Disabled Wife Divorce Valid

[anonymous]

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I have an issue which has tormented me for many months. My wife is disabled, she was in a car accident two years ago and as a result became paralysed from the waist down. Her hands work fine and she takes care of herself without any need of assistance Mashallah. Alhamdulliah she was fine and able bodied when I met and married her, and remained so for the first ten years of our marriage. Since she has became disabled I have been unhappy because she is disabled and I dont want to be married to her as a result of that. I have put up with it for two years already subhanallah. I know thats this may offend alot of people but I am really unhappy to be married to such a person. Is her illness/ disability a valid ground for divorce. Please my brothers and sisters understand my dispair, and please include both quran and hadith evidence if you can.

Salam Alaikum

[Iceee]

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...rce-valid.html

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I have an issue which has tormented me for many months. My wife is disabled, she was in a car accident two years ago and as a result became paralysed from the waist down. Her hands work fine and she takes care of herself without any need of assistance Mashallah. Alhamdulliah she was fine and able bodied when I met and married her, and remained so for the first ten years of our marriage. Since she has became disabled I have been unhappy because she is disabled and I dont want to be married to her as a result of that. I have put up with it for two years already subhanallah. I know thats this may offend alot of people but I am really unhappy to be married to such a person. Is her illness/ disability a valid ground for divorce. Please my brothers and sisters understand my dispair, and please include both quran and hadith evidence if you can.

Salam Alaikum

Salaam.

I cannot reply to your post because of the section it is in and cannot send you a private message because of you account. Please if you would like to talk, make an account and private message me. Inshallah this post get's moved to meet your answer question.

Now, it is the duty of the whole society to establish schools for those persons and secure them due care so that they become good members of the society and that they benefit themselves and their families. In the West, great care is shown to the disabled. It is duty of we Muslims to shoulder the responsibility of showing the utmost care to those people, for, according to the teachings of our religion, those persons are sources of Divine mercy and blessings being showered on us now and then. They are the weak for whose sake we are given sustenance and made victorious. In his hadith, our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: 'You are given sustenance and victory for the virtue of those who are weak amongst you.' If those Westerners show mercy and care to the disabled out of human motives, we, Muslims should do so out of both human and religious motives. In Islam, we are commanded to show mercy to everything in this world. In the hadith: 'Show mercy to those on earth so that He Who is in the heavens (i.e., Allah) bestow mercy to you.'"

[GuestFellow]

:wa:

Oh please don't divorce her! =( That's so sad. So yeah don't leave her. She will get upset and depressed. You will feel guilty.

[ardianto]

:sl:

We didn't know what would happen to us until something happen to us.

When I married my wife I was never thinking that something would be happen to her. She was a beautiful woman, and frankly, it made me proud. But now, cancer that attack her bone has made her paralyzed from the waist down, and she has lost her beauty.

But I'm never thinking to divorce her. I know, what happen to her is a taqdeer (destiny) that has been written by Allah, and I didn't have power to prevent it.

It's not easy to live as a husband who have a wife like this. But Alhamdulillah, Allah gives me an amazing power, something that called love. Yes, I still and always love my wife. Even I love her more than before. This is the amazing power that makes her still has a will to survive.

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...ll-better.html


Brother, try to see your problem from different point of view. Imagine if the person that got accident was not your wife but you. And now your wife ask divorce. What's you feel?.

May Allah give love in your heart.

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[tigerkhan]

:sl:
suppose u r in her place, what would you like for ur self... a divorce or her care in that difficult time? life is not about only caring yourself or running after ur desires but to care for the feeling of other as well.
dard dil ka wastay pada kia insan ko...

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:


u may take another wife without divorcing first wife .

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

From what I understand, there is no such thing as needing a grounds for divorce in Islam. A man can just utter the words and the marriage would be finished, from an Islamic perspective. Maybe someone can clarify..

However, I think it's really really really bad that you would want to do such a thing.

If you stay with her, take care of her and be good to her whilst staying patient, the rewards you can gain would be uncountable.

Conversely, Allah might remove some of his mercy from you for leaving her.

Allah gives great hardship to the ones he loves and if your wife inshaAllah is one of Allah's beloved, if I were you, I wouldn't want to be the person who causes the beloved of Allah to become sad and upset.

The story of Ayub Alaihe Salam and his wife come to mind.

Maybe take another wife and still look after the first one (and be fair to both, very important). That might be the better option than leaving her altogether. She must feel really depressed herself and you leaving her on top of that is likely to make her more upset.

Anything can happen in life, it may be that if you divorce and marry another, Allah chooses to test you with the exact same thing as your wife and your own new wife leaves you.

[Futuwwa]

Brother, you have a duty to provide for her and take care of her. If not you, who will? If you leave her helpless and destitute, how will you answer for it on the day of judgment?

