I'm struggling with life, and need advice

[Intahnet]

Asalamualikum everyone,

I was hoping I could ask peoples advice.
Basically, I am feeling very depressed about quite a lot of things and do not know what to do.
I am 25 years old, and I have been working as a System administrator for the last 5 years, and am a highly proficient one. I have a HUGE interest in I.T. from a very young age, and from a very young age I've always been trying to expand my knowledge just for my own enjoyment.
For the last few months, I have started to feel a bit demotivated about everything. I don't want to learn anything, I just want to lay in bed all day.
I REALLY don't feel like going to work, every day is a real struggle, and drains all of my energy. At work, I can't concentrate, and I just want to get out of there, but I do not know why I feel this way. There is no reason for it. I have no idea why it is happening. I thought maybe I need a break, and I had been planning to take my parents for Hajj this year, and Alhamdulilah we just got back on Sunday. We were gone for 20 days, and during Hajj, I was feeling great! I did not want to ever leave Masjid Al-Haram, or Masjid al-Nabawi. I felt so at peace there. But now I am back here in England, I am feeling the same feelings as I did before we left.
I had taken yesterday and today off as I was quite sick (I don't think anyone from my group got home without a flu or something like that!), but tomorrow I think I should go, but all I can feel is a huge feeling of doom, and not wanting to go at all. I have NO idea what is causing this.
This job, I only started in March, but before this job, I had a series of jobs which I was only there for around 6 months or so. The only thing I can think is that maybe I have gotten bored and need to move somewhere new, but switching jobs so quickly looks terrible on my CV.
So, I want to ask if there are any Muslim brothers who might have gone through this that could advise what I should do? I wasn't really sure anywhere else to ask this.

I was thinking maybe I should take a contract job instead. I have never done a contract job and do not know how it even works, but I am really feeling lost right now. I REALLY REALLY don't want to go to work tomorrow. I'm really struggling.

In all honesty, I would like to go back to complete my education. I had to quit university after my first year, as my father lost his job, and I had to get a job in order to provide for my family, and have been doing so for the last 5 years. I don't think this is possible, as there will be no one providing for the family anymore. This is really making me sad, as it is something I really want to do.
As I am supporting my rather large family, the financial strain on me is quite big.
I really want to get married soon as well and start my own family.
I'm 25 years old, and there has been a lot of interest in me. I feel ready to start a get married and start my family, and I don't want to leave it too late. I am 25 years old, and.. well... it is embarrassing to say, but I think it is natural for me to feel sexual feelings :embarrass, although I have not ever done anything bad, it is still quite a hard feeling to cope with without any halal way to relive it :embarrass, especially in a society where this zina is such a widely accepted thing. Apart from that aspect, I feel a quite lonely. I want a partner to talk to, and share my feelings. I cannot share everything with my siblings and parents in the same way I think one would with their partners.

But I don't know how it would work, how can I support my siblings and my parents while at the same time supporting my wife. My salary is pretty good, but I have five siblings, all between 12-22 years old, two of which are living in Aberdeen for university, so require a lot of financial support (for food, and accommodation etc), so that really takes a hit on my salary, it's not really enough for such a large family, especially when two of them are living away from home.
Even if I could support them both, in all honesty, even if she was the most understanding woman on the planet, I think it would be a little unfair on my wife if such a huge chunk of my salary is going to my family, and I was only able to spend a small portion on her. And to be honest, there are very few women who would be so understanding as to let it slide. Most women I think would feel a bit jealous or annoyed or something, maybe they would feel guilty for feeling that as I am not really doing anything wrong, but they would feel it a bit as it's unfair if I am unable to spend on my own wife and kids.

On top of all of this, the house we live in is extremely small for such a large family. I am sharing my room with three brothers (two are usually gone to uni, but their stuff is all here still). It feels very cramped, and I feel like I have no privacy or my own space. I want just some small space where I can be alone for a bit to clear my mind, but in my house there is always someone else in the room, and putting up with it for so many years... I don't know I'm really starting to get very tired of it.

I must say, I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything. I am hugely proud Allah has given me the ability to support my family. I know if one of my siblings was the oldest boy, they would not be able to drop university to find a job. Allah has given me so many blessings. I mean, having the ability to find a pretty well paying job at the age of 20, and being able to support my family for 5 years so far, while so many highly qualified graduates, some even with master degrees etc are struggling to find work, it's a huge blessing from Allah. But even after saying that.... I am feeling extremely sad and do not know what to do.

I feel very trapped.
I am unable to complete my education due needing a job to provide for my family, and I'm unable to get married as my salary isn't enough to support my family and my wife at the same time.

I feel very lost, as I don't even know when it will stop. I mean, when my siblings have all graduated and found jobs, they will help me... but I don't even know when that will be, when will they graduate, and when will they get a job?

All I can do is keep praying and making dua, but right now I am feeling extremely lost, depressed and lonely.

I'm sorry for the very long post, and I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense, but if anyone could offer me some advice or what I should do ... I would really really appreciate it.

[Ramadan90]

:sl:

First of all, I want to say that I admire you for supporting your family alone. It is not easy at all.

Are you bored at work?

Is there anyone in the family who can help to support other than you?

Why not thinking about starting your own business?

About the sexual feelings: if you cant control yourself, get married! If you can control yourself, then focus on building yourself.

[Intahnet]

Are you bored at work?

Honestly, I don't know. This is the only explanation I could come up with for why I am feeling this way, but I don't know for certain. :S

Is there anyone in the family who can help to support other than you?

Nope, As I mentioned, my siblings are still in school/university, so none of them can help at the moment until they finish their education.

Why not thinking about starting your own business?

I have thought about this, but I have no idea what business to start! :(

About the sexual feelings: if you cant control yourself, get married! If you can control yourself, then focus on building yourself.

As I mentioned, getting married isn't an option. I don't think there are many girls, even the most sensible and understanding girls, who would be 100% OK with me giving the majority of my salary to my family, and leaving very little for me and her. Even if she was OK with it, I think it would be quite unfair on her.

But I can control myself, sometimes it is extremely hard to do so, but I can. But that said, I really want to get married. I feel I am old enough to get married and also want to start my own family, so it's extremely difficult.

I'm feeling very trapped and crushed.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

, getting married isn't an option. I don't think there are many girls, even the most sensible and understanding girls, who would be 100% OK with me giving the majority of my salary to my family, and leaving very little for me and her.
.

bro , u may marry a working lady . Then hopefully it won't be problem in married life if u support ur family . In my country , joint family tradition is still common and men spend for both wife and parents , bro , sis.