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YUSUFFF
12-21-2013, 07:44 PM
Hello,

I know that this topic might struck some of you as a little unconventional so I'd ask you to have an open mind.
I am a 25 years old man who lives in a non-Muslim country, but I've been raised in Islamic spirit and almost everyone from my family is religious.
The town I live in is mostly populated by Muslims and Islam is very respected. So, you get the picture.

I've always believed in Allah. I feel a connection with God and I would like to be a real Muslim, but I have this obstacle that I'm dealing with. I am gay.
Before you say I can change that, that I've "learned" to be gay - I'll have to inform you that those are nonsensical things to say. No one in their right mind would chose to be gay and to live a double life, be judged if exposed, etc. No one.
For the other part - if it could be changed, I would change it. I've tried everything.

My question to you is: What do I do? I've never been attracted to women, I can't just find some poor women, marry her and make her life a lie.
Is there a solution?

I would like to do daily prayers and attend Jumma but I feel that would be hypocritical of me if I practice gay sex.

Is the only possible solution for me celibacy if I want to be a Muslim?
Reply

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Muslim Woman
12-22-2013, 04:04 AM
:sl:


did u consult any doc ?
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YUSUFFF
12-22-2013, 10:03 AM
No. Homosexuality is not a disease in medicine, so going to doctor's wouldn't solve anything.
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Futuwwa
12-22-2013, 10:20 AM
Well, being a gay Muslim is still infinitely better than not being a Muslim. Life is meant to be a trial.
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YUSUFFF
12-22-2013, 10:40 AM
Hm, I think I agree to that one. It's just that I would feel hypocritical if I prayed to God and had intercourse with other men.
Yet, I can't change it.
Reply

Muhaba
12-22-2013, 03:32 PM
Allah didn't make anyone gay. He tells us in the Quran that the nation of Prophet Lut (A.S) chose a homosexual lifestyle and were punished for it. Even if you have gay tendencies for some reason, there's no reason why you should act upon them. if you have gay relations you will go to hell and you may be punished in this world as well. Many wraths that were prophesized occurred recently including sinking in the earth (in Florida and China) and it's been prophesized that gays will be killed with a rain of stones. If you continue to be gay despite being Muslim and knowing that it is wrong, you may be the one on whom this wrath comes. In a hadith it is stated that gays will have their skulls broken with stones falling from stars (meteors). Recently stones from a meteorite struck Russia.
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Scimitar
12-22-2013, 03:40 PM


Scimi
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Muhammad
12-22-2013, 05:13 PM
:salamext: brother,

Here are some previous threads started by people facing similar trials. I hope you will find some useful advice :ia:.

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...ual-urges.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...im-friend.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...ay-muslim.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...omosexual.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...sexuality.html
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YUSUFFF
12-23-2013, 10:12 AM
Ok, Dreamin, if it's a matter of choice - why don't you choose to be attracted to men for a day or two and then go back to being straight again.
Let me know how that went for you.

Thanks Scimtar and Muhammad.
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YUSUFFF
12-23-2013, 10:22 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by YUSUFFF
Ok, Dreamin, if it's a matter of choice - why don't you choose to be attracted to men for a day or two and then go back to being straight again.
Let me know how that went for you.
Just realized Dreamin is a female. So, the other way around. Why don't you choose to be attracted to women for a day or two and then go back to being straight again?
Reply

Scimitar
12-24-2013, 02:19 PM
brother Yusuf,

I understand how frustrating it can be when non gay people claim that being gay is something you can simply switch on and off. Living in metrosexual London, a very busy city, I come across all types of people. Gay, Straight, Bi and the occasional monk....

.... The annoyances you feel at those who would claim you can switch your sexuality on and off, though frustrating for you - is something I feel you should exercise great patience over. Straight people like myself need to be educated in a sympathetic way.

Everyone on this forum who has posted here has done so in order to help you feel more at home here. Granted one sister may have unintentionally annoyed you with her comment, but truth be told she is a good member here and was only trying to help you in her own way.

