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May Ayob
01-24-2013, 06:55 PM
Al salam alaykum dear brothers and sisters,

There's something that's been bothering me for a while I really feel the need to let it out.....eversince I joined IB I was well very happy .....at first, I thoughof this place like a second home to me and that we're all a family .....but then I don't how to say it everytime I visit this place all I sense is afierce vibe of competition and hostility, everyone wants to refute the other, everyone wants to put each other down and ironically everyone wantsto put that picture of the perfect muslim and muslimah, why all this why can't we just get along and unite peacefully.I had to take a break fromhere thinking that things might have changed but apparently it's same old. Please don't get me wrong I'm not trying to criticise you guys but reallyI honestlydon't if it's just me whose there's something wrong or it's something else, but I think we should calm down and relax. If you hate me by now Iwould understand no one really wants to hear something like this butplease bear in mind that God knows I do not intend to offend you in any way.



I hope I'm understood correctly.


Walaykum alsalam.
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جوري
01-24-2013, 07:05 PM
It is like a chess game if anything one learns from a strong struggle, are new things about themselves, others and the world. It is enriching and can contribute to growth, it can contribute to changing world views, it can alter the course of history or make us have better understanding of it, or better preparedness when dealing with folks who are always on the attack.
Sometimes it can be negative yes but with every negative experience if one is truly clement and graceful something else is gained though it might not be apparent on the surface. And I think it reflects somewhat the reality of the world which is very unforgiving- but you are right things can spiral out of control.. in a way you get a garden variety Muslims out there and hopefully at the end of the day it can help our personal relationship with :Allah::swt:

:w:
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May Ayob
01-24-2013, 07:18 PM
Thank you sister Shaden that was verykind of you to respond to me. I guess it does come out to bring something positive if I look at it this way. Jazak allahu khairan sis may Allah reward Iwas getting depressed.
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جوري
01-24-2013, 07:23 PM
You're so sensitive ukhty.. I must admit it reminds me of innocence long gone now- may I suggest just to stay away from sections that bother you.. it can be quite depressing and not everyone reacts to it the same way.. I remember the first time I ever wrote on a forum it was a Lebanese one and many of them if not the majority were Christians just hurling all kinds of abuse toward the prophet :saws: it left me with a feeling of sickness - things I'd never even read before, concocted things and I told my dad can you believe they're saying this about the prophet I was genuinely shocked.. but I evolved with the time even the way I argue changed dramatically. I did learn a few things from this board one in particular about this alleged poetess that the prophet :saws: allegedly ordered killing.. you see it wouldn't have paid if I buried my head in the sand and looked the other way.. sometimes you need to go where it really hurts and that's how you become a warrior .. well in one form or another anyway..

:w:
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Indian Bro
01-24-2013, 07:24 PM
As-salamu alaykum,

With the grace of Allah (s.w.t.) I have learnt something new in almost every thread that I have visited and I am thankful to Allah Almighty for that. Even I have observed that people will always be hesitant to defend their views but you have to accept that this is part of being in a Forum. There are going to be people who will have various reasons to stick to their views and agendas to fulfill that may not match with your expectations. I joined this forum with the intention to learn as well as share what I know. I am always willing to concede that I can be wrong at any post I make because I'm only human.

And what you speak of is something that is very common not just in Forums but in the world as well. Many Muslims even today will kill one another to prove their way of following is the right way and their views are the right views. We should just pray to Allah (s.w.t.) to guide us to the straight path and remember that it is only shaytan who tries to create conflict between us, let us accept we are only trying to achieve one similar goal - to get closer to Allah (s.w.t.) and discuss peacefully and inshAllah we will attain more benefits from this Forum.

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to any person who has been offended by any content of my posts in this forum.

And Allah Almighty knows best.

Salam 3laikum
Reply

Ali_008
01-24-2013, 07:37 PM
:wasalamex

I hate it when people fight on this forum, even more when the argument is between two Muslims.

“I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a house in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.”
- Prophet Muhammad :saws: - reported by Imam Abu Dawud
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Ramadan90
01-24-2013, 08:11 PM
I can see where you are coming from sister, but I dont think that some muslims on this forum are trying to paint themselves as "perfect muslims". Most of them are just private, and that is why it seems that they are "perfect". The more private you are about your problems, the more people think that you are are perfect. All of us have problems anyway.

