Wife having affair, need advice

[disabledkhan]

Salaam brothers and sisters, this is my first post and I require some essential Islamic advice.

I'm a middle aged muslim in a wheelchair living in USA. Severely disabled and require round the clock care. My family arranged a marriage for me few years ago from Bangladesh. It was a poor family and in return they would be helped our by money from our end.

She came over within a few months, and after some initial problems, everything was fine. Then we had a some disagreement with my side if the family and we moved out. We then had a son who is now 6.

We have been living together happily. She cares for me and I sort her family out. Every year or so she travels to Bangladesh to stay with her parents. With our kid but not me as its difficult for me to travel. So I hire in help to care for me.

The other day I recorded her talking in secret on phone, with a man from back in Bangladesh. I've had some worries so I thought of doing this. Now I rue that I did.

Initially she cried because he hadn't answered her calls ford few days. But what I made out of the call is this. They've known each other since being kids. They wanted to marry but parents disallowed. Now both married with kids. But they meet up once a year for few weeks. They seem very much in love and want to be together. But they can't. She told him wait a few years and she will bring him over. They then started talking in adult sex way.

After this, rather than confronting her, I asked her if she was happy with me or not. Because it would be difficult for her to live and care for someone disabled. I offered her a way out. I said that I would be willing to divorce her so she could marry someone else and have a happy life. I will also help in getting that person over here. In return I ask for access to my child as often as I want. She said no. Started crying and said please don't leave me. I have no one. I then told her if she wants to stay with me she can never ever go to Bangladesh again. After a little difficulty, she agreed to that.

Now I'm in a conundrum. I know she is in live with someone else, and me keeping two of them apart is a sin, but I can't let then live in sin by meeting up with each other every so often. I would want her to be with me but not unhappy. And her saying she won't go back home isn't really feasible. As she will have to if someone passes away etc.

The second thing is the betrayal. I offer her everything yet she has been doing this. I can't bring myself around to forgiving her. I've tried but I stay abnormal and she wants to know why. Why I'm worried and thinking of stuff. She has been meeting my care, washing and cleaning me. Which is more than a wife does. I feel sorry for not being happy with her.

Please some good advice is required as I don't think I can handle this much longer.

[Alpha Dude]

and me keeping two of them apart is a sin

No, it's not. She's your wife brother and the sin has been done by her (and the other person) alone. Not you.

May Allah grant you a good solution. Aameen.

[Scimitar]

*feels bro* I can almost hear the houris of heaven calling your name bro...

...If I was you, I'd leave her. I have trust issues... i have no problem trusting people, but once they abuse that trust - it NEVER EVER comes back... and I end up hating them for it. But that's just me.

Will keep you in my duas bro.

Scimi

[IbnAbdulHakim]

assalamu alaikum

you should advise her to completely stop seeing the other brother as he is a huge fitnah for your marriage.


your partner is just that, your partner and may Allah help her see that as well as you do.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[جوري]

Why aren't you more angry about this? I am a woman and honestly I'd want to off with her head!
Does being in a wheel chair in your mind preclude you from demanding respect and fidelity as a husband?
It's not ok and you should confront her .. If she wants a divorce it's fine but no one should be allowed to betray a promise they've made and expect that they should be supported to carry on in sin!
By the way this goes both ways. Honesty is imperative, divorce is always an option but betraying a promise you've made to someone- stringing them along and overtly taking advantage of their condition and situation isn't .. Where's is your backbone? Show her your anger man - confront her with what you know!
What a strange world we live in!

[Scimitar]

WHAT SHE SAID ^^^ +1

Tell you what sis, I am really wanting to smash some heads in now :D thanks bwahahahaaa

Scimi

[Qurratul Ayn]

Why aren't you more angry about this? I am a woman and honestly I'd want to off with her head!
Does being in a wheel chair in your mind preclude you from demanding respect and fidelity as a husband?
It's not ok and you should confront her .. If she wants a divorce it's fine but no one should be allowed to betray a promise they've made and expect that they should be supported to carry on in sin!
By the way this goes both ways. Honesty is imperative, divorce is always an option but betraying a promise you've made to someone- stringing them along and overtly taking advantage of their condition and situation isn't .. Where's is your backbone? Show her your anger man - confront her with what you know!
What a strange world we live in!

You just said it all for me, my dear sister.

I have shed tears after reading the 1st post. Brother, you need to confront her and make a decision once and for all!!! The more prolonged it becomes the more hurt you will acquire and she may even carry on!

I sooo could rip her head off... I absolutely despise human beings who commit atrocities just like that. *Calm down, it's Ramadhaan*

O Allaah help us to stay on the true path and make us stronger for it.

Brother make Du'a, confront your wife, have it all out in the open; it will be hard, but truth and justice has to prevail!

Remember whatever Allaah has planned for us, it is always for the best. ALWAYS.

Making Du'a for all always

:salamext:

[disabledkhan]

Thank you for the replies and words of advice. Yes, I am angry but I cant risk confronting her as this will mean it tips her over the edge and I lose my only hope of living right now - my child. My condition is such that I can not take care of her and no court in the world will give me her custody. When you confront my wife with something, first thing she does, is take my child and leave the house. She just wanders the streets until something serious happens. Like star police intervene. This has happened before. I can't physically chase her and have no one to do that for me. If she gets institutionalised, I lose the child. If she leaves and des up her own home. I lose the child. That is also one of the reasons I asked her to get married of her own choice. So I could have access to my child. Believe me, I have enquirer and there is no way I can get custody or evn access for my child once me and my wife seperate. There is also a chance that this man is right now working in Oman. If my wife decides to jump in a plane with my child to Oman, there is no way I will know or go after them.

So that is why I am biding my time and praying for another way. Se has said she won't go to Bangladesh because I am being hurt by it. This at leaflet means nothing physical will happen between her and him. In another 4 5 years my child will be old enough to stay with me. Then I will have nothing stopping me from confronting her.

Seriously friends, I am stuck.

[disabledkhan]

Sorry I am using iPhone to type an sometimes it replaces him with her.

[جوري]

You've filled your head with irrational fears that have no basis in reality!
How can she commit you? A doctor has to evaluate you and then it's a judicial rule based in medical opinion - you already have recordings with which to black mail her in fact anything she does will be looked upon as deception as she's already deceiving you!
It really is that simple and you're complicating it . Furthermore, I am sure there are many disabled advocacy groups that you can speak with along with social workers!
You'd better read up on the principals of jihad because frankly I am starting to see she has you down by you'd neck!

[Hulk]

Do u have any of your family members around bro I think they can help..

[CosmicPathos]

I think you have let your disability make you disabled. You are letting your perception of your disability taint the way you should see the world, as a human with equal rights. It is not easy to be hampered by lack of natural organs for living life, but till how long will you let the "healthier humans" crush you beneath their cruel legs?

[azm17]

It's really pathetic. Same happened with me. Wife had prior relationship and later ran away with that guy after 3 months. When she came back i asked do you have any regret what you had done, she said no. And also her family kept blaming me for her run till end. I broke, still thought of being with her. But alhamdulillah anyhow divorce happened.
Now I realize Allah save me. I lost my self respect when I decided to be with cheater and and a person who committed one of the greatest sins. How could she be mom of my children. I also don't want any relation to brake but think twice before take her back but if she regret truly and you can see it it's up to you or else don't loose your self respect and allow these sin inside the house after all you are the man of the house,guardian.

[Cptn._.Mario]

does she need you for citizenship?