Parents forcing me to marry woman of their choice

[anonymous]

My parents are emotionally blackmailing me into marrying girl who is very fat and ugly. Only because her family has promised a heavy dowry and big car.They have already accepted the marriage offer. If they force marriage on me , I will file for divorce and this will really upset my parents and they will commit suicide I am confused what to do. Please suggest

[GuestFellow]

Asslamu Aliakum,

It's not polite to say that the women is fat and ugly. Just say that you do not find her attractive.

The solution is to say NO. The marriage is not valid if you are forced. The event that follow the rejection are not your fault. If your parents commit suicide, then that's their sin. Tell your parents that force marriage is haraam and use evidence to support your argument.

[جوري]

I don't understand why they're paying the dowry? You're a guy you're the one to pay the dowry not the other way around.
Simply say NO, you don't have to humiliate her!
Also your parents are gonna commit suicide because of a car and money? :haha:
pls post your pic I'd like to put a face with the claim!

[CosmicPathos]

lol. i think this is a joke. How can you end up stuck in such a cliche position of being forced to marry a "fat and ugly" girl whose parents are giving you a maruti! loolol

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[Banu_Hashim]

Are you Muslim?

Why would they pay a dowry to you?^o)

['Abd-al Latif]

My parents are emotionally blackmailing me into marrying girl who is very fat and ugly. Only because her family has promised a heavy dowry and big car.They have already accepted the marriage offer. If they force marriage on me , I will file for divorce and this will really upset my parents and they will commit suicide I am confused what to do. Please suggest

Your marriage will be invalid. No matter what your parents make you do, your marriage will not be valid unless you consent to it willingly. You need to sit and discuss this with your parents and convince them that this is not the girl you want to marry. Even temporarily marrying her or marrying her with the intention of divorce is forbidden in Islam.

Also, in Islam the man has to give the dowry to the woman. Only in South Asia (in particular Pakistan, India and the surrounding places) do women give dowry to the men. She is neither required to give you any dowry nor should you even ask for it.

This should be a further incentive for you to discuss this with your parents.

Your parents would probably panic and make a big fuss about it but I advise you to stay calm, maintain your composure and do what needs to be done. Handle the situation properly and inshaa'Allah your parents will respect your decision.

Last but not least, make du'aa. Keep making du'aa, do good deeds and repent for your past sins.

[Perseveranze]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Talk to a proper Scholar, who can advise your parents. There's clearly many Islamic principles being contradicted here, such as forced marriage, women paying mahr and who knows what else.

That's the best thing you can do, your parents need to see sense. Inshallah, they'll come around.

This equally applies to the man;

---

It was narrated from Khansa’ bint Khizaam al-Ansaariyyah that her father married her off when she had been previously married, and she did not like that. She went to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he annulled the marriage. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4845.

And it was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that a virgin girl came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him that her father had married her off against her objections. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave her the choice. Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2096; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.

The majority of scholars are of the view that if a woman is married off without her consent, then the marriage contract is invalid, because it is a forbidden contract which cannot be validated.

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/47439

---

[Predator]

Suicide is a bit extreme step and and I would be suprised if they do that

The Prophet

said, "Whoever purposely throws himself from a mountain and kills himself, will be in the (Hell) Fire falling down into it and abiding therein perpetually forever; and whoever drinks poison and kills himself with it, he will be carrying his poison in his hand and drinking it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever; and whoever kills himself with an iron weapon, will be carrying that weapon in his hand and stabbing his abdomen with it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever."


Perhaps OP is afraid , he would be beaten and forced to marry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqtMJNNmSPU

I am not suprised at cp and شَادِنُ laughing at this as they are coming from a pornified hell -the west with its free society where free mixing is the norm and people beget illegimates children by dozens and commit zina with dozens of partners before they settle down with one and marry them and are thus ignorant of these kind of things happening at 3rd world countries , where the men are being forced to marry woman against their and will defintely seem strange to them.