So help her, to help you :) it's what we do as an Ummah, help eachother.

Also, welcome to the forum, and Assalaam alaikum, hope you will stick around.

Scimi
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جوري
12-24-2013, 02:23 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by YUSUFFF
No. Homosexuality is not a disease in medicine, so going to doctor's wouldn't solve anything.
Some doctors still view it as a form os sexual deviance as so it was classified in the older textbooks - also the job of the doctor is to help you not judge whether this is a normal variant or not. You may want to see a Muslim psychiatrist!
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YUSUFFF
12-24-2013, 04:31 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by جوري
Some doctors still view it as a form os sexual deviance as so it was classified in the older textbooks - also the job of the doctor is to help you not judge whether this is a normal variant or not. You may want to see a Muslim psychiatrist!
Sure, some doctors. Some doctors who are not up to date with modern medicine or psychiatry.
There is no efficient way by which you could "cure" a gay person. The only thing you can do is deprive them of sexual arousal whatsoever. Also, those "methods" have been proven to be very devastating for patients. I don't want to ruin my health in order to change something so other people would like me better. I am fine with who I am, I am just curious whether I can or cannot be a part of Muslim community as I am. Not altered, Not "cured" . If not, I will move on with my life. Being gay does not hurt anyone, I don't molest other people - that's just the way of my life. I don't see why it's such a big deal.

Scimitar, Alaikumu salam. I greatly appreciate your point of view. Thank you.
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جوري
12-24-2013, 04:37 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by YUSUFFF
There is no efficient way by which you could "cure" a gay person
Why is that? Can you not help who you bed? I mean if we're to use the analogy of a heterosexual having feelings for someone they can't have, are they gonna live miserable, angry with God or simply rape them because they can't help it?

It isn't modern medicine when you amend the DSM, it is simply heavy lobbying!
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Perseveranze
12-24-2013, 06:39 PM
Asalaamu Alaikum,

Akhi, ok you have attractoin towards those of the same gender, fair enough as it's not something you can control. You can still be a very practicing Muslim and build your good deeds like anyone else.

However, sodomy is something that you can control, and it would be a sin to engage in it. You need to look at it as a test and try to hold your urges and concentrate on that which benefits you in this life and the hereafter.

I know you may find it harsh that you should surpress your sexual desires in terms of not acting upon it, but think about it - almost every society tells paedophiles to suppress their sexual desires, incest couples, bestiality, necrophiliacs etc. the list goes on.
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Scimitar
12-24-2013, 07:14 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by YUSUFFF
Scimitar, Alaikumu salam. I greatly appreciate your point of view. Thank you.
Walakum salaam brother Yusuf :)

I would like to add that controlling homosexual desires would be no different to controlling hetrosexual desires - they are sexual desires. Each of us is going through this spiritual journey in a human body, which has its limitations. Some of these limitations are manifested in various ways. Sometimes they can be seen as defective occurrences, subject to a test of a particular person. In your case, you being gay, is your test. It's your life's biggest trial. I'm sure you will agree.

I mentioned "defective occurrences". For example, a thief will never be able to earn a halal living, therefore his earnings will not benefit him in the afterlife.

A gay person, will not be a natural father to any children, and therefore his sexual relations are only for fun and frolic - see? His line ends with him. Since Adam AS - man procreated with women, only for the buck to stop with you? Do you not have a problem with that bro?

Are you naturally a "self exclusionist" ? it's a very sad way to live, and i don't think you to be the type, after reading your posts.

Surely you are here on the forum because you want to get some real advice - and maybe help educate some here about the difficulties in living as a gay Muslim, a seemingly paradoxical term.

Here is one advice i can give you

If one is sincere in controlling their homo-sexual desires, then one should also ask Allah to kill their urges and replace them with hetrosexual ones so one can fulfil half of ones deen (get married) and get closer to HIM... And Allah hears all, sees all.

How sincere are you brother Yusuf?

Scimi
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~Zaria~
12-24-2013, 07:15 PM
Greetings,


Q: What is the status of homosexuality in Islam, and how should one cope with it?


