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Asiyaah
05-10-2013, 09:42 PM
Hello,

It seems I only post here when I'm going through a spiritual crisis of sorts then continuously fall further away. I converted to islam in 2008. I spent many years researching before converting. After converting, however, I became very overwhelmed with rules, practices, and a language I just couldn't grasp. A complete utter loneliness and isolation. I would go back to my 'normal' life. But of course a deep void within my soul continues during my 'normal' life as well. I would then try to learn how to pray and become close to God and be obedient Instead my heart is hardened. I feel no connection to Islam. When I try to I only become very anxious, overwhelmed and feel alone. Is it not God's will that some are not to a part of Islam?
I miss the familiarity of christianity, the religion of my culture.
I'm not sure what to do.
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Muhammad
05-11-2013, 12:00 AM
Assalamu Alaykum sister Asiyaah,

I am saddened to hear of your spiritual crisis. In answer to your question, God wants good for us all and He loves that we follow His guidance:

...And He does not approve for His servants disbelief. And if you are grateful, He approves it for you... [Qur'an 39:7]

The lack of connection you are feeling is not because God is pushing you away. We can never think that. We are all His creation and He loves us more than we can imagine. Dear sister, I would like to bring your attention to a beautiful chapter in the Qur'an, and I would like you to read it as if God is talking to you personally:

Chapter 93: The Morning Hours

By the morning brightness
And [by] the night when it covers with darkness,
Your Lord has not taken leave of you, nor has He detested [you].
And the Hereafter is better for you than the first [life].
And your Lord is going to give you, and you will be satisfied.
Did He not find you an orphan and give [you] refuge?
And He found you lost and guided [you],
And He found you poor and made [you] self-sufficient.
So as for the orphan, do not oppress [him].
And as for the petitioner, do not repel [him].
But as for the favor of your Lord, report [it].


This chapter was revealed to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) during a time of sadness. It was revealed after he didn't receive revelation for a period of time, and the idolators began to say, `His Lord has abandoned him and hates him.' So then God revealed these verses to console His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). In the same way, these verses are a direct communication to each and every believer that God does not hate us, nor has He forgotten us. There's a video clip talking about this a bit further, if you'd like to listen to it here: http://www.islamicboard.com/islamic-...chowdhury.html

Many new Muslims do feel quite overwhelmed at first, and that is why we advise them to take things step by step. All of the rules and practices will not take place overnight. The religion of Islam itself was revealed gradually over the period of about 23 years. The focus at the beginning was building the foundation: believing in the Oneness of God and the Hereafter, Paradise and Hell, the Day of Judgement etc. You will find the chapters which were revealed earlier focusing on these aspects. Once these were in place, then further commands came. Even with the Arabic language, one only needs to learn the bare minimum phrases to begin with, and the rest can come later. So, focus on the most important things first and take things at your pace. The path to Paradise is surrounded by hardships, and life is full of tests. All of us will face ups and downs in our spiritual journeys and none of us are perfect. We must keep striving and moving forward, standing up each time we fall, and reminding ourselves that God will not place upon us a burden greater than we can bear.

I think the loneliness and isolation has a big role to play here. If you can get to know some Muslim sisters who can help you with the basics, it will really help you and give you confidence. Try to find any Mosques or Islamic centres near you, and they should be able to help. If not, perhaps sisters can help you online.

Keep praying to God to grant you strength and conviction to follow the truth. Ask Him as much as you can, and He will respond. He will make things easy. Put in as much effort as you can and place your trust in Him. Remind yourself of why you came to Islam, and don't let go of the truth. Your salvation depends on it.

