How do you handle a wild sister?

[Hulk]

Assalamualaikum

My question goes to those of you with younger sisters! I happen to have one that is very much into trends and what not which I can understand however the issue is that sometimes she likes to misbehave like coming home late, lying, etc. The main issue to me is lying.. Not a very good habit to have.. Oh and she is about 17.

If you are a woman and can give some tips I would appreciate it. Or maybe you have been through similar situations, feel free to give me some useful advice!

[Alpha Dude]

A teenager causing problems? Your situation is almost impossible to solve, man. You have no choice but to wait till she's 20. :skeleton:

Seriously, though, without knowing anything about her, it's hard to say (so this is just an assumption) - I think the lying may be a symptom of a bigger problem. Namely, her outlook on life and level of appreciation and consciousness of Allah. If you can sort that out, then lying will be sorted out by itself.

Guide her into realising that there is a Creator who will judge us and who we should try our best to befriend and love and please and talk to. The more 'real' Allah becomes for her, the more she will try herself to avoid sins inshaAllah.

May Allah guide and help her. Aameen.

[جوري]

my brother who is older than me by a little over half a decade used and still does take me out to do special things together and give me a weekly allowance even as an adult woman with a doctorate and even though there was so much he didn't like about me or like for me or from me he always approached me in a gentle manner well not when I was a teenager one time he really lay it on me and I was livid but he changed his approach completely after that day and apologized (I was a bit younger than your sis about 14) and he won me over with the kind things he does or says.. you know whenever I am down I usually like to sort of cocoon into myself and women folk with the exception of a few tend to be overly empathetic that it isn't comforting you know what I mean, they mourn with you and are quizzical and fearful, but he's hopeful and says amazing things from Quran and Sunnah that I almost feel ashamed to feel bad about such petty worldly things .. obviously or maybe not so obvious but he's what some on this forum would label as the W or S word lol... but well so I have grown to love those kinds of people.. so how about you try that? take her to the botanical gardens and just go fishing and if you have something or know that she likes something get it for her, walhi it works..
I wanted this perfume called amouaj which is $300+ for years and he knew about it and he just got it for me this summer even though I know he's much rougher on his family and boys than me and in this economy no one has that kind of money to spend let alone on a perfume.
So may Allah swt bless him in every way and remove all his karb and huzn but he has been the best of brothers to me and purely out of the way he treats me..
give it a go and let me know how it works for you in shaa Allah

[Scimitar]

Be There for Teenagers

This post is in: Teenagers

It is widely known that one of the best things you can do for your teen is to simply be there for them. The gift of time and attention is more valuable than any material thing you can give them.As parents, we should be there for our teens. This means taking an active interest in their activities (go to their sports events, school functions) and try to include them in yours (taking them to the mosque, their relatives etc).

It may be difficult depending on how many children we have, but we should try and set aside specific times for one-on-one activities and give them your undivided attention. If your teens want to talk and you are in the middle of something, try to stop what you are doing and listen.In a long haddith, there is an important lesson as follows:It was narrated that ‘Awn Abu Juhayfah said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) established the bond of brotherhood between Salman and Abu’l-Dardaa’. Salmaan went to visit Abu’l-Dardaa’ and he saw Umm al-Dardaa’ looking unkempt. He said to her, “What is the matter with you?” She said, “Your brother Abu’l-Dardaa’ has no interest in this world.” Then Abu’l-Dardaa’ came (to visit Salmaan) and he made food for him, but he said, “I am fasting.” He said, “I will not eat until you eat.” So he ate. When night came, Abu’l-Dardaa’ went to stand in prayer. [Salmaan] said to him, “Go to sleep.” He slept a while, then he went to stand in prayer. [Salmaan] said to him, “Go to sleep.” When the end of the night came, Salmaan said to him, “Now get up.” They prayed, then Salmaan said

“Your Lord has rights over you, your own self has rights over you and your family has rights over you. Give each one who has rights over you his rights.”

[Abu'l-Dardaa'] came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him about that, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "Salmaan spoke the truth."

From the above, we see the rights Islam has given to ones family.In fact, one of the reasons teenagers (and children in general) misbehave is because it’s the only way to get their busy parents’ attention. Children who feel overlooked will misbehave to get any kind of parent attention. This may sound silly, but it may even means being yelled at or punished another way. And it may get to the stage that punishment works as a reward for the attention starved children.
Related posts:

• How to deal with Teenagers - General Tips

2 Replies

• AqsaMay 4th 2011
  
  Asslam’o'alaikum, I am a teenager. I read your topic. Masha’Allah, it’s very encouraging.
  I want to adapt to the rules of Islam.
  I really want to be great believer of Islam. The first thing I want to know is some way I can always keep consistant with my prayers. I do pray, but sometimes they are left. I feel very bad leaving any namaz. Then if I miss it once, there are more chances I miss it again. Please give me an advice as to how I can stay consistant.
  For example, can you tell me something so that I will never forget how important namaz it. It doesn’t matter wheter it be scary or persuasive, but please do let me know. Thanks! Once again, you did an awsome job! =)
• NASIMAMar 12th 2012
  
  wa salaam, Mashallah you are keen to keep to your prayers, Allahumdulillah i have 3 teens and when they delay or miss their salah i get them to watch clips on youtube about death and missing prayers, you will find lots of advice and hair standing scenes about missing salah and Inshallah it will make you more aware. inshallah this helps you, I pray Allah guides us all aameen.
  
  http://islam4parents.com

Scimi

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[Hulk]

Thank you bro alpha, sis bell and bro scimitar.

Bro alpha I agree with you, in fact I have already sat down with her to talk about it. It was a bit weird because it's not something we usually talk about but I felt it should be done. This was quite a while back, I think as time went on she kind of forgot about it. Perhaps the approach Bro Scimi posted and what Sis Bell experienced would be worth giving a try. Thank u very much guys and sis bell i appreciate you sharing a piece of yourself to aid in my issue. It would be silly for me to expect overnight results so I will do my best to be patient, and to be honest I can relate with your brother. I used to take the stern approach but over time I realise that it's not the most effective way! Once again, thank u!

[جوري]

Don't expect over night results but believe me when I say, there's nothing quite like being friends with your siblings. It is akin to having a backbone. I pity my one niece who has no siblings and her constant jealousy of her cousins.. it is like not just having a best friend but truly a village in your corner.
I know guys your age (I don't presume to know your age) but you know I assume you a young man, prefer to hang out with their friends and do guy stuff but if you pay her attention every now and then you'd be surprised how much influence you'll have over her and how much she'd do anything for you. That's how I feel about my siblings I'd lay myself in limbs for them.. sometimes just hearing that my brother is sick reduces me to tears. One time I saw him crying in prayer and that alone made me cry not even knowing what has upset him so.