answer your dua.

I used to be such a loner in college, and it turns out the guy who used to sit a couple seats away from me was like this really friendly righteous brother and I had never talked to him. but now we are best friends alhumdulillah; and I think that's because of a dua that i made

[tango92]

this is a story i hope we might benefit from - it really shows the difference it makes having a righteouss friend


In old, worn out shabby looking clothes, Amir Al-Mu’minin, Ali Bin Abi Taleb, sat saying grace to Allah. Abu Mariam, one of the servants, sat on his knees close to Ali and whispered: “Amir Al-Mu’minin, I have something to ask of you.” Ali said: “What is it that you want to ask?”

Abu Mariam said: “That you throw away the clothes you are wearing. They are old and ripped and do not go well with your position.” Ali Bin Abi Taleb put the tip of his clothes on his eyes and started to cry until his weeping was loud. In embarrassment, Abu Mariam said: “O Amir Al-Mu’minin, if I knew that it meant so much to you I would not have asked you to take it off.” Ali said while wiping his tears: “O Abu Mariam, my love for this jacket is increasing. It was a gift from my friend and beloved companion.” Oddly, Abu Mariam asked: “And who is this friend of yours O Amir?” Ali said: “ ‘Umar Ibn Al Khattab. He was the best of friends.” He then started to weep once again until the sound of his suppressed cries could be heard from afar. Source:Translated from "100 Stories from the Life of Ali Bin Abi Taleb" by Muhammad Sedeeq Al Minshawi, Dar Al Fadeela Publishing, 2002.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Marina-Aisha]

Wa alaykumsalam sister!

Don't worry! Sometimes it is better to be alone than to fit in with the wrong people! Trust me I know exactly what you mean. There are many things that I am interested in but unfortunately my best friends aren't interested in. I used to drag them to come along whenever there's a particular activity(e.g lectures etc) but nowadays I do most of the stuff on my own and alhamdulillah I have been making progress. When I meet my friends they'll ask me "have you been doing so and so?" and I say yes. Hehe.

What I'm saying is if you want to make some nice sister friends, go out there do an activity you enjoy where you might find some inshaAllah. I would recommend classes that would increase your knowledge in the deen, that way you learn and inshaAllah make some friends.

From what I can deduce, you seem to have a pretty good personality inside your shy little shell. No worries. Being shy is a GOOD thing. You just need to peel it a bit so that you can benefit more InshaAllah. Oh and I just remembered one way I met some wonderful muslim friends when I was in a place where I thought I was alone. During prayer time, I would find a spot to pray. They would also be looking for a spot to pray, so we are bound to meet each other and pray together. How awesome is that!

Do update us on how it's going! Step by step ok!

yea i go to mosque for new muslims at whitechapel but i havent made any friends there, some of sisters who there have there own little groups that they hang out with so kinda hard making friends there.. i also sometimes go to the mosque in romford near were i work but i dont really have time to stay for jammat prayer so miss all the muslima sisters..i think ill just keep making duas..maybe Allah will hear my crys during Ramadan :)

[IslamicRevival]

Take comfort from the fact we all feel lonely at some point in our lives, its part and parcel of life.

[Marina-Aisha]

thats not very comforting lol thats kinda depressing to b honest

['Abd-al Latif]

yea i go to mosque for new muslims at whitechapel but i havent made any friends there, some of sisters who there have there own little groups that they hang out with so kinda hard making friends there.. i also sometimes go to the mosque in romford near were i work but i dont really have time to stay for jammat prayer so miss all the muslima sisters..i think ill just keep making duas..maybe Allah will hear my crys during Ramadan :)

I don't think you'll find a lot of practising Muslims in Romford.

Attend events. Come to MRDF classes where you're likely to meet sisters whom you can keep in contact with. In fact, you should go to the Tayyibun Iftar gathering on the 29th of this month. Tayyibun events are usually very popular and you're sure to meet lots of people, especially as it's going to be at Iftar time.

[Marina-Aisha]

I don't think you'll find a lot of practising Muslims in Romford.

Attend events. Come to MRDF classes where you're likely to meet sisters whom you can keep in contact with. In fact, you should go to the Tayyibun Iftar gathering on the 29th of this month. Tayyibun events are usually very popular and you're sure to meet lots of people, especially as it's going to be at Iftar time.

where is this?is there a link u could give me?

['Abd-al Latif]

where is this?is there a link u could give me?

It's in mile end. http://www.iftarevent.co.uk/ choose the one for London. It's free entry as long as you register.

MRDF usually only have weekend classes. You can view the website here http://www.mrdf.co.uk/. However, there won't be any classes during Ramadan.

