This is about Muslims and non-Muslims alike, so many times I hear about females getting themselves into relationships, and up comes the same reasons, he was really nice etc etc, People need to talk to their daughters more and not just give closure statements such as so and so is not good and that's that. People should not be ashamed of talking about marriage, relationships, as that is what even the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him have taught. It sometimes goes as far as children not talking to their parents about marriage until they are told they are old enough to get married. A number of issues;-Reply
1. Playing boyfriend and girlfriend at school, it is strange that females (who are more mature then boys at the same age), would wish to go to a boy who frankly has not finished going through puberty. It is humiliating to say that your going to lose your virginity to a 14 year old boy. Its gross to go up to boys for sexual liasions. When I was at Secondary school (covering the ages 11-16), it was bizarre when I heard that a boy of 15 who couldn't even sit up straight, bottom of the class for everything was sexually active. Some of my school friends already lost their virginity whilst at school (two of them becoming pregnant). I was surprised and I did view them at the time of just throwing their education away (they failed their exams).
2. Too many females say that such and such a boy was so nice, and I was so besotted with him that I fell for him. What is best in Muslim countries, is that people know who's who, if you went to a village and asked one person, they could name everyone in that village, how many children they have and a bit about their ancestors, what they talk about is what the characteristics of so and so is, and if they are kind to their families and what jobs they do. THIS IS an excellent indicatior on how a Male is by not how many "sweet" words he is going to say to you, as of course your a female he wishes to be with you, of course he is going to say anything to appear nice-but about how he treats his family, what friends he chooses, does he work is a better indicatior (not forgetting for the Muslims of course their religious knowledge).
So you are not relying on what this Male is telling you, but judging him (as you are to see if you like him or not) on what he actually does and how he is as a person.
3. There have been so many sob stories given my Males I can't believe that females fall for them ie;-
- I had a bad childhood --?? So what-does that meant that a female should lose her virginity to you, give up her whole life to you, have children with you just because you had a bad childhood???? Of course that's rubbish, you are being tested at the same time, living in the world going through the same world events as females, it is how you choose to deal and do in life that makes you a better person. If someone treated you badly, then get compensation from God, on the Day of Judgement or from that individual not to go up to others expecting them to give up their whole lives just because someone wasn't being nice to you. When females dream about their wedding day, they don't imagine they are going to walk around the world and find those that were treated badly and get married to them-that is not the condition of marriage that people set.
- Why do they think that females need to feel sorry for them?? Females do think that if they are in a position of support, they will be valued more-BUT you need to look at what he does in life ie. if you met a Male who did not pass his education, not got a job, does not much to help his family, does not learn about Islam-he is ALREADY SHOWING that he is SQUANDERING what Allah has already provided him- if people were throwing away ripe fruit, you wouldn't go up to them and say that I think you should have some more. They are already showing that they are time wasters.
Females need to remember that Allah has provided Men so much, they oceans to sail upon, the horses to ride upon, if you looked at them in Paradise you wouldn't be saying that you need to feel sorry for them.
Even the Prophet Joseph peace be upon him after being thrown into a well by his brothers, did not at the time of letting his brothers know who he was, throw tantrums, and walked around as a person ill done by, did not complain to his parents about them (as others would have done).
Marriage is a healthy relationship between two people, it is not one were someone wishes to hear about your complaints, and treat you has if you never had anything (which is a blatant lie, as Allah provides so much).
Males do appear to be asking for more attention then people in the past, even though they do less work.
THERE are plenty of people who think that their sole purpose in life is to get others to give them whatever they want, and if they don't have it, they feel ill done by and that they don't have a good existance. There are people who think that if they repent to Allah, people should just be giving them whatever they want-ie people who commit adultery who wish to get married to chaste people. They did not follow the rules of Islam, and they wish to tell the Muslims that we should follow so and so, by accepting them as marriage partners as Allah would prefer that-well GUESS WHAT, we are not going to be sent to Hell if we refuse to get married to a person who has been unchaste in the past, we can EARN our rewards by others means, that does not mean that we don't accept people in Islam who have repented, but frankly we aren't led by the desires of people.
Even people go so far by saying that it is good to not have your own children and to adopt (but In Islam we do not lie about parentage to children) as there are so many children that need help-so what are they saying its OK for the lewd people to have sex outside of marriage, and keep on procreating, but chaste people who get married shouldn't??? What are they saying that the religious people should be following after the wrongdoers and be there to pick up the pieces for them? Yes we give to charity, and do not wish to speak about the faults of others (hence we talk generally about evil sins), but that doesn't mean that only way we can get our reward is by giving into what people want for the life of this world, when you wouldn't care on the Day of Judgement.
No one can say that God did not give anything to such and such a person,
Need to carefully look and look of what that person had, school, family, work and stop listening to sob stories, sweet talking, and respect what Allah has provided for you.
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