[~Zaria~]

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I have an issue which has tormented me for many months. My wife is disabled, she was in a car accident two years ago and as a result became paralysed from the waist down. Her hands work fine and she takes care of herself without any need of assistance Mashallah. Alhamdulliah she was fine and able bodied when I met and married her, and remained so for the first ten years of our marriage. Since she has became disabled I have been unhappy because she is disabled and I dont want to be married to her as a result of that. I have put up with it for two years already subhanallah. I know thats this may offend alot of people but I am really unhappy to be married to such a person. Is her illness/ disability a valid ground for divorce. Please my brothers and sisters understand my dispair, and please include both quran and hadith evidence if you can.

Salam Alaikum

:salamext:


Brother, you are fortunate that the members here have been so kind in their response to you.

A kindness which you truly do not deserve.

What type of a person are you, to even consider abandoning the woman who gave you the best 10 years of her life because: "I have been unhappy because she is disabled and I dont want to be married to her as a result of that."

I have put up with it for two years already subhanallah.

You have 'put up with it' for 2 years?
You speak with such contempt for a woman who is enduring a whole lot more than you!
A woman that you were happy to share her better days with, but now that Allah has placed a difficulty in her life - you are the first to consider bailing out.

Think of all the sacrifices she has made on your behalf over the years.
Do you imagine that she would treat you the same if you were paralysed?
Or would she stand by your side till the very end?
How would you feel if your loved ones abandoned you - simply because of a physical disablilty?
Or do you think that you are immune from a similiar fate?

Marriage is not just a physical union, which ends once the external appearance fades.
True love for the sake of Allah (subhanawataála), for His pleasure and for the love of each other - is one where you would want to see that person in Jannah with you.

Where the happiness of your beloved is your happiness.
Where her pain is your pain.
Where her trials are your trials.....and you face them TOGETHER. Not walk out the door as soon as tragedy strikes.

You are aware that it is permissible for you take another wife in such a situation.
Yet you have not even mentioned this possibility.
Your only solution to this test from Allah Taa'la is a divorce?

How delighted must Shaytaan be at this, for he loves to see marriages end.

Brother it is not for us to tell you whether to stay in this marriage or not.
For if you are so "despaired" and "unhappy to be married to such a person" (this "such a person" is still your wife, even if she cannot walk) - and you do not consider another marriage, with equal treatment to both spouses as an option for you - then, you need to reflect on the state of your heart.

Certainly it sounds devoid of those emotions of love, mercy and kindness that make us human.
A heart that has grown so hard - is one that is far, far away from the love of Allah azza wajjal and His Nabi (sallalahu alaihi wasalam).

Truly, the problem does not lie with your wifes disability.
But with yours.

Her legs may be now 'dead' - In shaa Allah, it may be a means for her entering Jannah.
But what can be worse than a 'dead' heart - this is an even more serious 'disability'.


May Allah (subhanawataála) open your heart, fill it with His mercy and love, that we humans feel for one another.
And may He grant your wife the strength and sabr through this trial, and make it a means of elevating her status in the aakhirah.
Ameen


:wasalamex

[~Zaria~]

^ Seriously akhee, theres a time for jokes and theres a time to be serious about a matter.

If you were in the shoes of a paralysed wife, whose husband is planning on deserting you after over 10 years together.....for no other reason, but for your physical disability - then, I doubt you would be expressing the same.

If someone is only interested in people in their good times, and cannot show love and kindness when they are at their lowest......then, how can they expect kindness from others?

You can tell alot about someone - not in the manner that they treat those who are in high and favoured positions......but by how he treats the person who has nothing to offer him.

[GuestFellow]

^ Trust me I'm serious. You can't be mean to people! =)

[Futuwwa]

No matter how miserable you are caring for your paralyzed wife, Hell is probably even more miserable. Just saying.

[Scimitar]

:sl:

We didn't know what would happen to us until something happen to us.

When I married my wife I was never thinking that something would be happen to her. She was a beautiful woman, and frankly, it made me proud. But now, cancer that attack her bone has made her paralyzed from the waist down, and she has lost her beauty.

But I'm never thinking to divorce her. I know, what happen to her is a taqdeer (destiny) that has been written by Allah, and I didn't have power to prevent it.

It's not easy to live as a husband who have a wife like this. But Alhamdulillah, Allah gives me an amazing power, something that called love. Yes, I still and always love my wife. Even I love her more than before. This is the amazing power that makes her still has a will to survive.

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...ll-better.html


Brother, try to see your problem from different point of view. Imagine if the person that got accident was not your wife but you. And now your wife ask divorce. What's you feel?.

May Allah give love in your heart.

Is it only me, or do others recognise that Allah has made the path to Jannah easier for you due to your staying with your wife and supporting her instead of abandoing her in her hour of need. I admire you bro, for the sake of Allah... you're my modern day hero!!! And I do mean that.

