Should I meet my old friends again?

[anonymous]

:sl:, hello everyone .. :)

I am thinking whether or not I should get back in touch with my old friends in high school and primary school. The problem is that I never felt appreciated and felt neglected after we changed school after primary school and went to our different paths in high school(not all) but same thing happened after high school also. During high school I've felt the same thing but I wouldn't want to blame them. How shall I put this.. hummm, we have poor communication skills but we never really admitted it, they would ask me to listen to their stories but wouldn't listen to mine, for some reason I always feel demotivated and inferior to them when I meet them. Now after high school we have contact rarely(maybe because their hanging out with their new friends). Should I meet with them again? I feel really angry whenever I think about it about I'm sure they don't know about this because I never talked to them about this before. What do you think?

[ardianto]

Waalaikum salam

When my wife died in the afternoon, June 2013, the first person who I told by phone was not someone in my family or her family, but one of my schoolmate in high school, a female, who immediately spread this sad news to my other high school mates.

Around three hours later when I back from hospital I saw more than 20 of my highschool mates had come in my home. Next day in funeral I saw more people from my highschool. In the next few days I got visit from the my other highschool mates. Some of them sent apologize from those who could not visit me.

Do you know when I graduated from highschool? .... 1987.

I still maintain my friendship with my friends in highschool not because my wife was my classmate in that school. But because we regard that friendship is forever.

Beside my friends from highschool, I still maintain my friendship with my other friends who I know since I was young and even since I was kid, from school and outside the school. Yes, friendship is forever.

When my wife still alive she also maintained her friendship with her old friends from school and outside the school. She introduced them to me.

So, should you meet your old friends again?. Yes, why not?.

Just like you, I am not a talkative person, and usualy take a position as listener, not speaker who dominate the chat. Some of my friends are very success in their career. But I do not feel inferior, especially because we never differentiate anyone by wealth or social status.

By the way, are you sister?. I notice it from
" we have poor communication skills but we never really admitted it, they would ask me to listen to their stories but wouldn't listen to mine, for some reason I always feel demotivated and inferior to them when I meet the"

I have heard similar 'complain' from few female (just few, and no one of them is male). But actually the reality of friendship is not as bad as this. I noticed it in friendship of my wife with her female friends.

I guess you are a sister. But if you are actually a brother, I am sorry.

:)

[anonymous]

First of all I'm a brother.. :embarrass Secondly, I am not sure that I can compare my friends with yours. You see when I was young I was pretty ignorant and like to say stupid things a lot of the time. I'm not sure if I had the right friends, if they are the right friends because prophet Muhammad S.A.W. encouraged us to find righteous friends and well I revolve around this idea ever since I was in high school so I took many pre-cation steps along the way. It was painful, but worth it alhamdulillah. I know human beings cannot be perfect, I try my best to comply and compromise anyone as a friend but I couldn't take the way they treated and neglected me. Yes I am not a talktative person(how did you know that!?) but it doesn't mean they can say what they want about me and treat me such way. I really hesitate to meet the ones I call friends, who talk to me rarely, who had forgotten what I had done and put me at the sidewalk. I just wish I can forget and move on, but I kinda made an agreement with one them to meet again. At the end of the day, I don't wanna make myself look like the one who had forgotten them, but it was more a case of them forgetting me.

[~Zaria~]

:sl:, hello everyone .. :)

I am thinking whether or not I should get back in touch with my old friends in high school and primary school. The problem is that I never felt appreciated and felt neglected after we changed school after primary school and went to our different paths in high school(not all) but same thing happened after high school also. During high school I've felt the same thing but I wouldn't want to blame them. How shall I put this.. hummm, we have poor communication skills but we never really admitted it, they would ask me to listen to their stories but wouldn't listen to mine, for some reason I always feel demotivated and inferior to them when I meet them. Now after high school we have contact rarely(maybe because their hanging out with their new friends). Should I meet with them again? I feel really angry whenever I think about it about I'm sure they don't know about this because I never talked to them about this before. What do you think?

:wasalamex brother,

In life we will come across many types of people.
Some are meant to be with you for just a particular time in your life, and then move on.
^These include your classmates, work colleagues and other acquaintances that we make over lifes course.

Others are destined to be with you for much longer - they may include your family, your spouse, and a few, close friends.
^These types of friends are much harder to find, but when you do, you are able to recognize them - for there will exist certain common similarities in your personalities, interests, morals, etc. that makes the friendship durable despite the challenges of time and other commitments.

It is the second group of people that you should ensure that you chose well, and also spend the time and necessary efforts to nurture your relationship/ friendship with.
Because, it is this group of individuals that really matter.

For everyone else - you can be friendly, kind and considerate towards them.
But there will always be a certain 'barrier' that will prevent a deep/ profound friendship from ever developing. Usually this is because, each of us are different, in our personalities, lifestyles, beliefs, likes and dislikes.

It is often said that the most valuable friend is one who increases your level of imaan just by being in their presence.
(In shaa Allah, I hope we can all become this type of friend to those who come in contact with us as well.)

From what you have mentioned, it appears that the 'friends' that you have described actually fall into the first category - they were only meant to be in your life for a certain period....perhaps as a test or as a lesson.....
But now that purpose has been served, and hence everyone has moved on with their lives.

With regards to your query - if they are individuals with poor manners and are likely to have a negative influence on your imaan - then in this case, in shaa Allah, it would be best to keep your distance.
If there is no fear with regards to the above, then it should be adequate to make contact if the need arises (e.g at a reunion, under permissible circumstances).....but dont expect too much thereafter (as it is unlikely that these types of friendships will develop into anything deeper).


Also remember, your best 'friend' is your Creator, Allah.
And there is more benefit working on your relationship and connection to Allah, than anyone else.


:wa:

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[ardianto]

First of all I'm a brother..

OOps, I am sorry. :)

[Muhaba]

Why would you want to meet them if they belittle you and make you feel inferior. If you've agreed to meet one of them, then go ahead but make it a quick meeting, just to fulfill the promise. Just say a few words, tell them how busy you are, maybe have a tea together, and then excuse yourself, with a simple, "nice to get together guys but I really have to go. I have a busy schedule." and make a quick escape.

On the other hand, if they are sinful people with whom you are afraid to fall into sin, then don't go to meet them at all. Just give them a phone call and tell them you're afraid you can't meet and apologize.

Try to make new friend, those who are righteous and who don't make you feel inferior. If you see a similar trend, then remove yourself from anyone who treats you with disrespect. Finally, you may want to go to esteem-building seminars or read self-help books.

I'm sure you're a great person. Not being talkative is not a bad sign. Actually it's good because talking too much is discouraged in islam. unfortunately, nowadays gossiping and chatting uselessly & unnecessarily is considered good while quietness and shyness is considered bad.

[anonymous]

Alhamdulillah, after taking some council sessions and advises from this thread I have decided to meet them. Inshallah I will let you know what happens after I meet them and whether or not it was the right choice. An old friend of mine is bringing other girls(also friends) to our little party what advise can you give me to avoid this from happening?