Need help and understanding, new revert and my wife is nonmuslim

[AFR]

Hello everyone.

this is probably a bit of a touchy subject, and it is of course a serious one as Allah (swt) in the Qur'an has shed some light on it, as has the Messenger (saws), but I am in need of some real advice. And insh'allah I will receive understanding and compassion from my brothers and sisters in Islam...

I am a very recent revert to the deen (two weeks ago) after a few years of hypocrisy and then disbelief (astagfirullah). I have posted some of my story in the introduction section, so I wont retype it here, but that is it in brief. In that time of disbelief I met a woman and fell deeply in love. She is a kind, intelligent, and wonderful soul who has taught me much over the past two and half years. My relationship with her cleaned me up of many despicable habits and all in all she is a really good person.

So, here we are today, married with a small piece of land on which insh'allah we will make our lives from the soil, growing fruits and vegetables and raising animals (goats in particular!) - and my heart is opened to al-Islam. I find myself growing daily in faith and love for Allah(swt). I am perfecting my salat and trying to tread carefully upon the straight path. But my wife is not a Muslima. Her heart has not yet been opened to it. I made up my mind that I would not reject her if she did not reject me on account of my faith. I ask Allah (swt) in my du'a to be a perfect example of true Islam, compassionate reserved and just in my actions and words. I ask to embody the spirit of Islam so that by my example she may Insh'allah receive the best guidance which is that of Allah (swt). But upon her studies she quickly discovered that Allah (swt) in al-Qur'an says:
"Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though if she attracts you. And not marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though if he attracts you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition". (al-Baqarah, 221).



And so she was very saddened by this, thinking that it would be a sin on me, and that our relationship was a sin in the eyes of Allah (swt) and that our marriage was unlawful in Islam. I was greatly saddened as well, as I could see her point, and we shed many tears together embracing in sadness. It seems as clear as day, Allah (swt) does not want believers to we disbeleivers. Her logical mind saw it immediately, as did mine. I have always loved her logical mind... I was needless to say greatly distressed and prayed in my du'as for guidance. How could it be, I asked, that the love of my life and such a wonderful person, someone who has been nothing but good news for me and my life and indeed my very soul - how could such a person be unlawful for me? How could it be that I was engaged in sin by loving her... but this did not shake my faith, I was certain Allah (swt) would guide me, point my heart in the right direction. I suddenly had the idea to call an Islamic hotline, so that I could speak with a real person about it and not be lost in my own interpretations colored by the desires of my heart.
The brother I spoke to told me to simply do what I was already doing, to simply keep on as-salat, to read al-Qur'an and find a good biography of the prophet (saws), and truly embody the spirit of Islam so that Insh'allah my wife would be guided by my example. My heart rejoiced, and I took this as at least part of the answer to my du'a.

But the question still stands: is my marriage unlawful? Keep in mind, I was a kaffir when I married her and until two weeks ago I was still in her shoes - a good person but locked in the prison of disbelief. So am I engaged in a sin against Allah (swt), and am I disobeying the messenger (saws) by continuing my marriage? I love my wife dearly, and she in no way is an enemy of Islam - she did not for a moment consider abandoning me on account of Islam, so how could I abandon her? There is a chance she will in time be guided to Islam, insh'allah, but there is not guarantee - Allah (swt) only knows what her fate is.

Please help me brothers and sisters! This is a great source of pain for my wife and I right now...:cry:

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

Muslim men are allowed to marry chaste Jewish and Christian women.

what's her religion or she is an atheist ?

[AFR]

for all intents and purposes atheist, as I was just over two weeks ago. But a genuinely good person, not sinful.

[AFR]

I forgot to add, chaste until we were married.