Even Christians, when they marry, take the vow of "in sickness and in health" and here, we have a Muslim brother (posting anonymously - and rightly so) with a genuine concern but no idea what the true value and responsibility of marriage is.

Brother Anonymous, do not negate the chance to earn reward and make your path to jannah easy... this life is but a test - NEVER FORGET THAT!

Scimi

EDIT: to anyone who advised taking a second wife - not an option, I don;t think this brother can maintain fairness to both wives should he decide to take another.

[anonymous]

Salam, Thank you brothers and sisters so much. your comments have been an eye opener for me. I love my wife dearly, but life has not been easy. I wrote that message which seemed so full of resentment because something had happened earlier that day which had changed my mood for the worse. I also have a history of depression which I've had since I was 17. But alhamdullilah I do love her. I will dedicate as much of my time to my wife as she had dedicated her time to for the past 12 years by looking after our 2 beautiful children at home. It is not an easy road and sometimes there will be ups and down, and inshalllah may allah make me a more understand and patient person which I am not. I will remain with my Wife, and inshallah I will take her ummrah this year and may it make me into a better person. Excuse my earlier outburst. Thank you brothers and Sisters, I better get going I have a family meal to cook :)

[ardianto]

Is it only me, or do others recognise that Allah has made the path to Jannah easier for you due to your staying with your wife and supporting her instead of abandoing her in her hour of need. I admire you bro, for the sake of Allah... you're my modern day hero!!! And I do mean that.

Jazak Allah Khayr, brother, although actually you don't need to praise me excessively. I just do what I should do, like other people do when someone in their family need their special attention.

Indeed, if you look at me and my wife you would not see a blood connection between me and my wife. We were born from different parents. But look at my kids, so you would see a blood connection between me and my wife on them.

:)

[Scimitar]

you don't need to praise me excessively

I was trying to hold back :)

Scimi

[Scimitar]

Salam, Thank you brothers and sisters so much. your comments have been an eye opener for me. I love my wife dearly, but life has not been easy. I wrote that message which seemed so full of resentment because something had happened earlier that day which had changed my mood for the worse. I also have a history of depression which I've had since I was 17. But alhamdullilah I do love her. I will dedicate as much of my time to my wife as she had dedicated her time to for the past 12 years by looking after our 2 beautiful children at home. It is not an easy road and sometimes there will be ups and down, and inshalllah may allah make me a more understand and patient person which I am not. I will remain with my Wife, and inshallah I will take her ummrah this year and may it make me into a better person. Excuse my earlier outburst. Thank you brothers and Sisters, I better get going I have a family meal to cook :)

Alhamdulillah, :)

You made me smile there bro. :) big smiles, and bro hug :)

Scimi

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

to anyone who advised taking a second wife - not an option, I don;t think this brother can maintain fairness to both wives should he decide to take another.

how do u know he can't maintain fairness ? If he can control his desire and can be happy with disable wife , it's not a must for him to take another wife . But when a husband is unhappy because wife is invalid , in that case if he is financially able , he may take another wife to avoid possible illegal relationship .


We can't force anyone to stay in an unhappy marriage . Islam gives men a lovely chance to get reward by taking care of sick wife , at a same time , he won't be deprived from a normal life .

Dr . Jamal Badawi wrote about such case that a non Muslim has 3 options . 1. stay like a bachelor till wife dies . 2. divorce wife that is quite inhumane 3. maintain a secret , illegal affair.

To OP bro , may Allah gives u patience and strength and grants what is best for u all.

[Scimitar]

how do u know he can't maintain fairness ?

Most men cannot. This is the modern age, not 1400 years ago, when men were better than the men today. This is my prime justification.

Having said that, when I was on jamaat years ago, I met a Mayasian brother who had 4 wives... I found that hard to believe, but believe it I did. The character he displayed was admirable too.

Scimi

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i think your forgetting how short this life is by focussing so much on how difficult your marriage is.


if you gave up the desire of this world through the greatest struggle (Jihad un-nafs) you will get the greatest reward in the hereafter.


persevere bro

[Hamza Asadullah]

:sl:

Whenever you feel despair regarding your wife then ALWAYS think to yourself that it could easily have been you who had been in your wifes place and were paralysed from the waist down. How would you have felt if she had similar thoughts like you to divorce you?Even if you did leave her for another woman then what guarantee is there that you would ever be happy? Or that she would treat you right? You would always be consumed with utter guilt having left your wife.

So you should thank Allah abundantely for giving you such a wonderful wife who would have totally devoted herself to looking after you if you were in her position. So be utterly thankful to Allah and appreciate your wife as she deserves to be appreciated and reap the huge rewards of being patient through trials and treat your wife the best for your reward is with Allah and he will reward handsomely to those who spent this life trying to please him.

May Allah give us patience and be of those who desire to please him the most. Ameen