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anonymous
02-05-2014, 06:31 PM
When should a man get married ,according to the quran and sahih My cousins and cousin-in-laws happen to be managers, directors,chairmans,consultants etc and are earning in millions and are living a very luxurious lifestyle My parents say that I have to reach their standards in order to be eligible for marriage and not be an embarrassment in our community I am not a genius to reach anywhere close to their level. Are my parents justified in making marriage haram for me ? a second question ---- is it haram for man to marry if he does not share the same hobbies with his potential partner ?
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ardianto
02-06-2014, 12:39 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
When should a man get married ,according to the quran and sahih My cousins and cousin-in-laws happen to be managers, directors,chairmans,consultants etc and are earning in millions and are living a very luxurious lifestyle My parents say that I have to reach their standards in order to be eligible for marriage and not be an embarrassment in our community I am not a genius to reach anywhere close to their level. Are my parents justified in making marriage haram for me ?
I think your parents just want to motivate you to get success. Do not too fast to make prejudice on them, okay?

a second question ---- is it haram for man to marry if he does not share the same hobbies with his potential partner ?
Bro, husband and wife couples who share same hobbies actually are rare.

I myself was a motorcycle racer when I was young, before retired because accident. I've ever met few female racers and even competed with them. But I didn't think to marry one of them. I like feminine woman, while those female racers ........ :p

Actually I've ever promises myself, I would back to race again because I felt motorcycle racing was my life. But I have burried this dream because my wife did not allow me to race again.

In marriage we need to compromise with our spouses, including in hobby matter.
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anonymous
02-06-2014, 06:32 PM
I think your parents just want to motivate you to get success. Do not too fast to make prejudice on them, okay?
Nothing wrong in motivating me . I am motivated myself . But Is it acceptable for them to delay marriage indefinitely for decades till I reach their level. And you have dodged my actual question , what does Allah SWT say in the Quran- When should I marry ?
In marriage we need to compromise with our spouses, including in hobby matter.
I give you a scenario. My spouse like to watch a certain type of tv program , should I also watch it to give her company eventhough I detest it and vice versa
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ardianto
02-07-2014, 12:36 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
Nothing wrong in motivating me . I am motivated myself . But Is it acceptable for them to delay marriage indefinitely for decades till I reach their level.
Your parents do not intend to delay your marriage, especially delay for decades. They just remind you that your should really ready, including in financial matter, if you want to get married.

Are you ready to get married now?. You can say you are ready, but your parents probably regard you haven't ready. The parents worry their son wife would be in suffer if their son marries her in condition which their son haven't really ready, especially in financial matter. Actually this is a clasic problem between parents and sons in marriage matter.

My advice is talk with your parents from heart to heart. Make them sure that you have ready to bear responsibilities in marriage.

And you have dodged my actual question , what does Allah SWT say in the Quran- When should I marry ?
There is no rule in Islam that a man should get married in certain age. As long as have reached puberty age and have ready, a man can get married.

I give you a scenario. My spouse like to watch a certain type of tv program , should I also watch it to give her company eventhough I detest it and vice versa
In my married life, sometime I watched my favorite TV program in a room while my wife watched her favorite TV program on another TV in another room. But also often enough I accompanied my wife in watching her favorite TV program although I did not like this program.

I knew that my wife need my attention, and accompanied her in watching her favorite TV program was a kind of attention that I could give to her. It made her felt secure and comfortable.

A good husband is a husband who understand his wife.

Becoming a husband is not so difficult. As long as you don't get obstacle to get married and there is a woman who can accept you, immediately you can be a husband. But being a good husband is not as easy as this. There are duties of the husband. Not only provide livehood, but also make his wife feel secure and comfortable.

Are you ready to become a good husband?. Bro, since you ask question about accompany wife in watching TV, I regard you haven't ready to become a good husband. However, I will not tell you to delay your nika for decades, just will tell you to learn how to be a good husband since now. It will not take long time. If you have intention to be a good husband since today, you can get married tomorrow.

Become a good husband is the result of learning process in marriage.

