/* */

PDA

View Full Version : Is Wearing Chastity Ring Haram?



Iceee
02-26-2013, 01:27 PM
My friend converted to Islam two years ago. He volunteers at the local masjid, inshallah he tries to pray 5 times a day, he memorized a few surats which allows him to pray on his own at home and without the imam, and he even fasts. He became a very nice muslim IMO.

He does however wear a chastity ring on his left hand. He says it means that he refrains from anything sexual until marriage. He got this when he was 10 years old from a church. I don't know, is he allowed to wear it and will his namaaz count if he does?
Reply

Login/Register to hide ads. Scroll down for more posts
ardianto
02-26-2013, 03:47 PM
Asalamualaikum

From what I know, chastity ring is a tradition that was introduced and popularized by the Christian churches in 1990.

Your friend is not allowed to wear chastity ring again after he converted to Islam.

My dalil (base) to say not allowed to wear chastity ring is fatawa from ulema that Muslims not allowed to wear symbol of other religion or something that symbolizes the teaching of other religion. And I clasify chastity ring as something that symbolizes the teaching of other religion.
Reply

*charisma*
02-26-2013, 04:40 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

I don't know if it's haram or not, but like the bro said, it's a christian tradition.
His chastity should not be materialized in a ring, but rather it should be something that is internalized and understood as something that is ordered by Allah. His motivation and proof of being chaste should be promised and proved to Allah alone.

I read a blog written by a christian woman who used to wear a chastity ring, but she'd do everything else with her bf and felt like half a virgin when she was married. She also mentioned that there's a misconception by christians that if you remain chaste, your marriage will be perfect amongst other assumptions that cause misguidance and don't seem logical, but they still follow it because it's what they are taught. In her blog I could tell that she felt kind of angry for remaining chaste because her marriage did not work out and she ended up divorced, so she felt like the honor of the woman has little to do with virginity. The whole issue is a very misleading concept in my opinion. I think you should explain to your friend the levels of zina, the punishments for those who commit it, the rewards for those who refrain from it, and ways to protect oneself from the fitnah of the opposite sex. I don't think the ring itself will harm him or anyone, but what will harm him is accepting the concept of purity from a christian perspective and not understanding it from the Islamic perspective. Inshallah if you explain to him what islam teaches, then he might just remove it on his own and find no reason to continue wearing it.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam
Reply

joyous fairy
02-26-2013, 05:20 PM
Assalam Alaykum, I agree with

format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
His chastity should not be materialized in a ring, but rather it should be something that is internalized and understood as something that is ordered by Allah. His motivation and proof of being chaste should be promised and proved to Allah alone.
However, I do think that if it helps him somewhat in refraining from any sexual relations then it may be allowed. The answer should be sought from an Imam or Shaikh.
Reply

Welcome, Guest!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up
Iceee
02-26-2013, 09:04 PM
Salaam.

Ja'Zakullah for your replies.

format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
Your friend is not allowed to wear chastity ring again after he converted to Islam.
format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
I think you should explain to your friend the levels of zina, the punishments for those who commit it, the rewards for those who refrain from it, and ways to protect oneself from the fitnah of the opposite sex.
format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
I don't think the ring itself will harm him or anyone, but what will harm him is accepting the concept of purity from a christian perspective and not understanding it from the Islamic perspective.
The thing is before I talk to him myself, I always see him with the Imam of our masjid talking to him. Alhumdulillah he even goes madressa there at the local masjid which I didn't know until a friend told me today. I'm guessing the Imam must know of this situation for the new convert, and will in time tell him about the issue of rings inshallah. So like Sister Fairy said, I'll let the Imam do his job and not interfere. My friend did tell me he is a virgin and has never had a girlfriend alhumdulillah, the ring is probably his protection for now whether he is Muslim or Christian.
Reply

Iceee
02-26-2013, 09:15 PM
Salaam.

format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
I read a blog written by a christian woman who used to wear a chastity ring, but she'd do everything else with her bf and felt like half a virgin when she was married. She also mentioned that there's a misconception by christians that if you remain chaste, your marriage will be perfect amongst other assumptions that cause misguidance and don't seem logical, but they still follow it because it's what they are taught. In her blog I could tell that she felt kind of angry for remaining chaste because her marriage did not work out and she ended up divorced, so she felt like the honor of the woman has little to do with virginity.
I like to read blogs from time to time, but here's the thing. SOME are fake/lies.

This one for example when someone might read it on this forum, they may feel like, "well, if it happened to her, it can happen to me." Next thing you know, the person is doing zina because of this person's blog. Thinking that it is best to be loved before marriage.

If this blog is true, I feel like I can see the mistake. I'm studying psychology in school and I came to a conclusion of this. THIS IS NOT ALWAYS TRUE, DON'T COME AFTER ME! When a man and woman are together maybe as boyfriend/girlfriend or even living under the same roof, it creates expectations when the two decide to get married.

For example, let's say I have a girlfriend astakfirulah. After marriage, I would expect her to maybe start cleaning our house when before we got married, she never used to do this. This then causes anger which leads to hate, and eventually cheating/affairs/divorce. Another example could be the two spending so much time together before marriage, after marriage the couple's "fun" wares off. This leads to separation.
Reply

*charisma*
02-27-2013, 12:20 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
This one for example when someone might read it on this forum, they may feel like, "well, if it happened to her, it can happen to me." Next thing you know, the person is doing zina because of this person's blog. Thinking that it is best to be loved before marriage.
I think you misread what I wrote, or maybe I'm misunderstanding you..

format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
I read a blog written by a christian woman who used to wear a chastity ring, but she'd do everything else with her bf and felt like half a virgin when she was married.
To reiterate, I was saying that the christian woman did have a boyfriend before she was married, committed a lot of zina/sexual acts EXCEPT having intercourse because she was taught that she should remain a virgin until she was married. She said that by the time she was married, due to all the zina she commited anyway, she felt like she was 'half a virgin' and as she began having problems in her marriage, she realized that being a virgin does not constitute a perfect marriage.