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[AFR]

Uncle Jee: this is what I would think as well, but I cannot assume anything about Allah (swt) - Allah knows best. All I can be assured of is what He has sent down to us of his unadulterated word - and it seems to clearly state what the Divine judgement is on such a marriage... but then, it doesn't; it isn't my precise situation - as it wasn't that I reverted to Islam and THEN married a good-hearted kaffir, but rather that I myself was a good-hearted kaffir and was married to another good-hearted kaffir, upon which my heart was Rightly Guided with the only guidance which is that of Allah (swt). I have seen the reverse situation when it regards a Sister who reverts while married to a disbeliever - the ruling seems to be for the Sister to separate from the husband, in hopes that her leaving off of him will encourage him to look into Islam (such as the story of Prophet Muhammad's daughter, Zainab and her idolatrous husband)... so that gives some direction but then the rules are different for Sisters as they may have a harder time protecting Iman from the disbelief of their husbands, and there is the issue of the childrn...

I have been asking Allah for guidance in my du'ah...

[Signor]

"Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though if she attracts you. And not marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though if he attracts you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition". (al-Baqarah, 221).

I have seen the reverse situation when it regards a Sister who reverts while married to a disbeliever - the ruling seems to be for the Sister to separate from the husband, in hopes that her leaving off of him will encourage him to look into Islam (such as the story of Prophet Muhammad's daughter, Zainab and her idolatrous husband)...

Assalamu Alaikum Bro AFR

Warm Welcome for turning back to Islam.Interestingly,You don't need answers or advices but to act upon them.Mentioned in Quraan:“This day, I have perfected your religion for you, completed My Favor upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion”[al-Maa’idah 5:3]With this being said we no longer of second or third ways.Its the ijmaa'h(collective consensus) of Ulemah(scholars) that the first and authoritative source is Quran for which Allah have taken responsibility to guard.Its the first and foremost source after which came the Hadiths[sayings of Prophet Muhammad(PBUH)].One thing is clear from the ayah you quoted yourself,one can't marry a non believer no matter how chaste is she,exceptions are only the people of book(Jews and Christians) which to some are disallowed in this age because a heavy majority don't follow the divine laws(also now corrupted) revealed to them.So the questions of IF and BUTS are NONE but as I and NOT Anyone here is Mufti or Scholar,its better you take up this matter to your near Imam.

Personally after reading things you posted, my suggestion is you should pray humbly,begging turner of hearts(Allah Subahanu Wa Taala) with tears to turn your wife heart towards Islam.This is something you in person can do as well as I can for you.May Allah helps you on this course of real destiny,Aameen

Best Regards

[Hamza Asadullah]

Hello everyone.

this is probably a bit of a touchy subject, and it is of course a serious one as Allah (swt) in the Qur'an has shed some light on it, as has the Messenger (saws), but I am in need of some real advice. And insh'allah I will receive understanding and compassion from my brothers and sisters in Islam...

I am a very recent revert to the deen (two weeks ago) after a few years of hypocrisy and then disbelief (astagfirullah). I have posted some of my story in the introduction section, so I wont retype it here, but that is it in brief. In that time of disbelief I met a woman and fell deeply in love. She is a kind, intelligent, and wonderful soul who has taught me much over the past two and half years. My relationship with her cleaned me up of many despicable habits and all in all she is a really good person.

So, here we are today, married with a small piece of land on which insh'allah we will make our lives from the soil, growing fruits and vegetables and raising animals (goats in particular!) - and my heart is opened to al-Islam. I find myself growing daily in faith and love for Allah(swt). I am perfecting my salat and trying to tread carefully upon the straight path. But my wife is not a Muslima. Her heart has not yet been opened to it. I made up my mind that I would not reject her if she did not reject me on account of my faith. I ask Allah (swt) in my du'a to be a perfect example of true Islam, compassionate reserved and just in my actions and words. I ask to embody the spirit of Islam so that by my example she may Insh'allah receive the best guidance which is that of Allah (swt). But upon her studies she quickly discovered that Allah (swt) in al-Qur'an says:
"Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though if she attracts you. And not marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though if he attracts you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition". (al-Baqarah, 221).