[Qurratul Ayn]

:wasalamex

O fair sister of mine. Thou hast hardships. And trials galore.

It is indeed very difficult to form friendships when the sisters out there have already formed their little circle or whatnot! Personally, if I see lonesome figures of sisters outside, I start by saying my Salaam, then ask how they're doing, and so on and so forth and I have made a few acquaintances, who Subhan'Allaah are reverts, and they are super nice Masha'Allaah, plus Sisters out there can be quite scary... Truly. And intimidating too, let's not forget... :D

Just have a little courage inside you, determination and persistence that you are going to make friends of the Sisters out there!!! Lol... I'll be by your side... Metaphorically, if not physically, Insha'Allaah :D

:haha:

I live in West london, why don't we plan to meet up, Sister marina-hadeya??? Like somewhere in Central or middle point somewhere... Lol! It would be awesome to meet up

[Marina-Aisha]

It's in mile end. http://www.iftarevent.co.uk/ choose the one for London. It's free entry as long as you register.

MRDF usually only have weekend classes. You can view he website here http://www.mrdf.co.uk/ however, there won't be snynduring Ramadan.

thank you ill check them out thank you everyone for all ur quick replies i really am greatful

[Marina-Aisha]

:wasalamex

O fair sister of mine. Thou hast hardships. And trials galore.

It is indeed very difficult to form friendships when the sisters out there have already formed their little circle or whatnot! Personally, if I see lonesome figures of sisters outside, I start by saying my Salaam, then ask how they're doing, and so on and so forth and I have made a few acquaintances, who Subhan'Allaah are reverts, and they are super nice Masha'Allaah, plus Sisters out there can be quite scary... Truly. And intimidating too, let's not forget... :D

Just have a little courage inside you, determination and persistence that you are going to make friends of the Sisters out there!!! Lol... I'll be by your side... Metaphorically, if not physically, Insha'Allaah :D

:haha:

I live in West london, why don't we plan to meet up, Sister marina-hadeya??? Like somewhere in Central or middle point somewhere... Lol! It would be awesome to meet up

aww that would be awesome :p thanx

it just gets hard that u cant talk to people who r on the same level as you..like people at work say ive "changed" and there sad cos i use b so "passionate" but i am passionate just not bout the same things...they just dont understand...i just feel sick of people not understanding! * i should be more understanding i know*

[Riana17]

Salam

When I was not a Muslim, I dream big to have many friends, and I tried hard. In the end I left heartbroken, they all left me in pain after I work so hard to please them and be myself I guess, I was kind to them I never intended to hurt them and I was always there physically and emotionally most of the times.

Anyhow, now that I am a Muslim, I dont have the urge of needing people like that, I better be alone, do my thing, sleep early etc.

Alhamdollellah Allah bless me with a very good husband, he is my bestfriend and I have another friend left from that bunches, she is 66yrs old (mashallah with her looks and energy shes better than 40yrs old...) and I got my Karma, she never fight with me, she is kind and if I wanted to hang out, I always go to her.


Inshallah sis, you find one true Muslima friend, inshallah

[Marina-Aisha]

wa alikom salam

thanx riana your of course right its just hard now....so much is happening in my life its kinda depressing at the mo...

[Scimitar]

I'm a happy hermit :)

No, seriously... I used to feel really lonely. But then I realised that even when I'm in the company of "friends" - I still felt displaced. I was growing apart. Inevitable.

So, after a nice long break away from London (I went to Dewsbury to sit with the ulema and learn from them) I discovered that my loneliness was due to lack of focus. I had no focus - I was just complacent in my life. So, I decided to "fix up" and find something that took my interest...

...that included reading, a lot of reading... and a little writing.

And though I still find myself staring at the wall sometimes, I quickly remind myself that I am prone to monging out like Siddharta - and stare at a spo on the wall - till it disappears (still no clarity there). Once I have snap out of my silly state of sorriness (is that even a word?), I find that I am restless and have to do something, anything. And that usually involves a run in wanstead flats or hollow ponds, after which - I'm feeling excellent.

I find that a little exercise can go a long way :)


Scimi

[Marina-Aisha]

thanx i think its because all i do is go to work and then look after the children i dont have time to do something just for me.. before i converted i use to go to hairdresses do my hair do my nails a feel alittle less lonely cos i had me time nw i dont do anything and most the time especially nw im on my own..nw the ramadan has started after my husband has finished his work he goes stright to the mosque..

[Hulk]

thanx i think its because all i do is go to work and then look after the children i dont have time to do something just for me.. before i converted i use to go to hairdresses do my hair do my nails a feel alittle less lonely cos i had me time nw i dont do anything and most the time especially nw im on my own..nw the ramadan has started after my husband has finished his work he goes stright to the mosque..

