Lame Jokes

[Samiun]

:sl: I don't know why, but I have an interest for lame jokes. Here's one:

Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?

THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!

Come and share more lame jokes on this thread! :D

[MightyFeathers]

;D hahaha that is the most hilarious joke I have ever heard. Though I am verily sorry to admit that I hath no lameth jokes to provideth this comunityith withith. but I do have tacos. Anyone want a taco?

[h-n]

Why did the idiot go to the desert???

To get some water

[Qurratul Ayn]

^ What a lame-o joke!

But I still laughed :D

Joke: Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

Because it ran out of juice!

*Ba dum bam tiss* (drums & cymbals)

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[h-n]

^ Thanks. phew, it made it as a joke :)

How can you avoid unfriendly people?

By pretending to have leprosy.

[Samiun]

:sl: So many LAME jokes here Subhanallah. But I kinda feel the above one was more of an insult imo :(

Ok my turn, why did the Cookie went to the hospital?

BECAUSE HE FELT CRUMMY

[Plz Answer Me]

Here is the story of an Imam who got up after Friday prayers and announced to the people:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets." :smile:

[Plz Answer Me]

Brother samiun keep in mind that lying in joke is forbidden in Islam. so bring paak paak jokes :smile:

"Woe be on one who speaks and lies in order to make people laugh, woe be on him." [Abu Dawood vol: 3, no. 4972.]

[Samiun]

^:sl: sis I don't see how there's lie involved?

Anyways my turn

What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSSSHH

[Plz Answer Me]

^:sl: sis I don't see how there's lie involved?

Anyways my turn

What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSSSHH

Walaikum Assalam

Got it :smile:
I = eye

[Samiun]

I would make a Pokemon joke, but you wouldn't CATCH EM ALL

[Eric H]

What do you call a deer with perfect eyes?

A good eye deer :hiding:

[Eric H]

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't I've cut off your arms!"

As the man woke up in hospital, the doctor said, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is we amputated the wrong leg, the good news is, your bad leg is getting better. :heated:

[czgibson]

Greetings,

Some people think puns count as lame jokes. I think puns are brilliant. The worse they are, the better!

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist
• I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
• I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
• How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
• I quit my job at the helium balloon factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

Peace

[Search]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

This looks to be like a fun thread! Awesomeness!

So, for lame jokes, I'll provide the following lame-o-rama pickup lines to be used on your significant other (SO). (Winks.)

Disclaimer: Neither I nor IB is responsible if the pickup line goes wrong with your SO - so, use at your own risk - IB and myself thank you for your careless (tehehe) understanding.

1. Are you a magician? Cause when I look at you everything else disappears!
2. If you were a booger, I'd always pick you first.
3. Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
4. Do you have a map? Because I'm getting lost in your eyes.
5. Does your left eye hurt? Because you've been looking right all day.
6. If I seem drunk, it's because I'm intoxicated by you.
7. I'm not staring at your chest. I'm staring at your heart.
8. Your body is 65% water. I'm thirsty.
9. Fascinating. I've been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I've never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.
10. If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
11. Are you tired? Because you've been running in my mind all day.
12. Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling.
13. Is your dad a drug dealer? Because you're so dope!
14. Smoking is hazardous to your health...and baby, you're killing me!
15. There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look.
16. Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces
17. Put down that cupake...you're sweet enough already.
19. Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!
20. Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?
21. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
22, Your body is like a beautiful temple. Are you offering services tonight?
23. I'm no organ donor, but I'm so happy I gave you my heart.
24. You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
25. Did you fart, cause you always blow me away.

['abd al-hakeem]

I'm not very good with jokes but I've heard a few good ones

[Cptn._.Mario]

Why can't the bicycle stand on its own? Cos it's too tired ;D

How do you get holy water? You boil the hell out of it. ;D;D

[Cptn._.Mario]

Why can't the bicycle stand on its own? Cos it's too tired ;D

How do you get holy water? You boil the hell out of it. ;D;D

The
first joke, for those who don't understand, change the word tired to tyred. :)

[Cptn._.Mario]

We're allowed to marry four, but I don't think that's necessary since your a 10. ;D

[Mustafa16]

Two young men were sitting on a park bench, and one of them was looking upset.....the other asks, "ya, Ahmed what's wrong?" Ahmed looks at him, hugs his companion and says, "she gave me her wali's number and pizza hut answered"

[fyi]

Here's a lame joke:

[sister herb]

Here's a lame joke:

That was the lamest lame joke I have ever seen. :haha:

[fyi]

That was the lamest lame joke I have ever seen. :haha:

So where is my trophee? Or atleast a medal?

