format_quote Originally Posted by
Samkurd
Hey. Im a 24 year old guy. I have been so troubled in the past year of my life its affecting so many avenues of it. I have been dealing with a skin issue with my face for a while, it seems to be some sort of skin disorder a dermatologist I saw said he does not know about, at least thats what he tells me. Its gotten to the point where I am BEGGING Allah for help, literally crying my eyes out. I used to drink a lot everyday which I totally cut out completely and gave up a month ago. I am making changes for my life I thought i'd never be able to do. I was hoping Allah could give me some sign that I am healing or direct me to someone who can help me but I just don't feel like its been happening and I've been asking for the past year! My last year of uni was so bad, I could hardly go out to see friends because i'd have some blister / pimple on my face the size of a golfball, my self esteem plummeted, I now avoid all social gatherings, I have become a recluse, and its all at the time of my life where I should be doing well. I just got my BA degree and yet I feel like im at the lowest point in my life simply because its been so long and I have no idea what to do, I've tried contacting doctors for appointments but it always seems to be the case of me having an attitude problem (or is it them?). I always find the nurses to discriminate against me in one way or another, and I just get mad and have a go at them because they're so boldly rude to me when I'm polite to them. Even today I tried booking an appointment over the phone and the secretary was YELLING at me for my last name because I said my first name twice by mistake as I misunderstood her, so again I just confronted her and was rude to her back on the phone and they refused me an appointment.
I realize, yes, I have anger problems now, and I really believe its a result of being walked all over from the time I was born to about the time i was 18. Always a quiet reserved kid who never said anything to anyone, never retaliated, until one day people kept being racist to me on the street I just unleashed and realised that these people who go out of their way to try make my life a living hell are the biggest cowards ever, the first to back down when I throw punches. With that I just became colder and lost trust in people generally. So I read a quote online that says when you feel deep anger to say "Audhu Billahi mina-Shaitan-nir-Rajeem - Bismillah Ar Rehman Ar Raheem" and sometimes it works but this anger just keeps coming back. It stems from a lot of things in my life.
Basically I need help, Im starting to believe maybe religion is man made and its just a psychological tool. I've made changes in my life for my health but I'm not seeing any type of healing at all. Im speasking to Allah daily and asking for sincere help and I try to be a good person but its like im getting no response at all. I understand things wont come instantly but I waited almost a whole year and still nothing. What do I do? I feel like in the past 3 months I made a conscious effort to be calm and not react with anger to petty situations but the skin disorder is keeping me stressed to the maximum. I also have diabetes. I just feel like my life is going downhill so fast, It makes me want to just give up being a good person forever because what the hell am i getting out of it? NOTHING. Being nice to people throughout my life experience has brought me nothing, if anything its held me back. I've just developed this mentality where i dont care about anyone elses feelings anymore. At all.
I need serious help and I just want to know why Allah isn't really helping me, yet no one will ever really know why. I feel very lost and sick and depressed and I feel like its bringing so much negativity into my life. Just want some help.
S
Asalaamu Alaikum,
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) went through more trials and hardships than anyone else. Yet he was already forgiven and given the glad tidings of Jannah. The Prophets went through the most trials and hardships yet they were the best creations of Allah. So why is it that the best of mankind are being tried the most?
Simply because when Allah wants good for someone he tries them to see their resolve. Whether they will turn to Allah and patiently persevere or will they go the opposite direction fuelled with bitterness at their situation. My brother do not be the second of these people. Be of those who patiently perseveres because whatever you are going through right now is nothing compared to what most people are going through. Also Almighty Allah says in the Qur'an that he does not burden a soul beyond what it can bare (2:286)
Therefore we should never lose hope. The way to get through such hardships and difficult tests that we may be going through in life is to firstly internalise in our minds that this life is a test ground and we are in an examination but we do not know when this examination will end but whilst the examination is taking place we are being rigorously tested and at times we are tested until breaking point just to see whether or not we will turn towards Allah or go away from him.
We must also internalise that Allah ONLY tests those who he wants close to him. Therefore the tests that we go through in our lives clearly show Allah is wanting us to turn towards him and be closer to him. This is in fact a great privilege. The greater the tests we go through the more Allah is wanting to raise our ranks in the hereafter.
Therefore if we really want to know the best way to approach huge trials and tests then we should simply realise that the bigger the tests we are going through then the higher Allah is wanting to raise our ranks in the Hereafter. Trials are a truly blessing in disguise. All Allah wants from us is for us to turn towards him in meekness and humbleness and for us to be patient and to turn to him in prayer and Dua. Picture that fact that Allah loves it when his servant is in desperate need, crying to him for help for Allah tends to those who cry and sob to him immediately just as a mother tends to its baby promptly when it is crying.