At the outset the following should be borne in mind:

1. Our creator, Allah (SWT) has prohibited homosexuality in no uncertain terms.

2. Accordingly it is not natural. In fact it is something unnatural.

3. It is possible that a person becomes inclined to such activity due to the company he keeps, the material he reads/views or other external influences. This does not mean that he has been born such. The Hadith is very clear in that every person is born upon fitrah or the natural instinct of what Allah (SWT) wants of us.

4. Islam strongly condemns the act of homosexuality. Those who are involved in this heinous sin may however turn back by repenting from this evil and seeking the forgiveness of Allah who accepts repentance and would once again bless such people too. As such, it is not the people who are disdained in themselves. Rather, it is the heinous sin that they have got themselves involved in that results in them being cursed. If these very people repent and mend their ways, Allah will definitely forgive.

5. Hence if you have sincerely repented for these actions, Allah will definitely forgive you. You should now resolve never to displease him in any way and get back into this accursed evil practise. Do not engage in any illicit relationships. Strive to make up for the past sins. Cry before Allah and seek his help in granting you a compatible wife. May Allah ease your difficulty and protect us all from sins. May Allah keep you steadfast on your taubah and may He grant a pious compatible wife who will be of assistance to you in both this world and the Aakhirah. Ameen.



How to Deal with Ones’ Own Desire?

Letter of one in distress to Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi and his response:

Shaykh, when gazing at handsome lads, a fire of desire is kindled within my heart. Please help me!

Answer:

Together with turning away the 'physical' gaze, the 'mental' gaze should also be turned away

The simplest way of achieving this is by directing the thoughts in another direction. It is unanimously accepted principle of psychology that the mind cannot concentrate on two varying subjects simultaneously. Thus, no effort should be expended in attempting to remove these thoughts (as this is extremely difficult), nor should the causes be pondered as this would only compound the problem.

The best remedy is to redirect the thoughts and the problem will be automatically solved. This is the only effective solution. At times, such terrible thoughts afflict the mind that a person begins to doubt the validity of his Iman. There is no need for concern so long as these thoughts 'appear' and are not voluntarily 'introduced'.

It is also recommended that “A'uzu” be recited on such occasions. In short, dhikr is an invaluable remedy to this problem since, turning the attention to Allah means turning the heart away from everything besides Him. Thus, the whispers will terminate immediately, as the mind cannot concentrate on two things at the same time.

And Allah Knows Best Fatwa Dept.
Mufti Shafique A Jakhura



http://www.darulihsan.com/index.php/...-homosexuality
Reply

Alpha Dude
12-25-2013, 09:04 AM
:sl:

I am just curious whether I can or cannot be a part of Muslim community as I am. Not altered, Not "cured" . If not, I will move on with my life. Being gay does not hurt anyone, I don't molest other people - that's just the way of my life. I don't see why it's such a big deal.
I think this paragraph elucidates your actual problem. Being 'part of the Muslim community' means nothing if you don't have the right belief and iman in the heart. Allah's not going to look at you on the day of judgement and let you into paradise because you've been 'part of the community'. In fact, even Islamic scholars who spend their whole lives being part of the community but do things for the wrong intention will be chucked into hell.

Fact is this: indulging in homosexual activity is a major sin. If you don't believe it is a sin to start with, then your very belief/iman in Islam itself is not there or is corrupted as you are rejecting direct parts of the Qu'raan. Brother, you need to correct any wrong belief you have on that matter first. If you commit a sin and know it's a sin and feel bad about it that's a different matter but your situation seems to be that you realise Islam says indulging in homosexual behaviour is a sin but you don't agree (as you mention you don't think it is bad/hurting anyone, I conclude you don't accept it being sinful - please correct me if I am wrong).

I think maybe deep down somewhere you feel guilty and try to make excuses that it's not hurting anyone so should be okay but that's covering your eyes to the truth that Allah has told us that it's wrong (and you're wrong - the person you hurt the most is yourself). I think you do believe in Islam as you say and you want to be a good Muslim but try to hide from your problem because the limited options (i.e. marry a woman or remain celibate) are too difficult for you to deal with.

