^ MashaAllah ukthi, that was beautifully said!
I just have a few thoughts to share:
When we are young, our expectations in life are almost 'idyllic' - we want everything to be perfect: our spouse should be chaste, righteous/ God-fearing with a good sense of humour (and good-looking!)
I think most of us held such expectations and hopes, and to some degree, this type of 'fairytale' thinking is fuelled by the Hollywood/ Bollywood romances that we consume......in fact even starting before this - e.g.the types of bed-time stories our parents may have read to us (e.g. Cinderella, Snow White, etc. - "and they all lived happily ever after").
As we mature, and life throws us challenges in our way - and our own lives end up not being as 'perfect' as WE had planned, we realise how important it is, to let go of these types of notions.
e.g. We may end up widowed/ divorced, or we may not marry young at all.
In these cases, its not practical or logical to hold onto some of our past expectations.
It may be only then, that we realise that the notion of 'virginity' is actually over-rated, and often doesnt really mean too much.
We may also realise that EVERYONE has a past - because everyone makes mistakes.
BUT, not everyone is regretful/ remorseful for their past short-comings.
And as sister charisma has mentioned, this is actually what distinguishes between people.
It is normal to desire a pure and chaste partner in life. Indeed, this is what we are encouraged to consider when marrying a prospective spouse.
However, one should also realise that we should not be requesting another to reveal his/ her sins.
And that, what matters, is a persons relationship with Allah Taa'la and His Nabi (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) at this
point in time.
We realise that not everyone has the 'psychological make-up' to be able to over-look anothers indiscretions in his/ her past life.
Even for the most understanding person, there are some 'mental barriers'/ standards that we may have in place that prevents us from accepting certain past habits - e.g. not many may be able to over-look someones past of having had a looong string of affairs previously, no matter how pious he/ she appears at present.
This is understandable, and we all have our own individual 'thresholds' from this point of view.
However, we should be able to be a little compromising in shaa Allah, and be able to consider each person on his/ her individual merit, rather than shunning a whole class of people, who may have slipped up momentarily/ are only human.
If not, we may be missing out on someone who has made soo much istigfaar and tauba, and may be standing each night in tahajjud, begging for forgiveness - that now he/ she has become so very beloved to Allah.
In fact, Allah (subhanwata'ala) may have even completely blotted out that persons previous sins from his/ her book of deeds - such that, it is as though they did not even exist!
So, I think we should avoid the following types of statements in shaa Allah:
Originally Posted by Ahmad H
The interpretations of the quoted ayaat in the OP needs to be taken in more context, and not in isolation.
I think if someone appears to be pleasing to you, and they are objectively making efforts to LIVE their lives for Allah - in their efforts in ibaadat, following the sunnah of the prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) and giving up that which attaches our hearts to this dunya, then read istikhaarah and, He
will guide you towards that which is beneficial to you.