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View Full Version : [need help] My Personal Problem



Sahmed123
12-29-2013, 05:50 AM
Asalamualaikum,

to start off with i would like to say thank you to creators of this forum for a wonderful way for people to request help and islamic knowledge in general.





i am 20 years old currently out of college and a job. my life is not easy but i guess no one has it easy. i have many different problems with anxiety, stress and anger. to start off with i would like to write about my background in life. i dont have a father he seperated with my mother at young age. i am bangladeshi and alot like other bengali fathers they chose marriage with my mother as a easy way into the country.





i dont think much about my father as i know he has made mistakes just like you and i make and i must forgive him in sha allah he will be forgiven for the descisions that he has made in his life. my mother was diagnosed with this illness from young age. when she was born all the doctors in bangladesh had told my grandmother that she will not survive. my grandma went to all the scholars in her village and they all said the same thing.




by the miracle of allah the more gracious she survived but only to the expence of her brain disfunctioning. she has a childish nature as she never matured mentaly but this is only normal and i thank allah that i even had a mother to give birth to me and my sister. just last year my mother had been diagnosed into frostbite program becouse she has become more and more depressed. she had imaginary friends from young age and i believe she had a very amazing carer at one time of her life who she refers to as 'aunty'.




she missed this person so much in her life she couldnt not believe that this person is no longer around her. she hopes and wishes that this person will one day come and make her happy again. my mother has learning difficulties and used to go to a care group where she used to interact with others like her and she was okay enjoying life to the point where we thought she was happy. as i said last year her condition got worse, and its complicated to sum up what happened but now she is in frost bite. our family is paying for the care service hoping she will get better. in sha allah one day she will be at rest becouse every time i go see her she seems troubled and she doesnt even like family including me and my sister around her. i miss my mothers smile and just having a mother.






even though i was brought up mostly by my grandmother i have some memories of when i was younger when i had nightmares she would hug me tight and stop me from crying. this is why its so hard losing her. i cried enough and mourned so much when she left my home. spent many months just thinking whats the point in living. i have not always been the greatest son i have even sworn at my mother when i was young i never understood why she never showed me love and how she was different to other mothers. now she is gone i dont know what is the point of repenting becouse i have been so bad. i could have been there for her more. my family and even my girlfriend tell me i couldnt change destiny but im still in guilt and in pain every day. even now im close to crying thinking about her. not a day goes withought me thinking about her.




now me, my grandmother says my grandfather (from my dads side) died from a stroke. he had a very weak heart. and i believe i have the same. im very emotional and very anxious. i get panic attacks and struggle to breathe when i am anxious. it has made it very hard for me to trust people, do well in school/college becouse i would not want to face challenges in my life but only to run away from it. i had very bad trust issues with my girlfriend in which i found it hard to get around it. i always want more and more of her time. almost like i want her to fill in that love that my parents never could give me. i dont know if its my fault im not strong or if its becouse im disfunctional and i just dont work. i have given up so much in my life in so many situations that i sometimes think that im not capable of fufilling my dreams and also my ummah. my girlfriend is one of the only reasons i have hope. i never asked her out, never liked her or anything. when we did fall in love it happened in pure innocents. i was best friends with her chasing another girl which i thought was the one.




i cried every now and then for allah to give me the right person in life. and i believe with my heart that she is the one. she came in to my life and told me to put allah first. she showed me how strong of a muslim you can be. i feel almost ashamed sometimes that i cannot be as amazing as her. we have never had sexual intercouse becouse of her. i have done stupid things in my life and its so amazing how she put all that behind us and she only looks to a good future for us. i want to marry her soon or have a islamic engagement this time next year. she feels wrong to hold my hand or to kiss me. she is right we need to do the right thing. now you have a gist of how my life is i would like to address my problem. i have a problem with masturbating and also i get a sexual thrill from going on online gay dating sites and finding people who will want to perform oral sex on me. i only once agreed to a date and it involved in me finding out how wrong it was. i didnt enjoy it at all, i knew that it was all shaytan who had put in my head that i will enjoy what i had gotten myself into. i felt so wrong and i vowed to never do it again. alhamdullialah i have not perfomed in anything else since. but that does not stop me from going on them websites. i go on it, chat up these men then just masturbate over the thrill of doing something wrong and after i ejactulate i feel dirty and again full of guilt. i need a way to stop these urges. i know im not gay, its just stupid thoughts that tell me to just try it out. the thoughts that say 'why not' its free sex. i know its wrong and i know it needs to stop.






i know when im married i am going to be happy with my wife. i also know having sex with your wife is a amazing thing that allah has given us. its one of the closest things to heaven the feeling. i should not be abusing. please can i have some realistic ways of stopping this addiction before i do something stupid again. ive had some close calls when i saw straight before i agreed to meeting these men, please someone help me before i make the same mistake again.







i believe allah wont forgive me if i ever do it again, i know this becouse i know i wont be able to forgive myself and how can i lie to allah again.

thank you for reading
i hope i get a few responses in sha allah

asalamulaikum

A.S
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Muslim Woman
12-29-2013, 04:41 PM
:wa:



if possible , get married soon . Fear Allah and stay away from porn sites . Avoid those who encourage u to do unethical things .


Don't miss ur daily salat . Recite Quran and ask Allah to help u .
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Salahudeen
12-31-2013, 09:55 PM
You've raised a lot of issue's, and I don't think anyone here can fully say they understand what you've been through, there is only one who understands everything you've been through in life and that's Allah, so I suggest you turn to him and devote yourself to Islam and make your goal to get to Jannah and focus on everything that will get you there and leave everything that will take you away from it that's why you're here in this life after all, to get to the paradise. Perhaps this talk will help you in some way inshaAllah.
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