Please help! JazakhAllah

[anonymous]

Salaam, there's a brother who studies in the same place I do. We've been friends (just hi, how are you sort of thing) for three years since we've been studying together. Lately we've been talking more (please can I point, not anything in a flirtatious manner), and he seems like such a nice brother and I've found myself considering him as a potential partner - masAllah he carries a lot of qualities I have in mind. However I have made mistakes before and this time I want to do everything in the right way, I don't want to "love him", I want to love for the sake of Allah but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this? Also, what shall I do about the situation? I don't think he sees me in that way at all but how will I ever find out?

JazakhAllah Khair

[tigerkhan]

:sl:
May be many ppl disagree with me but I will say let him know by mail SMS or whatever. Or let some one from ur friend talk to him about this n let families involved in the matter if he is serious too. actually u don't know whether u love someone or not esp in such cases n we came to know when we lost them. My prayers r with u. Best of luck. But its good to have istahara prayer first.

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum

I don't disagree with brother Tigerkhan. However, I don't suggest you to send mail, or SMS or whatever because I'm sure you don't know the right way to 'send a sign'. It's better if he know about your feeling from the third parties.

But sis, it's better too if you don't too expect him. If you like someone you should ready for two possibilities, be happy, or get disappointment.

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

Salaam, there's a brother who studies in the same place I do. We've been friends (just hi, how are you sort of thing)

at the beginning , it remains like this . Later Satan encourages people to commit more sin , satan will surely tempt u 2 in future . So , avoid the bro pl.


If he wants to marry u , he must talk to ur parents . Now stop mixing with opposite gender .

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[anonymous]

Im finding it really difficult and I dont know what to do, I dont think I would able to tell him. I dont think hes thinking about marriage at the moment and it really breaks my heart

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

If you know for sure that he's not thinking about marriage, then it's best to just let things go. If he enjoys your company and really likes you, he will make the effort to show you that he misses your company when you stop talking to him. Make du'a to Allah that He sends you someone who is best for you and your iman, regardless of the feelings you have for this person. Really, put your trust in Allah and try to do things as pure as possible. Allah knows you are already bettering yourself for Him, so surely He will take care of you inshallah, make things easy for you, and bring things to you instead of you pursuing them.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam

[anonymous]

Jazakhllah for the valuable advice, it has really made me think... So do you think I should sort of avoid seeing him for a while?
Also sister, I've been planning to do Istiqhara prayer about this issue, to pray for guidance from Allah and see if I should continue pursuing this hope etc., but I haven't been able to pray for this past week. However, I still make dua in my mind for Allah to guide me, and last night I did the same - that night I had a dream which was very positive (I heard that I shouldn't talk about what I see in dreams otherwise I would've said what I saw), but it was a really good one, and I woke up feeling really happy. Do you think it was just wishful thinking that caused it, or could it be a sign?
I know I may be taking it a bit extreme, but I would be really grateful for your thoughts!

Jazakhallah khair

[tigerkhan]

:sl:
Developing feeling for any non-mahram before marriage is haram. Seeing, talking unnecessary is also not permissible. Do u want to marry someone who has attachment with someone else. Ppl also don't want it for themselves so if u can't marry him just don't involve urself in fitna.

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

Jazakhllah for the valuable advice, it has really made me think... So do you think I should sort of avoid seeing him for a while?

Wa iyaki. Yes, I think you should avoid him. I've been told by males in my family, and including my own husband, if a guy really likes you, he will pursue you and would not want to lose you. This is also from personal experience. The only way you would know this is if you do not talk to him for the sake of allah and removing yourself from fitnah. If you tried to pursue him and you weren't sure about his feelings, you'll feel rejected if you didn't get the answer you wanted to hear, or something worse can happen like him taking advantage of your feelings, even if he doesn't seem like the type to do so. However, since you are sure about your own feelings and you are putting your trust in Allah, then between now and the time you do get married, something will happen inshallah that will facilitate a marriage, whether it's with this guy or with someone else. You will know how he feels about you with time inshallah.

Also sister, I've been planning to do Istiqhara prayer about this issue, to pray for guidance from Allah and see if I should continue pursuing this hope etc., but I haven't been able to pray for this past week. However, I still make dua in my mind for Allah to guide me, and last night I did the same - that night I had a dream which was very positive (I heard that I shouldn't talk about what I see in dreams otherwise I would've said what I saw), but it was a really good one, and I woke up feeling really happy. Do you think it was just wishful thinking that caused it, or could it be a sign?

Istikhara, from my knowledge, is not based on dreams.
Dreams are of 3 types: From Allah, from shaitan (these are the types you shouldn't share), and from yourself. Sometimes if you're thinking about something too much, it will appear in your dream. So it could be that whatever you dreamed, was just from your own self wanting something.

Istikhara is based on what's going on around you and how you feel internally. For example, if you made istikhara to marry someone, and afterwards you had doubts about this person (even if you already like him), and/or if circumstances are making it much more difficult to marry him (eg. his/your family don't approve, car accident on his way to asking for your hand, things begin to change for the worse concerning the marriage, etc), then i would mean Allah is trying to push you away from being married to this person. Since you are developing feelings for him, it's best to not act on those feelings for now since you are not sure about a lot of things at the moment. It's usually obvious when a guy likes a girl, and since you can't tell, then you shouldn't try to pursue anything, because at least if you were able to tell, you could take the appropriate measures in discussing the future with him and your family.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam

[anonymous]

Salam sister,

I read an article written by an imam sometime back that says that you will not be questioned for your feelings but will be questioned for your actions.But it does not mean that we involve our self in unwanted feelings on purpose.

It is natural that you have liked the company of this brother and see him as a potential husband.But sister,this is a slippery slope.You may not do anything beyond talking but Allah has asked us to limit our interaction for many reasons.I am sure,a God fearing sister like you would not intend to fall into any 'fitna',but dealing with heartbreaks is a test in itself.Allah made us humans with emotions and he tests us in different ways.

The best way to deal with this situation is to ask your parents to talk to his parents.If things fall in place,then well and good.It will be the decision of Allah.If not,then Allah wants something better for you and you should stop expecting anything from this brother and move on.Trust me,Allah wants better for you so do it the way He wants it.Take the correct route and there will be blessing in it.If you embark upon the road of 'getting to know' his feelings in a mnnar that displeases Allah,then there will be no barakah in this,no matter how good you or the concerned boy are.
So involve your parents at the earliest without develpoing strong feelings for him.Try.If you fail,then be happy that you will get someone better.And move on.

May Allah bless you with what is best for you and grant you a happy and successful life in this world and the hereafter.Ameen

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Im finding it really difficult and I dont know what to do, I dont think I would able to tell him. I dont think hes thinking about marriage at the moment and it really breaks my heart

the fact that you said that should be sending off alarms

[anonymous]

Jazakhallah khairun for all of your advice. I will definitely be taking this on board..

[anonymous]

Jazakhallah sister may Allah help you with any difficulties you're facing

[anonymous]

Jazakhallah sister shukran for your advice. May Allah ease any difficulties you may face