Sister problem....

[unknown12]

Salams everybody I posted this discussion in another forum as well, just wanted your thoughts on this matter please, jazakallah. :/

Just wanted your thoughts and some advice on this please.

So here's my situation, I have a sister and brother.

My sister has got problems which she doesn't not want to accept. Best way to describe it is well I think she is bi-polar. She is a 'female dog' to my both my parents, always telling them what to do; well not telling them she always yells its her natural tone. Whenever I hear her voice, makes me so mad. Literally has affected my entire family and my mother even says that one day if I pass away for no reason, you'll know exactly why.

I have lost my patience with her and have not spoken to her for more than 2 years now. She wants to treat my parents like crap, well I'll do the same she isn't deserving of my respect. What's most bazzare is she blames my parents, my uncles and aunties for all the misfortunes in her life. She is always putting the blame on someone else and has never one day admitted she was in the wrong.

I would have to say atleast 4 or 5 times per day, I have hear her violent brawls, screaming at my parents, then crying and getting all emotional. It just makes me so mad that I have to deal with all this. I am half her age, yet I act more mature than her and have way way more respect for my parents than she does. I also blame my parents for not dealing with her when she gets out of hand. It gives me even more of a reason to be a proper father to my children and to clearly set out the lines, who's in charge and who needs to be respected. She calls my mother a stupid B and many more names which I won't mention. (I hate her guts now, when i see her face just disgusts me)

The thing is our family went to see a Moulana (sheikh) I have no idea what you would call him, but he deals with things like this and helps give advice. immediately when we went to visit him, he said that she has a problem and its needs sorting out. She will not accept that she has a severe mental situation and I know for sure that she will remain with my parents for a very long time and will end up living alone because of her personality and her selfish attitude. She earns money and doesn't contribute to the family even though we are in a bit of a financial situation and this gives me more reason to dislike her. I honestly have lost all respect for her (probably about 3 or 4 years ago), I am 18 and she is ~ 30 btw, and will forever remember the constant fighting, arguments and nights when there were huge arguments. I remember one about 3 months back, my dad and her had an argument, my dad lost it and I had to rush out to intervene; a lot was said on both sides, was throwing of chairs, plates, glasses and what not, and this all happened a week before my mock final exams... That day I lost it, I broke my door and was honestly about to physically handle her, just can't take it anymore I've lost my patience. Like even friends, teachers and other family members (they don't know about what happens) ask me why I am I so quiet, they would never know what I have to deal with, and how this has affected me...

I have to deal with this on a day-to-day basis and honestly gives me no reason to be at home with her around. I'm making it my goal that when university does start, I'm going to try my best to not be at home when she is round. I honestly don't see me and her getting along in the future, I see myself totally forgetting about her because of how she treats my parents. I have an aunty who is like this, all alone and unmarried she's around 50 something; mostly because of her personality etc. Will inshallah get my full license soon and when I do, I'm just not going to be home.

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

Negativity begets negativity. I know it's difficult but if every time you are around her you feel negative, you will get the same and more back from her.

So, I think on your part, you should always be a beacon of goodwill and peace and take that to her whenever you are around her, regardless of how she behaves with you.

Try to be patient when she launches on a tirade. Sometimes silence is the best answer to ignorance. If she says something that is bad ignore and turn your face from her.

I think it would be good if she got married and moved away from home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, usually. If she is away from home for some time, she may change inshaAllah. Try to take whatever step you can to get her married.

Don't underestimate dua. In fact, I think it's one of the best things you can do for her and your family.

[unknown12]

Wa alaykum salam,

Negativity begets negativity. I know it's difficult but if every time you are around her you feel negative, you will get the same and more back from her.

So, I think on your part, you should always be a beacon of goodwill and peace and take that to her whenever you are around her, regardless of how she behaves with you.

Try to be patient when she launches on a tirade. Sometimes silence is the best answer to ignorance. If she says something that is bad ignore and turn your face from her.

I think it would be good if she got married and moved away from home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, usually. If she is away from home for some time, she may change inshaAllah. Try to take whatever step you can to get her married.

Don't underestimate dua. In fact, I think it's one of the best things you can do for her and your family.

Salams...

Now that's the problem because my parents fear how she will behave with another person and how she will treat that person. Also despite her age, (I don't mean to be cynical) but she doesn't clean/help clean the house, doesn't help make food, doesn't cook, does not contribute any money; basically eats, sleeps, watches TV, goes to work and boards at home and stirs up trouble whenever she can (daily). Like I mentioned what happened yesterday in another forum, I'll quote it below:

Was sleeping peacefully (about 2 hours ago), slept quite late planned to sleep in. Unfortunately I did not wake up to the birds chirping or dead silence, but yelling from the living room. Right from the time I woke up my mood was ruined. I went out to go and check what was going on, sister again going all crazy at my mother. Apparently this is what happened, my sister was on facebook on the main computer, and showed my mother something which in turn my mother responded saying don't worry about them focus on yourself. And that lead to further screaming and shouting, my sister talking screaming about cousins and what trashbags they are, my mother saying show respect etc, then what I heard when I woke up "if you can't treat me properly, how are you going to treat your MIL?" My sister started saying there's a jinn in my mother, that shes deeply affected (see always her advice works for herself), anyway's she said why do you treat me like crap and not the two brothers (me), when all my mother said was don't worry about the other cousins. Sister left the house, donno where she went and don't really care atm. My mother bursted out into tears...

I was just there standing in the middle ready to mediate if it got physical but wallah my blood was boiling; you don't know how many times I have considered teaching my sister a lesson, just giving her like one in the face (no I'm not a violent person and don't condone violence) but who's going to teach her something? Maybe one day I will completely lose it and my family will see a whole new person come out...

Most people say she has a Jinn in her and should get treatment for that, but that would be extremely difficult to do because we don't have a person like that in our area (muslim community where I live is small) and she won't want to seek help; she will mostly react by saying something like "I don't have a problem, you have a problem"

:/

[Alpha Dude]

Recite Surah Baqarah daily in your home bro if possible (large surah, but even a few pages a day is good). Keeps shaytanic jinns out for three days if recited fully, so would be a good idea to finish it within 3 days.

You can't undo something that you do in a moment of anger. I know it's hard but it's better you never let your anger get the better of you in this situation. You most likely will regret it in a calmer moment and it will be something you have to live with. In fact, hurting your sister physically is just going to give further agony to your own parents as she is still their daughter, despite anything, and they care about her.

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[unknown12]

Recite Surah Baqarah daily in your home bro if possible (large surah, but even a few pages a day is good). Keeps shaytanic jinns out for three days if recited fully, so would be a good idea to finish it within 3 days.

You can't undo something that you do in a moment of anger. I know it's hard but it's better you never let your anger get the better of you in this situation. You most likely will regret it in a calmer moment and it will be something you have to live with. In fact, hurting your sister physically is just going to give further agony to your own parents as she is still their daughter, despite anything, and they care about her.

Inshallah will try to