Please do let us know if there are any specifics we can help with, and we are ready to help in any way we can, God-willing. May Allaah the Most High make things easy for you and fill your heart with contentment, conviction and keep you steadfast, Aameen.
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Hulk
05-11-2013, 12:24 AM
Sis, may I ask if you continued learning about Islam after converting and if yes how did you learn?
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MustafaMc
05-11-2013, 12:30 AM
Assalamu Alaikum Sister Asiyaah, I agree with Brother Muhammad wrote. I can relate to all you wrote, but I encourage you to be patient and go back to the basics of Islam. I advise you to not take the path I had taken as I left Islam 4 years after converting. I did not return until 16 years later when I reached 40. The question for me was how I would answer for my life on Judgment Day and why I did not worship my Creator in the manner He prescribed. There is much that is appealing to Christianity, but the foundation is like a house built on sinking sand instead of the bedrock of monotheistic faith.
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crimsontide06
05-11-2013, 01:20 AM
I am sorry you feel alone. I am understanding of how that can feel, I dealt with depression for several years.

You do not have to say the prayers or anything else in Arabic if you do not know arabic..

When I pray I hold a booklet with the prayers in it and read as I go along, eventually when I have it memorized I won't have to use it. Yes it is ok to have it while you pray.
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Muslim Woman
05-11-2013, 02:29 AM
:sl:


sis , don't try hard to be a ' perfect ' Muslim . Dont' overburden urself. Don't commit shirk and stay away from major sins like extra marital affiars that is now considered as part of a ' normal ' life.

If u still believe that God is one and Muhammed pbuh is His last messenger , then don't leave Islam pl. I'ts because for ur sake of the hereafter.

Many muslims don't pray regularly , don't fast , don't pay zakat but they are not officially abandoning Islam . For not obeying God's commands , they may be in fire for few days /months /yrs - Allah Knows Best and one day they will come out from fire. For disbeleivers , fire is eternal.

may Allah increases u in faith .
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YusufNoor
05-11-2013, 03:53 AM
Originally Posted by Asiyaah
Hello,

It seems I only post here when I'm going through a spiritual crisis of sorts then continuously fall further away. I converted to islam in 2008. I spent many years researching before converting. After converting, however, I became very overwhelmed with rules, practices, and a language I just couldn't grasp.

the Prophet, pbuh, taught the Companions for over a decade before there any "rules and practices" AND they were taught in a language that they understood.
don't expect to be a "saint" overnight. don't listen to other Muslims who "expect too much" from you. they just want you to be like them. you DO have some good brother and sisters in Ontario, though.

take some time and learn about Tawhid, try to focus on not committing shirk. learn the positions of prayer. if language is difficult for you, leave it be for a bit.


A complete utter loneliness and isolation.

do you know the poem, "Footprints"? you are in a similar situation. however, try to use this time to adjust to the Truth of Islamic Monotheism. if Allah has sent everyone away, perhaps it is because He wanted some time Alone with you.

I would go back to my 'normal' life. But of course a deep void within my soul continues during my 'normal' life as well. I would then try to learn how to pray and become close to God and be obedient Instead my heart is hardened. I feel no connection to Islam.

Allah is close, go ahead and take some time to work through your challenges. i sometimes wish i was tested like that. instead, Allah chose to test me with some real jerkoff Muslims. but Alhamdulillah, it made it that much easier to see some really awesome ones!

When I try to I only become very anxious, overwhelmed and feel alone. Is it not God's will that some are not to a part of Islam?
I miss the familiarity of christianity, the religion of my culture.
I'm not sure what to do.
:sl:

perhaps you could expand on the "religion of my culture"? the west is pretty secular today, so that statement puzzles me. were you Catholic?
i won't tell you how to act or think, but i would suggest some Mufti Menk. he has a nice way of "uncomplicating" things.



the Mufti has an extensive youtube page, this lecture was pretty good:



i found learning the life of the Prophet to be very educational and comforting. i like Brother Shalah's Serrah:

http://www.pleasantviewschool.com/me...wi%20%28saw%29

when you have time, Dr Philips has a great instructional series called The Foundations Of Islamic Studies, 21 parts. once you begin to truly understand Tawhid, your comfort level should increase. it's the only thing that really makes sense:



try not to "bite off more than you can chew" so to speak. the more you learn about the foundations of Islam, the more the other stuff makes sense.