And I do agree with you about the fierce vibe in the forum and people trying sometimes to put down another user in a discussion. I know that some people here are very short-tempered as well, but let us see things from the positive side. I think, overall, this is a very good forum.

And no, I dont hate you sister. I love you for the sake of Allah and thanks for your honesty.
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May Ayob
01-24-2013, 08:19 PM
Thank you all for your replies , your words have a very big affect on me. You are all a gift from Allah, I'm probably over reacting ,,,,I don't know but what I do know is that I am very grateful for your replies. May Allah bless you all.
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May Ayob
01-24-2013, 08:31 PM
Brother Allah 3 I sincerely apologize I didn't realize you were a male until this moment I love you as a brother for the sake of Allah too and sorry for calling you ukhti.
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Ramadan90
01-24-2013, 08:32 PM
Originally Posted by May Ayob
Brother Allah I sincerely apologize I didn't realize you were a male until this moment I love you as a brother for the sake of Alkah too and sorry for calling you ukhti.
LOL, it is okay sister. :D
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sister herb
01-24-2013, 08:41 PM
Salam alaykum

we don´t fight here but we are very different people from very different backgrounds - thats why we might have problems to find out how we can discuss together that it would looks peacefull.

We try our best.

:embarrass
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Amat Allah
01-24-2013, 09:22 PM
و عليكم السلام ورحمة الله و بركاته و رضاه اللذي لا سخط بعده

O dear and precious part of me ^_^, we may differ habibati but still we are under one name which is Islam, we are all sons and daughters of one Ummah; love each other no matter how much differences we may have between us my beloved... being different won't ever change the love I have for you all . I love you O my Ummah for Allah's sake forever.


Originally Posted by Indian Bro
I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to any person who has been offended by any content of my posts in this forum.
I too do so, I apologize for all of you and you are all forgiven no matter what , I swear and Allah Is my witness.
Reply

Qurratul Ayn
01-24-2013, 09:40 PM
:salamext:

Nearly all the members here, are opinionated, intelligent, honest, blunt, knowledgable, impressive, amazing, inspiring, (I love thesauruses, don't you?) figures of authority in their own lickle wickle world. So, they come here and find others of their ilk and have to battle amongst each other to have the higher ground, and see who is the better caveman or cavewoman.

:lol:

I sincerely apologise I did not mean to offend any of y'all. But this line-Nearly all the members here, are opinionated, intelligent, honest, blunt, knowledgable, impressive, amazing, inspiring-is the truth. The good, honest truth and I really believe y'all are. Truly.

Originally Posted by May Ayob
If you hate me by now Iwould understand no one really wants to hear something like this
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, MY DEAR, BELOVED SISTER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER MAY AYOB. Always and forever :D

(My husband is reading this with me as I'm typing it up and he is shaking his head at me; he seems to do that a lot... :mmokay:... ;D)

Don't be hurt by what others say. Whatever is written by members in their posts, may not be interpreted the way the member would like it to be interpreted, therefore it comes out negative to some or positive to others. But I know what ya mean, and yes, some members are harsh but it's their thoughts and opinions, right? Take the higher ground (and sword), turn the other cheek and respond wittily. If you're not able to (respond wittily, that is, I'm truly hopeless), let them be, it ain't worth the effort to write a comment of their comment for them to have a rip at you again... Ya know what I'm saying? Anyways, my dear Sister Ayob, I for one love ya :wub:

Keep posting, keep browsing the forum and stay positive :D

Making Du'a always
Reply

~Zaria~
01-25-2013, 12:20 AM
Originally Posted by May Ayob
Al salam alaykum dear brothers and sisters,

There's something that's been bothering me for a while I really feel the need to let it out.....eversince I joined IB I was well very happy .....at first, I thoughof this place like a second home to me and that we're all a family .....but then I don't how to say it everytime I visit this place all I sense is afierce vibe of competition and hostility, everyone wants to refute the other, everyone wants to put each other down and ironically everyone wantsto put that picture of the perfect muslim and muslimah, why all this why can't we just get along and unite peacefully.I had to take a break fromhere thinking that things might have changed but apparently it's same old. Please don't get me wrong I'm not trying to criticise you guys but reallyI honestlydon't if it's just me whose there's something wrong or it's something else, but I think we should calm down and relax. If you hate me by now Iwould understand no one really wants to hear something like this butplease bear in mind that God knows I do not intend to offend you in any way.