In islam we're not taught that "virginity = perfect marriage," we're taught that both men and women should remain pure for Allah's sake not committing any levels of zina beginning simply from a harmful glance to the great sin of adultery. We're advised to seek marriage partners on the basis of good iman, not on predisposed notions that love, money, virginity is necessary in order for a marriage to work, and we can see this through the examples of the Prophet's (sallahu 3alahi wa salaam) marriages.

My whole point is that Allah orders women and men to remain chaste for their own benefit and for the sake of Allah alone, and this is only one part of what purity is in islam. In other religions and beliefs, "chastity rules" may differ and cause confusion for it's followers and end up making them disregard that specific teaching because their belief system doesn't provide an easy and logical outline on how to handle it or what to expect when things don't go perfectly, thus they end up just giving up and following their own desires.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam
Reply

Iceee
02-27-2013, 12:34 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
To reiterate, I was saying that the christian woman did have a boyfriend before she was married, committed a lot of zina/sexual acts EXCEPT having intercourse because she was taught that she should remain a virgin until she was married. She said that by the time she was married, due to all the zina she commited anyway, she felt like she was 'half a virgin' and as she began having problems in her marriage, she realized that being a virgin does not constitute a perfect marriage.
I used different examples. If you do start doing zina/sexual acts like you said, why not have intercourse? Who taught her to be a virgin when she was to be married? Overall, the person(s) which told her not to have intercourse before marriage should have at least said something about not doing other sexual acts as well. People need to realize that some men are just in a relationship because the girl was a virgin. He got what he wanted; fun. Marriage wasn't necessary for the two. Should have stayed BF/GF ImO.




format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
In islam we're not taught that "virginity = perfect marriage," we're taught that both men and women should remain pure for Allah's sake not committing any levels of zina beginning simply from a harmful glance to the great sin of adultery. We're advised to seek marriage partners on the basis of good iman, not on predisposed notions that love, money, virginity is necessary in order for a marriage to work, and we can see this through the examples of the Prophet's (sallahu 3alahi wa salaam) marriages.
Virgin at marriage in no way guarantees a perfect marriage. A lot of problems do occur which the couple has to go through. IMO, a non-virgin should be allowed to marry a virgin if they have repent for past sexual sins. Because we don't know if people change until we're married.





format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
My whole point is that Allah orders women and men to remain chaste for their own benefit and for the sake of Allah alone, and this is only one part of what purity is in islam.
What benefits?
Reply

*charisma*
02-27-2013, 01:45 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
I used different examples. If you do start doing zina/sexual acts like you said, why not have intercourse? Who taught her to be a virgin when she was to be married? Overall, the person(s) which told her not to have intercourse before marriage should have at least said something about not doing other sexual acts as well. People need to realize that some men are just in a relationship because the girl was a virgin. He got what he wanted; fun. Marriage wasn't necessary for the two. Should have stayed BF/GF ImO.
I know, I'm not arguing against you. I'm just saying in this particular blog that's what happened. It's not something that's rare either. Lots of christians have relationships and commit acts of zina while remaining virgins. From my understanding, some are taught it's ok to be intimate (not sure to what degree) with their bf/gf as long as intercourse is not involved. In Islam however, having a bf/gf is forbidden, so no question to what degree intimacy is allowed lol.

format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
Virgin at marriage in no way guarantees a perfect marriage. A lot of problems do occur which the couple has to go through. IMO, a non-virgin should be allowed to marry a virgin if they have repent for past sexual sins. Because we don't know if people change until we're married.
Exactly and marrying a non-virgin is allowable and there's nothing wrong with it as long as that person has repented like you said. In the Quran though, Allah does state it's better for the pure to marry the pure and for the impure to marry the impure. I'm not a scholar or anything, so I can't comment much on that, but I do know for a fact that once virginity is removed from a girl (not sure about the guy) it changes her in a way that I can't really explain.

format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
What benefits?
This might get a little long lol. I'll start out by saying the biggest benefit of all is pleasing Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

As I said, being chaste is only a PART of purity. Virginity is a product of internal purity. For example if a girl is raped, it doesn't deter from her purity, it just means her virginity was taken away. In the sight of Allah, she is still as pure as one who has never been touched, because her purity is from within her, it's like a characteristic not just a physical thing. She herself may have a feeling of shame or disgust, and that's normal to feel because her body has been violated in the most extreme way.

During the times of jahiliyya, zina was something that was rampant. There's a reason Allah commanded it to stop. One of the reasons is because it made men despise women and see them as something very dehumanizing. It also was a factor for homosexual acts because and it still is (I've heard many times where men/women say they are bored of sleeping with the opposite sex and are searching for something different). Women had to pay a dowry to the man to get married to him. Men buried their daughters and saw sons as superior.

When Islam came along it extinguished all of that and made the woman more honorable than she ever was before in the eyes of the people. Allah ordered for them mahr and proper marriage. He taught both men and women that they have to be modest and cover themselves (if you read about the characteristics of the prophets (pbut) and their companians (may allah be pleased with them) they all were extremely modest and shy to expose themselves, nothing compared to today!), He forbade the burying of baby girls. He ordered women to not bring attention upon themselves and to protect themselves from nonmahrem men and for men to protect their daughters and wives. And there is so much more than this.

