How to get rid of attachment and dependency on parents?

[qqqqqqqqqq]

I've always been attached to my parents probably since the day I was born. I remember my first day at nursery I was the only one that didnt settle in for weeks because I was so attached to my father I wanted him their. In the end I settled after he told me he was going to speak to a teacher and that he would be back soon. From that day onwards I never wanted to go nursery I remember my parents locked me up in a room to stop me crying because I didnt want to go to nursery. I hated it. I thought they'd be mean like my cousins who used to leave me all alone when I wanted to play with them~ just because I was the youngest and an only child. In the end I settled into nursery after my mum lied to me telling me she was going to take me shopping but then took me nursery :( I remember crying my eyes out on the way and turning back....I wish she hugged me right their and then and told me everything would be okay and it would only be for a few hours but instead I just had to deal with it myself....sorry if this seems dramatic but yeah the pains there when I do think about it....<br><br>Now growing up....I could never focus in school because either I was taken abroad to visit my grandparents every 3 years during school term...for a month or so or....I always worried how my parents were doing at home. I dont know why I always used to worry thinking that I'd come home and find them dead or something. I always felt insecure because I 'thought' I was poorer than the other kids. I did not speak the same language as them and I was from a different world/culture to them. <br><br>I always worry about my parents...I never hung out with my so called friends...because I didnt want my parents to feel lonely and sad at home whilst I was busy having 'fun'..my heart always lies with them...now it got worse my dad recently had a heart attack and for 2 weeks I was with him...making sure his medicine was on time etc....I lost concentration on Allah....<br><br>At the moment Im getting back on track with my salah...im not blaming my parents...but I want to feel free....like my school friends...I dont know how they do it...like they dont worry about their parents at all...their parents are still working...rich and have alot of relatives to hang with ...whereas us...we dont have any relatives to go to...theyre always so mean to us...<br><br>I feel scared about getting married...Im in my early twenties...everybody else is so beautiful and look like models...they have all their pics on facebook ...whereas me Im just such a simple girl I dont take pics because I think its haraam nor would I put them up...I dont enjoy what they do nor do I have experience...like im not into shopping...I dont know how to joke around boys and girls..im serious and quiet and keep to myself....like which guy would wanna marry me? I wish I actually paid attention to myslef alot more when I was a teenager...like with my looks and hair....and body....thats what people look at and compare each other with...I wish I could cook....but I feel like I've always been depressed all my life...I dont know why...I recently broke down in front of my doctor...and she asked me what Im depressed about and it was soo many things....I just said I dont know...the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that Allah swt knows who I truly am....but sometimes things can get so down I feel like Im just some tramp on the street...I cant help myself I cant help others....I'll probabaly be the worst mother in the world...<br><br>I want to start life again somewhere....perhaps move abroad...but my parents wont and what would they do in another country? they'd hate it....even if I did move abroad and get married...I'd always feel guilt I left my parents in their old age....its harder for us because we have no brothers....I dont know what to do I really dont...sorry for the rant....I guess this is what I wanted to tell my doctor but I was not able too because I would have cried so much in front of her...and she probably would have thought I was pathetic...<br><br>Also, everyone tells me Im so nice and decent...down to earth and pretty but....I dont know they dont find me interesting enough or dont want to stay in touch with me...why is that? I dont have anything in common with them like I cant talk about films and music because I dont do any of that...or about clothes and makeup because Im not so crazy about all that....like I once was when I was younger but not anymore....<br><br>Should I move out and get my own place? my attachment to my parents affects my deen alot...I also have this pressure on my head...that I have to take my parents on Hajj just once...everybody else has done theirs and although we don't make that much money I would like my parents to do it....just so that they avoid Allah' wrath....I need my parents help but...its impossible since my dads ill and mum is very weak....I feel so much pressure especially when my relatives don't understand us and they just say omg he's not done his hajj thats really bad when he has the money....<br><br><br>Apologies for the long post.<br>

[tigerkhan]

:sl:
from what u have written i assume u r sensitive and probably u don't have big family (bro sisters as they are not mentioned) so i am feeling that only pbm with u is, u r more alone and u think alot. that's not a very big issue, just be confident and keep urself motivated and busy in positive things rather than thinking that u will be worst mother in world. am sure u will be very good wife and mother insha-allah. i think u r probably from asian (indo-pak) background and i know in west we ppl came across different issue like some u mentioned that u don't have good friends bcz of difference in likes dislikes. also there is no spiritual support that one got from her family (uncles, aunts, cousin etc) so definitely these things affect personality but that doesn't mean u r a bad person and u start thinking negatively. just relax and seek more knowledge of deen, keep ur self busy in positive things and focus of ur studies. put ur trust in Allah SWT and i am sure u will get strength and these issue will be no longer much disturbing for u. read the life of Prophet PBUH and Suhaba RA and see how much hardships they faced but still they didn't lose hope and trust in Allah SWT and Allah SWT helped them. be optimistic and try to do what u can do and put ur trust in Allah SWT. i hope u will be better insh-allah.