SIS YOU HAVE CHILDREN?! MashaAllah why not play with them??? Hehe..Someone I know who is also a muslim convert is a housewife and she really has her hands busy with her kids. Honestly sometimes I wonder what she does but I guess her day is filled with nurturing her kids in terms of studying and sometimes taking them out to eat etc.

I don't like to admit it but being an only child I do understand the feeling of being lonely. I remember when I was a kid I used to call up my friends all the time(recalling right after being told they're not in) till I pissed their dads off lol their mums were really patient.

Anywayyyyyy hehe.. if you enjoy pampering yourself why not do it? Like getting your hair done.. Just make sure everything is halal hehehehhe. In terms of nails im not sure what goes on so I can't say much. I just want you to know that you're not alone in feeling alone. Though I must say it's been a long time I felt that way alhamdulillah however lately I find that I quite enjoy the times that I am alone as it gives me a chance to do what I like for eg read, go out take photographs, etc.

[Snowflake]

thanx i think its because all i do is go to work and then look after the children i dont have time to do something just for me.. before i converted i use to go to hairdresses do my hair do my nails a feel alittle less lonely cos i had me time nw i dont do anything and most the time especially nw im on my own..nw the ramadan has started after my husband has finished his work he goes stright to the mosque..

Why not hire a mobile hairdresser/beautician to come to your house and get yourself pampered a bit? An Indian head massage works wonders and get your tootsies treated too. You'll feel better for it and that could give you the incentive to do something else. :)

[جوري]

??
May I humbly suggest in lieu of hairdressers and manicurists to volunteer your free time in a hospital, old people's home or children centers for abused, neglected or handicap children or even to aid battered women?
Volunteering our time in the service of others is rewarding to the one that gives and the one that takes like the Shakespearean quote on the quality of mercy. I guarantee you'll not be bored or alone you will teach something to others and learn something about yourself .
I strongly believe that idle hands are the tool of the devil being bored or lonely just means there's free time not properly utilized. Volunteering is an excellent way to make true friends outside of work who arent obligated to dialogue for work related purposes or meet with other people who are also volunteering part of their time as a common ground for friendship. Having a husband, kids and a career is already a great blessing that many don't have the rest can be attained with a little vigilance .. In the smallest good deeds lies the greatest rewards in shaa Allah.
:w:

[Marina-Aisha]

all great ideas thanx..i think ill do that..

[Marina-Aisha]

I'm sorry just bump my thread but I wanted to ask question bout sinning I wanted ask in another thread but as I can't post there I just put here sorry...as some u guys know I have to sell wine, if it's not my fault and I have no choice do I still repent? If I repent and keep doing it will Allah forgive?

[Hulk]

I don't really remember sis, do you mean like you're a cashier at a grocery store?

['Abd-al Latif]

I'm sorry just bump my thread but I wanted to ask question bout sinning I wanted ask in another thread but as I can't post there I just put here sorry...as some u guys know I have to sell wine, if it's not my fault and I have no choice do I still repent? If I repent and keep doing it will Allah forgive?

It is prohibited and sinful to buy or sell wine. You should try your best to find another job. If your financial situation does not allow you to leave this job immediately then you should actively seek another job and leave the current one as soon as you are able to. Allah does not place a burden on a soul more than it can bear.

Make a sincere intention in your heart to seek permissible income to please Allah and do your best from your own efforts to achieve this, and inshaa'Allah Allah will make a way out for you. In the meantime you should seek repentance during, and even after, you leave this occupation. Allah's forgiveness is far more vast and encompassing than you and I can imagine, so do not ever lose hope in his forgiveness or think that your sin is far too big to be forgiven. Allah forgives all sins and this is easy for him. It is in fact a sign of good-will from Allah that He guides you to repent to Him, so seek it and be sincere and continuous in it.

[Marina-Aisha]

Okay good thank you,yes I keep loOking for jobs but nothing is working out...yes it's sort of like 99p shop lots of cheap stuff...yea I'm cashier...hopefuLLy I'll find a good halal job soon

[Riana17]

Inshallah Ukhtee, how about home based job or online selling or stuff like that?