Fast forward now and you can see the differences between nonMuslims who are sexually active vs Muslims who are not.

My nonMuslims friends DESPITE how many relationships they've had and experiences they've had with the opposite sex, still don't know how to keep a relationship going or how to be happy in their relationship. They often used to come to me for advice. Both the men and women would have very low self esteem and dress up to please the opposite sex and try to catch their attention. It's a part of their daily routine. How many times have you heard where men or women go to bars and get drunk simply to get the courage just to ask someone out or to "loosen up". Or they go to filthy places like clubs, find someone, and sleep with this stranger. They've sold themselves for free. Some even end up with an STD or even murdered, kidnapped, or raped. You also see how men belittle rape saying disgusting comments like "oh I bet she liked it". My high school had a lot of pregnant teenagers and now they are raising the kids alone. What kind of life is this for the mother or the kids?? I can go on and on. There's also the other extreme like the life of popes and nuns where they "marry themselves to god" and then you hear cases of sexually abused children by these high and noble figures in society.

Allah protects us from all of this and more. Allah does not restrict us from being with the opposite sex, but He also doesn't tell us that it's ok to follow our desires. He sets guidelines and sent us a messenger (pbuh) to teach us those guidelines and show us how to live them.

Zina doesn't just have effects on the two who did it, but on all of society, especially if it becomes a common thing.

One last thing, and this is a little minuscule, but if you commit zina once before marriage and you have repented for it, allah may forgive you but it's really difficult to forgive yourself and move from it because you can't rewind time, you can't forget it, and everytime you are with your spouse whom you'll love in a way that's inexplainable, you will feel like you have deceived her or that you don't deserve her and you would wish that every part of you was reserved for her, regardless if your marriage lasts or not. Marriage is just a more honorable thing because you're asking Allah's permission to be with this person and He is granting you this honor and permission and even blesses this marriage, whereas zina is going against what Allah has ordered for you and is one of the worst of sins. Even passionately looking, kissing, or touching someone outside of marriage can have the same effects of shame and regret because you are allowing yourself to eat what's not meant for you to indulge in. That person might be someone else's spouse in the future. You have dishonored her father for not asking his permission to have her. You have disrespected her mother for all the years she's raised her to protect herself, and you have impurified yourself inwardly because the second you accepted to commit the zina was the same second you decided to leave the folds of islam to follow your desire.

Fi aman Allah
w'salaam
Reply

'Abd-al Latif
02-27-2013, 02:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
My friend converted to Islam two years ago. He volunteers at the local masjid, inshallah he tries to pray 5 times a day, he memorized a few surats which allows him to pray on his own at home and without the imam, and he even fasts. He became a very nice muslim IMO.

He does however wear a chastity ring on his left hand. He says it means that he refrains from anything sexual until marriage. He got this when he was 10 years old from a church. I don't know, is he allowed to wear it and will his namaaz count if he does?
Wearing a ring for this purpose can be classed as shirk because a ring does not have any power to bring benefit or harm. It is guidance and protection from Allah that enables one to remain chaste.

Allah says about His chosen Prophet, Yusuf :as:, whom the wife of al-azeez tried to seduce:

وَلَقَدۡ هَمَّتۡ بِهِۦ*ۖ وَهَمَّ بِہَا لَوۡلَآ أَن رَّءَا بُرۡهَـٰنَ رَبِّهِۦ*ۚ ڪَذَٲلِكَ لِنَصۡرِفَ عَنۡهُ ٱلسُّوٓءَ وَٱلۡفَحۡشَآءَ*ۚ إِنَّهُ ۥ مِنۡ عِبَادِنَا ٱلۡمُخۡلَصِينَ

And indeed she did desire him and he would have inclined to her desire, had he not seen the evidence of his Lord. Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves. (Quran 12:23)



He should throw this ring away and put his trust in Allah.
Reply

Iceee
02-27-2013, 09:00 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by 'Abd-al Latif
Wearing a ring for this purpose can be classed as shirk because a ring does not have any power to bring benefit or harm. It is guidance and protection from Allah that enables one to remain chaste.

Allah says about His chosen Prophet, Yusuf :as:, whom the wife of al-azeez tried to seduce:

وَلَقَدۡ هَمَّتۡ بِهِۦ*ۖ وَهَمَّ بِہَا لَوۡلَآ أَن رَّءَا بُرۡهَـٰنَ رَبِّهِۦ*ۚ ڪَذَٲلِكَ لِنَصۡرِفَ عَنۡهُ ٱلسُّوٓءَ وَٱلۡفَحۡشَآءَ*ۚ إِنَّهُ ۥ مِنۡ عِبَادِنَا ٱلۡمُخۡلَصِينَ

And indeed she did desire him and he would have inclined to her desire, had he not seen the evidence of his Lord. Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves. (Quran 12:23)



He should throw this ring away and put his trust in Allah.
Mind explaining what the ayat is saying? I don't understand it nor do I understand how the fitting of a ring fits in.
Reply

Iceee
02-27-2013, 09:23 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
I know, I'm not arguing against you. I'm just saying in this particular blog that's what happened. It's not something that's rare either. Lots of christians have relationships and commit acts of zina while remaining virgins. From my understanding, some are taught it's ok to be intimate (not sure to what degree) with their bf/gf as long as intercourse is not involved.
"Premarital sex is forbidden by Christianity and practiced by many Christians. Drinking is permitted, but drunkenness is not."
From what the blog and your post is saying; Remember, Sex is Sex! Oral Sex and Intercourse mean the same thing... Sex right? So who cares about whether or not she actually lost her virginity. She actually lost in during oral. Kissing is allowed in Christianity but no further than that. She was in no way pure for marriage.

