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karamat
03-20-2014, 10:29 AM
Hi I am a 14 year old boy. I have fallen in love with a girl which I have met in the 5th grade.this has become so serious that 3 YEARS HAVE PASSED AND STILL I CAN'T GET HER OFF MY MIND. Now we are in the 8th grade. What should I do I can't get her off my mind. I am too shy and afraid to tell her about my feelings for her because what if she tells it to her parents and they complain about me at school. I WOULD BE EMBARRESED FOR LIFE and would be disgraced in my family. I have no one to talk to. I was thinking to tell it to my mom as she is nice but my dad is VERY STRICT and once he told me that he would break my bones if I told him about my love for someone. I have no bad feelings towards her and I can't stop thinking about her!!!!. Last night I had a very weird dream about her. In it she was standing next to me and was pushing away any one who had bad feelings towards her. I was shocked in my dream that she stayed next to me in my whole dream. This was so vivid and clear that for a second i thought it was reality This further convinced me about my feelings towards her. Sometimes I wish I could tell her about this and she would understand me.i can't think a future without her and I always want to stay with her. I don't know about her feelings towards me but this dream......... Is this a sign from Allah????? Please I need help about this I CANT GET HER OFF MY MIND.I can't even study correctly without thinking about her. my molvi sab told me that it is wrong to pray to god to marry a specific girl so I can't do that. I hope she feels the same about me like I feel about her :'(
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ardianto
03-20-2014, 06:20 PM
Assalamualaikum

One important lesson about love and marriage that I have learned since I was kid is, getting married is different than buying clothes. If I want to buy a clothes, I could go to clothes store, choose the clothes that I like, pay, and then this clothes is belong to me. But in getting married?. I could be interested to marry someone, but if she was not interested to marry me too, then could I marry her?. Of course not.

That's why, when I was young, instead of tried to approach someone who made me attracted, I prefer to marry someone who clearly interested to marry me. That's why I never had a problem like yours. As a male, of course I could interested to get someone who made me attracted. But when I noticed she was not interested to marry me too, easily I could say "It's okay if I cannot get her. There are many other women in the world"

You are 14, aren't you?. You are even younger than my oldest son. 14, too young to get married. You are still a teenager, you are in the time when you can have fun with your friends. So, instead of thinking about a girl, why don't you think about fun activities you can do you with your friends?.

I had very beautiful teenage life, Alhamdulillah. I didn't have girlfriend in that time, but I had many female friends. They were very kind to me. Some of them were attractive, and frankly, sometime I felt attracted. But I could hold my feeling because I realized, if I was attracted to my female friend and she knew it, I would lost her sympathy and her kindness to me.

How to make her off from your mind?. Have a confidence that you can get someone who can accept you in the future when the time to get married has come.

Young bro, we are not always able to get something that we want. And like I have said, getting married is different than buy a clothes. But if you have confidence that you are able to find someone who will accept you, then if you are interested to someone and you realize that you cannot get her, you can easily tell yourself "It's okay if I cannot get her. There are many other women in the world", and she will go from your mind.

Try to accept that she is not for you, and realize that there are many other women in the world. In Shaa Allah, in the future you will get someone who will be your wife.
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straightpath1
03-31-2014, 03:51 AM
Assalamualaikum,

Honestly, its normal to have feelings for girls. However, you must stay away from her, really. In Islam there is no relationship between girls and boys, except marriage. You are too young to get married now, and may not be financially stable. So i advice you to pray to Allah and stay away from this girl. Respect her as she is someone's future wife. There is no relationship between men and women, until marriage. Save yourself for ur marriage, which is a blessed union in Islam. Right now you are young, and your focus should to be to make a good future for yourself. This feelings are from Shaytan. Please make sure u pray all your daily prayers and do lots of dhikr. Dont worry, once you are older, it will all make sense. At this age i know its hard to control yourself, but please stay away from her. May Allah guide u to the straight path and keep u away from sinful acts. May Allah grants you lots and lots of happiness and success Ameen.
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