[Cptn._.Mario]

• What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
  
  
  Depresso.
  
  
  
  Why do shoemakers go to heaven?
  
  
  Because they have good soles.
  
  
  
  Why was the stadium so cold?
  
  
  Because there were a lot of fans.
  
  
  
  

[sister herb]

So where is my trophee? Or atleast a medal?

We laughed at your post. Isn´t it quite good reward? Specially in the jokes section. ;)

[Cptn._.Mario]

What did Barack Obama say to Michelle when he proposed?


I don't wanna be Obama self.

[fyi]

We laughed at your post. Isn´t it quite good reward? Specially in the jokes section. ;)

I want money!!

• :Evil:
  
  

[sister herb]

I knew it! :exhausted

[Cptn._.Mario]

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

because they got lost at C!


What did one plate say to the other?


Lunch is on me.

[Grandad]

South Wales joke against North Walians:

Dai and Ianto were walking down the high street in Bala when they came to a cakeshop. In the window was a huge chocolate sponge. ‘Quick!’ said Dai..’Get in there right now and buy that cake. We can have half each.’

‘Don’t be daft, mun,’ said Ianto. ‘With a cake as big as that we can have more than half each!’

North Wales joke against us South Walians:

What’s the difference between a South Walian and his photograph?....The photo is fully developed.

(We love each other, really).

[anatolian]

(We love each other, really).

Do you love the other Brits?

[Grandad]

Do you love the other Brits?

But of course.....except when they beatus at rugby :facepalm: ;D

[Aryeh Jay]

What is red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

[anatolian]

But of course.....except when they beatus at rugby :facepalm: ;D

You were great in Euro 2016 if you like soccer :)

I am curious of the relations between the folks of Britain. For example, is there a general negative perception against the English within the Welsh, or Scots or Irish or vice versa? Are you for a separate Wales or as it is within the UK?

[sister herb]

^ Please brothers, if you are going to talk here about some serious matters, try to keep it as lame as possible. ;D

[Aryeh Jay]

^ Please brothers, if you are going to talk here about some serious matters, try to keep it as lame as possible. ;D

I have been to Wales, it was pretty lame.

Sorry Niblo.

Actually, I really enjoyed my time there. I got to see Cardiff and Thattownwithareallylongnamethatisalljumbledtogethe randnoonecansayitexceptthatbritishweathermanonyout ubebutanywaysitwasgreat.

[Grandad]

What is red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

Childhood...that magical time when the quickest way to lose weight was to take a bath! (Tommy Cooper)

[Grandad]

I have been to Wales, it was pretty lame.

Sorry Niblo.

Actually, I really enjoyed my time there. I got to see Cardiff and Thattownwithareallylongnamethatisalljumbledtogethe randnoonecansayitexceptthatbritishweathermanonyout ubebutanywaysitwasgreat.

Ah, that would be ‘Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysi liogogogoch’ (Saint Mary's church in the hollow of the white hazel near a rapid whirlpool and the church of St. Tysilio of the red cave).

Us Welsh have a way with words.

As for Cardiff: Never considered to be truly Welsh in my day. Valley folk were appalled when it was made the capital city. That honour ought to have gone to Swansea or Aberystwyth (it was felt). Better to cut Cardiff off of Wales altogether, and float it across the Bristol Channel to England (it was said). Time has moved on, and the city is a wee bit more Welshy these days. But still………….

Right: What’s the difference between a Jewish mother and a Rottweiler? Eventually……the Rottweiler lets go! (BBC Programme: ‘Jews Telling Jokes’).

Have a great weekend, and very best regards.

[Grandad]

You were great in Euro 2016 if you like soccer :)

I am curious of the relations between the folks of Britain. For example, is there a general negative perception against the English within the Welsh, or Scots or Irish or vice versa? Are you for a separate Wales or as it is within the UK?

My reply to you has been moved to a new thread: To Wales and beyond.

I've not been ignoring you, brother.