Also, don't say, "Lots of Christians have relationships and commit acts of zina while remaining virgins."
Christians will say, "Muslims do that also."
We're all human beings.


format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
Exactly and marrying a non-virgin is allowable and there's nothing wrong with it as long as that person has repented like you said. In the Quran though, Allah does state it's better for the pure to marry the pure and for the impure to marry the impure. I'm not a scholar or anything, so I can't comment much on that, but I do know for a fact that once virginity is removed from a girl (not sure about the guy) it changes her in a way that I can't really explain.
"It's better for the pure to marry the pure and for the impure to marry the impure."
So let's take the woman in the blog as an example... Do you consider her to be pure?




format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
This might get a little long lol. I'll start out by saying the biggest benefit of all is pleasing Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
You pleas Allah Subhanahuwatallah by praying five times a day, reading the Quran, learning more about Islam etc. Virginity isn't as important because you can repent after-wards. If you stay away from Islam for so long, you won't be able to repent when you die.




format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
Fast forward now and you can see the differences between nonMuslims who are sexually active vs Muslims who are not.
In my area, I don't see many differences.


format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
My high school had a lot of pregnant teenagers and now they are raising the kids alone. What kind of life is this for the mother or the kids??
My high school is facing cases of suicides and trying to deal with it. When I was in my freshman year of high school, I heard (rumour) that a Grade 12 girl got pregnant, commit suicide. It's sad. It would have been better if she became a mother and got Government help to raise children.


format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
One last thing, and this is a little minuscule, but if you commit zina once before marriage and you have repented for it, allah may forgive you but it's really difficult to forgive yourself and move from it because you can't rewind time, you can't forget it, and everytime you are with your spouse whom you'll love in a way that's inexplainable, you will feel like you have deceived her or that you don't deserve her and you would wish that every part of you was reserved for her, regardless if your marriage lasts or not.
I'm guessing that is why a lot of Muslims prefer to have their daughter or son who is a virgin and has very good Iman to marry someone else who is like that.
Reply

*charisma*
02-28-2013, 01:22 AM
assalamu alaikum

format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
"Premarital sex is forbidden by Christianity and practiced by many Christians. Drinking is permitted, but drunkenness is not."
From what the blog and your post is saying; Remember, Sex is Sex! Oral Sex and Intercourse mean the same thing... Sex right? So who cares about whether or not she actually lost her virginity. She actually lost in during oral. Kissing is allowed in Christianity but no further than that. She was in no way pure for marriage.

Also, don't say, "Lots of Christians have relationships and commit acts of zina while remaining virgins."
Christians will say, "Muslims do that also."
We're all human beings.
I didn't say she was pure for marriage o.O I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying since I feel you're being defensive or something, and there's no reason to be since we're on the same page lol. As for intercourse itself, it's when the two parts meet. If they do not, it's not intercourse. I was sharing the story not to degrade Christians or anything, but rather to show how even some sort of zina being allowed (eg. kissing) can lead to other things simply because it was taught that it's ok. Whereas in islam, we're taught that no form of zina is allowed.

I shouldn't have said christians, but rather nonMuslims in general. I don't know many muslims who have had premarital sex or relationships, but most of the nonMuslims that I know have. That doesn't mean all of them have, but eventually most of them lose their virginity before marriage. Furthermore statistically, most marriages in the US fail because of adultery, which is even worse.


format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
"It's better for the pure to marry the pure and for the impure to marry the impure."
So let's take the woman in the blog as an example... Do you consider her to be pure?
Firstly she's not pure because she's not Muslim. She's considered nijis.
If she were a muslim, I would not consider her pure because she's still committing acts of zina, which puts her in the state of kufr.
If she repented, she would be considered "pure" again.
If she committed premarital intercourse and she repented and did good acts she'll be pure and good again, but her virginity will not come back to her.
The meaning of that ayah is basically the good are for the good, the bad are for the bad. It might not have anything to do with virginity itself, wa allahu a'lem.

Marrying someone chaste is not an obligation, it's sunnah. You can even marry a widow and that might even be considered better for you than a virgin depending on your situation. It's just different marrying a virgin vs a nonvirgin in regards to experience and life. There's some innocence connoted to virginity in general. Sure there are virgins who are promiscuous, but most are not. Any sin will take away from the purity of a person, especially if he feels no remorse for his sin and does not repent.


format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
You pleas Allah Subhanahuwatallah by praying five times a day, reading the Quran, learning more about Islam etc. Virginity isn't as important because you can repent after-wards. If you stay away from Islam for so long, you won't be able to repent when you die.
So would you teach your daughter that it's ok for her to lose her virginity as long as she repents? What makes you 100% sure that if you committed zina knowing it's haram and allowing yourself to think that it's ok to do it because you can repent, that Allah will accept your repentence?

You please Allah by following His commands. You stay away from what is forbidden, which means protecting your virginity, and you practice what is recommended and allowed. There's an ayah in the Quran that clearly says "do not even come near zina" and another ayah which states to beat the fornicators with 100 lashes without allowing compassion to move us. It is also one of the sins that if allah does not forgive it's punishment will be doubled on the day of judgement. While you are committing a sin you are in a state of kufr. To you maybe the subject of virginity is very small, honestly I think that's ignorance on your part, because Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala made this as something honorable and high regardless of your opinion of it. If it wasn't important, then we'd be allowed to lose our virginity before marriage, right? Committing other lower acts of zina (eg, kissing, touching, oral sex) are more forgiveable than committing intercourse because their expiation is salaah. However in the case of intercourse, if your expiation does not occur in the dunyaa (ie. lashes) and you decide to conceal it and sincerely repent then it will be up to Allah whether or not to forgive you in the akhira. You have to go to an extreme to commit zina.