:)
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Signor
02-07-2014, 10:41 AM
Assalamu Alaikum

Originally Posted by anonymous
When should a man get married ,according to the quran and sahih
Is there a set age for marriage in Islam?
http://islamqa.info/en/146882

Originally Posted by anonymous
My cousins and cousin-in-laws happen to be managers, directors,chairmans,consultants etc and are earning in millions and are living a very luxurious lifestyle My parents say that I have to reach their standards in order to be eligible for marriage and not be an embarrassment in our community I am not a genius to reach anywhere close to their level. Are my parents justified in making marriage haram for me ?
Sahih Muslim,Book 8, Number 3233:
Abdullah (b. Mas'ud) (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to us: 0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford It should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.
Originally Posted by anonymous
is it haram for man to marry if he does not share the same hobbies with his potential partner ?
Piety is the only criteria we got from sayings of Prophet(may peace be upon him) :

Narrated by Abu Huraira, in Sahih al-Bukhari & Muslim (Book 62:27, Marriage)
"A woman is married for four reasons, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her piety. So you should marry the pious woman otherwise you will be losers."

And Allah knows best!
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anonymous
02-07-2014, 02:46 PM
Abdullah (b. Mas'ud) (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to us: 0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry,
Can you provide a checklist by which i can evaluate myself as to whether i can "support" a wife
I knew that my wife need my attention, and accompanied her in watching her favorite TV program was a kind of attention that I could give to her. It made her felt secure and comfortable.
And if one refuses to accompany and leave him/her alone , is it considered as "torture" to spouse ? is there any quranic or hadith evidence which suggests this ?
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Signor
02-07-2014, 07:01 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
Can you provide a checklist by which i can evaluate myself as to whether i can "support" a wife
May I know what is your age?(its necessary to answer your question)
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anonymous
02-07-2014, 08:10 PM
I am over 30 and working in a large organisation
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Signor
02-09-2014, 02:02 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

Here is a story of Ali's(R.A) wedding with Fatimah(R.A) bint Muhammad(SAWWS) and I quoted the excerpt which reply your question.

When Fatimah was eighteen years old and prominent personalities started proposing for her, but the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said he was waiting for a sign from Allah. One day 'Ali came to see the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) but he was very shy and diffident and seemed to be holding something back. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) realized what was on his mind and asked him if he came to propose marriage to Fatimah. 'Ali answered that he had. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked Fatimah what she thought of the proposal. She started to weep silently. He then told her that 'Ali was a learned, kind-hearted and brave young man. Fatimah accepted her father's decision. He then asked 'Ali if he had some money for the dowry. 'Ali replied that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) had seen his life from the cradle and knew his financial position very well. Then the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked him where his shield was, and said that would be the dowry for Fatimah. 'Ali sent it to the market with his slave to be sold and sold the shield to Uthman for four hundred dirhams and as he was hurrying back to the Prophet to hand over the sum as mahr, Uthman stopped him and said:

“I am returning your shield to you as a present from me on your marriage to Fatimah.”
This he gave to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) who asked him to keep the money and buy some things for the house and perfume for the wedding. Then he asked his esteemed companions to attend the ceremony.

Ali read out a speech for the occasion: 'All Praise is for Allah. We are grateful to Him for His Bounties and His Blessings. I bear witness that None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, vouching for Him so it will reach Him and gain His Favor. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has married his daughter, Fatimah to me and the Mahr has been fixed at four hundred Dirhams. Now all those present please listen to what the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has to say and bear witness.'

After that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) praised Allah Almighty and recited the marriage ceremony, after asking Fatimah for her consent. He announced the Mahr and told all those present that Allah had commanded him to have Fatimah married to 'Ali. After that he prayed for a happy and blessed future for the bride and groom.

Some basic things were purchased for the house to which 'Ali and Fatimah moved. A bed, a pillow filled with the leaves of dried date palm, a plate, a glass, a water bag and a grinding stone, these were the few things with which the daughter of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) set up her new home. The house that was available was quite a distance from the Prophet's Mosque. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) wished his daughter could live closer to him, so that he could see her daily. When one of the Companion Harithah bin Nu'man Ansari, came to know of this he approached the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) very respectfully, saying he had a number of houses close to the Prophet's Mosque and he was welcome to choose any one of them. This would make that particular house dearer to him. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was very moved by this offer and chose one for Fatimah So, 'Ali and Fatimah moved in and started the routine of daily life.