My friend, this life is a test and people are tested in various different manners. Your test - rather, I should say, your biggest test - seems to be your homosexual inclinations. Try your best to fight these desires and don't give in to them. Don't try to hide from it and convince yourself it is not a sin. If you make a mistake, repent and pick yourself back up again. You may make a mistake many times but try your best to keep picking yourself up.
Reply

Hamza Asadullah
12-25-2013, 12:04 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by YUSUFFF
Hello,

I know that this topic might struck some of you as a little unconventional so I'd ask you to have an open mind.
I am a 25 years old man who lives in a non-Muslim country, but I've been raised in Islamic spirit and almost everyone from my family is religious.
The town I live in is mostly populated by Muslims and Islam is very respected. So, you get the picture.

I've always believed in Allah. I feel a connection with God and I would like to be a real Muslim, but I have this obstacle that I'm dealing with. I am gay.
Before you say I can change that, that I've "learned" to be gay - I'll have to inform you that those are nonsensical things to say. No one in their right mind would chose to be gay and to live a double life, be judged if exposed, etc. No one.
For the other part - if it could be changed, I would change it. I've tried everything.

My question to you is: What do I do? I've never been attracted to women, I can't just find some poor women, marry her and make her life a lie.
Is there a solution?

I would like to do daily prayers and attend Jumma but I feel that would be hypocritical of me if I practice gay sex.

Is the only possible solution for me celibacy if I want to be a Muslim?
Asalaamu Alaikum brother. Homosexual tendencies are certainly not genetic as many may argue but may come about due to many factors. These may include hormonal imbalances particularly those males who are effeminate or those females who are masculine. Such tendencies may also come about from experiences whilst growing up, like being molested, abused, or going through bad relationships with parents particularly the father, as well as bad experiences in pre marital or even marital relations with the opposite sex which may put off a person altogether from the opposite gender.

But a lot of the times especially in your case it is certainly a test. A lot of people may look past this but everything comes from Allah. People go through countless tests whether they are a whole array of physical and mental diseases or being tested through family and children or those around them. But for you this is certainly a test.

The question is how to deal with such a test from an Islamic point of view which is what everything in our lives should come to. The way we can get through hardships and difficult tests that we may be going through in life is to firstly internalise in our minds that this life is a test ground and we are in an examination but we do not know when this examination will end but whilst the examination is taking place we are being rigorously tested and at times we are tested until breaking piont just to see whether or not we will turn towards Allah or go away from him.*

We must also internalise that Allah ONLY tests those who he wants close to him. Therefore the tests that we go through in our lives clearly show Allah is wanting us to turn towards him and be closer to him. This is in fact a great privelage. The greater the tests we go through the more Allah is wanting to raise our ranks in the hereafter.*

Therefore if we really want to know the best way to approach huge trials and tests then we should simply realise that the bigger the tests we are going through then the higher Allah is wanting to raise our ranks in the hererafter. Trials are a truly blessing in disguise. All Allah wants from us is for us to turn towards him in meekness and humbleness and for us to be patient and to turn to him in prayer and dua. Picture that fact that Allah loves it when his servant is in desperate need, crying to him for help for Allah tends to those who cry and sob to him immediatley just as a mother tends to its baby promptly when it is crying.

We should also internalise the fact that tests actually differentiate us believers from one another in terms of ranking in the eyes of Allah and therefore we should know that those who are tested and are patient are forgiven of their sins as sins falls off a person who is patient through trials just.

Therefore we should realise that us being tested with trials and tests will NEVER go unrewarded for Allah rewards how much he wants to those who are patient through trials and those who turn towards him in humility and meekness.*It may be that a person who has experienced great trials in the world faces Allah on the day of judgement with little or no sins. So tests are a way of Allah forgiving a person of their sins so that on the day of judgement they have a much lighter load.

Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has called the day of judgement a "terrible" day and surely on this terrible day we would want as less sins as possible in our accounts if we are to be successful. Therefore these trials and tests are very important for us because they enable us to be forgiven for countless sins that would be a huge burden on us if it were in our accounts but due to the huge tests we faced with patience turning to Allah then it may be that we have very little or no sins at all on that day. The greater the trial the more sins fall off us. So know that even a prick of a thorn expiates ones sins.

We should also approach hardships and tests as in that it is the decree of Allah so we should NEVER ask Allah "Why" has he given us such trials? For questioning Allah why he has decreed something will mean that not only have we gone through so much grief and torment from these trials but that we have actually added to our sins by questioning Allah and we will be accountable for that.*Patience is one of the greatest attributes a person can acquire and Allah is with those who are patient and the reward for Patience is Paradise!

If one is patient, and is among the ones described in the following manner in the Qur’an (Baqarah, 2: 256)Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”:-*Then here are the rewards Allah will give that person (2:157):The Rewards of Patience are the folowing:

1. Blessings from Allah: The patient person is blessed by Allah.
2. Mercy of Allah: When Allah gives someone His Mercy, He will let him enter paradise with His Mercy.
3. Guidance of Allah: A patient person will be guided by Allah in this world until he meets Him on the Day of Judgment.Referring to those who are tested and endure with Sabr or patience all of the above three rewards are mentioned by Allah Himself in the Qur’an in Surah Baqarah (2: 157):“They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.”

In Surah Hud (11:11), Allah (S.W.T.) again promises to reward those who are patient in adversity.Therefore let us realise that patience is the main thing Allah is looking for in us when we are going through trials and tests.

Here are two wonderful examples of patience through trials in the life of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) :‘Ata ibn Rabah related that he heard Ibn ‘Abbas say: “Shall I show you a woman of Paradise?”I said: “Yes, indeed.” He said: “A black woman came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said: ‘I suffer from epileptic fits, and because of these, (at times) my body becomes uncovered. Would you invoke Allah, the Exalted One, to cure me of this disease? ‘ The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: ‘If you wish, you can be patient and you will attain Paradise (for this suffering). But if you prefer, I will pray to Allah, the Exalted, to cure you of it?’ The woman said: ‘I will be patient,’ then added: ‘I become uncovered (when I have fits), so invoke Allah for me that I do not become uncovered. ‘ So the Prophet, peace be upon him, prayed for her.” [Source: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, volume 4, #1a]

Story of ‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair had an operation, and the doctor amputated his leg. One friend came to visit him. ‘Urwah thought that the fried came to pacify him for the loss of his leg. So ‘Urwah told the visitor: If you came to give me condolence for the loss of my leg, I already submitted to Allah with patience to reward me for its loss. The guest told him, I came to inform you that your son fell down in a stable, and the animals stepped over him, and he died one hour ago. ‘Urwah said: O Allah! You took one child, and left me many…You took one organ from my body, and left me many organs…O Allah! You tested me with my body, and you were kind to leave me with good health. You tested me with the loss of my son, but you were kind in leaving me the rest of my children.

We should also approach tests as in we should look at those who have less than us. We have clean tap water and food on our plates everyday. We have clean clothes washed regularly and shelter from the harsh weather. Whereas there are those who walk miles just for a sip of water and even then it is dirty. There are those who have the same clothes for years and cannot even wash them. There are those who go days without proper food and even then they have scraps and end up being malnourished. There are those like in the flood disaster recently who have no shelter and are exposed to terrible diseases. Those who have little or no money to buy even basic things aswell as medication for their sick family members. Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alaihi wasallam) always told us to look at those who have less than us.*

Sometimes when we go through great trials we get decieved into thinking that other people that we see around us must be living a life happy and content. We are wrong to think in this way for we do not know what goes on in peoples lives. There are many examples of those who seemed as though they have SO much and seemed so happy but when certain things were revealed then it was clear that those people were living miserable lives full of torment!