In my opinion, virginity is not a big deal only when it comes to marrying someone who lost their virginity but repented and in the cases of rape. Otherwise, with ourselves, it should be a big deal because we have to protect ourselves from fitnah and learn to control our desires.


I'm just going to end what I say with only Allah knows who is truly pure and who is not. Just be insightful about who you are marrying. If that person is practicing and has all the features that a good muslim spouse should have, then their past sins should not matter to you. A sin can lead a person to jannah because he repented for it and became a better person out of it. In contrast a good deed can make a person feel prideful and lead him into the depths of jahannum.

fi aman allah
w'salaam
Reply

Al-Zaara
02-28-2013, 03:01 AM
I guess it boils down to the scenario if he takes off this ring, what are his thoughts and feelings? Does he feel he has "betrayed God" "broke a promise with God", because he's not wearing his chastity ring? Does he feel that "he is in more danger to be 'impure'" now that he is not wearing it? He might be attaching superstitious beliefs, which as a brother earlier said, might be classified as shirk. As an example, wedding rings in Islam are not an obligation. If you wear one for 20 years and then stop, it doesn't nullify your marriage. You haven't betrayed your wife/husband, or God. It might have sentimental value, but you don't attach superstitious beliefs.
Reply

Ibn Abi Ahmed
02-28-2013, 03:39 AM
I don't think he thinks the ring protects him from anything?

format_quote Originally Posted by 'Abd-al Latif
Wearing a ring for this purpose can be classed as shirk because a ring does not have any power to bring benefit or harm. It is guidance and protection from Allah that enables one to remain chaste.

Allah says about His chosen Prophet, Yusuf :as:, whom the wife of al-azeez tried to seduce:

وَلَقَدۡ هَمَّتۡ بِهِۦ*ۖ وَهَمَّ بِہَا لَوۡلَآ أَن رَّءَا بُرۡهَـٰنَ رَبِّهِۦ*ۚ ڪَذَٲلِكَ لِنَصۡرِفَ عَنۡهُ ٱلسُّوٓءَ وَٱلۡفَحۡشَآءَ*ۚ إِنَّهُ ۥ مِنۡ عِبَادِنَا ٱلۡمُخۡلَصِينَ

And indeed she did desire him and he would have inclined to her desire, had he not seen the evidence of his Lord. Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves. (Quran 12:23)



He should throw this ring away and put his trust in Allah.
Reply

Ibn Abi Ahmed
02-28-2013, 03:48 AM
My understanding of a 'chastity ring' (or a 'purity ring' as it's known as sometimes) is that it is merely worn to indicate to anyone who might want to ask the wearer out that that the wearer is abstaining from pre-marital relations. I don't think anyone believes that that ring does anything in and of itself in leading a person to or away from zina? Nor do I think anyone attaches any sort of superstition to the ring? It merely indicates that the individual is practicing abstinence - which is a praiseworthy characteristic.

I feel like no one is speaking of a chastity/purity ring with a clear definition of what exactly is meant by it (in the context of the person the OP is referring to) and therefore are jumping from vague discussions on purity, shirk and etc. Maybe we should define what exactly the object is and what intention the individual is wearing it with before we jump to conclusions?
Reply

Iceee
02-28-2013, 04:04 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
I didn't say she was pure for marriage o.O I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying since I feel you're being defensive or something, and there's no reason to be since we're on the same page lol. As for intercourse itself, it's when the two parts meet. If they do not, it's not intercourse. I was sharing the story not to degrade Christians or anything, but rather to show how even some sort of zina being allowed (eg. kissing) can lead to other things simply because it was taught that it's ok. Whereas in islam, we're taught that no form of zina is allowed.
Well, when a Christian reads it, they will surely get mad just like someone saying, "Most Muslims are Terrorists." Most of us Muslims will indeed get mad. Don't say "Most" since most Christians don't have sex before marriage. Say "Some" instead since you don't actually know but have an idea.


format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
I shouldn't have said christians, but rather nonMuslims in general. I don't know many muslims who have had premarital sex or relationships, but most of the nonMuslims that I know have.
Well, looking at the time in which you reply to this thread, I'm guessing you live on the other side of the world. If you come to Canada and even the U.S, look at the Muslim teenagers involved in a relationship with other non-mahrams. There are many reasons why they do it but you can't judge all Christians and Muslims just from your countries experience, you have to see all the countries and all the people who are religious or not. Ask any Muslim living in Canada and U.S, u'll see how Muslims and Christians have pre-marital relationships.



format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
That doesn't mean all of them have, but eventually most of them lose their virginity before marriage. Furthermore statistically, most marriages in the US fail because of adultery, which is even worse.
What do you mean by this? Losing virginity before marriage is fornication. Then you say about adultery which is basically cheating on your spouse. Where do you get these stats from?


format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
If she were a muslim, I would not consider her pure because she's still committing acts of zina, which puts her in the state of kufr.
Actually, I'm guessing she feels wrong of what happened and wishes that she hadn't done all those sexual things before marriage which in turn led to a failed marriage. She repent.


format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
Marrying someone chaste is not an obligation, it's sunnah. You can even marry a widow and that might even be considered better for you than a virgin depending on your situation. It's just different marrying a virgin vs a nonvirgin in regards to experience and life. There's some innocence connoted to virginity in general. Sure there are virgins who are promiscuous, but most are not. Any sin will take away from the purity of a person, especially if he feels no remorse for his sin and does not repent.
What do you consider chaste?

