Should I leave those stuff complete?

[anonymous]

Salam aleykum dear brothers and sisters in Islam,

I am considering to avoid using the computer for one year. Let me explain what motivates me to do so, although it is hard to start: I am a youth who started to use computer as teenager. In beginning everything was within reasonable bounds and I was outside, meet friends and so on. After a period of time, my outside activities has been decreased and I moved away from family and friends although everything was better than today (my parents would probably have a different opinion - used to be bad, today is worse). I was still able to have some interpersonal skills, when we got some guests. Step by step, I moved more and more away. I am not going to tell you the whole story now and take your time but I am at a situation now that is NOT GOOD and ACCEPTABLE and could be the reason why I could get some serious problems on DAY OF JUDGEMENT!

I exfoliate to a guy who is sitting permanently at the computer. That has been not affected my interpersonal skills at all, but it has affected my view to humanity and need of social life. By the way, I am not all the time at home but have daily real life. I fear I do not get any guidance of Allah due to my abstinence of Jamaah. It is weird. I have no problems in my daily life until people tries to come too near to me - want to meet me - just for fun - in leisure time. It does not matter whether those are kuffar or brothers. I generally have no interest in meeting any kuffar but when it comes to brothers it hurts me. I want to be part of a jamaah but I am afraid. When I did start to become an "addict" (I actually do not see myself as an addict, but I thing, addicts always would deny that their are one) I had literally no idea of Islam, when I become older Allah has guided me, Alhamdulliah. Nonetheless I feel not complete in my iman. For years I have been struggling to become a knowledgeable person, who understood at least all basic principles in the Aqidah and Fiqh etc. with all authentic proofs. The reason why I might not have been successful could be the missing of ikhlas. Honestly, I do not know whether I have ikhlas or not. I am trying to do all my deeds in secret but same time I want people know that I am not a Muslim who do not take religion serious. I fear I might be a munafiq. It is hardly to explain. Some years ago I went to the masjid to learn reciting the holy Quran but I stopped after one week, because the "pressure" was to hard. Not the pressure to learn, rather the social component. Also, one of the problems was, I was and I am always not sure what should I think about this Masjid. They are practising innovations and their jamaah is weird, too. Most of them with a wrong Aqidah and are more in a weird cultural way so I prefer to avoid them but I have family members who go there. I do not know how can I solve that social issue. I never know how I should react, I always think I am doing wrong. And there is no doubt I have issues in Adab.On the one hand I love my brothers in Islam but think that media has impacted, with their against Islam speeches, my heart so have an atom of wrong idea of my brothers.

Back to that computer stuff: do you think I should take my pc off my room completely and do not use it at all? That would be a very hard challenge, but I think it is necessary. One more think is, I am visiting some sites that are undoubtless haram and without an atom of doubt I AM ADDICTED TO THEM - what is the real reason why I want to start this project but living without a pc is very hard nowadays so I benefit from it as well. I can see lectues, read some stuff. Althought it is actually not worth it when I use it as well for haram too.

I WANT TO CHANGE with ALLAHs permission but I do not know how to start. Futher I do not know how to solve that interpersonal skills issue, how not to "fear" my brothers in reallife. I do not think I fear brothers I think I fear to become a hypocrite because shaitan will overcome me someday, altought I am convinced of Islam. This is a very weird feeling I cannot describe it, you know. Somedays I think to go to an islamic country for some weeks and be with some very good country and see islamic life in a islamic society with some good islamic company, but again here I am "afraid". I am actually I funny guy, but in masjid I cannot be who I am, even I forgot to smile altought smiling is sadaqa because I fear someone could speak to me, I would fell again into that issue with social...

One more problem is, I used to be very stupid. I am still, but in comparison to prior it is better. When I talk to people about Islam or other stuff. I get a weird feeling, I do not know whether it is kibir, riyaa or proud but when I think about that feeling I do not like it. It is really dangerous because it is narrated: “Whosoever has in his heart, even a atom of pride he will not enter paradise.”. I am afraid that Allah lets me think I am guided but am not and he punishes me at this way. I have to think good about my lord, but that could be possible because of my deeds.

I apologize for that "long" text and hope really you can give me some advise.

[anonymous]

when nobody is gonna answer, PLEASE DELETE THIS THREAD. It is not necesarry that it is avaiable online.