May Allah make it easy on you!

there are many that will help you.

you only need to be you, you don't need to be anyone else!

peace
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Urban Turban
05-11-2013, 06:02 AM
:sl:

I am unable to reply to your thread (don't have sufficient privileges I think)

So, if you are truly looking to find a solution to your problem (and I believe you are) then I humbly suggest, for your own sake and for the sake of your own hereafter (Allah and His prophet (pbuh) are not going to gain anything or lose anything if anyone (including us) accepts or leaves the truth.

So please connect with a true Scholar, let me know and I'll forward you details of a Scholar in Can - someone inshaAllah who can address your issues.

Until that time, do make duas.

I strongly feel this is nothing but whispering's of satan. Nothing serious.

:wa:
Reply

Periwinkle18
05-11-2013, 07:59 AM
Reply

~Zaria~
05-11-2013, 08:47 AM
Originally Posted by Asiyaah
Hello,

It seems I only post here when I'm going through a spiritual crisis of sorts then continuously fall further away. I converted to islam in 2008. I spent many years researching before converting. After converting, however, I became very overwhelmed with rules, practices, and a language I just couldn't grasp. A complete utter loneliness and isolation. I would go back to my 'normal' life. But of course a deep void within my soul continues during my 'normal' life as well. I would then try to learn how to pray and become close to God and be obedient Instead my heart is hardened. I feel no connection to Islam. When I try to I only become very anxious, overwhelmed and feel alone. Is it not God's will that some are not to a part of Islam?
I miss the familiarity of christianity, the religion of my culture.
I'm not sure what to do.

:salam: sister Asiyaah,

I hope that you find the excellent advices provided by our brothers and sisters to be beneficial to you in shaa Allah.

My sister, what you are experiencing, occurs for many of us as well (even those who are born within the deen of islam).
Which is why we need to reach out to other brothers and sisters in our community, who are striving equally as hard to fight the type of trials we face in todays times.
As they say: Man was not created to exist as an 'island' - and indeed, you may realise that when you are on your own, Shaytaan tries even harder to weaken your resolve.

I have found a few useful sites for residents of Ontario:

http://www.baitulmukarram.com/mosques-in-ontario
http://www.islamcan.com/masjid/cgi-b...ovince=Ontario
http://bangladesh2000.com/bdcom/isla...ry_canada.html :

^ These provide contact details to local masjids as well as links to many other useful resources.

http://brantfordmosque.com/Home/tabid/56/Default.aspx

^ This masjid had a family halaqa yesterday, and Im sure they will have other events and lectures in the future in shaa Allah.
They also have a 'newcomer connection' project, so in shaa Allah you can have a look into it.

Also look out for muslimahs at school/ work - if you happen to see them, go over and introduce yourself; let them know that you are a new muslimah and start a conversation.
There are many sisters who would be happy to welcome you into their lives and in shaa Allah, introduce you to their circle of friends and family.

And in the periods when you are on your own - you can download lectures (as mentioned, Mufti Menk, also Nouman Ali Khan are excellent speakers to start off with) and listen to Islamic radio stations (you can stream them on-line) as well.

In these ways, you will in shaa Allah, be creating a mini- 'enviroment' for yourself, that is focussed on our deen and serving Allah.

Dont lose hope my sister.
Allah (subhanawataála) has blessed you with the greatest gift of all: Imaan.
If ever this gift is lost, there is nothing in this entire world, that could replace it.

So, safe-guard it and nurture it with all the resources that are available to you.

And you will see too, that when you make even small efforts in the direction of wanting to get closer to Allah, in shaa Allah, He will open new doors for you.


BarakAllah feekum,

:wasalam:
Reply

جوري
05-11-2013, 09:02 AM
:sl:

I think the most important issue here which no one is asking is what made you accept Islam in the first place? Was it a decision based on sound judgement, reason firm understanding and a satisfaction to the heart a conviction in the beliefs or out of some expectation?
Unfortunately trials are a part of life- I sometimes don't believe anyone is tried worse than me it's our mind creating that false belief and delusion and it makes it easier to wallow in self pity and a downward spiral made for one - we never focus on what's right when we perceive that everything is so wrong.
Even the quadriplegic man who needed daily help of someone disimpacting him from his bowel movement was taken to see someone worse off than he and couldn't believe it.
Those who have it worse of all seem to have the most grateful hearts.
Isn't everything about this world a temporary fix toward something else everlasting and permanent?
Islam like any road on life worth fighting for takes commitment, fortitude and a fighting spirit it's only going to get tougher- do you love God above all? If you do then prove it to yourself and God and if not then go back to what's comfortable!