And so she was very saddened by this, thinking that it would be a sin on me, and that our relationship was a sin in the eyes of Allah (swt) and that our marriage was unlawful in Islam. I was greatly saddened as well, as I could see her point, and we shed many tears together embracing in sadness. It seems as clear as day, Allah (swt) does not want believers to we disbeleivers. Her logical mind saw it immediately, as did mine. I have always loved her logical mind... I was needless to say greatly distressed and prayed in my du'as for guidance. How could it be, I asked, that the love of my life and such a wonderful person, someone who has been nothing but good news for me and my life and indeed my very soul - how could such a person be unlawful for me? How could it be that I was engaged in sin by loving her... but this did not shake my faith, I was certain Allah (swt) would guide me, point my heart in the right direction. I suddenly had the idea to call an Islamic hotline, so that I could speak with a real person about it and not be lost in my own interpretations colored by the desires of my heart.
The brother I spoke to told me to simply do what I was already doing, to simply keep on as-salat, to read al-Qur'an and find a good biography of the prophet (saws), and truly embody the spirit of Islam so that Insh'allah my wife would be guided by my example. My heart rejoiced, and I took this as at least part of the answer to my du'a.

But the question still stands: is my marriage unlawful? Keep in mind, I was a kaffir when I married her and until two weeks ago I was still in her shoes - a good person but locked in the prison of disbelief. So am I engaged in a sin against Allah (swt), and am I disobeying the messenger (saws) by continuing my marriage? I love my wife dearly, and she in no way is an enemy of Islam - she did not for a moment consider abandoning me on account of Islam, so how could I abandon her? There is a chance she will in time be guided to Islam, insh'allah, but there is not guarantee - Allah (swt) only knows what her fate is.

Please help me brothers and sisters! This is a great source of pain for my wife and I right now...:cry:

Asalaamu Alaikum my brother. Jazakallahu khayr for sharing your touching story with us. You are truly blessed to have been given guidance out of so many people to the truth. Your sins have been wiped clean as if you were a newborn baby. Imaan (faith) is the best gift and blessing that a person can ever recieve. No amount of wealth of this world can equal it for it is enough to tip the huge scales of reckoning in our favour on the day of judgement. I pray that Allah also gives the gift of guidance to your current partner.

The brother who you spoke to over the phone gave you the right advice with regards to practising Islam in the best manner you possibly can so that your partner can see how much Islam has changed you for the better especially through your characteristics. You mentioned she has a logical mind then surely your partner will see the logic and beauty of Islam through your actions and practising of Islam. As long as she looks into Islam with an open heart and there is no doubt she will see the logical truth and beauty of Islam as you did.

Regarding the status of your marriage after your reversion then the ruling as stated by Sheikh Talal Al Azem of Damascus states:

If in a non-Muslim country, there would be a grace period (3 Menstrual cycles or 3 months), they could not continue their marital relations during the grace period, and they would be legally separated at the end of the grace period; in a Muslim country, the woman would be offered Islam by the judge, who would then rule accordingly.

However the separation would not be considered a divorce, since it was caused by the woman’s refusing to become Muslim; thus, if she were to convert and they were to remarry in the future, the man would still possess three divorces. [Radd al-Muhtar, 2/389-390].

Source: Taken from Qibla.com

So there is always hope so keep positive my brother. The sacrifice you will have to make for now is to stop marital relations. During the next 3 months do the best you can to show her the light of Islam and surely it will appeal to her logical mind. This is a test for you my brother so be patient. Do not overhwhelm her with Islamic information but let her look into it at her own pace.

Also ask of Allah especially during the latter part of the night during Tahajjud time or before Fajr begins. Beg and cry and ask of Allah to guide your partner. But know that he guides whom he wills. Trust and rely upon Allah that whatever will happen will happen for the best as he knows what is best for us through his infinite wisdom and knowledge.

Keep us informed and be positie my brother. If Allah led you to Islam you think he will ever abandon you now? So rely on Allah and put your faith, truth and hopes in him. If you ever want to cry then cry unto him and he will comfort you like no one else can. He hears all those who suplicate to him particularly those who cry unto him.