You must keep yourself busy so you dont end up being bored and thinking nonsense, we women should not left unoccupied for long time as we worries too much for nothing looool

By the way the friend I have is non Muslim, she is Christian, alhamdollellah she dont have bad influence in me, all good yaniii lol
May Allah give you patience and happiness within

[Signor]

Okay good thank you,yes I keep loOking for jobs but nothing is working out...yes it's sort of like 99p shop lots of cheap stuff...yea I'm cashier...hopefuLLy I'll find a good halal job soon

Start taking out charity from your money as much as you can,This can't make your money Halaal or Can Never turn anything Haraam into Halaal.But since you are not selling wine deliberately and you are sincere in leaving the Job,The Sadaqah will helps you and your family from the afflictions that Haraam came with..And Allah Knows Best

Rest of my opinion is the same as Brother Abd-Al Latif

Assalamo Alaikum

[Scimitar]

Sis Marina Hadeya,

I agree also with bro Abd'al Latif. But fear not. This is a test. You clearly want to increase in your good deeds, so you have the right intention. Allah will find a way for you, so start looking for more jobs :)

Also, there are plenty of other things you can do sis, in your spare time I mean.

How about taking up a hobby that may fruit for you so you can make money from it? Like pottery, or painting, custom wedding cards, exotic jewellery making (beads and trinkets) - that sort of thing. Nearly all of my friends who I grew up with, their wives have their own small businesses (similar to those mentioned above) which they started from a hobby... Options are good...

... Or, how about taking up Arabic calligraphy - then having a go at painting on canvas. A long term project that you can be happy of, something that can display in the home and be a focal point for conversation when guests come over :)

I don't know :) there are many options, Find something that suits you. You will really like it.

Actually, some may even commission pieces from you, insha-Allah.

Scimi

[Hulk]

I just remembered something from one of the lectures I watched/listened to online.. I don't quite remember from who(maybe Sh. Hamza) but anyways it was about repeating a sin over and over again. Over time our heart might be numbed by such an act, meaning it doesn't affect us as much as it should. Like you won't feel uncomfortable by it despite it being wrong. Sort of like how them Kickboxers would hours kicking trees until they numb their shins, they do that so that they can use their shins as a weapon and not feel pain.

Of course that isn't to say that if we sin we shouldn't bother repenting, it just means that we have to be careful when things like sinning repeatedly happens.

Also I know it's easy for us to tell you to stop working and find another job, it's not like we are aware of how your current situation is. I've heard stories about muslim air stewardesses having to serve alcohol and it makes them uncomfortable too. Well I do hope you manage to work things out :) Listening ears(reading eyes?) are always here inshaAllah.

[Marina-Aisha]

thank you brothers yea i feel it like weighing on my heart..i dont really like get up in morning cos i know ill have to sell wine...maybe a hobbie would be good to get my mind off it..i always say Astagfirullah when ever i touch it, when get home always do two raka for forgiveness tubar?(sorry i dont know hw to spell it....)

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Assalamu alaykum

In the name of Allah, the Inspirer of truth.

In this time and age it is a luxury to find people who prefer to follow the path of Allah and spiritual progress and protect their honor and faith rather than advance in worldly careers. Allah has obliged children to be obedient to their parents. However, this is as far as the rights of Allah are not violated.

A woman is not responsible to earn; for Allah has placed this responsibility upon the father until she is in his home, thereafter, upon her husband when she marries. Hence, technically speaking there is no obligation upon you to earn in view of the Shari'ah, unless it is an absolute critical situation where only you can be depended upon for the family to survive.

Having said this, since your parents are in trouble, you may try to help them to the best of your ability without compromising your religion, spirituality, and honor. This can be achieved through online or home based work. You may even consider a job where inter-gender mixing can be avoided, as long as you feel you will not lead to degeneration in your din. Working in a mixed setting often leads to compromising a Muslim women's honor and other Islamic virtues and principles, hence as far as possible needs to be avoided. So find some work if you have to where you can preserve your state of iman and be able to contribute.

The following du'a has been considered beneficial for the circumstance your family is undergoing. It should be recited by yourself and your parents:

(35) When one is frustrated about payment of debt,

اَللّهُمَّ اكْفِنِيْ بِحَلاَلِكَ عَنْ حَرَامِكَ ، وَأَغْنِـنِيْ بِفَضْلِكَ عَمَّنْ سِوَاكَ.[1][1] [1]
[1]All�hummakfin� bihal�lika 'an har�mika wa aghnin� bifadlika 'amman siw�k.

O All�h, suffice me with lawful livelihood adequate to my needs instead of ill-gotten livelihood, and graciously grant me freedom from needing anything from anyone besides Yourself.

Note: Whoever recites this du'�, All�h will assist him in repaying his debt even though it may be the size of Mount Sabir (A mountain in Yemen).

May Allah strengthen your iman and resolve to follow His path, and deliver your family from this compromising situation.

Wassalam

Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf


taken from sunnipath