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Bint-e-Adam
04-06-2013, 09:24 AM
Assalam o Alaikum :)
Allah says if we will forgive others then HE will forgive us,.
and what if we do not forgive other?
will it be a sin
only because that person is again and again breaking your heart. then again and again you are forgiving him. is it right to forgive him again and again??
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sister herb
04-06-2013, 11:22 AM
Originally Posted by seeking_hidayat
only because that person is again and again breaking your heart. then again and again you are forgiving him. is it right to forgive him again and again??
Salam alaykum

If person hurts you again and again and ask sorry and after that continue his/hers bad acts against you it would be good to think was his/hers apology honest at all.

We better ask Allah to help this person to leave his/hers bad habits and if it is possible, stop contacting kind of person (even until he/she really will change his/hers behavior).
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Futuwwa
04-06-2013, 12:29 PM
Forgiveness is only relevant after repentance by the guilty party.

Forgiveness is a virtue, but not an obligation.
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glo
04-06-2013, 04:42 PM
Originally Posted by Futuwwa
Forgiveness is only relevant after repentance by the guilty party.
That's interesting.

I wonder, is there still a benefit in forgiving somebody, even if s/he has NOT repented?
---

Any thoughts? This is an interesting topic!
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Bint-e-Adam
04-07-2013, 04:47 PM
Yups. it is interesting. but what if someone hurts you again and again? if we forgive him again and again only due to thsi that he is your husband? then? what if he hurts u and then come to you after some days . and order you to become happy? then what is the self respect of woman? what should a woman do?
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sister herb
04-07-2013, 05:12 PM
Salam alaykum

It tells that there is something wrong in the marriage. Kind of situation in marriage life might be very traumatising to wife if it continues years. Woman might lost hers self-confidence (specially if husband is abusive and oppressive). If serious talking with him doesn´t help, is it possible in this situation ask help from someone outside like imam or therapist?
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Bint-e-Adam
04-07-2013, 05:17 PM
yups i will try it too :) jazakiALlah
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glo
04-07-2013, 05:31 PM
I agree that a husband to continues to cause his wife distress and then expects her to be forgiving is a different scenario.
A good and loving husband should consider the feelings of his wife.
Sister harb's advice is a good one.
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Eric H
04-07-2013, 06:38 PM
Greetings and peace be with you seeking_hidayat;

Forgiving is mentioned three times in the 99 Names of Allah, it might just be an inspiration for how we lead our own lives.

14, The Repeatedly Forgiving
34, The Much-Forgiving
82, The Pardoner, The Effacer, The Forgiver

In the spirit of praying for the people who offend us,

Eric
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Hulk
04-07-2013, 06:41 PM
Wa alaykumsalam

We have to reflect upon our own misdeeds and ask ourselves whether or not we want to be judged fairly or mercifully. If you want to be judged mercifully, then be merciful to others. If you want to judge others fairly, then you ought to expect the same treatment for yourself.

Of course as with everything else the situation must be understood properly. The Prophet(pbuh) was always forgiving to those who have wronged him however we mustn't forget that he was also the leader of his community which meant that when it came to certain things he must be just.

Keep in mind I am speaking in general though. I don't really know what your current situation is so there's not much I can comment but I think you've already gotten some good advice :)

We are entitled to justice, but it is better to forgive.
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'Abd-al Latif
04-07-2013, 07:17 PM
Originally Posted by seeking_hidayat
Assalam o Alaikum :)
Allah says if we will forgive others then HE will forgive us,.
and what if we do not forgive other?
will it be a sin
only because that person is again and again breaking your heart. then again and again you are forgiving him. is it right to forgive him again and again??

وَسَارِعُوٓاْ إِلَىٰ مَغۡفِرَةٍ۬ مِّن رَّبِّڪُمۡ وَجَنَّةٍ عَرۡضُهَا ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتُ وَٱلۡأَرۡضُ أُعِدَّتۡ لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ (١٣٣) ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِى ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلۡڪَـٰظِمِينَ ٱلۡغَيۡظَ وَٱلۡعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِ*ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِينَ

And march forth in the way (which leads to) forgiveness from your Lord and for Paradise as wide as are the heavens and the earth prepared for Al-Muttaqûn (the pious). Those who spend [in Allâh's Cause] in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger and who pardon men; verily, Allâh loves Al-Muhsinûn (the good - doers). (Qur'an 3:133-134)
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greenhill
06-08-2013, 02:34 PM
In short, I don't believe not forgiving is a sin.

But the emotional aspect (absolutely nothing to do with the forgiveness aspect) is entirely different altogether. When we forgive, there should be a burden lifted off from us by no longer harboring any sense of injustice that's needs to be 'righted'. So the virtue of forgiveness means we can carry on with our lives without carrying the dissatisfaction of being wronged.

However, in this particular case, the situation is abusive and will effect us emotionally due to the uncertainty. imsad
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Yanal
06-09-2013, 04:11 AM
Originally Posted by Bint-e-Adam
Assalam o Alaikum :)
Allah says if we will forgive others then HE will forgive us,.
and what if we do not forgive other?
will it be a sin
only because that person is again and again breaking your heart. then again and again you are forgiving him. is it right to forgive him again and again??
:sl: Sister,

Did you know that Prophet Muhammad(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) faced merciless persecution for 13 years, but he did not even consider reproaching his opponents. In spite of having the full power in his hand, he forgave all those opponents who afflicted pain upon him from the core of his heart and set a noble example of forgiveness for the us to follow. Prophet Muhammad(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) laid a huge emphasis on his followers to pardon others as it is reported by Abu Huraira said that Musa asked "Who is the most honourable of Thy servants, to whom Prophet Muhammad(Peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) replied "He who pardons when he is in a position of power."

That being said, why are you letting him break your heart continuously? If you aren't happy for whichever reason, and feel that whatever is happening to you is not justice, don't keep any relation with such a man. You shouldn't keep going back to a person that only intends on hurting you. May Allaah guide you and bless you, ameen.
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Periwinkle18
06-09-2013, 06:41 AM
Forgiveness is way better if you forgive ppl here maybe Allah mite forgive u in the hereafter I know its very hard buh that's what I do I just let things go forgive n then try to forget..
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ardianto
06-27-2013, 03:52 PM
Originally Posted by Periwinkle18
Forgiveness is way better if you forgive ppl here maybe Allah mite forgive u in the hereafter I know its very hard buh that's what I do I just let things go forgive n then try to forget..
Sometime we must only forgive but not forgetting.
.
Few years ago someone broke my trust, he ran with my money. Last year I meet him again. I forgive him, but I did not forget what he had done. I will not entrust my money to him again.

:)
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