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Aishath
11-09-2013, 08:06 AM
Asalaamu Alaikum,

As far back as I can remember I have had a problem with my temper. I keep making the intention I won't lose my temper again, I'll guard my tongue, i won't backbite... and yet I fall short each and every time.

So basically what happened was I got into an argument with my mother. It was over something trivial (as these arguments usually are). I remembered that in the past she had said a certain thing about someone else and she was saying she never said it. I am almost 99% sure that she did say this because I can recall my reaction to it very clearly too. This was why I kept pushing it and whilst I was arguing, I got this voice in my head saying why don't you ask her to make an oath on it. To bring the Quran and touch it and make an oath if she's so sure. i got this thought whilst I was still firm on my conviction that she had said this thing.

Alhamdulillah I did not say these things out loud. However, because I also did not relent, she ended up making an oath anyway in her anger as well saying that she did not say these things about the third person. She asked me if I could make an oath but Alhamdulillah Allah protected me from falling further into Shaytan's trap. I did not make an oath and I told her too that I wouldn't as I did not want to make an oath over small matters. Besides that, I was still extremely sure I was right. She is much older than me too so I could recall the conversation better and this has happened between us in the past. Where she forgot that she had said something but I could recall it.

I am feeling so horrible though because I am responsible for someone (my mother) taking a false oath. And I still so certain that she was the one who was remembering it wrong. I don't know how to correct this and I don't really want to approach her about this again because she is so certain. I hope with all my heart that I am wrong. That I am the one who recalled the situation wrongly.

Brothers and sisters, please help me. PLease help me fix this and please help me control my temper too. I keep trying different things. I try to walk away, but when I get angry it's like this other person takes over me. I am so scared about the sin I committed. Arguing with my mother, and the whole oath thing too. I am scared for her as well but I am wondering if she is so strong in her conviction then does that mean she would fall under the following ruling:

If a person takes a false oath mistakenly or due to some misunderstanding, it will be forgiven. There will be nokaffarah on such a false oath. For example, a person says: "I swear by Allah that so and so person has not arrived as yet", and in his heart this person had the full conviction that this oath which he is taking is a true oath. Only later did he learn that at the time of taking the oath, that person had already arrived. Such a false oath will be forgiven and there is nokaffarah.
http://spa.qibla.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=472&CATE=12

Please help me, In Shaa Allah. I want this incident at least to teach me to turn my life around.
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Aishath
11-13-2013, 02:00 PM
Bump... Please do advise me In Shaa Allah.
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Signor
11-13-2013, 02:45 PM
Waalikum Assalaam

Would I found myself in your shoes,I will adopt the approach below(only because it applies in very general conditions while we cannot be fully aware of fiqh issues):

Anything that is forced is not valid in Islam. Every action should be made intentionally to be acceptable. If you are satisfied that you were forced to swear by the Quran then rest assured that action is invalid.
Taken from http://www.islamhelpline.com/qa/forc...uch-quran-oath

However you can also read opinions of various school of thoughts on this link from where I've quoted the text

http://www.questionsonislam.com/ques...-compensate-it

No oaths can be taken using anything other than the names and essential attributes of Allah. According to Hanafis, it is not permissible to swear oaths using the names of beings that are regarded as holy by Muslims like, Nabi, the Quran, the Kaaba (Kasani ibid, III, 5-10; Marghinani, al-Hidaya," II, 72; Mawsili ; IV, 51).

According to Imam Shafii, Imam Malik and Imam Ahmad b. Hanbal, the oaths sworn by the Quran, the verses of the Quran and the Mushaf are valid. If they are broken, kaffarah (paying poor people a certain amount of money for atonement) is necessary (Ibn Qudama, al-Mughni, XI,194,195). According to Hanbalis, it is not permissible to swear oaths by the Kaaba and other beings but it is permissible to swear oaths by the name of the Prophet. (Ibn Qudama, ibid, XI, 210)
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ardianto
11-13-2013, 02:48 PM
Wa'alaikumsalam

Sis, you asked your mother to make oath for a case. I am sure, at that moment you were expecting her tell the truth. But then if your mother lying, it's not your fault. In this case I don't see you made someone took false oath. Different than if you forced your mother to tell something lie.

I'll give an example of forcing someone take false oath.

Suppose, I steal money, and my friend know it. But I tell him "If people ask you who steal this money, tell them you don't know. Don't say I steal it!".

But sis, yes, you have a problem with your temper. Next time, it's better if you tell someone softly if you want her/him tell the truth.

:)
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