Fathers

[glo]

Today is the day when many countries across the world celebrate Father's Day - a day specifically intended to honour and remember fathers and the role they play in their children's lives.

I know that Islam places women and especially mothers in very high esteem.

Can you tell me what Islam says in particular about fathers?

Salaam :)

[Muslim Woman]

Hello glo


a related fatwa

Fatwa No : 82254

Being good to parents

Fatwa Date : Jumaadaa Al-Oula 12, 1421 / 13-8-2000

Question




How can I be good to my parents?






Answer


Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.



Being kind and good with ones parents is an obligation in Shariah. It is established by the Qur'an, Sunnah and the consensus of Muslim Scholars Allah Says (Interpretation of meaning):

{Worship Allâh and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masâkin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allâh does not like such as are proud and boastful;}[4: 36].




The Prophet said: "May his nose be rubbed in dust, may his nose be rubbed in dust, may his nose be rubbed in dust i.e. May he humiliated, (He said this thrice), who found his parents, one or both, approaching old age, but did not enter Paradise." [Muslim]



This obedience can take many forms such as, dealing with them kindly, taking care of them, being polite with them in talking, and preferring their matters and interests etc. This practice become much compulsory when they become aged. Allah Says (Interpretation of meaning): {And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents.

If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.} [17: 23, 24].



Therefore, the practice of grumbling, complaining and frowning is against the obedience of ones parents. Know also that the obedience of parents continues in their lifetime and after their death.


Abu Usaid relates that they were sitting with the Prophet (Blessings and peace be upon him) when a man of the Bani Salamah tribe came and said: 'O Messenger of Allah! Is there anything, by means of which, I can now do something by way of benevolence towards my parents after their death?'


The Prophet answered: 'Yes, by praying for them and soliciting (Allah's) mercy and forgiveness for them, fulfilling their promises and undertakings, doing kindness to those who may be related to you through them, and respecting their friends.' [Abu Daud].



Imam Muslim narrated from Ibn Umar that the Prophet said: "The highest merit is that a person who is kind and generous towards his father's friend".



Finally the good treatment of ones parents can be materialized in manners of talking, terms of dealing, giving presentation, having relations, honoring and in obeying them.

Allah knows best.


http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/in...ang=E&Id=82254

[IbnAbdulHakim]

there are narrations which place fathers as the door to paradise

many muslim scholars say to me ( because my father passed away) :

"one door to paradise has closed but you still have another left!"

ie your fathers passed so pray fr him but your mothers alive so take care of her looking for Allahs reward

[جوري]

In Islam there's not one day for fathers and one day for mothers and one day for children and one day for aunts. You should maken it a priority to be good and honor them everyday!

best,

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[glo]

You should maken it a priority to be good and honor them everyday!

Very true! (I assume you meant to say there wasn't just ONE day for fathers, mothers, etc in Islam)

I don't think the idea of these 'special days' is that they are the only days when we need to remember or be kind to our mothers, father, children, etc. ... and we can be nasty to them the rest of the year. At least I hope nobody thinks so! ;D

Arguably we should be kind and respectful to ALL people EVERY day ... that's only ALL THE TIME then. :)

[greenhill]

Personally, I don't subscribe to these 'special' days. It is ok as I see the joy in the participants or those who genuinely want to show their thanks.

No father wants a bad child. Seeing them grow into fine people, understanding and patient is almost a miracle. Everyday is father's day for me. Alhamdulillah. What I learnt from my mum was not to beat around the bush with any questions asked. Give it straight up! Then swear to secrecy (depending on nature of the answer). I did with my children, including 'where we came from?' But I showed them how it was for all living things. Plenty on websites. Then I told them not to go around school telling everyone 'do you know....?' And they didn't. I think they probably wished they didn't ask.

I remember growing up throughout my teenage years thinking what I would do if I was a dad.... then I became a dad over a decade later and really did NOT feel like a dad at all.. the baby grew and gurggled and grew.. and over a year later, he said 'papa', suddenly I became a father! ;D

[glo]

Greenhill, your comments remind me of this quote I read yesterday (yes, on Fathers Day :p)

"Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories." ;D

[greenhill]

Ha ha Glo!

I still have my theories. It's not really theories though. It's about how to participate in their life. Using the ability of hindsight from my life to navigate our lives together. Helping them put things in perspective. Aligning of their thoughts and guiding them explore their own potential. It really is about making time for them.

It has to be balanced, for the world, what is a hobby, what can be a passion, what will be the bread and butter and for the hereafter is the other 50% , ideally... but as they are still growing, 80/20 kind of thing is ok with me..:nervous:

[ardianto]

When I was teen older people often told me "When you become adult, people will not ask you how many houses do you have, how many cars do you have, but they will ask you how many children do you have".

Now I'm a father, I have children, and I know, that's true. :)

[greenhill]

Yes, I have heard that said too! I have forgotten, had you not reminded me.:shade:

[GodIsAll]

Being a parent can be a trying, beautiful, frustrating, enlightening, exhausting, disappointing, euphoric experience. It is a special love laced with concern and self-evaluation.

I wouldn't change it for anything. Thanks to Our Creator for the experience of being a father.

[ardianto]

Activities with my kids today.

Afternoon we visited their mother 'home'. After maghrib we went again for dine out and shop our needs.

[ardianto]

I know that Islam places women and especially mothers in very high esteem.

