Terrible anger issues. Please help me.

[Aishath]

Asalaamu Alaikum

I am turning to all my brothers and susters on this forum with the hope that Insha Allah I can find a helping hand here.

For the longest time I've really struggled with my temper. When I was younger . I would get upset over the smallest things and esp if it's something in the past that can't be changed I would bring it up and rub it in people's faces all the time. It's like I take this extra joy in knowing they can't change the past and can't change the event. One time my sister tapped my forehead with her empty chocolate bottle and I yelled at her for about twenty minutes asking over and over again 'why did u do it? Would u like it if I did the same etc'. basically I make mountains out of molehills

I can't even describe the sensation I get when in so angry. I can't think straight but at the same time I'm thinking and telling myself to stop, this is a sin, the angels ate recording my every word. Often I get severe waswas thinking I'm not saying any swear words so it doesn't matter etc which I know is not true. It's like I'm telling myself to stop but unable to exert the self control to do so. Today after a fight I was so angry I wanted to walk up to my sis and tell at her and a part of me told me not to and yet I did it anyway.

The worst thing is I just can't let go of things that happened. I hold grudges. I feel terrible afterwards. I instantly cool down and regret things. I know all the things I'm meant to do -sit, lie down etc. I know that! But at that moment I can't seem to Apply them!

Please help me. I've begun to hate myself so much. I read up on this is a sin and examples of times of great restraint but I can't seem to do it. People have started to draw away from me because of this too.

Please help me!!!! And please make Dua for me. I feel so ashamed.

[Ali_008]

walekum as salaam

I know what you're going through. I'm going through a similar phrase. What you need to do is spend more time with Islam. Gain more knowledge and have righteous company so that the fear of Allah is instilled in your heart more strongly and you become proactive instead of reactive when it comes to getting angry and hurting people. What you and I are going through is a sign of weakening of the imaan, because a righteous soul cringes even at the thought of sinning. We need to spend more time with the book of Allah and the methods of His Prophet (SallAllahuAlayhiWaSallam). A major point to remember when it comes to dealing/forgiving people is the fact that we ourselves are in line for forgiveness from Allah. We are, literally, at His mercy and begging Him to forgive us. So, if we can't be forgiving, how can we expect to be forgiven?