At peace, finally! Salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu!

[AFR]

As-Salaamu alaykum everyone!

I have embraced the path of al-Islam totally and utterly. I have taken one step towards Allah (swt) and He has taken ten towards me. My heart feels more content and light than it has ever felt in my life, and I suddenly feel as though I have a direction - a path to follow. How quickly it fell upon me, with the force and swiftness which I can only assume is that of being granted the direction and guidance of Allah (swt), our Creator and the Nourisher of all the World to Perfection. That is precisely how I feel - nourished.

Let me tell you in brief how I came to embrace Islam.
I was born to a somewhat Christian family on the island of Hawai'i. My mother was Christian and my father was non-religious. We didn't practice until I was 7 or 8, at which point we began attending the Episcopal church, which for those who don't know is the American version of the Anglican church (the English church invented by the English King Henry the VIII so he could divorce his lawful wife and marry his concubines). I was always interested in hearing the sermons of the Priest, as he was good with explaining parables and held my attention, but the superfluous nature of the sect threw me off. And even at a very young age, at most 10 years, I began to seriously question the nature of the Trinity doctrine. The illogical nature of "One being, Three forms" didn't sit right with me, so by the age of 12 I stopped attending and rejected Christianity. I didn't lose my iquisitive nature regarding spiritual subjects, and began studying buddhism at around this time. I read a book and was intrigued, but upon visiting a Vietnamese-buddhist Temple and seeing that for the non-monks buddhism consisted of burning incense and bowing to idols for monetary success, I stopped being as interested in that religion. After this, I rejected religion generally.
It wasn't until I was 15 years old that I found a copy of al-Qur'an which my mother had, and was inexplicably drawn to it despite my self-described atheism. I found it to be poetic even in English, which I know doesn't come close to matching the pure eloquence of the classical arabic which it was revealed in. Something in it excited my imagination, the stories of the Prophets seemed much more REAL than those in the bible, and so I began to feel the joy of the guidance of my Creator.
However, at this time I was fallen deep into worshipping the false gods of intoxicants and falling deep into ignorance, even at time losing my mind and even at times distancing myself from my own soul. I got myself into some legal trouble, but alhamdullilah the judge decided I would be better off in a drug rehabilitation center. So, at the age of 15, I was sent to a facility. In this extremely controlled environment, with little diversion (all we did there was lots of physical training for triathelons and such) I began to read the Qur'an again. I felt the same pull towards what I was being exhorted to do by this Holy Recitation. Alhamdullilah, one of the staff their was taking a college course on the history of Islam, and let me borrow his textbook which had a history of the Prophet Muhammad (saws). I found the story of his life to be even more interesting to me than the Qur'an itself, I found myself truly loving to hear the stories of his trials and eventual triumph. After a few months of strong study, I felt guided by Allah (swt) to embrace al-Islam, and so of course I did!
At this time, I was without any guidance (other than the best guidance which belongs to Allah (swt).), so I didn't know how to properly offer as-salat, or even that I could say Allahu akbar, so I prayed what I could of the prayer in english, imperfectly with some wrong motions and wrong statements... but I was trying. for 8 months I continued at this facility to grow in faith, despite not knowing many specifics. Upon being released, I continued to pray and believe, but over time my immature heart began to lust after worldly things again - and eventually I began to use intoxicants again. I thus became a hypocrite, pretending to me a Muslim but following after my own vain desires. Eventually I stopped offering as-salat and eventually stopped even calling myself a believer - I fell back into being a kaffir (Astaghfirullah!!!)... :cry: Upon this, I began to doubt the fact of Allah's (swt) preordainment or Divine foreknowledge. I felt that, if this was the case, how can any be congratulated or condemned for whatever they do, as it is all preordained by fate. So, with this bit of doubt, the Shaitan exploited it and put a crack in my faith.
So for the last three years I fell away from the practice of Islam, but my heart never stopped pointing me back to it. I would claim atheism but at night when feeling lost I would still read the Qur'an or some hadith and comfort myself by it, and despite my drug use some part of myself called me always back to the path. In the meantime I met a beautiful and intelligent woman to whom I gave my heart and we were married. She had been the main factor in my stopping using the more destructive drugs I was using (except, Allah (swt) forgive me, alcohol), and generally a good influence on me (the best other than the influence of Allah (swt) and his messenger).