We may look at a person with a smile on his face but he may be going through trials we can never imagine. Therefore when we are going through difficult times and trials then we should not look at others and think they are happy and living fulfilled lives for we do not know what any person on the street is going through on a day to day basis.

Therefore whenever we are going through difficult times and trials then we should put our full trust, hopes, faith and reliance in Allah for he will NEVER let us down but is only testing us because he wants us to turn towards him in humility, humbleness and meekness and he wants us to get much closer to him. He tests a person because he wants good for them and wants to forgive them and raise their ranks in the hereafter.*In reality how lucky is a person who is being tested greatly and is still patient and turning towards Allah night and day. How hig must Allah be raising his ranks and forgiving his sins on a daily basis until he is like a new born baby who has little or no sins on him at all.

So the way to approach this is to realise that a person who is being tested greatly is in fact lucky but shaythan is wanting one to think opposite.Shaythan is our eternal sworn enemy and ONLY wants us to lose hope and faith and to go away from Allah. He wants us tobecome disillusioned and lose all hope so that we go away from Alah and our deen. But we should reject our enemy who only wants our destruction. We should disregard his evil whispers and know that they are only lies and deciet.*

Shaythan will try to make us think that there is no way out of this and this is because he wants us to give in and lose hope. But we must realise that if we continuously strive and keep turning towards Allah and be patient then the final victory WILL be ours! We will taste the sweetness of victory but in order to taste this victory we need to fight and strive through the tests and trials that life throws at us!If one who is going through great trials continues to turn towards Allah in humility, meekness and in humblenes then know that the reward one will gain will be unimaginable.

On the day of judgement once we see the reward of being patient through great trials turning towards Allah in humility then we would want Allah to have tested us even more so that we could have wreaped the rewards of being patient and turning towards Allah through trials and hardships. It is only on the day of judgement will we truly realise how much we have missed out on and how much more we wished we were tested by Allah so that our ranks were even higher.So the Reward of going through terrible trials and hardships immense!

Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "On the Day of Resurrection, when people who have suffered affliction are given their reward, those who are healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world." (Al-Tirmidhi #1570)

So remember: Victory, relief and ease comes with patience through distress and hardshipProphet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "Know that victory comes with patience, relief with distress and ease with hardship.” (Reported by Ahmad)

Therefore let us realise that the bigger trials and hardships we go through in this life then the more rewards we will gain in the hereafter as long as we are patient and are constantly turning towards Allah.*

In the hereafter when we see the rewards of going through trials and hardships then we will all wish that we went through the WORST trials possible for the longest amount of time!

No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah's decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere it will never come your way but if it is yours by destiny from you it cannot flee. (Umar Ibn al-Khattab Radiyallahu Anhu)

May Allah make us patient through adversity, trials and hardships. Ameen

So my brother know that this is a test for you and that this life is inly very short and temporary for a little patience in this world will bring rewards so immense that we will wish we went through even greater trials just to gain more rewards from Allah. So know that by being patient and persevering that you are fulfilling the purpose of your life which is to pass the test of life by turning to Allah and revolving your life around Islam.

There are cognitive therapies available for having homosexual tendencies. There is a new technique called Aversion-Relief Therapy:

http://www.integratedsociopsychology...n_therapy.html

Look into such therapies and never give up hope for this is what your enemy shaythan wants. Never give in to the desire of committing sodomy which is a major and vile sin and know that for controlling your desires you must fast as much as possible and turn to Allah, beg and cry unto him and ask of him to aide you and do you think he will ever turn you away? So never give up hope. Keep reminding yourself of death and the Hereafter. Visit the graves as much as possible. Keep striving. If you fall over a hurdle then get up and carry on but NEVER give up. For those who patiently persevere will be victorious in the end.

Regarding the prayer then NEVER abandon it. If you do not pray then NEVER hesitate in doing so for the prayer is the purpose of our life and without it we have nothing. Visit the Masjid as often as you can and never miss a single prayer. Again it is your enemy shaythan who whispers you such thoughts as he knows that you will only destroy yourself if you do not pray. So hold onto the prayer with dear life. NEVER let anything stop you from praying regardless.