[Grandad]

You were great in Euro 2016 if you like soccer :)

I am curious of the relations between the folks of Britain. For example, is there a general negative perception against the English within the Welsh, or Scots or Irish or vice versa? Are you for a separate Wales or as it is within the UK?

Whoops.....'Of Wales and beyond' :hmm:

[anatolian]

I have read it bro. Thanks for the clarification.

There are a series of lame jokes about Turks here starting with "one day an Englishman, a German, a Frenchman and a Turk comes together"..and ends with either the foolness or the craftiness of the Turk ;D

[Indefinable]

Why are Pirates, called Pirates?

...

Because they 'Arrrr'.

[Simple_Person]

A mosque wanted a new imaam and they sent out the job offer. Three men signed up so the board members of the mosque invited them to see which one was most qualified. The first went in and shortly after going in he comes out with a sad face. One of the other two candidates asks him "what happened?". He said "i went in and they asked me what my name was. So i said Ibrahim. They then asked me to recite Surah Ibrahim. Sadly i couldn't recite it. So they declined me to be their imaam". Shortly after hearing that the other candidate goes in and also he comes out within a few minutes. The candidate that asked the first candidate about the event happening inside asks also the second candidate "what happened?". So the second candidate says "I went inside and they asked me what my name was. So i said Muhammad. They asked me to recite surah Muhammad. I couldn't and because of that they declined me to be their imaam". Now the last candidate becomes very nervous and few minutes later goes in. The board members also with him ask him "What is your name?". He says "my name is Yaseen, but my mother calls me Al-Fil". :Emoji7:

[Eric H]

Paddy and Murphy are following some track in the snow. Paddy said, they are deer tracks, Murphy said no, they are wolf tracks. Then they got run over by the train.

A woman is filling her car up at the petrol station, and smoking a cigarette, suddenly her arm catches fire. Police officers nearby see this, they put the fire out and arrest her for waving a firearm.

:hiding:

[Simple_Person]

Paddy and Murphy are following some track in the snow. Paddy said, they are deer tracks, Murphy said no, they are wolf tracks. Then they got run over by the train.

A woman is filling her car up at the petrol station, and smoking a cigarette, suddenly her arm catches fire. Police officers nearby see this, they put the fire out and arrest her for waving a firearm.

:hiding:

Brother, the lameness in these two jokes has reached another level ;D. But they were good.. i even had to think for a moment about the first one hahaha.

[Eric H]

Ok, are you ready to sink even lower!

A fisherman is in his boat in the middle of a lake, and he stops for a smoke, but realizes he has no lighter. So he takes a cigarette out the packet and throws it in the lake, this makes the boat a cigarette lighter.

:hmm:

[Simple_Person]

Ok, are you ready to sink even lower!

A fisherman is in his boat in the middle of a lake, and he stops for a smoke, but realizes he has no lighter. So he takes a cigarette out the packet and throws it in the lake, this makes the boat a cigarette lighter.

:hmm:

WOOOW..the lameness of that joke almost killed me. I was ready to jump off my balcony, but laziness prevented me from doing it.

[sister herb]

^ I was just thinking so - the lameness of those jokes breaks me. More more please.

:exhausted

[Simple_Person]

A Muslim comes to the mosque to pray in congregation. So the prayer starts and the imaam starts reciting the Qur'an. After A LONG while finally the prayer ends. The man goes to the imaam and asks him which surah he recited. So the imaam says "it was surah Baqarah". The man thanks the imaam for the answer and goes home. The following day the man comes to the mosque again to pray congregation but decides to take no chances and before the prayer starts he goes to the imaam and asks him "what surah are you planning to recite?". So the imaam says "i am planning to recite surah Al-Fil". The man thanks the imaam and goes immediately out of the mosque, thinking if surah Baqarah (cow) took so long, well surah Al-Fil (elephant) will take even longer.

[Eric H]

Ok, this is naughty.......

A vicar and rabbi were talking about bad morals, and the vicar said, just the other day I had my bicycle stolen.

That happened to me said the rabbi, so I gave a long sermon on the ten commandments and thou shall not steal, the next day the bike was outside my house.

Right said the vicar, I will give that a go. A few days later the rabbi sees the vicar on his bicycle, and the vicar said to the rabbi, I did as you said, I went through the ten commandments, and when I got to thou shall not commit adultery, I remembered where I had left it.

Whoops

:embarrass

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