I hope I'm understood correctly.


Walaykum alsalam.

Assalamu-alaikum ukthi,

I think you are very right.

When one considers the negativity, the endless debates that often lead nowhere, the unintentional injury to the feelings of others and the time that it consumes from ones life.......we should ask ourselves, is it really worth risking ones imaan and piece of mind for?

Which is why, I think its time for me to take a break from this forum as well.....

Once we realise that something is potentially causing harm to ones imaan - in whatever way, e.g. it is distracting you from the true remembrance of Allah (subhanawataála), it is consuming precious time - that should be spent in the worship of Allah and actually serving the ummah (not in a virtual sense, but in actual life - e.g. to the orphans, sick and needy,etc).......then, insha Allah, it is time for us to step back and re-evaluate our goals in life.

I personally think that I am losing focus in this regard at the moment......;(

JazakAllahu khair to everyone who places sincere effort in their posts, whose intentions are not simply to be 'the winner in a discussion'......but to those, who sincerely hope to share beneficial knowledge with others, and insha Allah bring about some change (even if it is in a small way) in the readers heart.


I pray that my brothers and sisters can continue to learn and grow in imaan with each other (and not despite each other), and that we always, always remember: That even in writing, Allah azza wajjal is watching us and that the angels are recording each and every word.
I pray that we can love and tolerate each other, as brothers and sisters - despite our many differences of opinions (for this is what makes us all special, and what makes life interesting).
We may not truly know each other......but even in this virtual world, we still need to show each other respect - as we would in real life.

I sincerely apologise to each and every member of this forum, who I may have hurt unintentionally.
Please forgive me for my short-comings and if I have said anything in error - then truly this is only from my own ignorance and my nafs. Any good that may have been said, is only a blessing from Allah (subhanawataáala) alone.

May Allah (subhanawataa'la) fill our hearts with love for Him, His beloved prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) and for each other.
And may we Never forget our purpose in this dunya - our journey to our final home, and our return to Our Rabb.
As our life is extracted from us, one breathe at a time.....until there is no more - may we never waste any more time in fruitless discussions, but strive to spend it in the remembrance of Allah Taa'la.
Ameen.

xxx

:wasalamex
Reply

specs
01-25-2013, 12:23 AM
Asalaam alaykum sister. Pray you are well Insha'Allah.
I can see where you are coming from and I've come across a few posts like that myself, but not everyone is like that (:
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sister herb
01-25-2013, 12:33 AM
Salam alaykum

Don´t forget that some of us have stronge opinions and we defend them too. :p

:embarrass Some sisters and brothers here yes but we just find ways to talk, not fight.
Reply

Ramadan90
01-25-2013, 12:49 AM
Originally Posted by ~Zaria~
Assalamu-alaikum ukthi,

I think you are very right.

When one considers the negativity, the endless debates that often lead nowhere, the unintentional injury to the feelings of others and the time that it consumes from ones life.......we should ask ourselves, is it really worth risking ones imaan and piece of mind for?

Which is why, I think its time for me to take a break from this forum as well.....

Once we realise that something is potentially causing harm to ones imaan - in whatever way, e.g. it is distracting you from the true remembrance of Allah (subhanawataála), it is consuming precious time - that should be spent in the worship of Allah and actually serving the ummah (not in a virtual sense, but in actual life - e.g. to the orphans, sick and needy,etc).......then, insha Allah, it is time for us to step back and re-evaluate our goals in life.

I personally think that I am losing focus in this regard at the moment......;(

JazakAllahu khair to everyone who places sincere effort in their posts, whose intentions are not simply to be 'the winner in a discussion'......but to those, who sincerely hope to share beneficial knowledge with others, and insha Allah bring about some change (even if it is in a small way) in the readers heart.