Finally: " Do not detest the misfortunes that befall you, for what you detest may be the cause of your salvation and what you like may be the cause of your ruin." Al-Hasan Al-Basree
Reply

YUSUFFF
12-27-2013, 02:56 PM
Dear everyone,

Thank you for your time and replies.
I think I have my answer.

Best wishes,
Y
Reply

Marina-Aisha
01-04-2014, 10:41 AM
But wot if u haven't done anything but u think bout it do u still go hell fire?
Reply

Muhaba
01-12-2014, 10:22 AM
I didn't say sexuality was a choice. Humankind (and all creation) are created heterosexual. Some humans, due to various reasons get a gay mindset. This may be because of child abuse, being taught about homosexuality at such an early age as to confuse the child, or even reading / watching homosexual material at a young age that confuses the person and makes one think that what they are feeling are gay attraction when actually it is not.

For example, according to child psychology, children first have admiring feelings for persons of their own sex before they start having sexual attraction to the opposite sex. These feelings of admiration (for someone of their own sex) are simply that - feelings of admiration. The child may look up to this person and want to be like them. BUT when a child has previously learned about homosexual feelings (for example, in kindergarten as is now customary) IT'S POSSIBLE FOR THE CHILD TO CONFUSE THE FEELINGS OF ADMIRATION WITH FEELINGS OF BEING IN LOVE!!!

Children are inexperienced and don't know what love is. It would be very easy for them to confuse the feelings. And being upset by this and unable to understand their feelings, they would be preoccupied with the thought, defining every feeling to be a sexual attraction. And it's possible that some, thinking that one can get attracted to their own sex, accept these feelings and act on them. They may start reading homosexual material and watching homosexual movies. These don't have to be X-rated. Such shows/books may be made for the general audience including children but would further cause the child's mind to be misled and cause them to further develop homosexual feelings.

So the first thing for you to do is to accept that homosexuality is not normal human tendency and you can't be a Muslim if you engage in homosexual behavior OR HOMOSEXUAL THOUGHTS. So long as you haven't accepted this, you can't change and can't expect God to help you change. This is because you accept homosexual to be a correct way of life.

But either Islam is correct or such thinking is correct as both can't be side by side. If you believe that your belief about homosexuality is correct, then you expect islam to be incorrect because islam does NOT allow homosexuality and states that homosexuality is a deviation.

Thus, you first need to correct your belief.

Then you need to decide that you can NOT live with such a life or such a mindset and must absolutely try to get a heterosexual mindset. You must make every effort to do so no matter what. Here Shaytan shouldn't succeed in reminding you your previous homosexual actions and stop you from proceeding. Expect that the Shaytan will remind you that you engaged in such and such action (as he always does) and therefore you can't improve your future because of your bad past. Do not allow this to hinder you. Tell yourself that you will be judged for those thoughts and actions from this day forward. As for the past, seek forgiveness for it and expect that Allah will wipe your slate clean.

Do not engage in any homosexual activity or thoughts. Do not read or watch any homosexual material. Do not meet anyone that reminds you of your homosexual acts or causes you to get homosexual urges. Do astaghfirullah a lot and do not let any thoughts related to your sexuality enter your mind at all. Stay far away from your past partners. If possible go to a different city or country, preferably where homosexuality is not allowed.

Get married. YES, GET MARRIED to a woman. You may or may not have to disclose your past depending on your situation and the woman. Some women may be accepting and will accept you. When you're married, live with your wife and don't allow your mindset to cause disturbances to your marriage. Love your wife as best as you can and continue to seek Allah's Help. Do not hate your wife and do not consider her an obstacle to your happiness. Try to appreciate the beauty of the married life, your wife, etc. Also, practice Islamic obligations fully, such as the 5-times daily prayer and fasting, etc. With time, and with Allah's Help, your natural heterosexual feelings will take over, wiping out homosexual tendencies.

Oh yes, and you must absolutely detest (hate) homosexuality as a grotesque and unnatural and filthy action.
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