How reliable is istikhara?

[sami346]

I met a guy 10 years ago at work and fell for him pretty much straight away. I never told him how i feel because he'd just got into a relationship. But i always felt as though he may have feelings for me too. Anyway 3 years later I still couldnt forget about him so I found him and told him i'm in love with him but he said he didnt want to talk about it and left. I tried everything to move on but couldn't.I obviously was in a lot of pain and sought some guidance from Allah and I thought istikhara might help.I heard getting someone close to do the prayer for you makes the 'answer' more reliable because I could just see what i want to see so I got a close religious relative to. They did everything properly, late at night after tahadjud and even had wudu when she slept. She did it 17 times before she saw a dream.
This is what happened: It's the beginning of summer and he's gf is very happy planning a party. She hears crying and looks to find him in a room on the bed when she confronts him and says its her (meaning me) he says no. He then continues crying. She tries to console him but the what they say to each other for the next part is inaudible. In the end she forces him to choose between me or her and he chooses me.He then gets up and says he's going to find me. She says she'll find me first and she comes knocking on my door. Fast forward another agonising 5 years later and he got married to her yesterday. (So clearly he chose her) He won't even talk to me. Correct me if I'm wrong but surely this would make Allah a liar? I don't understand?

[ardianto]

:sl:

I got a dream which I went to nature with my wife and children. So, few day later when Sunday came, I visited a lake in tea plantation area with my family. Was my dream a sign that I would visit that lake?. In my dream I went to another place, not that lake.

I work from Monday to Saturday. My off day is only Sunday. But in that time I always got wedding invitation on the last few Sunday that made me could not visit natural place out of the city although I really wanted it. So, my dream just a reflection of my desire to visit natural place.

Mostly of dreams actually just reflection of what's in someone mind. Like dream of fly a plane because someone want to be pilot, or dream of fight the bandit after someone watched action movie. Dream that appear as sign from Allah is rarely happen, and will come in the time that unpredicted.

We may ask Allah to show something to us in our dream, but we don't have authority to order Allah to show a sign in the time that we want. And be careful, it could be happen that shaytan would fill our dream and make us think that this dream was from Allah.

Back to your case. How could your relative and you believe that this dream was a sign from Allah about what would happen?. Because your relative is religious?. Okay, I understand. But why you think that your relative has capacity to order Allah to show a sign to her?.

Sis, that dream maybe just reflection of her desire to help you, or even maybe came from shaytan that tried to deceive your relative.

So, do not thinking that Allah was lying to you ......... Astaghfirullah.

Sister, you may make dua wish Allah marry off you with someone you like. But you must also believe that who will become your life partner is in the hand of Allah. And you should accept this destiny.

I am a widower, but I've ever had happy married life for almost 19 years with my beloved wife until she returned to Allah last year due to breast cancer. But, do you know? there was a time when I made dua days and nights for 15 months because I wanted to marry another girl.

I met the girl who later became my wife in grade 12 in high school, and immediately I close with her family after I knew that her brother was my friend. But then I went from their life and met another girl. We like each other since the first meeting and started to plan a marriage. But the problem happened because our family did not approve what we want.

However, I tried not to give up. I made dua days and nights, and I began to sure that Allah would let me marry that girl although the problem was becoming worse after my mother met someone and urged me to marry this someone. And this someone was not a stranger, but my ex-classmate in highschool!.

Then something happened. The girl who I wanted to marry decided to not marry me. I felt disappointed, of course. But I did not blame Allah. I accept the destiny that Allah had written to me. Then I decided to marry my ex-classmate, and started build a new love for her.

I lived happily with my beloved wife. I had many beautiful memories with her, including a moment in one night when she told me "Do you know?. When we were in highschool, I have ever made dua together with my grandma, wish Allah give you as my husband in the future".

That made me believe that Allah did not grant my dua to marry the first girl who I wanted to marry because Allah wanted to grant my ex-classmate dua to marry me.