[AFR]

Thank you Hamza and SaneFellow for your replies:So then, supposing she looks into with an open mind and never accepts Islam, and I am begging Allah swt that it won't turn out like that- then according to the Qur'an, sunnah, and consensus of the scholars, I have no lawful choice but to divorce her? I am praying almost all the time for her heart to be turned to Allah and the right path as well as for the eloquence to explain it to her... I feel as though my heart is torn in two, one way in rejoicing in submission to my Lord and the other is lamenting and grieving the potential loss of the only person who I have loved unconditionally...And therein lies a source of the issue: I love this woman Unconditionally, that is, without any conditionally. How can I break my promise to her? How can I abandon her in this life? How can I shatter the beautiful life we have together? Ah, it is a great trial... I am reminded of how similar the Prophet (saws) must have felt when his Uncle, his supporter Abu Talib died without ever uttering the Shahada... What sadness.And so, what happens at the end of the waiting period? What is it if I am unable to divorce her? Is it undultery in the eyes of Allah (He knows best of course)? I am then guilty of Zina? And thus Allah orders in Surah an-Nur: " The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication,- flog each of them with a hundred stripes: Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment."Is this what I deserve? Should I be flogged or even executed (I mean rhetorically as it is clear that this is the order of Allah (swt) and He even says to not be moved by compassion regarding zina. Is this the case?

[Hamza Asadullah]

Asalaamu Alaikum. My brother I don't think you should think that far ahead. You have 3 months to be the best you Muslim you can be so that she may see what a positive impact Islam has had on you and for her to look into Islam and see the logical beauty for herself. Concentrate on now. Whatever happens tomorrow will happen. You should stop marital relationship during this periodof 3 months and even after 3 months when your mmarriage is annulled in the eyes of Allah you can still marry her at any point in the future whenever she accepts Islam.

So have hope my brother. Things will happen for the best. This is a huge trial for you but believe me many are going through far greater trials than you or I. Just look into the great trials of the Prophets particularly our Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasalla ), you mentioned one example but there are so many more.

I know at times you may feel despair but surely your enemy Shaytaan is wanting you to lose faith and hope but be patient and put your full trust, reliance, hope and faith in Allah for he is close to those who are patient and he will never abandon you as long as you never question him by saying "why"? But surely you will be victorious in the end as victory always follows trials and hardships.

[AFR]

Wa alaykum salaam.Thank you for that Hamza, I was whipping myself into a froth over thinking of the future... I've got to take this all one day at a time. And indeed, shaytan is waiting patiently and whispering doubts into my ear... But I KNOW now that I am on the right path, for Allah subhan wa ta'ala has given me proofs which my heart sees much faster than my eyes.Jazak'allah khair brother for your kindness and i will keep posting as this unfolds. Yes indeed, the great trials which many in our ummah are facing make my trial here seem small - this is a lesson.

[Abdul Fattah]

Aselam aleykum, and welcome to the deen brother.
A question, maybe an odd one. But have you brought this issue up with her? Now I understand that if your intentions are pure you probably wouldn't want her to convert for your sake obviously; since you'd know it be uncencere. But maybe if she understands your position; out of love she might be willing to indulge the idea of faith and at least give it a fair chance. I'm sure people here will be able to help with almost any question or reservation she might have. Wheter or not she actually accepts the idea of a God is up to Allah.
Oh, follow up question. When you say she's an atheist. Do you mean:
Hard atheist (=believes that there can't possible be a God)
Or soft atheist (=has of yet not found any religion which she can believe in)

[AFR]

Soft atheist- In fact agnostic. Believes in something but has no definite picture.

[Abdul Fattah]

Well that's great isn't it? Means she's already open to the idea, right? That's all you need to focus on, the existence of a creator. Perhaps show her the list of the 99 names of Allah. there's this quote I always remember, that I heard a religious astromener say once; (I'm paraphrasing)
"As far as most of my atheistic scientific collegues I've spoken to about God, I find that most of them have a very specific and narrow idea of god that they don't believe in. An idea that I (as a believer) don't believe in as well."
If she believes in that, she's already half way, right? (first part of the shahada).