Sexual Experience can be a factor yes. A virgin is less experienced than a non-virgin if she has had sex with multiple people. This can in turn ruin the sexual relations in a marriage. That's probably why virgins should marry a virgin as well so they could learn together. A non-virgin may be disappointed but it's probably for the best.



format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
So would you teach your daughter that it's ok for her to lose her virginity as long as she repents? What makes you 100% sure that if you committed zina knowing it's haram and allowing yourself to think that it's ok to do it because you can repent, that Allah will accept your repentence?
How about you? What would you say to your daughter? What if your daughter was having a relationship? Will talking to her work... Not really. No1's perfect. You have to remember that. Forgiveness must be given. And doesn't Allah Subhanahuwatallah forgive everyone that repents? Or not?



format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
To you maybe the subject of virginity is very small, honestly I think that's ignorance on your part, because Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala made this as something honorable and high regardless of your opinion of it. If it wasn't important, then we'd be allowed to lose our virginity before marriage, right? Committing other lower acts of zina (eg, kissing, touching, oral sex) are more forgiveable than committing intercourse because their expiation is salaah. However in the case of intercourse, if your expiation does not occur in the dunyaa (ie. lashes) and you decide to conceal it and sincerely repent then it will be up to Allah whether or not to forgive you in the akhira. You have to go to an extreme to commit zina.
Ignorance? I'm just saying that we should forgive. Think about it. All forms of sex is the same. If you have oral, why not have intercourse? Talk to any Imam, you'll see that oral and intercourse are worth the same amount of sins. Nothing more, nothing less according to Allah Subhanahuwatallah. Sins are sins. If what you're applying is true, then it is okay for a man/woman to have oral sex but remain a virgin, true or not true? Is being a virgin important still. For example, you are about to get married to a man who has done zina in the past but says he is still a virgin and he repent, will you still marry him or not?
Reply

*charisma*
02-28-2013, 11:42 AM
Assalamu Alaikum

format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
Well, when a Christian reads it, they will surely get mad just like someone saying, "Most Muslims are Terrorists." Most of us Muslims will indeed get mad. Don't say "Most" since most Christians don't have sex before marriage. Say "Some" instead since you don't actually know but have an idea.
To be honest, whether they get mad or not, I don't care, what I've said weren't lies nor did I say them harshly. Go on a christian forum and see how they act there. MOST christians and nonmuslims do have premarital sex, if it's more than 50% then it's most. This isn't an English class. They know they have these problems as well. In every health class that I've taken in high school and uni, we've had to discuss all the issues of premarital sex, young teenage pregnancies, STD's, rape, etc. Some lose it as early as middle-school age, but most before they leave high school. I have Christians in my family, most of them lost their virginity before marriage, the ones that didn't are closer to their muslim side of the family and refrain from having relationships all together. I've met a few virgins of other faiths, but it wasn't by choice..they just couldn't get in a relationship, so if that opportunity came to them, they admit they'd go for it. I also have many revert friends who have had premarital sex before they became muslim. Are there Christians who follow their religion and abstain from the same things Muslims do? Yes, but they are RARE.

If you need statistics here:

In 10 out of 12 developed nations with available data, more than two
thirds of young people have sexual intercourse while still in their
teens. In Denmark, Finland, Germany, Iceland, Norway, the United
Kingdom and the United States, the proportion is over 80 per cent.
In Australia, the United Kingdom and the United States,
approximately 25 per cent of 15 year-olds and 50 per cent of 17 yearolds have had sex (Figure 10).


Source

Almost all Americans have premarital sex, says a report published Tuesday that analyzes federal data over time and suggests programs focusing on sexual abstinence until marriage may be unrealistic.
"The reality of the situation is that most people had premarital sex, and it's been that way for several decades," says Lawrence Finer, director of domestic research at the Guttmacher Institute, a New York City-based non-profit organization that studies reproductive and sexual health.

The study, which used statistics from the 1982, 1988, 1995 and 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, asked about 40,000 people ages 15-44 about their sexual behavior and traced the trends in premarital sex back to the 1950s.

Of those interviewed in 2002, 95% reported they had had premarital sex; 93% said they did so by age 30. Among women born in the 1940s, nearly nine in 10 did. At the same time, people are waiting longer to marry; 2005 data show median age at first marriage is just over 25 for women and 27 for men.

Source

The majority of the US identifies as the christian faith.

format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
Well, looking at the time in which you reply to this thread, I'm guessing you live on the other side of the world. If you come to Canada and even the U.S, look at the Muslim teenagers involved in a relationship with other non-mahrams. There are many reasons why they do it but you can't judge all Christians and Muslims just from your countries experience, you have to see all the countries and all the people who are religious or not. Ask any Muslim living in Canada and U.S, u'll see how Muslims and Christians have pre-marital relationships.
I'm American, but for the past couple of months I've been overseas which is the reason for the timing of my replies. I was speaking strictly about the christians in the US. Sure I can't judge every single christian or muslim, I'm not Allah, but I never said I was even trying to or expressed that I was. Nor did I say that there aren't muslims that don't have premarital sex or relationships, but the reality is that most do not have premarital sex. If you read my replies, they clearly say "In the US.." I don't want to bounce around and talk about other countries as well, but you can surely find the statistics of those if you're so interested.