The fact is that it is actually quite common over here and in many villages men are actually being kidnapped by to-be inlaws for this

I would suggest that you file an FIR against your parents at the police station before anything happens like this guy did 3 months back

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2188881/Teenage-boy-saves-forced-marriage-texting-Indian-authorities-report-family.html


Regarding the dowry , Many Muslims are also doing the same **** in india . Its is actually a cultural thing inherited from hindu forefathers and an age old tradition which they simply refuse to let go of ,Just like garlanding the bride and bridegroom with flowers similar to garlanding hindu gods

[جوري]

ignorant of these kind of things happening at 3rd world countries ,

I have frequented many a 'third world country' and have seen people arranged into marriage not forced into it but never encountered a man receiving a dowry from a woman before or a case where two parents would threaten suicide for a car and some cash.
They then become par with their western counterparts -- I mean a sin is a sin is a sin..

:w:

[CosmicPathos]

well in some african cultures, women work and men sit at home. In that sense, Indian culture of women giving dowry to men makes sense too. But Islam I guess takes a different position.

Oh man, dunya has all sorts of weirdness in it!

[CosmicPathos]

I am not suprised at cp and شَادِنُ laughing at this as they are coming from a pornified hell -the west with its free society where free mixing is the norm and people beget illegimates children by dozens and commit zina with dozens of partners before they settle down with one and marry them and are thus ignorant of these kind of things happening at 3rd world countries , where the men are being forced to marry woman against their and will defintely seem strange to them.

Ease down. Pakistan topped in searching porn made by Western ppl on google, not Western ppl. lol

[Periwinkle18]

By dowry he means dehaj which is v common in the Indian n Paki culture they want tons of stuff from the girls side.

[Scimitar]

Yes, Nemo is right.

I'm in India atm, and relatives I've never known are claiming they have the most perfect girl for me. LOL. I told them straight "you don't even know me, yet you claim you have the most perfect girl for me? marry her off to your son. I'm not here for that. I'm almost 40, and you want me to take a non english speaking wife to england? why? so I can baby sit her for 10 yrs until she's confident enough to settle in? I don't have time for that... you lot need a reality check."

This upset my father, but my grandfather was patting my back and saying "shaabbaaash beta, shaabbaaaaaaaash" :D

Indians and Pakistanis are fail in their own home countries.

Some guy from my home village got arrange marriage to some girl from a neghbouring village a month ago, just last week we hear rumours of how she has a boy friend and was in cinema with him... the guy who got married to her was so upset, and angry, that he decided to call divorce. The girl threatened with suicide.

I was laughing my head off. Peeps here are so darned emotional and think their whole life is a bollywood movie. They talk BIG TALK and don't even have 5 rupees for a cup of chai in their pockets.

For the record, all the muslim traders I have met who sport beards, are the biggest crooks I've ever met in my life.

And I admire the honesty of the Hindu traders here... bharat mahaan? Yeah right.

TO THE OP: JUST SAY "NO" - end of subject.

[Periwinkle18]

Do istikhara Srsly n if u still feel like u don't want to marry her tell ur parents the istikhara didn't come out good they'll leave u alone then :p no one cn force u to marry someone it's u who's gng to get married not them.

[Cabdullahi]

'fat' you say? Just rethink the whole thing insha'Allah because some fat is good.

[Predator]

I have frequented many a 'third world country' and have seen people arranged into marriage not forced into it but never encountered a man receiving a dowry from a woman before or a case where two parents would threaten suicide for a car and some cash.
They then become par with their western counterparts -- I mean a sin is a sin is a sin..

:w:

If you have been there and havent heard of the dowry which is unique over there and killing a bride every day , then you need to some research on it before trolling someone . A dowry could be anything from gold to land and his parents coming from a poor family would be desperate for it.

[Predator]

Ease down. Pakistan topped in searching porn made by Western ppl on google, not Western ppl. lol

Pakistan may have topped in the searches made , But US is the one that produces porn the most

http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornography-statistics.html

[جوري]

If you have been there and havent heard of the dowry which is unique over there and killing a bride every day , then you need to some research on it before trolling someone . A dowry could be anything from gold to land and his parents coming from a poor family would be desperate for it.

:sl: akhi,

What goes against Islam and the dignity of man in general isn't something I'd need to do research on as it is a waste the same way watching porn is a waste. Poverty is rampant in the world but karama and 3izzat nafs shouldn't be. The prophet PBUH died with his armor pawned to a Jew, but people would threaten to kill themselves for a car?
I don't see my skepticism the OP as 'trolling' and I don't understand what has you upset? given his vile and disgusting description of another human being who has feelings and needs just the same. At least I am not hiding behind anon calling random Muslims fat & ugly. If he's going to make such dramatic statements then he should be prepared to face scrutiny just the same!


