Is a good woman gift for a man who .....

[ardianto]

:sl:

There was an interesting conversation between one of my employees and his friend who came to send a package. His friend told him about his past bad habits when he was still "drink and drunk". Then about his current life since he is active in masjid and sometimes become muezzin. And he said that his wife who made him change for the better.

But I'm not surprised. Another one of my employees was a drug user when I knew him a decade ago. But then his life changed after he met the woman who is now his wife. He had stopped using drugs and turned into a good Muslim who always go to the masjid when salah time comes. He is also a diligent employee, as well as a good husband and good father.

Me?. To be honest, I was not a good guy in the past. But then I got the strength to leave my bad habits after a woman was present in my life.

As people say, behind tenderness of a woman, there is a power. And the woman biggest power is her power to change a man for the better. This is the power that comes from her nature of motherhood. As people say too that the men actually are the big babies, and the touch of a mother is what that can make them feel comfortable.

Suddenly I remember ayaah in Qur'an which mentions that good woman is for good man. And I begin to wonder, is a good woman actually a gift given by Allah for a man who has intention to change himself for the better?.

[h-n]

Its people's personal choices if they choose to accept someone's bad habits ie smoking. But as you mentioned what is in the Quran, good women are for good men and vice versa does not change to what people wish for their themselves.

Its not about being harsh, its good that people are making their lives work for the better. But God has said that this Quran is for "believing men and believing women". With marriage it doesn't say for good women for "males who maybe good afterwards" and vice versa.

I'm sorry, but I think your not doing any favours, and women have suffered so much because of this mentality, women are just going to help me be good. How many males are good in your country and others just because they got married?? At the end of the day, males had many opportunities to go out to learn, work, women largely didn't travel as much. Males choose to squander their time and then choose to talk as if they have just made some simple mistakes-being on drugs is not a simple mistake.

Do you think if you had a daughter you would be happy if she got married to a person who took drugs or drank alcohol??

Do you think that when women plan to get married or think about getting married, they also think they are going to have to act as the psychologist, teacher, act as if they are working in drugs/drink rehab?? Potentially people may have children the first, second year that they are married, so not only does she have to look after children they need to motivate their husbands?? A husband has support, doesn't need to motivated as if he's a child. A marriage adds to his life.

Your contradicting yourself, you use the term man and then being babyish. Did the Prophets or the companions of the Prophet refer to themselves as big babies??? God forbade anyone from saying that their wives are like their mothers (even if it was used as a form of criticism from the husband).

I think what your finding is that people don't learn about things until after they get married-but these things they should have learned and done BEFORE they got married. When your young, parents and teachers have to motivate kids to learn to praise them, reward them and encourage them. When your older kids, you learn about being SELF MOTIVATED to do things for yourself and improve upon your lives.

The only time a Man has sympathy from society as a whole in terms of marriage is when he is being good, kind to people and working hard, and if he is single, people would RIGHTLY feel wouldn't it be nice if he had a wife to go back home to, instead of being by himself. There is nothing endearing, no sympathy for any male that chooses to not sort out his own affairs and wishes to use up the life of others to sort himself out ie even a drugs scenario, it is not normal to say, I think that a druggie, a drunkard even if he enjoys a tipple would like to get married.

It isn't about a perfect marriage scenario, or a dream marriage, people may go to far, but its never right to say that a women who has spent her life not being drunk, taking drugs should just accept that from others, and even be willing to use her life, body, having children with someone. Its reminds me of what some males say about joining the army, they say they learn things about discipline, and hard working that they didn't learn at home-that is simply because they squander their time, it isn't because they couldn't learn from their parents. Again as above, its people's choices of what they are willing to do, but I would never myself, or would I ever ask anyone to get married to a person who takes alcohol or drugs. To never use up other people's lives, just to make yours better, as anyone can do without having to get married to someone without treating them as if they need to do this, this and this for them.

I find that males are doing less work then Men in the past, but still they want more attention, sympathy as if they already struggled fought against tyrants. They don't always spend effort in looking after widows, orphans, but they sit no differently like teenage boys wanting sympathy when they haven't done ANYTHING in life, no work, not seeing to their parents needs-as if you were busy seeing to the needs of others, you wouldn't even be thinking of taking drink/drugs etc. It is a reminder of what happened in Sudan years ago, there was villagers that fled. The males fled and did not fight and left some females to get raped and killed. So all the time that the males were asking the females to do "their work" or what is expected of them, or what we want of good from them. So females did their jobs, looking after family, raising children, the males couldn't even do theirs and just fled like animals. No even if you couldn't win a war, after all the times males sit and talk with others, surely they should have been prepared (even evacuating better)? Males in the past put more effort in buildings, and communities -these males would have certainly built toilets too-if they knew the best ways. Now you see males not willing to even do that, can't even be bothered to dig a hole in the ground.

