Help please

[anonymous]

Assalaamualiykum
I have a problem and expect my muslim brothers and sisters to help me please
I will come straight to the point.
I had been chatting with a guy(my cousin) in a very friendly way since almost 2 years.It all started with his proposal to marry me and I knew that my parents would never agree.But I did not want to lose friendship with him,as our parents are very close to each other.And the thought that my rejection would cause unwanted sourness within the families was not that I wanted.
;So I thought of being polite and declining his proposal while still maintaining ties with him and his family
This,proved to be a disaster.
;We started chatting, initially less-formally,then for fairly long hours,our chat becoming very friendly.He was there for me during my bad times.He was there to help me whenever I needed a friend's help.
I grew emotionally attached to him.
But I knew that I was doing wrong by maintaining friendship with him.He used to say that although I rejected him,he will still be my well wisher and a good friend.And truly he would be there for me during my bad times and whenever i would feel low.

I used to wake up in the middle of the night and cry to Allah to prevent me from doing this.I did Istikhara asking Allah to let me do the right thing-if I should consider marrying him as I had become emotionally attached to him.And I prayed to God to let me stop doing anything wrong and make things easy if they were good for me or make me easily stop doing wrong if this was bad for me.For it was becoming more and more difficult for me to stop communicating with him.<br>Alhamdulillah,I did not do any inappropriate talk nor did ever meet him in person.I had already started feeling guilty for being so emotionally vulnerable and indulging in communication with non mehram.
I wanted Allah to pull me out of wrong and set me on a right path.

days passed and his true colours showed off.He called me to have a coffee with him once.I declined.I said I will never go out with a non -mehram.He used to smoke (he told me he would quit)but still continued.He used to flirt with girls.He even stole my and my sister's personal photos without proper hijab and even tried to flirt with my sister.He invented lies and deceived his parents to continue with his actions.

When I began realizing his true nature,I saw it as a sign from Allah to give up chatting with him.
So I politely told him that I wanted to improve as a muslim and would like to stop doing chatting.( i did not want to pick fight with him and offend him as our families were invoved)
He was very cool about.But he started missing me and said that he had been in love with me all his life.He stared narrating our childhood stories and time we spent together as kids.I really did not know what to do.;I was emotionally blackmailed or was I feeling sorry for him or was I too getting inclined towards him

I tried my best to stay away from him but could not do so.
My marriage talks were on full swing,so I strictly said to him that I do not want to do anything wrong and that he deserves a better girl and he should stop expecting anything from me.I ended our communication and decided to never talk to him again.

He,in retaliation went and said everything to his parents.He said that I was  interested in him and that they propose marriage to me with the help of my other cousin as a mediator(over the proposal of someone else who we were in talks with)

He was rejected by my parents and fight broke out between two families.His family went about saying everyone that I was the one who destroyed his life and all was my fault.He involved my other cousin(mediator) and threatened him with goons saying that my parents have forced me into marrying someone else and that he would kidnap me on the day of my wedding.And show all my chat messages (emotional and friendly ones) to my groom and his family and the imam that would perform the formalities of wedding.

I thanked Allah that I came to know that It was this ill mannered person that I was feeling sorry for,and that Allah opened my eyes to reality.

Now it has been almost 5 months since our families ever talked.
the marriage proposal that we were in talks with did not finalise due to some other reason(it has been 5 months since this happened too)

Now my parents have found a good guy for me.Alhamdulillah.He may be an answer to all my prayers for a pious husband.

But I still fear my cousin's actions.What if he tells to him?He has not married although he receives many proposals.I did not think he would turn to be such a selfish person.I do not trust him.
And what should I do to repent for my sin?
I am already feeling very guilty.Please help.
Please pray for me.
MAy Allah reward you all.
Please advice.

[ardianto]

Wa'alaykum salam

Now my parents have found a good guy for me.Alhamdulillah.He may be an answer to all my prayers for a pious husband.

Alhamdulillahi rabil alamin.

But I still fear my cousin's actions.What if he tells to him?

Good person will not listen to rumor about someone only from one source, but he will try to find other sources. If your cousin talk about you to your future husband, just tell your future husband the truth about what ever happened. Insha Allah, he will listen to you.

And always make dua for this, sis.

And what should I do to repent for my sin?

You already repent, don't you?. What you should is try to improve your 'quality' to become a better Muslimah.

[Dagless]

You need to chill out. Just give your husband-to-be a very brief overview in case your cousin does something silly. Other than that I wouldn't worry. I mean to reveal a few random things like chat logs... really? who cares? There are people with actual things to hide, not little things they did when they were younger. Put things into perspective.



*this reminds me to put a fresh layer of cement over the patio :nervous:*

[tigerkhan]

:sl:
plz if u dont mind can i ask where do u live (east or west) its seems Pakistani story anyway. i will not blame him at all...u too did the wrong and use him when u are emotionally down. i know its common in girls of conservative backgrounds and these guys actually misunderstand its as her love with them however they were being used as "stupni"... stupni mean the extra tyre in ur car which u use when u need.
anyway if u r in west where there is law and order, he cant do anything. and if u r in east esp Pakistan, things can go wrong. u need to be wise and careful as u already had played with him tactfully, emotionally blackmail him and ask him to give sacrifice on name of love and friendship...
anyway, repent to Allah SWT for the loss u did to ur akhria by having this haram relation and pray for him despite of saying him ill mannered bcz if someone did same to u then u came to know how difficult is some time to be mannered !!!