:w:

[ardianto]

:sl: akhi,

What goes against Islam and the dignity of man in general isn't something I'd need to do research on as it is a waste the same way watching porn is a waste. Poverty is rampant in the world but karama and 3izzat nafs shouldn't be. The prophet PBUH died with his armor pawned to a Jew, but people would threaten to kill themselves for a car?
I don't see my skepticism the OP as 'trolling' and I don't understand what has you upset? given his vile and disgusting description of another human being who has feelings and needs just the same. At least I am not hiding behind anon calling random Muslims fat & ugly. If he's going to make such dramatic statements then he should be prepared to face scrutiny just the same!


:w:

:sl:

I think you don't understand the situation, sis.

Without intention to insult, that girl is really unattractive. It made her cannot get a man who want to marry her. So, her parents try to 'buy' a husband for her, they offer money and car. But different than "buying a husband" case in other places, those parents offer 'payment' not to the men who are looking for a wife, but to those men parents. The OP parent accept this offer and force him to marry that girl because they want those dowry and car. So, those dowry and car are not for the OP, but for the OP parents. In another word, the OP parents sell him for money.

It's often happened in "that place".

[جوري]

that girl is really unattractive.

:wa: akhi,
she's not unattractive through any fault of her own no matter how you slice it. Perhaps she really is beautiful but her parents are desperate to rid of her? We're only getting one side of the story, anon' side, and he hasn't established credibility to his case by name calling another human being. Please try to put yourself in her place, she is probably a victim of this just the same, not only are her parents putting monetary value to her like a bad product they're trying to remove off the shelf, completely stripping her of her God bestowed self-worth which includes denying Allah swt's laws but the fellow to whom they're trying to sell her to has already decided that she has no accolades beyond her ugliness and obesity.
I don't want to labor the issue. I think it is quite fair that someone 'trolls' him although it isn't my intent and Allah swt knows of my intentions but he needs to gain a little perspective. Him and his parents alike!

:w:

[ardianto]

:wa: akhi,
she's not unattractive through any fault of her own no matter how you slice it. Perhaps she really is beautiful but her parents are desperate to rid of her? We're only getting one side of the story, anon' side, and he hasn't established credibility to his case by name calling another human being. Please try to put yourself in her place, she is probably a victim of this just the same, not only are her parents putting monetary value to her like a bad product they're trying to remove off the shelf, completely stripping her of her God bestowed self-worth which includes denying Allah swt's laws but the fellow to whom they're trying to sell her to has already decided that she has no accolades beyond her ugliness and obesity.
I don't want to labor the issue. I think it is quite fair that someone 'trolls' him although it isn't my intent and Allah swt knows of my intentions but he needs to gain a little perspective. Him and his parents alike!

:w:

I have said "without intention to insult". but maybe subconsciously I had insulted that girl. Okay, it's my fault because I was affected by the OP story which he said that girl parents offer dowry and big car to his parents. So, I made conclusion, that girl parents want to buy a husband for her. Usually case like this happened because there's no any man who wanted to marry their daughters.

If I said "that girl is really unattractive", actually that refer to her ability to maintain appearance, not to something that given by Allah (physical). No, sis, I never want to insult what Allah created.

Do you know sis? I was the "ugly fatty" when I was teenager.

[جوري]

Do you know sis? I was the "ugly fatty" when I was teenager.

That's a subjective thing. You don't need to put yourself down, when there's a host of folks keen on doing that for you anyway, and that amongst other things is my 'beef' with the OP plus just how inane the whole thing is.
al7mdullilah that you don't wish to insult what Allah swt created. I hope he finds himself someone whom he'll find happiness with and in shaa Allah she also deserves better than someone calling her fat and ugly.
As for poverty or killing oneself for cash.. It is Allah swt that provides.
Sometimes a person has to rough it and even though Ramadan comes but once a year and so poorly met by many as a chore, this is in fact how so many live their lives all year round we should all take a license of the allowances Allah swt granted to mold our character.

:w:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

no follow up by OP?

dude be a man - do the right thing.

[Abdul-Raouf]

heard plenty of this in here - in sub-continent.... also the in-laws who want to secure the guy for their daughter... they even go to extent of spoiling other marriage offers which are coming to that guy....

Only Dua can help...