I hate my parents

[anonymous]

Assalaamualaikum

I will start by saying that I am a practicing Muslim, and I live with my parents. I don't have a job, and so I'm dependent on them. I'm searching for one, but the thin market is not helping.

Thus, I've gone through my teenage and young adult life living with my parents. I keep trying to hold on to the teachings of Islam, and have overcome bad habits because of it. I love Allah, and his prophet, and the noble companions. I try to keep taking lessons from their lives.

However, I've reached a stage where my parents and I are disagreeing on literally everything these days. I used to think that it was just my mom who was being a little hard to get along with, but today I had a new realization altogether. My dad has the habit of insulting his children by counting his favors and ridiculing my unemployment to win an argument or simply coy me down, but today when a matter was raised that had me and my mom conflicted for the past 3-4 days, my dad was being absolutely unreasonable.

I repeatedly tried to put forward my side of the argument, but my dad over and over again kept interpreting it in the absolute worst way possible. It broke my heart, lumped my throat, and shattered me. I lived with the belief that my father was a just man. Though he is not a practicing Muslim, I've seen him mostly trying to take the right side, but today, it was unbearable for me. I know that ego overtakes all of us from time to time, and makes us do things we regret later on, yet my father's behavior has crumbled me today.

I found thick tears in my eyes that I tried so hard to contain. I didn't want to cry in front of my parents, and give them that satisfaction or evoke a fake sympathy in them. The matter no longer remained about who was right. It became a one-sided struggle for me where I had to keep explaining every statement that was coming out of my mouth.

I can't explain the storm that has been raging in me since this thing happened. I feel alone - very, very alone. I have friends who genuinely care for me, but I have never shared my personal problems with anyone.

My deen has been challenged multiple times in the past by my parents whenever things have turned into arguments. They keep saying stuff like what is your salaah going to fetch you if you're so disrespectful to your parents? I've had that fear myself for so long, but I can't just stay quiet when I see something wrong. Because of all this, I spend most of my time in my room. It has gone so far that a deep fear lives in me that whenever my mom and I will talk, it will only lead to something bitter. Eventually, the matter will be forwarded for my dad to settle it, and he will resort to misinterpreting and insulting his children to not let their voice be heard.

I don't know what can be the solution. A lot of times, I have thought whether even this minimal communication strategy is permissible or not. What do you people say? Is this strategy of keeping my communication less and less helpful as it prevents any more distaste from budding between me and my parents?