Sorry to hear of your problem sister.
Originally Posted by anonymous
My husband thinks it is not my right for him to spend time with me. He says I have right to a house, food and clothing that's it.
One of the rights of the wife is the right to maintenance, which includes your food and clothing.
A separate right of the wife, is the right to proper and kind treatment.
The translation of part of the 19th ayah of Surah an-Nisaa' says:
And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.
Commenting on this verse, Tafsir ibn Katheer says:
And live with them honorably, by saying kind words to them, treating them kindly and making your appearance appealing for them, as much as you can, just as you like the same from them. Allah said in another Ayah, (And they have rights similar over them to what is reasonable) ﴿2:228. The Messenger of Allah :saws: said, "The best among you is he who is the best with his family. Verily, I am the best one among you with my family". It was the practice of the Messenger of Allah :saws: to be kind, cheerful, playful with his wives, compassionate, spending on them and laughing with them. The Messenger :saws: used to race with `A'ishah, the Mother of the Faithful, as a means of kindness to her. `A'ishah said, "The Messenger of Allah :saws: raced with me and I won the race. This occurred before I gained weight, and afterwards I raced with him again, and he won that race. He said, (This ﴿victory ﴾ is for that ﴿victory﴾.)'' When the Prophet :saws: was at the home of one of his wives, sometimes all of his wives would meet there and eat together, and they would then go back to their homes...The Prophet :saws: used to talk to the wife whose night it was, after praying `Isha' and before he went to sleep.
The relationship between a Muslim man and his wife is not one of rules and regulations. Allah says n the Qur'an "verily, the believers are but a brotherhood"(al Hujuraat, 10). One's wife is part of that brotherhood of Islam. Indeed, she deserves to be treated in a special manner by the husband because she has more rights upon him. Unfortunately, it is often the case that a brother knows how to be a brother to his Muslim brothers in the mosque and to his relatives, but does not realise how to be a brother to his sister who is his wife. Sometimes the kindest person in the mosque is the worst person when it comes to treating his wife.
The first thing he should realise is that his wife is first and foremost another Muslim. She is his sister in Islam. Therefore, all the rights that fall upon a Muslim due to the general brotherhood of Islam are also due to one's spouse, in fact moreso. The brotherhood, love and loyalty which Muslims are meant to have amongst each other, apply to ones' wife too.
The prophet :saws: said, None of you truly believes, until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. (Bukhari and Muslims)
If he likes not to spend time with you, would he like it if you did the same, when he wanted to spend time with you?
One's spouse has even more rights on a person due to the great and important contract that has been contracted between them.
Therefore, when discussing the rights of the spouses, this matter should not be looked at "coldly". Their relationship with each other must be much more than a matter of rights stated by the law that each must abide by. Instead, it should be a relationship of mutual love, support and understanding. Each spouse should take into consideration the needs and abilities of the other spouse. They should attempt to make each other happy, even if they have to compromise sometimes, and not simply be out to make sure that they are getting all of their rights in the marriage, or trying to avoid behaving nicely with their spouse, simply because they think it's a sunnah and not fard, or it's not her right.
The prophet :saws: in particular advised the husbands to treat their wives in the best way. Both spouses should look at themselves and see how they can improve for each other.
Post adapted and excerpted from: The Fiqh of family, marriage and divorce, by Jamal Zarabozo, American Open University, 1997.
May Allah rectify all your matters and grant you mutual love, understanding and happiness, ameen.