[tigerkhan]

:sl:
and also about ur thread title, i think u need not to think in that way. its good Alhumdulliah that u r more attached and concerned about ur parent. but probably bcz u don't have any other friends/attachment so u have fear to lost them. u know its life and we need to be more realistic and confident. i think better u should make some good friends and try to be more social with ppl of same mentality. that will give u courage to face realities of life when u u see its common with all human beings and they also have all the problems and they are facing it. i remember there was also some hadith in which it was advised to be with good and pious ppl and don't be alone. so have some good company, share with them, enjoy, don't worry alot about future, put ur trust in Allah SWT and insh He will be with u in every turn of life.

[qqqqqqqqqq]

:sl:
and also about ur thread title, i think u need not to think in that way. its good Alhumdulliah that u r more attached and concerned about ur parent. but probably bcz u don't have any other friends/attachment so u have fear to lost them. u know its life and we need to be more realistic and confident. i think better u should make some good friends and try to be more social with ppl of same mentality. that will give u courage to face realities of life when u u see its common with all human beings and they also have all the problems and they are facing it. i remember there was also some hadith in which it was advised to be with good and pious ppl and don't be alone. so have some good company, share with them, enjoy, don't worry alot about future, put ur trust in Allah SWT and insh He will be with u in every turn of life.

But where I live it is extremely hard to find good friends...before I was in touch with so many people they were my friends, same culture, same religion but we went to different universities and they changed...they mix with boys, go to concerts etc etc so openly and they're not afraid to put all these things on facebook etc etc...it maybe really hard for me to make new friends...

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[IbnAbdulHakim]

you have nothing to worry about.

most of my family look for your traits and not the traits that you desire.

[Periwinkle18]

Assalam o alikum

hey sis, nemo wants u to smile :)

i don't think its bad tht u r attached to ur parents infact the more u take care of them the more reward u'll get Alhumdulillah Ala kuli haal :)

listen to me stay connected to the quran inshaAllah u'll be fine. Take care of ur parents ur jannah lies under the feet of ur mother you don't want to lose that do you.

Why do you want to move out?? will you leave your parents when they're sick nows the time you take care of them.

It's okay Allah knows who you are n i have a feeling ur amazing :)

Don't worry this is just shaitan making you feel bad, turn to Allah pray to Him, ppl mite leave u in this world but don't forget you've got one friend who won't leave you ever. N trust me sis He listens, He really does.

take good care of yourself n don't worry too much just pray stay happy n s.m.i.l.e cuz its sunnah!!! =)

[qqqqqqqqqq]

you have nothing to worry about.

most of my family look for your traits and not the traits that you desire.

You mean for marriage right? But then people get drawn to those that don't have these trait's that are very into Dunya. People conform and accept.

[qqqqqqqqqq]

:sl:
from what u have written i assume u r sensitive and probably u don't have big family (bro sisters as they are not mentioned) so i am feeling that only pbm with u is, u r more alone and u think alot. that's not a very big issue, just be confident and keep urself motivated and busy in positive things rather than thinking that u will be worst mother in world. am sure u will be very good wife and mother insha-allah. i think u r probably from asian (indo-pak) background and i know in west we ppl came across different issue like some u mentioned that u don't have good friends bcz of difference in likes dislikes. also there is no spiritual support that one got from her family (uncles, aunts, cousin etc) so definitely these things affect personality but that doesn't mean u r a bad person and u start thinking negatively. just relax and seek more knowledge of deen, keep ur self busy in positive things and focus of ur studies. put ur trust in Allah SWT and i am sure u will get strength and these issue will be no longer much disturbing for u. read the life of Prophet PBUH and Suhaba RA and see how much hardships they faced but still they didn't lose hope and trust in Allah SWT and Allah SWT helped them. be optimistic and try to do what u can do and put ur trust in Allah SWT. i hope u will be better insh-allah.

You are right I am very sensitive and I do like keeping to myself. I don't trust people. Agree with what you said. It's just that sometimes I forget and make myself feel so small...like I'm worthless.

[qqqqqqqqqq]

Assalam o alikum

hey sis, nemo wants u to smile :)

i don't think its bad tht u r attached to ur parents infact the more u take care of them the more reward u'll get Alhumdulillah Ala kuli haal :)

listen to me stay connected to the quran inshaAllah u'll be fine. Take care of ur parents ur jannah lies under the feet of ur mother you don't want to lose that do you.

Why do you want to move out?? will you leave your parents when they're sick nows the time you take care of them.

It's okay Allah knows who you are n i have a feeling ur amazing :)

Don't worry this is just shaitan making you feel bad, turn to Allah pray to Him, ppl mite leave u in this world but don't forget you've got one friend who won't leave you ever. N trust me sis He listens, He really does.

take good care of yourself n don't worry too much just pray stay happy n s.m.i.l.e cuz its sunnah!!! =)

:) Thank you sis. Its just sometimes I feel so weak. I wake up upset...crying..

I want to move out just for the experience and to sort my head out. At home my parents always argue and I hate it. Its not normal. All my friends come from good famileis that don't fight. They seem so happy in every way.

[Periwinkle18]

:) Thank you sis. Its just sometimes I feel so weak. I wake up upset...crying..

I want to move out just for the experience and to sort my head out. At home my parents always argue and I hate it. Its not normal. All my friends come from good famileis that don't fight. They seem so happy in every way.

Hmm buh u Neva know ppl seen happy u don't know wht they're gng thru I just feel ur parents won't like it if you leave they'll b v upset n I think u won't like tht either

[IbnAbdulHakim]

You mean for marriage right? But then people get drawn to those that don't have these trait's that are very into Dunya. People conform and accept.

heres my question, do you want those people drawn to you?


I kept my beard knowing it will prevent worldly peolpe for coming to me, and it worked perfectly.

believe me the fitnah that a person suffers from not following islam is great. please dont change.

[qqqqqqqqqq]

Hmm buh u Neva know ppl seen happy u don't know wht they're gng thru I just feel ur parents won't like it if you leave they'll b v upset n I think u won't like tht either

True with me my feelings are clearly seen on my face. I'm always thinking...I need to stop thinking so deeply...the only thing that stops me thinking and makes me feel normal are the depression pills and I have to wait till night to take them.

[qqqqqqqqqq]

heres my question, do you want those people drawn to you?


I kept my beard knowing it will prevent worldly peolpe for coming to me, and it worked perfectly.

believe me the fitnah that a person suffers from not following islam is great. please dont change.

True but I have met people who were deceiving who wanted someone like me but then were more drawn to people like that in reality. Some people appear to be Islamic but inside they're hypocrites and it hurts so bad when you find out. Allah knows if I am good or bad...but it's so hard to fit in even amongst Muslims....sometimes I think how long will it be till the day of judgment arrives or even better my death...I'd rather die young....I don't want to marry and bring children into the world who will have to go through all this....

[Periwinkle18]

True with me my feelings are clearly seen on my face. I'm always thinking...I need to stop thinking so deeply...the only thing that stops me thinking and makes me feel normal are the depression pills and I have to wait till night to take them.

Sis , " Verily in the remind remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest".(surah Rad: ayah 28)

This is so true trust me. Stop thinking abt things connect yourself with Allah n inshaAllah you'll feel a lot better.That's wht I did n alhumdulillah it helped me.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

True but I have met people who were deceiving who wanted someone like me but then were more drawn to people like that in reality. Some people appear to be Islamic but inside they're hypocrites and it hurts so bad when you find out. Allah knows if I am good or bad...but it's so hard to fit in even amongst Muslims....sometimes I think how long will it be till the day of judgment arrives or even better my death...I'd rather die young....I don't want to marry and bring children into the world who will have to go through all this....

just as there are hypocrites there are also shining gems. Allah is aware of everyones intentions and does not do injustice to anyone. keep your intention pure and follow the correct avenues whilst observing islam. you will find what is best for your hereafter. if you desire so much to be pleased in this world via a partner and children then i guarantee that you will not be pleased because allaah has warned us that our family is a trial for us. everything is cursed except for the remembrance of Allaah. so whatever happens remember Allaah and do the right thing.

[qqqqqqqqqq]

Sis , " Verily in the remind remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest".(surah Rad: ayah 28)

This is so true trust me. Stop thinking abt things connect yourself with Allah n inshaAllah you'll feel a lot better.That's wht I did n alhumdulillah it helped me.

Thanks sis. I need advice on how I can start to read and recite the Quran daily without giving up? I have made a thread about it...but didn't get any replies...How do I start? What do I do?

[qqqqqqqqqq]

just as there are hypocrites there are also shining gems. Allah is aware of everyones intentions and does not do injustice to anyone. keep your intention pure and follow the correct avenues whilst observing islam. you will find what is best for your hereafter. if you desire so much to be pleased in this world via a partner and children then i guarantee that you will not be pleased because allaah has warned us that our family is a trial for us. everything is cursed except for the remembrance of Allaah. so whatever happens remember Allaah and do the right thing.

Thank you that's a good way of looking at it. I think that has made me stress less about the future.

[Periwinkle18]

Thanks sis. I need advice on how I can start to read and recite the Quran daily without giving up? I have made a thread about it...but didn't get any replies...How do I start? What do I do?

Start from the beginning what i do is i recite 10 ayah's everyday sometimes more than that cuz i don't feel like leaving it. Start with 10 ayah's every day read the translation as well. Sometimes you have to force yourself cuz thts just shaitan making u feel that way once you start like tht and recite it daily inshaAllah you won't want to leave it.

and if possible try read tafseer's as well.
http://bayyinah.com/podcast

listen to lectures they help alot too imam Anwar is my fav.

http://www.islamicboard.com/discover...believers.html

[qqqqqqqqqq]

Start from the beginning what i do is i recite 10 ayah's everyday sometimes more than that cuz i don't feel like leaving it. Start with 10 ayah's every day read the translation as well. Sometimes you have to force yourself cuz thts just shaitan making u feel that way once you start like tht and recite it daily inshaAllah you won't want to leave it.

and if possible try read tafseer's as well.

listen to lectures they help alot too imam Anwar is my fav.

Thank you sister I've boookmarked both links~ Thank you for your kind heart... May Allah swt bless you all. Ameen :)

[Periwinkle18]

Ameen

U cn Pm me wen ever u want.

May Allah love u, help u, bless u n always b with u ameen

[qqqqqqqqqq]

Honestly my life seems so boring and lonely...I have friends but do not wish to hang around with them because it does not interest me going out to the cinema or going to a fancy restaurant for food and drink....plus they talk about the same things all the time...who's going out with who or who's getting married or whose really pretty...my friends who I do like are married and have kids to look after etc...I don't know why I dont like feeling like being around anyone...I know its not good...but I dont know what to do...I feel no joy...it feels like my soul is dead....I have so many things to do but don't know where to start...I just feel like sleeping and not doing anything...

Also on a side note...how do I develop fear of the hellfire? its just like I've accepted that I will be in there and it will be right as Allah swt is the most just....sometimes feel like im useless I cant do anything right...everything has to be perfect....

[Periwinkle18]

Honestly my life seems so boring and lonely...I have friends but do not wish to hang around with them because it does not interest me going out to the cinema or going to a fancy restaurant for food and drink....plus they talk about the same things all the time...who's going out with who or who's getting married or whose really pretty...my friends who I do like are married and have kids to look after etc...I don't know why I dont like feeling like being around anyone...I know its not good...but I dont know what to do...I feel no joy...it feels like my soul is dead....I have so many things to do but don't know where to start...I just feel like sleeping and not doing anything...

Also on a side note...how do I develop fear of the hellfire? its just like I've accepted that I will be in there and it will be right as Allah swt is the most just....sometimes feel like im useless I cant do anything right...everything has to be perfect....

I guess you'll develop the fear wen you read abt it. scares me alot web u read abt it in the Qur'an.

keep asking Allah to grant u jannah Allahuma inni asaluka jannahtul firdos ( oh Allah I ask u for jannah ul firdos). u cn recite this dua or Allahuma ajirni minnan nar. (O Allah save me from the hell fire).

ukhti we're all human beings no ones perfect, we make mistakes buh Allah is there to forgive us one shouldnt lose hope.

[qqqqqqqqqq]

You are right that I should not lose hope I just need to be strong :)