As above God never said to get married to someone who "might be good tomorrow", he said the Quran is for believing men and women, which means not taking drugs and alcohol and being good.

[ardianto]

I didn't say that a woman should marry a man with bad habit and then change him to be better. But I asked, is good woman a gift that given by Allah for a man who has intention to change himself to be better?.

It comes from reality that I have seen in my life. I have friends who had bad behaviour in their past. But then when they started to get consciousness to stop their bad behaviour and turn into better persons, they met women who become their wives. Then they got married and started to be better.

Actually, not the marriage itself that make them better. But their intention to be better. However, their wives take big role in help them realizing their good intention with always motivate them to be a better person, remind them to not doing something wrong again. Yes, their wives give huge positive influence in make them turn into better persons.

Seem like Allah sent those good women as the answer for their good intention to change themselves to be better.

Yes, it's happen only those who have intention to change themselves to better, not to all men with bad behaviour. It's like a gift for good intention.

:)

[h-n]

I don't think your actually respecting, valuing other people. The Quran never has stated, that I good women are for men who will improve, or better themselves in the future. Here are some points to consider;-

1. You don't "deserve" a wife just because you wish to be a better person.

2. Why didn't the males respect their parents, their mothers who gave birth to them?? If you couldn't be good for your own Mother, why would anyone say you should have someone else to help you to be good, even though they never going to do what their mothers have done for them, raising them up (even if you were orphans someone still raised you up).

3. Parents take care of their daughters, ensuring that they aren't in a bad crowd, why then would they be happy if they got married to someone with bad habits?

4. Do you honestly expect me to believe that with all the males who got married with bad habits such as drinking, smoking, taking drugs just stopped as soon as marriage was approaching?? People shouldn't be speaking of the past sins, but these bad habits don't just effect you, they effect others. So did they tell their future wives, that they drank, smoked and took drugs?? So they dishonestly got married.

5. I think what your referring to the most, is someone making you happy, which in turns motivates you to lead a good life-but this is not what is taught in Islam, as you have to be a following Islam regardless if your poor, regardless if your not married and having a hard time in life.

6. Women's lives are more restricted then males, and if that is the best that these males can do, and they just spent their time going out to be stupid instead of taking advantage of education, learning opportunities, they I simply would never say that they needed something else, or someone else in life to make it better.

7. Note the Prophets advised people to repent straightaway, they didn't say that you need to get married to be a good person. They say that marriage is half of your religion, as you show and demonstrate that you are helping another person, and not just receiving help, and that you care, respect and love someone.

8. So why should any woman who has been keeping away from bad habits, get married to someone who hasn't? Surely she is better off getting married to a person who has followed Islam more correctly then one who hasn't? Why would she put up with getting married to an addict? Again don't insult people's intelligence by accepting many believe that people just give up their addictions.

9. What's in it for women?? What is it that these males who have carried these bad habits can provide that a man who has followed religion more can't?? The answer is nothing. After all the women's upbringing, dressing modestly-to be treated with RESPECT, why on earth would it be acceptable for them to get married to one who stank of smoke, drugs and alcohol-how is this even going near a modest, religious woman acceptable.

10. Unfortunately, your treating things as boys would do, it is their parents who would give them such and such a thing, and expect to make them happy and be good, whether it would be a toy, sweets. You get motivated when your young, and high hopes for the future-so to say that now a Muslim modest woman is now going to be used like some sweets or toys to make a male happy and be good and people expecting you to live the right way is wrong. How are you actually respecting women??

11. Again as above, why would God tell a Muslim, modest women to get married to someone with bad habits when God can tell them to get married to someone better? Even if a person stopped, it would appear to soon for them to undertake playing a positive role in the relationship. Not only that, a woman's family is just as important, why would she be confident, and relaxed with her bad habit husband socialising with her nephews, nieces, cousins etc.

If your approach was acceptable, perhaps I should start acting like a bimbo and get a free ride in this world, and get people to do things for me, even if it means using their whole lives too and then just say that God has rewarded me with so and so (when they could've have got married to someone better).

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[Hulk]

I think all the brother is saying is that a good woman is a blessing to her husband.

[h-n]

As per my first post, those are people's personal choices, they are not recommendations by Islam, which means that it doesn't mean that God himself advises such and such people to get married to those with bad habits.

But of course, people should be thankful for what they have in life, and ask that Allah "bless" them with there choices and make it a success. Allah has already perfected our religion, and advised the good women to avoid getting married to anyone who is not a Muslim, which means following the correct path of Islam as best as he can.