Sry for typos it's a little after Fajr and I using phone to reply
:w:
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Asiyaah
05-13-2013, 01:51 PM
Thank you all for your responses to my thread. I've been working through the videos and articles suggested in hope of finding answers. I asked God to help me, to direct me to the path he wants for me.
I guess the trouble with faith is there is no proof that any of it is the truth.

I converted to Islam for a few reasons. One was I thought it would fill a void I had in myself. And it did for a very short period of time. I was also convinced that I would go to hell if I didn't' convert. My choice to convert was rather spontaneous and emotionally based. I was also quite young at the time and tended to do things without putting a lot of thought into it.

Christianity is what is most familiar to me, arguable it is what western society was built upon. Of course now we are a multicultural society.

This article basically sums up how I feel: http://mohamedghilan.com/2012/05/16/the-struggles-of-muslim-converts/

I
feel so disillusioned, that Islam turned out to not be what I thought it would be. When I first converted I had an overwhelming sense of relief and peace as my sins were wiped away and I wouldn't go to hell. But shortly after the feeling of peace left and all that was left was an overwhelming sense of guilt, shame and fear.

Thank you all for listening to my story and being very kind in your responses.
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Woodrow
05-13-2013, 02:21 PM
Originally Posted by Asiyaah
Thank you all for your responses to my thread. I've been working through the videos and articles suggested in hope of finding answers. I asked God to help me, to direct me to the path he wants for me.
I guess the trouble with faith is there is no proof that any of it is the truth.

I converted to Islam for a few reasons. One was I thought it would fill a void I had in myself. And it did for a very short period of time. I was also convinced that I would go to hell if I didn't' convert. My choice to convert was rather spontaneous and emotionally based. I was also quite young at the time and tended to do things without putting a lot of thought into it.

Christianity is what is most familiar to me, arguable it is what western society was built upon. Of course now we are a multicultural society.

This article basically sums up how I feel: http://mohamedghilan.com/2012/05/16/the-struggles-of-muslim-converts/

I
feel so disillusioned, that Islam turned out to not be what I thought it would be. When I first converted I had an overwhelming sense of relief and peace as my sins were wiped away and I wouldn't go to hell. But shortly after the feeling of peace left and all that was left was an overwhelming sense of guilt, shame and fear.

Thank you all for listening to my story and being very kind in your responses.
:sl:

This pain you are going through, is very heavy burden and trial. Part of it can be shed simply by understanding perfection is not expected.


Very often us reverts dive into Islam with an overwhelming zeal and desire to be the greatest Muslim of all time. We dive in at full speed and discover we can not duplicate our initial zeal. We exhaust our self and begin to feel like failures as we can not do all we think we are capable of doing.


The cure is very simple. Relax. Sit down and enjoy a cup of tea.


Relax with Islam and do not think of it as a challenge, look at how it can make your life easier, not as a contest.
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Muhammad
05-13-2013, 03:49 PM
Assalamu Alaykum sister,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and posting the article.

It is good you have taken the first step, which is asking God sincerely to help and direct you to the truth. Keep asking Him for guidance as much as possible, because guidance is from God alone. Even as Muslims, we continue to ask God for guidance in every prayer in recognition of the fact that we need God every moment of our lives to help us remain firm on the path of guidance and to make us even more persistent on it. The servant does not have the power to benefit or harm himself, except by God's permission. Therefore, God has directed us to invoke Him constantly so that He provides us with His aid and with firmness and success.

