Originally Posted by straightpath1
JazakAllahu khayrun for sharing your story and seeking advise for this matter.
Its always difficult to watch a family member/ loved one follow a path that we know is against islamic teachings and that only promises loss in this life and in the next.
As you may have realized, very often, irrespective of the type of advise that we may offer, it may fall on deaf ears - and results in more tensions and anger between family members.
The reasons for this could be a combination of:
- Your sister is going through young adulthood - with new found independence and freedom (being at college), and the notion that she is an 'adult', and should thus be free to make her own decisions.
- Peer pressure at campus - to dress in a certain way, and intermingle in the manner that is acceptable by society.
- She is at the stage of life where the opposite sex, and their perceptions of her, will matter a lot more than before - unfortunately, much more than what her older sister thinks.
- Hijab, segregation between genders, the importance of observing salaah, respect for parents and family members, control over the use of social media,etc - should be a way of life that is inseperable from the family - as
kids are growing up.
If these values did not feature very high in the past, then it often becomes very difficult to suddenly provide multiple levels of advice in succession, or to try to influence a persons behaviour in a short space of time.
- It often occurs that we may try to provide the best advice to our family members - but they do not heed.
Yet when the very same advice is provided by another person, they may decide to follow it.
Sometimes, it may boil down to the manner in which this advice is provided to the person, or the fact that they respect the authority from whom the information is received.
In relation to the above, I would suggest the following in shaa Allah:
1. It would be a good idea to get your parents involved, and try to indirectly raise these concerns with them. Depending on how seriously they regard these issues, they may decide to act on your concerns.
Ideally (and most importantly
), your sister should be given an 'ultimatum' (by your parents):
That if she wants the privilege
of studying in a mixed enviroment, then she needs to show that she is responsible as a young muslim women - by adopting proper hijab, not intermingling beyond necessary limits with males, etc
In other words, she needs to understand that as much as education is important......what is even more important is our deen.
If she is not willing to make these efforts, then she should be removed from this mixed enviroment, and perhaps a course/ degree can be pursued from home.
There is no benefit in sacrificing ones deen for the sake of this dunya.
2. Invite her to attend islamic seminars/ talks/ ladies halaqas, etc.
If you have friends who may also have a positive impact on her (in the manner that they dress and relate to others), then include her in your outings together.
Replace TV programmes with islamic lectures and recitation of quraan in your home.
^ In these small ways, her micro-enviroment will change to one that is more focussed on deen, and in shaa Allah, this will be a means of influencing her behaviour. She may also be more receptive to hearing an aalim speak about the importance hijab, etc. than to hear the same advise being provided by members of her immediate family.
3. If you do not live close to a masjid (so that azaan is audible), then if possible, invest in an azaan clock for your home/ install an azaan app on your phone (just remember to place on mute when going to the toilet).
In this way, this can serve as daily reminders to the entire family when it is time for salaah - and try to encourage everyone to leave what they are doing, and to read salaah as a family.
4. Make abundant duaa that Allah guides her in all decisions, and protects her from the fitnahs of this dunya.
5. Realize that the best that we can do for our loved ones is to offer advice and to try to direct them towards the goodness that Islam has to offer.
Ultimately, there needs to be an internal desire
to change ones way of life - and this only arises once there is recognition of Allah and His greatness, and when there is a desire to seek His pleasure in all matters.