Sister, you have made dua wish Allah give that man to you as your husband. But , have you ever thought that the man you expect made dua too because he wanted to marry another girl?.

Dua for matrimonial actually is unique dua because can be happen, "brother A" make dua wish Allah let him marry "sister B". But if "sister B" make dua too wish Allah let her marry "brother C", then how their dua will be granted?. Try to realize this fact. In Shaa Allah, you will understand why Allah did not grant your dua to marry him.

So, like I have said, you may make dua wish Allah marry off you with someone you like. But you must also believe that who will become your life partner is in the hand of Allah. And you should accept this destiny.

I am really sorry if I must say that your problem happened because your own fault which you have deceived by your own feeling that he likes you too although actually you have knew his feeling to you when he said he didn't want to talk about your feeling toward him. But I understand.

To be honest sis, when I was young the girls saw me as an ideal man to be a partner. It made few girls then tried to approach me and blatantly showed their desire to become my partner. Only few?. Yes, only few. Only those who deceived by their own feeling because they misinterpret my hospitality toward them as a sign that I liked them too!.

I could feel their pain when their heart were broken because I did not choose them, one of them was even crying in front of me. But, there was one of them who got my sympathy because she could accept it. Even then we congratulate each other when finally we got married with another person. She married more than a year later than me, and she told me that she was happy because finally she could find someone as her husband.

Sis, I understand if that man look ideal in eyes. That's why you really expected him. But you should also able to accept if your ideal man is not for you, as a destiny that has written by Allah.

People in my place say that sustenance and spouse are in the hand of Allah, and Allah will give us what will belong to us although may different than we expect. This is why the girl in my story above could accept a destiny that I was not for her. She believed that Allah would give her someone else.

So, sister. Now it's better you accept that the man you expect is not for you, and start make new dua, wish Allah give someone else who will love you as your husband.

:)

[sami346]

Thanks for trying to answer my question. I would appreciate it if you researched what istikhara actually is before giving me a completely irrelevant and quite frankly ignorant answer.

[Insaanah]

Assalaamu alaikum

I heard getting someone close to do the prayer for you makes the 'answer' more reliable because I could just see what i want to see so I got a close religious relative to.

Sister, salaatul istikhaara is a dua commencing with a salaat like our five daily compulsory salaat. Just the same way you can't get someone to read your five daily salaat or even one of them for you, you cannot get someone to perform this prayer for you instead of you. There's no sanction for this in the sunnah of the Prophet

. It doesn't matter if someone is more pious than you. Your salaat is yours. In fact there is evidence to say that one should not perform prayers on another's behalf. However, of course your relatives can make dua for you, for Allah to guide you to what is good and give you whats best for you.

She did it 17 times before she saw a dream.

This is one of the common misconceptions among Muslims about istikhaara. That you pray it at night and then keep repeating it until you see a dream. This isn't the main purpose of istikhaara, although some might see dreams. When you make the dua, you're not saying, "O Allah, if this matter is good for me, show me in a dream". What you're saying is, "O Allah, if this matter is good for me, destine it for me, make it easy for me, and bless me in it. And if it's bad for me, keep me away from it and it away from me, and destine good for me wherever it may be, and make me satisfied with it."

After examining the pros and cons, you make a decision say to go ahead. Then if it is good for you, it will go well, and if it isn't then you'll find obstacles whereby you'll realise it's not right for you and you shouldn't do it. Here you can see he's not interested, he's interested in another girl.

This dream was in all likelihood a random dream, especially after 17 nights. Also, Allah does not guide people to a good through dreams involving illicit things. If he has a girlfriend now, he could marry you and then have another girlfriend alongside, or instead of. Stay away. In shaa Allah Allah will give you somebody better for you than someone who has girlfriends.

Please do not think Allah may be a liar. Allah is truth itself, "That is because Allah is the Truth" (Quran 22:62) "And who is more truthful than Allah in statement." (4:87)

May Allah grant you a righteous pious spouse and guide you and us all to the ways of His pleasure, ameen.