You said that your choice to convert was a spontaneous one and emotionally based. This may be a cause for some of what you are going through. It is all the more reason you should go back to the basics and build the foundation. I believe that there is proof for which direction is the truth. It does not make sense that God would create us but give us no indication of what He wants from us. He is the Most Just, the Most Merciful, and He does not want us to be misguided. That is why He has sent Messengers and Books to guide humanity to the truth. The last of these were the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of God be upon him) and the Qur'an. The previous books were corrupted over time because their protection was entrusted to their respective peoples. But God knew that He would be sending further Prophets to correct the distortions. In the case of the Qur'an, God promised to protect it Himself because no more Prophets would be coming after the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of God be upon him). That is why you will find that no book has been preserved like the Qur'an, and no science of verifying narrations matches the scrupulousness of verifying the teachings of the Prophet (peace and blessings of God be upon him). So in your studies, perhaps studying the Qur'an would be a good starting point. We believe that the Qur'an is not only the message for mankind, but it is also the miracle proving the truth of that message aswell. You will know from Bibical stories that God supported His Prophets with signs and miracles. The greatest miracle given to the last of His Messengers was the Qur'an. Here are some posts which detail some of the divine qualities of the Qur'an:
http://www.islamicboard.com/comparat...tml#post176538
http://www.islamicboard.com/clarific...ml#post1257311
http://www.islamicboard.com/discover...slim-life.html

Studying the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of God be upon him) is also a very strong evidence for the truth of Islam and would be well worth reading about. On the topic of proofs regarding the Prophethood of Muhammad (peace and blessings of God be upon him), some useful threads/posts:
http://www.islamicboard.com/clarific...d-prophet.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/comparat...tml#post194052
http://www.islamicboard.com/seerah/1...ophethood.html

In addition to revelations from God, we believe that God has created within us an internal measurement that allows us to recognise that Islam is the truth. Mankind is born in a state in which monotheism is integral, and the Prophets came to remind man of it, and to guide him to that which is integral to his original nature. Every human being has the belief in God imprinted on his soul.

These are some of the proofs and tools that God has given His creation to find the truth. I hope you will see that it is not a case of blind faith or picking religions out of a hat.

I read the article you posted, and it mentions a number of difficulties faced by converts. A portion of it talks about the flaws in Muslim communities but you mentioned you live in an isolated area, hence I assume that is not a key factor affecting you. In any case, it mentions an important point when the author says, 'Islam is the prescription for spiritual and societal illnesses, and if Muslims do not apply its teachings both inside and outside their mosques, the blame is not to be placed on Islam.' Recently I watched the story of how a famous caller to Islam, Hussain Ye, accepted Islam in his late teens. He is a Chinese Muslim living in Malaysia. He began as a Taoist, then became a Buddhist, then became a Christian, and finally accepted Islam. Interestingly, he also faced many difficulties from the Muslim community at that time due to racial divides, problems with acceptance and so on. Yet he persisted in his chosen path and he mentioned a profound lesson he learnt from it. He said when God wants to prepare us for something bigger, he tests us and puts us through a training process. Therefore going through difficulty and suffering may carry much wisdom and we find this to be a common theme in the life of the Prophets and their early followers.

Regarding the feelings of guilt, shame and fear, is there anything in particular that is causing you to feel this way? God-willing, that feeling of peace will return. May God guide you and keep you steadfast, Aameen.
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IbnAbdulHakim
05-13-2013, 05:13 PM
i recommend you steer away from this forum and find a spiritual guide who is firm upon the quran and sunnaah.