Source: "Great Women of Islam" - by Dar-us-Salam Publications
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anonymous
02-12-2014, 08:59 AM
If the above mentioned basic amenities is all thats needed , then i do possess salary and savings to manage it . However what parents want me to maintain the benchmark set by closest relatives. What can I can tell them in order to advise them that what they are doing is wrong and explain the ramifications that the bachelor life/very-late-marriage would have ?

Also what about the hobbies. They believe that decides whether you are compatible or not. They say that unless you both enjoy common hobbies you cant get along with each other and that would lead to divorce.
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Signor
02-12-2014, 10:47 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
If the above mentioned basic amenities is all thats needed , then i do possess salary and savings to manage it .
You asked to provide advice from Quran and Sunnah,I did.

Originally Posted by anonymous
However what parents want me to maintain the benchmark set by closest relatives. What can I can tell them in order to advise them that what they are doing is wrong and explain the ramifications that the bachelor life/very-late-marriage would have ?
Now If you keep running around in circles, we'll never go upstairs.As suggested earlier in this thread

Originally Posted by ardianto
My advice is talk with your parents from heart to heart. Make them sure that you have ready to bear responsibilities in marriage.
Originally Posted by anonymous
Also what about the hobbies. They believe that decides whether you are compatible or not. They say that unless you both enjoy common hobbies you cant get along with each other and that would lead to divorce.
Originally Posted by ardianto
Bro, husband and wife couples who share same hobbies actually are rare.
Originally Posted by ardianto
In marriage we need to compromise with our spouses, including in hobby matter.
Originally Posted by ardianto
A good husband is a husband who understand his wife.

Becoming a husband is not so difficult. As long as you don't get obstacle to get married and there is a woman who can accept you, immediately you can be a husband. But being a good husband is not as easy as this. There are duties of the husband. Not only provide livehood, but also make his wife feel secure and comfortable.

Are you ready to become a good husband?. Bro, since you ask question about accompany wife in watching TV, I regard you haven't ready to become a good husband. However, I will not tell you to delay your nika for decades, just will tell you to learn how to be a good husband since now. It will not take long time. If you have intention to be a good husband since today, you can get married tomorrow.

Become a good husband is the result of learning process in marriage.
Reply

ardianto
02-12-2014, 03:44 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
Can you provide a checklist by which i can evaluate myself as to whether i can "support" a wife
How high your income, and what you must have, to make you worth to get married is not determined by brother Signor, or by me, or by other people. But determined by the woman you want to marry.

Maybe your income is not so high, maybe you are not rich. But if the woman you want to marry okay with that, it's means you are worth to get married with her.

:)

Bro, don't be influenced by people that say you must have this, this, this ...... if you want to get married. In fact, many men can get married although they are not rich. It's because they could find women that okay with what they have.

You already have enough income, your age is has enough too. So, what you should do now is try to find a woman who can accept you.

Originally Posted by anonymous
Also what about the hobbies. They believe that decides whether you are compatible or not. They say that unless you both enjoy common hobbies you cant get along with each other and that would lead to divorce.
My wife passed away on June 2013, I became IB member since December 2008. And notice how many posts I have written here. Yes, writing post in IB is my hobby. But, was my wife a member here too?. She even never used internet because she was not interested.

We had different hobbies. But our married life was okay.

Is not true if have different hobbies will lead to divorce. The truth is, if husband, or wife, or both, too busy with hobby and neglect his/her spouse, then it's could lead to divorce.
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anonymous
02-13-2014, 11:13 AM
Maybe your income is not so high, maybe you are not rich. But if the woman you want to marry okay with that, it's means you are worth to get married with her.
Its not about the woman. My parents want to marry me off to woman from a rich family and want me to reach high standards that will be expected from the rich father of the woman.
Dont tell me to get married without knowledge of my parents , my society does not accept grooms who marry without their parents knowledge.

Is not true if have different hobbies will lead to divorce. The truth is, if husband, or wife, or both, too busy with hobby and neglect his/her spouse, then it's could lead to divorce.
My parents say that unless you share a common interest with woman then you are incompatible .
I gave the example of a TV program . She hates the programs that i like and I hate what she likes and so we cant enjoy anything together, so there is no point

And when you said "couples who share same interest" you didnt know what you were talking about.I have seen thousands and millions in my country who watch the same kinds of films.
Maybe in your country it is rare.










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