format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
What do you mean by this? Losing virginity before marriage is fornication. Then you say about adultery which is basically cheating on your spouse. Where do you get these stats from?
It's a common fact. Search it if you like. I mentioned adultery because regardless of premarital sex, adultery is common as well in the US. So either way, having sex with different people whether married or not is not a big deal there. In fact, if there's any emphasis on refraining from sex, it's only so that there aren't any unplanned pregnancies and STD's, otherwise it's considered OK.


format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
Actually, I'm guessing she feels wrong of what happened and wishes that she hadn't done all those sexual things before marriage which in turn led to a failed marriage. She repent.
Reread what I said. When you are still committing acts as in you're in the act of sin, you are in a state of kufr. When you "feel bad" then that is a state of regret, and when you do something about it like worship, then you're in the state of repentance.

format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
What do you consider chaste?
Pure, untouched.
It can also mean not having any sex.


format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
How about you? What would you say to your daughter? What if your daughter was having a relationship? Will talking to her work... Not really. No1's perfect. You have to remember that. Forgiveness must be given. And doesn't Allah Subhanahuwatallah forgive everyone that repents? Or not?
I'd teach her what my mother taught me at a young age. If you have a good open relationship with your kids and teach them the correct ways of the deen, they won't be sleeping around or trying to be in a relationship. There's more to life than trying to fulfill a sexual desire, and it's really not that difficult. I grew up and was raised in America, all of my female cousins got married and never had premarital sex or previous relationships. Like I said, a girl with a conscience would really have to be crossing some boundaries before she gets to a point where she sleeps with a guy, and it's not an easy thing to do. We learn from the mistakes of the people around us, we shouldn't be so stubborn to ignore them and make the examples of ourselves in such a terrible way.

And whether talking to them will work or not, you still should talk to them and remind them. You are not the source of guidance, Allah is, but you should be patient and keep trying to lead them towards the right path.

Does Allah forgive everyone who repents? Allahu a'lem. That returns to the sincerity in our hearts and the purity of our actions and what Allah decides, we can't always be 100% sure and have that arrogance.




format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
Ignorance? I'm just saying that we should forgive. Think about it. All forms of sex is the same. If you have oral, why not have intercourse? Talk to any Imam, you'll see that oral and intercourse are worth the same amount of sins. Nothing more, nothing less according to Allah Subhanahuwatallah. Sins are sins. If what you're applying is true, then it is okay for a man/woman to have oral sex but remain a virgin, true or not true? Is being a virgin important still. For example, you are about to get married to a man who has done zina in the past but says he is still a virgin and he repent, will you still marry him or not?
Oral sex and intercourse are not the same, their expiation for them is NOT the same. You need to learn more about that. If you're the type of person that thinks "oh I committed a sin, I'm tarnished I should just go and be a commit all wrong acts" then you need to re-evaluate your iman. The levels of your actions will effect you. Oral sex effects you less than having intercourse. For a man it may not make any difference to him whether it's oral or intercourse, men don't really care as long as they are getting their desire fulfilled, but for a woman there is a HUGE difference in losing your virginity vs keeping it. A physical change occurs with the woman, her hymen breaks. The majority of her sexual organs are internal, meaning NOTHING has touched them. A man is quite different. That's something you really are proving you have no grasp of.

There are different levels of sins, some are worse than others. for example, telling a lie is not as bad as committing shirk. Not worth the same on the scale. You could also argue, "If someone stole a piece of candy, why doesn't he just go into the store and commit an armed robbery." That's your way of thinking...it's not mine nor is it part of the deen.

I'm not talking about "forgiveness." Besides, I'm living for Allah, not for you or anyone else, so whether a human forgave me for having sex or not, would not really make a difference to me, nor should it for someone else.

If someone masturbated, he's committed a form of zina.
If he hugged a girl, he's committed a form of zina.
If he's had phone sex he's committed a form of zina.
If he did not lower his gaze and lustfully gazed at a girl, he's committed a form of zina.

The reality is, most men commit these forms of zina all the time. If he's repented to Allah who am I to judge him afterwards? My concern is how he will act while we are married, his akhlaq and adhab, if he prays on time, etc. I also prefer not to know about his past sins UNLESS they are a cause of concern and carry into the marriage. You need to be wary of those who choose to follow their desires when they know the boundaries that Allah has set for them. Those people will be losers on the day of judgement and Allah will turn away from them because they chose shaitan as a companion over following Allah's commands.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam
Reply

ardianto
02-28-2013, 01:39 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
I shouldn't have said christians, but rather nonMuslims in general. I don't know many muslims who have had premarital sex or relationships, but most of the nonMuslims that I know have.
In Indonesia I don't see difference between Muslims and non-Muslims in this matter. Even sometime I think, in maintain chastity, Christians (especially Catholic) are better than Muslims in average. In Indonesia, of course.
Reply

*charisma*
02-28-2013, 02:59 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

Jazak allahu khair for sharing brother. I can't say I know much about the statistics in Indonesia and I should have clarified that when I spoke i was talking about the US since that's where I was raised. There are areas in the world where there are a lot of nonmuslims who do not indulge in premarital sex. I think India is one of them too. There are also a lot of nonMuslim Arabs who are the same way. I think it has to do with the culture itself. If there's a lot of muslims in the culture and they are living peacefully with the nonMuslims, then they both kind of stick to their belief systems, wa allahu a'lem. And you're right about catholics, they are more serious about maintaining their chastity, I've known a few. I've also met christians who are more religious in their faith than muslims are in their own faith. However like I said, in America, it's not really common to meet these people. Sex is a part of American culture and it's accepted.