if you are not ablr to do so then spend time reciting quran and remembering death. this softens the heart
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crimsontide06
05-13-2013, 09:07 PM
^^ I dont agree with abandoning the forum but I do about finding a muslim guide in real life that can help.
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tigerkhan
05-13-2013, 11:58 PM
:sl:
its sad to hear about your problems. May Allah ease the matter for you.
i agree with members here it common even with born Muslims. trials are part of life but what we can do to resolve them. definitely leaving truth and Islam is not the solution.
Can you share what age group you are, married single..a bit more details as that can help the members here to give you some suggestion.
few things i wan to add, maybe its help u:
i personally don't blv in "fatwa" type of islam at that times. rather we need to see more at time of prophet PBUH in early times of Islam when islam was as weak as today. if someone want to bcm Muslims but don't want to pray it was allowed and acceptable for him in initial stage. Islam has too much flexibility so don't be overwhelmed by the fatwas (haram halal). take ur time and take it easy...do how much u can and Allah SWT dont over burden anyone what he cant. BUT yes leaving islam will be a greater sin and its not acceptable. to make u clear, suppose there is a person who is living in some country and he is accepting the rules/constitution of that country...but he often break these rules so maybe govt will punish him for it but it will be not very severe. but if there is a person who always obey rules and regulation but one day he just stands and say i am fed up with this and i am no longer accepting these rules. definitely he will be charged of mutiny and punished most severely. same is case with one who accept Islam though he cant obey it completely but he will not be punished forever and he has bright chances to be forgiven by God the most Merciful. But if some denies HIM, that will be major sin and its will not be forgiven by him as basically he come in front of him (fight/competition) by denying him. so my suggestion will be don't leave Islam. give urself time, ur problem is not bcz of Islam and leaving islam doesn't resolve ur problems. rather i will say Muslims are much more in peace and tranquility than those who don't have Islam.
coming to your pbm of loneliness and peace. if u see quran it guide u how to attain peace in ur life and its which things are necessary for peace in life.

1. Allah SWT says "in his remembrance is the peace of hearts". scholars has explained that remembrance here mean obeying all the commandments of Allah SWT.
2. Allah SWt says he has kept peace for you in being a couple. mean husband and wife are a source of peace for each other.
3. Allah SWT says he has keep peace for u in ur home..remember home is different from house.

so these 3 things are solution for ur problems from God. so my suggestion will be try to follow as much as u can (with ease, no need to be over whelmed), get married and have u home (family and kids). insha Allah u will feel a immense happiness and peace in ur life.
it will be my very humble request to u, give more time to urself and don't leave Islam and i am sure if by ur heart u realized that Allah is God and Muhammad PBUH is his last messenger, u cant leave it.
my prayer are with u.
:wa:
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tigerkhan
05-14-2013, 12:06 AM
:sl:
ps there was no obligatory salat in the beginning of Islam, no hijab, alcohol was allowed, interest was allowed and its was very gradual process of commandment though they are much stronger that they can bear day and night hardship and punishment from non believers for Islam.
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Signor
06-04-2013, 11:57 AM
Assalamu Alaikum Sis

May you are doing well physically and spiritually.Your case reminds me of an other brother i met once, lets call him Mr.J.Mr.J is a young revert of only 21 years but had a plentiful life(if you consider all whats we have in this world).Before converting to Islam,he was a drug dealer.And at a very young age of 14 he married with whom he loves,in this age people usually are looking to carry themselves alone or have no interest in family.Time flies and when he reverted at 20 years of age,he has a 7 year old daughter for whom he is fighting to get her through court.he no longer have a place to love,no phone,no internet nothing.One thing did stay,His peace of mind and trust in Allah.There is a purpose behind the trial, and this purpose corresponds to our internal state and our relationship with Allah (swt).Many of us fail to ask for forgiveness regularly, or to reflect on our state and return to Allah (swt). These tests, as burdensome as they are, ease our burden on the Day of Judgment, if we respond with patience.Trials also have a way of reminding us of our purpose. If we are far from Allah (swt), the test is usually to bring us close to Him.This doesn’t mean that we are going to live our lives in perpetual hardship, because ‘unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.’

The Prophet ﷺ said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that,” [Bukhari].

Have courage and try to to revive the same spirit you had once back in 2008(the year you reverted). Don't burden yourself and adjust your self within what you already got.You can enjoy with your Christian family off course in a right way,there is no problem.Once "Islam" as pressure gets of from your shoulders,you will feel the soothing of Islam,Insha Allah

May Allah preserve our faith in Him and give us an unshakeable certainty in our hearts.May Allah (swt) make us of those who constantly turn to Him, in hardship and ease.Aameen
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