OK, for those who read this far, this is the best part! :D Fast forward to two weeks ago, and I had an experience in which so many disparate threads in my life seemed to come together into a single moment of realization, and suddenly - quite literally in a flash - came a deep and subtle understanding of at least some part of the preordainment. I suddenly knew with my heart that fate wasn't something which traps us - it is freedom, it is participation in the active self-disclosure which Allah (swt) has created us for (of course, Allah (swt) knows best regarding that and everything else in the creation). And suddenly, immediately, I began to feel a deep wound in my heart be healed over and the deep depression I had been dealing with for since I fell of the path was gone - replaced instead by the deep inner joy of Allah (swt) 's guidance. Suddenly everything was infused with a strong beauty, in fact a perfect beauty as I now saw everything as its ideal form which our creator has created with such intricacy. Now I am back on the True Path, the path of peace which leads to joy- and indeed I have never felt so joyful in my life! I feel as though dawn has risen on a long dark cold night of the soul, and that I have woken up from a nightmare - the nightmare of disbelief in the Signs of Allah (swt). My primary goal now is to perfect my Salah, as I feel as though by perfecting my salah I will perfect my faith. There is no feeling any intoxicant could give me which equals the euphoria that comes from a well-offered salat - and nothing greater than apprehending a lesson that is being sent down to me by Allah (swt) in the form of the various event of the day-to-day life. It takes perfected salat to sort through the days experiences and to see the jewels of Allah (swt) which are these daily lessons.
I feel myself particularly drawn to reading the Hadith of the Messenger (saws), it gives me a deep abiding joy to imagine myself back in the times of the Salaf, and to imagine the perfect spiritual leadership of Muhammad (saws)... I find myself actually longing to read the Sahih al-Bukhari (the only collection of Sahih ahadith that I have right now!), to gain some understanding from the study of them. I am thinking perhaps, one day Insh'allah, I could take a course on ahadith but as for now it is enough to read them and ask for wisdom from Allah (swt) to apply them in my life.

I have joined this forum to have some interaction with others in the Ummah, as I live in an area of my country with an extremely small Muslim population (in fact I've lived here for almost 5 months and have seen nothing that would indicate much presence at all.) So I feel a little bit alone in my mostly-white, mostly-christian town. I pray that I be accepted into this little online community and, Insh'allah, I will gain much benefit from it (and maybe one day after my faith is more perfect I will be able to help others along the path, Insh'allah!)

Anyway, thank you so much if you read all of this and I am ecstatic to be on the Right Path again! Al-hamdu lillahi rabbil 'alamin !الحمد لله ربّ العالمين

It feels so good to be home!

[Woodrow]

wa Alaikum wa Ramatullahi wa Baraktuhu Ahki,


Welcome back home to the Ummah and welcome to the Islamic Board.


I relate to the feeling of being the only Muslim were I live my closest Muslim neighbors are over 100 miles away, My wife and myself are the only Muslims in the county we live in. It is difficult, but it can be lived. In some ways the solitude and knowing one is alone except for Allaah(swt) draws one closer to Allaah(swt) as you know that is all you have to depend upon.

Inshallah, your being here will give you more connection with the Ummah. Remember we are part of our family. Please keep us in your Du'as.

May Allaah(swt) grant you the knowledge, strength and sabr to overcome all obstacles you face.

[AFR]

Thank you very much for the warm welcome, jazak'allah khayr! I hope to learn much from all of you!

Indeed, the Messenger (saws) was alone except for his steadfast wife Khadija, against all the ignorance of his own people, and he was the most steadfast of all of us. There is a lesson in this for us, no?

Anyway, thank you for the welcome again!

[جوري]

:welcome: aboard akhi.. I enjoyed your story.. :ma:

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[AFR]

Thank you sister for your kindness!

[~Zaria~]

Assalamu-alaikum brother,

JazakAllah khair for sharing your story with us. Its really touching to hear the journeys that each one has made towards our Creator.
And im reminded me of this ayat:


And those who disbelieved say, "Why has a sign not been sent down to him from his Lord?"
Say, [O Muhammad], "Indeed, Allah leaves astray whom He wills and guides to Himself whoever turns back [to Him] (Surat Ar-Ra'd 13-27)


Surely Allah (subhanawataála) sees into the hearts of all His creations, and despite falling for the schemes of Shaytaan for some time (and we are ALL in constant battle with him everyday....), your sincere desire in searching for the truth - despite all odds, is what sets you apart from sooo many others in this world.

SubhanAllah - Allah only wants the best for us.
And if our desire is only for His pleasure, and in seeking not this dunya (world) but the aakhirah (hereafter), then He is the most kind, most merciful and the one who responds to the calls of His servants.

On this path, you will certainly encounter many trials - to test your faith in Him.
The ones who faced the most trials in their lives where those who were the closest to Allah (subhanawatáala) - e.g. the prophets, companions - and so, if ever you are faced with difficulty and heart-ache from the decisions which you may need to make, remember that Allah azza wajjal would NEVER place a burden on you more than you can bear.

But those who believed and did righteous deeds - We charge no soul except [within] its capacity.
Those are the companions of Paradise; they will abide therein eternally. (Surat Al Aráf 7:42)

May Allah (subhanawataála) make your path easy for you and shower his endless mercy and hidayat (guidance) upon you and your family.
Ameen

Hope you find your time on IB beneficial.

There are many senior and well-knowledged members here, who will always be willing to assist you, insha Allah.


:wa: