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anonymous
01-11-2013, 02:41 PM
I would have posted this in the sisters section but I do not have enough posts. Do you find the thought of marriage scary? After speaking to so many sisters I've found that they're happy but the have to make alot of sacrifices. A couple of sisters have said that they love their husbands however when they go out they don't like the fact that their husbands are looking at other women and it hurts their feelings. I've heard some other things too which I will not mention. But are their any of you that are completely put off marriage? Why? Also is it impossible for men to lower their gaze? Are men really that inconsiderate of their wives feelings? I'm sure these men would get extremely jealous if their wives stared at other men. So why do it if you don't like it?
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Re.TiReD
01-12-2013, 08:05 PM
I'm married Alhamdulillah but here goes:

Do you find the thought of marriage scary?
I used to, the idea of moving away from my family and into a new one. The many responsibilities and whether or not I'd be able to fulfill them. It's normal to feel nervous.

After speaking to so many sisters I've found that they're happy but the have to make alot of sacrifices.
Ask a brother, he'll tell you the same, it works both ways.

A couple of sisters have said that they love their husbands however when they go out they don't like the fact that their husbands are looking at other women and it hurts their feelings.
A couple is not all sister. I understand how that may hurt their feelings but they need to talk to their husbands about that.


Also is it impossible for men to lower their gaze?
No. But it's probably difficult for them at times.
Are men really that inconsiderate of their wives feelings?
No.

I'm sure these men would get extremely jealous if their wives stared at other men.
Yes.

So why do it if you don't like it?
Allahu a'lam.

Sis you've just painted everybody with the same brush, so some of the sisters you know are not happy...that's unfortunate but not everybody is the same. I'm sure you'll hear about lots of happy successful marriages also. At the end of the day, men are men and sometimes they're annoying (:p)...the same goes for women by the way and if there is something you don't like, there's no need for you to shut up and deal with it, or be silent and suffer, you bring it up with your spouse and work it out
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Qurratul Ayn
01-12-2013, 09:25 PM
Originally Posted by Re.TiReD
Do you find the thought of marriage scary?
I used to, the idea of moving away from my family and into a new one. The many responsibilities and whether or not I'd be able to fulfill them. It's normal to feel nervous.

After speaking to so many sisters I've found that they're happy but the have to make alot of sacrifices.
Ask a brother, he'll tell you the same, it works both ways.

A couple of sisters have said that they love their husbands however when they go out they don't like the fact that their husbands are looking at other women and it hurts their feelings.
A couple is not all sister. I understand how that may hurt their feelings but they need to talk to their husbands about that.


Also is it impossible for men to lower their gaze?
No. But it's probably difficult for them at times.
Are men really that inconsiderate of their wives feelings?
No.

I'm sure these men would get extremely jealous if their wives stared at other men.
Yes.

So why do it if you don't like it?
Allahu a'lam.

Sis you've just painted everybody with the same brush, so some of the sisters you know are not happy...that's unfortunate but not everybody is the same. I'm sure you'll hear about lots of happy successful marriages also. At the end of the day, men are men and sometimes they're annoying ()...the same goes for women by the way and if there is something you don't like, there's no need for you to shut up and deal with it, or be silent and suffer, you bring it up with your spouse and work it out
I'm in complete agreement :D

There is no reason for a sister or brother to be scared, apprehensive about getting married. Just be honest, truthful and Insha'Allaah it will work out.

Marriage takes commitment, patience, understanding and compromise to work and a good, healthy dose of honesty and being true

Sister Re.Tired's last sentence (I've highlighted) says it all really.
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~ Sabr ~
01-13-2013, 12:10 PM
Why would you not like marriage?
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lynn4now
01-26-2013, 02:17 AM
Waleiykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

I like the idea of marriage. I believe I have the resolve of marriage I understand that we are suppose to marry. Ideally I want a husband of my own to take care of and support but it seems like a fairytale. (none of the women in my family have successful companionship) I don't know personally I think marriage might be wonderful but not in the cards for me... but I can hope
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Periwinkle18
01-26-2013, 03:40 AM
this mite sound crazy buh dunno y I just don't want to get married :s
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*charisma*
01-26-2013, 03:40 AM
Assalamu Alaikum

Before marriage, I didn't really have a strong opinion about it. I did, however, have my own insecurities sometimes because it was difficult for me to imagine someone who would truly accept me for everything that I am forever and ever without getting bored or disinterested. It still didn't sway me away from the idea of marriage because that thought was only due to ignorance and inexperience.

I was often indecisive about marriage because I could see myself living happily whether married or not. I did add a little burden upon myself by thinking I had to finish school before marriage and become successful etc. because I'm very independent when it comes down to accomplishing my own personal goals, but the reality is, if you get married to someone who is supportive, then you don't need to feel like you have to accomplish everything on your own. I also had people telling me that if one day I got divorced, at least I would have built a life for myself as back-up (I think most muslim girls are taught this now a days), but alhemdulilah I realized that if you're preparing yourself for a divorce, then you are not really preparing yourself for a marriage. Women are already bringing negative thoughts/vibes into a marriage when they think they have to be successful for the sole purpose of fearing that their marriage will not work.

Originally Posted by anonymous
A couple of sisters have said that they love their husbands however when they go out they don't like the fact that their husbands are looking at other women and it hurts their feelings. I've heard some other things too which I will not mention.
I can honestly say alhemdulilah that my husband has never made me feel jealous or looked at any other women whether I'm with him or not (at least from what I know :D). Just his manners mashallah are better than I have seen from most men. I can't say this for all men, of course, but marry someone who is God-fearing and who truly respects you before marriage and observes his islamic etiquette and manners all the time.

I don't think you should worry about marriage. It's a scary thought for some because it's life altering, but it can be an amazing life alteration if you think with your head and your iman. Also, make du'a..even if you're not married right now and don't know when you'll be getting married or if you'll be getting married, just make du'a that if Allah opens the doors of marriage to you, He will grant you someone who is good for you and kind to you. Sometimes the best times to ask Allah for something is when you don't really need to ask Him for it, if you understand what I mean.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam
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lynn4now
01-26-2013, 04:12 AM
Originally Posted by Periwinkle18
this mite sound crazy buh dunno y I just don't want to get married :s
keep your heart and mind open who knows what allah has instore Inchalla


Originally Posted by *charisma*
I realized that if you're preparing yourself for a divorce, then you are not really preparing yourself for a marriage. Women are already bringing negative thoughts/vibes into a marriage when they think they have to be successful for the sole purpose of fearing that their marriage will not work.
I never thought of things that way. Coming from background we frequemtly taught to be independent always be able to take care of self first but I guess that would make it hard to incorporate someone else in your life if your always establishing how much you don't need them....
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*charisma*
01-26-2013, 04:43 AM
Originally Posted by lynn4now
I never thought of things that way. Coming from background we frequemtly taught to be independent always be able to take care of self first but I guess that would make it hard to incorporate someone else in your life if your always establishing how much you don't need them....
Exactly, and most people don't put in a lot of thought in how to keep a marriage together or how to please their spouse before marriage. Some women don't know how to cook or clean (not that it's necessary, but it amazes me every time to see the reaction of a husband who feels so proud eating a good meal and sitting in a clean environment lool) I think the idea of having to be independent before marriage stems from negative experiences of divorce and then the women regretting not becoming successful because she doesn't want to have to depend on anyone after the divorce. I don't think it's wrong to try to become successful before marriage if it's something you want and is something that makes you happy, but it's wrong in my opinion to use your success as something that would prepare for a divorce before you are even married. I think this kind of way of thinking makes a woman feel a little self-centered too. Like I've heard of women expressing to their husbands during an argument that they don't need them etc. and that's one of the worst things to say in a marriage because some of the glue that keeps a couple together is the fact that they do need each other and they rely on each other's success. Instead of women focusing on being successful on their own, they should focus on finding a partner who is supportive and wants them to be successful for the sake of making them happy and allowing them to reach their potentials and goals. There should not be anything negative connoted to it.
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lynn4now
01-26-2013, 05:32 AM
Originally Posted by *charisma*
Instead of women focusing on being successful on their own, they should focus on finding a partner who is supportive and wants them to be successful for the sake of making them happy and allowing them to reach their potentials and goals. There should not be anything negative connoted to it.
and there is the "rub"
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