With the issue of the chastity ring, it was created as a motivation for people to keep their promise to God to not have sex. If it were not a common thing, then would they have had to come up with a form of chaste symbolism?

May Allah guide us all and prevent us from falling into error ameen.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam
Reply

ardianto
02-28-2013, 04:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
Assalamu Alaikum

Jazak allahu khair for sharing brother. I can't say I know much about the statistics in Indonesia and I should have clarified that when I spoke i was talking about the US since that's where I was raised. There are areas in the world where there are a lot of nonmuslims who do not indulge in premarital sex. I think India is one of them too. There are also a lot of nonMuslim Arabs who are the same way. I think it has to do with the culture itself. If there's a lot of muslims in the culture and they are living peacefully with the nonMuslims, then they both kind of stick to their belief systems, wa allahu a'lem. And you're right about catholics, they are more serious about maintaining their chastity, I've known a few. I've also met christians who are more religious in their faith than muslims are in their own faith. However like I said, in America, it's not really common to meet these people. Sex is a part of American culture and it's accepted.

With the issue of the chastity ring, it was created as a motivation for people to keep their promise to God to not have sex. If it were not a common thing, then would they have had to come up with a form of chaste symbolism?

May Allah guide us all and prevent us from falling into error ameen.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam
Wa'alaikum salam

In Indonesia we do not regard extramarital sex as non-Muslim behavior, but as behavior of Western people that have left religious value.

Indonesia is not an Islamic country, but a "nation of believers" which atheism is against the law and religion is obligated to taught to school students in accordance with their religion. Every student, whatever his/her religion, must be has been taught to not do sexual relationship before getting married.

But, yaaah, there's always people who forget about it, although in percentage is very low compared with Western youth.
Reply

Iceee
02-28-2013, 09:24 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ibn Abi Ahmed
I don't think he thinks the ring protects him from anything?
Salaam.

I talked my friend today. Of course he was still wearing the ring. I talked to him kindly and told him that the ring which he got from a Christian Church isn't allowed to be worn if he has converted to another religion like Islam. He asked what made this ring different from a wedding ring or a normal ring some Muslim men wear. I told him it's because he got it from a Christian Church and it symbolizes another religion other than Islam.

He said he will talk to his Mol-e-sab (The Imam of masjid) tonight inshallah.
Reply

Iceee
03-01-2013, 02:18 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
To be honest, whether they get mad or not, I don't care, what I've said weren't lies nor did I say them harshly. Go on a christian forum and see how they act there. MOST christians and nonmuslims do have premarital sex, if it's more than 50% then it's most. This isn't an English class. They know they have these problems as well. In every health class that I've taken in high school and uni, we've had to discuss all the issues of premarital sex, young teenage pregnancies, STD's, rape, etc. Some lose it as early as middle-school age, but most before they leave high school. I have Christians in my family, most of them lost their virginity before marriage, the ones that didn't are closer to their muslim side of the family and refrain from having relationships all together. I've met a few virgins of other faiths, but it wasn't by choice..they just couldn't get in a relationship, so if that opportunity came to them, they admit they'd go for it. I also have many revert friends who have had premarital sex before they became muslim. Are there Christians who follow their religion and abstain from the same things Muslims do? Yes, but they are RARE.
To be honest, I'll agree to most you say. When I took Gym in Grades 9, 10, 11, we also had to take health class and we had to pass health class in order to pass Gym Class. They forced information about Birth Control Pills, Ovulation, Period, Condoms etc. in out heads and continued to put these on tests to avoid teen pregnancies. The students, staff, school board, and the Canadian Government knows that students are sexually active in sex during their high school years. I agree with that.

I'll also agree with the fact that some men if they weren't shy, scared of STD's, etc. they would go for a girl right away. It's just the way men are, control is necessary.

What I'm trying to say is, don't say, "Most" because not all Christians are like that. Look at nuns, priests, and people who refrain from pre-marital sex.


format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
Pure, untouched.
It can also mean not having any sex.
Define: Pure.
Would a rape victim be considered untouched?


format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*
I'd teach her what my mother taught me at a young age. If you have a good open relationship with your kids and teach them the correct ways of the deen, they won't be sleeping around or trying to be in a relationship. There's more to life than trying to fulfill a sexual desire, and it's really not that difficult. I grew up and was raised in America, all of my female cousins got married and never had premarital sex or previous relationships. Like I said, a girl with a conscience would really have to be crossing some boundaries before she gets to a point where she sleeps with a guy, and it's not an easy thing to do. We learn from the mistakes of the people around us, we shouldn't be so stubborn to ignore them and make the examples of ourselves in such a terrible way.
Don't you think a lot of Muslims teach their son/daughter in this way? But society will eventually get to them. Are you married? Have children? Parents of high school kids may know what I am talking about.
Reply

Iceee
03-01-2013, 10:23 PM
Salaam.

Just returned from school. Have to go work now :cry:

Came on to tell you great news. I signed out at school to go to second jumah prayers at local masjid. Not many people were there for second namaaz so I saw my converted friend there as well who wore the chastity ring. BUT when I saw him just now, I didn't see the ring on his finger!

He said he talked to the his mol-e-sab last night (The Imam of Masjid) and the Imam explained to him about rings and about shirk just like previous posters have stated. He said he took the ring off and gave it to his mol-e-sab. I smiled and told him he is one more step closer to junnat. He agreed and the Imam of the masjid said the same to him. :)

Please close this thread.
Ja'Zakullah for everyone's help.

:threadclo
Reply

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up
British Wholesales - Certified Wholesale Linen & Towels | Holiday in the Maldives

IslamicBoard

Experience a richer experience on our mobile app!