I pray that my brothers and sisters can continue to learn and grow in imaan with each other (and not despite each other), and that we always, always remember: That even in writing, Allah azza wajjal is watching us and that the angels are recording each and every word.
I pray that we can love and tolerate each other, as brothers and sisters - despite our many differences of opinions (for this is what makes us all special, and what makes life interesting).
We may not truly know each other......but even in this virtual world, we still need to show each other respect - as we would in real life.

I sincerely apologise to each and every member of this forum, who I may have hurt unintentionally.
Please forgive me for my short-comings and if I have said anything in error - then truly this is only from my own ignorance and my nafs. Any good that may have been said, is only a blessing from Allah (subhanawataáala) alone.

May Allah (subhanawataa'la) fill our hearts with love for Him, His beloved prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) and for each other.
And may we Never forget our purpose in this dunya - our journey to our final home, and our return to Our Rabb.
As our life is extracted from us, one breathe at a time.....until there is no more - may we never waste any more time in fruitless discussions, but strive to spend it in the remembrance of Allah Taa'la.
Ameen.

xxx

:wasalamex
Amen to all the duas.
Just great respons sister. I always enjoy reading your posts.
Reply

Innocent Soul
01-25-2013, 02:34 AM
I agree with all the replies above.

As sis Amatallah said I just avoid the debates and some sections of the forum. Sometimes when I have a strong opinion about something I will share it. We can't let others say wrong always. Sis please never think of leaving the forum you can benefited in many ways.

We won't hate you for telling us what you feel and we will always love you because you help us in our religious matters and we are like a family and you that there are a lot of fights between family members because of differences of opinion.

We love you and we will help you in every possible way. :wub:

May Allah keep us all united and make us better by helping each other for the sake of Allah.
Ameen
Reply

Ahmad H
01-25-2013, 03:41 AM
As-Salamu 'Alaykum,

You are very correct sister. It is like that on forums. This is why I don't go on forums all the time, because it is too much exposure to people's hostility. Unfortunately, many are like that. But, if there are enough of us who don't show hostility, then the atmosphere will change and peace will take over.

I think it also has to do with the kind of threads which are started as well. They involve discussions which involve many differing viewpoints. Some people tend to sound harsher in their viewpoints than others. Also, in general, many things written by people on the internet sound different to many people. It may come out as sarcastic at times or as if the person is trying to come off mean. So perception matters in these kinds of situations too. But that doesn't change the truth behind what you said. Many people are harsh for no reason at all. I hope we can all change ourselves to be nicer.
Reply

Muezzin
01-29-2013, 10:22 PM
Everyone, if certain posts come across as too harsh, negative, insulting etc, please, please report them. We have rules in place to prohibit this kind of thing, because it's often unneccessary and does not contribute to a calm, civilised base for discussion.

Also, quick non-sarcastic tip for those with shorter fuses - when replying to a thread in anger, before typing a single letter, think 'Is this what I actually want to say? Do I actually mean this? Is this accomplishing anything or am I simply venting frustration?' If you can answer, 'yes', 'yes', and 'it will accomplish something other than venting frustration' respectively, type away.
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Amat Allah
01-29-2013, 10:40 PM
and also we should remember before posting anything this Aaya which has a great great reminder in Surat Qaaf:

مَّا يَلْفِظُ مِن قَوْلٍ إِلَّا لَدَيْهِ رَقِيبٌ عَتِيدٌ ﴿١٨"

"Not a word does he (or she) utter, but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it). (18)"
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Eric H
01-30-2013, 05:36 PM
Greetings and peace be with you May Ayob;

why all this why can't we just get along and unite peacefully.
Unity and peace are almost negative qualities and may never happen here on Earth, we have to almost let go of our strong beliefs in order to tolerate someone with different opinions. I am a Catholic with the desire to foster greater interfaith tolerance, understanding and friendship, this makes me a kind of loner on this forum. As such I would expect a certain amount of hostility, but I have to say that over the years I have been made to feel welcomed here.

The ‘Oneness of God’ and unity are almost beyond my understanding when the same God chooses people through diverse faiths. The bottom line for me is that we are all created by the same God, and we have a duty to care for all of God’s creation, which means caring for each other despite all our differences.

In the spirit of praying for unity and understanding,

Eric
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