Can you tell me what Islam says in particular about fathers?

When I was kid I often wonder why in Islam mother sound like 'placed higher' than father. I had been taught that paradise is under the mother feet, my Islamic teacher told me that prophet Muhammad (saw) told someone, the first person he should honor is his mother, the second is his mother, the third is his mother, the fourth is his father.

I am a father now. And what I feel?. Is not an easy thing to being father. I have big responsibility on my children. I must work hard, make money to fulfill their needs. I must share my time with them and give attention. I must help them when they need my help. I must ....... etc, etc, etc. Yes, not easy to being father.

I have two children. Now they are 15 and 9 years old. I remember when their mother pregnant them, and then gave birth them. I remember when they grew up and their mother always beside them. I remember what their mother had done for them.

And suddenly I realize why the first person that should be honored is mother, the second is mother, the third is mother, and the fourth is father. Yes, prophet Muhammad (saw) is right about it.

A honest statement from a father. :)

[glo]

And suddenly I realize why the first person that should be honored is mother, the second is mother, the third is mother, and the fourth is father. Yes, prophet Muhammad (saw) is right about it.

That's a powerful statement. Thanks for sharing, ardianto.

As a mother I must say that I would only feel like half a person without my children's father and that I cannot begin to imagine raising them without him.
(I say that fully aware that many people have to raise their children single-handedly because life life situations. I might deepest respect goes out to all who do - included you, brother)>

And since my children would not be here without their father's involvement (beginning from conception to this present day), we try to teach our children that they should respect both parents in equal measures.

[Insaanah]

we try to teach our children that they should respect both parents in equal measures.

Glo, Islam does not teach or suggest that we should be unfair with regards to respect of parents. A man and woman are not equal. No man has been pregnant for 9 months, nor been through the pangs of childbirth. The Prophets statement reflects a natural and physiological reality. Just as Islam does in all other aspects.

[glo]

^
I did not suggest that the prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) teachings are wrong, sister Insaanah.
I was merely stating what we do in our household.

I am sure we can agree that fathers and mothers are both worthy of their children's respect - each in their own way and according to their own role. :)

[ardianto]

That's a powerful statement. Thanks for sharing, ardianto.

As a mother I must say that I would only feel like half a person without my children's father and that I cannot begin to imagine raising them without him.
(I say that fully aware that many people have to raise their children single-handedly because life life situations. I might deepest respect goes out to all who do - included you, brother)>

And since my children would not be here without their father's involvement (beginning from conception to this present day), we try to teach our children that they should respect both parents in equal measures.

Of course children must honor their parents equally like taught by my Islamic teacher, not honor one more than another. The wisdom behind that message is to remind the men about sacrifice of mother in pregnant, give birth, and raising the children. So, the men should respect the women. :)

Frankly, when I wrote the post I just got home from picking my oldest son who followed his activities with his friends. I went to pick up with my youngest son. Yes, I felt something missing, the presence of their mother. Suddenly I remember the time when my children were in their mother womb, when they were born, when they grew up, until they lost their mother.

This is the inspiration behind that post.

I myself lost my father when I was 20. He was civilian engineer who worked for government. Financially success. His job made him busy, but he still tried to give enough time for family.

My father bought me many books since before I could read, and he read for me that finally motivate me to love reading. Although my family was wealthy family, my father taught me to always respect people without differentiate the rich and the poor. He ever scolded me when he saw me being disrespectful to the maid and to a pedicab driver.

But the most important lesson that I got from him is spirit to not give up. Since I was kid when he saw me gave up in doing something, he told me "Son, when you were baby, you could not walk. But then you learn how to walk, and finally you can walk like now. So, learn to do, and try again".

This is the message that I never forget. This is why I never give up in facing the problems in my life. :)

[glo]

I guess we are all shaped by our life experiences, ardianto.
My father died when I was 3-and-a-half years old. I don't remember him at all ... and it is my dearest wish that I had a memory of him - anything at all! imsad

Perhaps that's why I feel so strongly about fathers and their roles in their children's lives.

[ardianto]

I am really sorry if I made you sad, Glo.

Yes, you could not feel a love from your father. But, how about your children happiness which they get from their father's love?. Isn't the children's happiness is the parent's happiness?

[ardianto]

Greenhill, your comments remind me of this quote I read yesterday (yes, on Fathers Day :p)

"Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories." ;D

I hope I will not make you sad again, Glo. But let me continue this thread, and I hope the brothers here can take a lesson.

When my wife was in pregnancy of my first child, she told me "Can you being father? I doubt!" My mother told the same thing too "I doubt you can being father!". I understand why they were thinking like this. I was a naughty boy who sometime cause trouble for my parents.

My first child born in 1998. I saw his birth because I stood beside my wife at that moment. After few days in hospital, my wife and my child back to the home. And my busy nights began which I woke in the night, change his diaper, few times in every night.

And I started the days which I played with him, walking around while pushing his stroller. Then he grew up as toddler, then as a child who went to kindergarten and school.

My second child born in 2004. I stood beside my wife too and saw his birth. Then my activities with him began which I change his diaper, play with him.

Now my children have lost their mother, but they still have a father, they still have me.

How many theories about raising children that I have? ..... Nothing!

I do not follow any theory, I just follow my instinct as father that come from something in my heart, something that called "Love"

[angelix]

and our father adam want that we follow islam, and god instructions, we must obey him