We should also internalise the fact that tests actually differentiate us believers from one another in terms of ranking in the eyes of Allah and therefore we should know that those who are tested and are patient are forgiven of their sins as sins falls off a person who is patient through trials just. Therefore we should realise that us being tested with trials and tests will NEVER go unrewarded for Allah rewards how much he wants to those who are patient through trials and those who turn towards him in humility and meekness.
It may be that a person who has experienced great trials in the world faces Allah on the day of judgement with little or no sins. So tests are a way of Allah forgiving a person of their sins so that on the day of judgement they have a much lighter load. Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has called the day of judgement a
"terrible" day and surely on this terrible day we would want as less sins as possible in our accounts if we are to be successful. Therefore these trials and tests are very important for us because they enable us to be forgiven for countless sins that would be a huge burden on us if it were in our accounts but due to the huge tests we faced with patience turning to Allah then it may be that we have very little or no sins at all on that day. The greater the trial the more sins fall off us. So know that even a prick of a thorn expiates ones sins.
We should also approach hardships and tests as in that it is the decree of Allah so we should NEVER ask Allah "Why" has he given us such trials? For questioning Allah why he has decreed something will mean that not only have we gone through so much grief and torment from these trials but that we have actually added to our sins by questioning Allah and we will be accountable for that.
Patience is one of the greatest attributes a person can acquire and Allah is with those who are patient and the reward for Patience is Paradise!
If one is patient, and is among the ones described in the following manner in the Qur’an
(Baqarah, 2: 256)
Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”:-
Then here are the rewards Allah will give that person
(2:157):
The Rewards of Patience are the folLowing:
1. Blessings from Allah: The patient person is blessed by Allah.
2. Mercy of Allah: When Allah gives someone His Mercy, He will let him enter paradise with His Mercy.
3. Guidance of Allah: A patient person will be guided by Allah in this world until he meets Him on the Day of Judgment.
Referring to those who are tested and endure with Sabr or patience all of the above three rewards are mentioned by Allah Himself in the Qur’an in
Surah Baqarah (2: 157):
“They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.”
In Surah Hud (11:11), Allah (S.W.T.) again promises to reward those who are patient in adversity.
Therefore let us realise that patience is the main thing Allah is looking for in us when we are going through trials and tests.
Here are two wonderful examples of patience through trials in the life of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) :
‘Ata ibn Rabah related that he heard Ibn ‘Abbas say: “Shall I show you a woman of Paradise?”I said: “Yes, indeed.” He said: “A black woman came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said: ‘I suffer from epileptic fits, and because of these, (at times) my body becomes uncovered. Would you invoke Allah, the Exalted One, to cure me of this disease? ‘ The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: ‘If you wish, you can be patient and you will attain Paradise (for this suffering). But if you prefer, I will pray to Allah, the Exalted, to cure you of it?’ The woman said: ‘I will be patient,’ then added: ‘I become uncovered (when I have fits), so invoke Allah for me that I do not become uncovered. ‘ So the Prophet, peace be upon him, prayed for her.”
[Source: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, volume 4, #1a]
Story of ‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair
‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair had an operation, and the doctor amputated his leg. One friend came to visit him. ‘Urwah thought that the fried came to pacify him for the loss of his leg. So ‘Urwah told the visitor: If you came to give me condolence for the loss of my leg, I already submitted to Allah with patience to reward me for its loss. The guest told him, I came to inform you that your son fell down in a stable, and the animals stepped over him, and he died one hour ago. ‘Urwah said: O Allah! You took one child, and left me many…You took one organ from my body, and left me many organs…O Allah! You tested me with my body, and you were kind to leave me with good health. You tested me with the loss of my son, but you were kind in leaving me the rest of my children.
We should also approach tests as in we should look at those who have less than us. We have clean tap water and food on our plates everyday. We have clean clothes washed regularly and shelter from the harsh weather. Whereas there are those who walk miles just for a sip of water and even then it is dirty. There are those who have the same clothes for years and cannot even wash them. There are those who go days without proper food and even then they have scraps and end up being malnourished. There are those like in the flood disaster recently who have no shelter and are exposed to terrible diseases. Those who have little or no money to buy even basic things as well as medication for their sick family members. Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alaihi wasallam) always told us to look at those who have less than us.
Sometimes when we go through great trials we get deceived into thinking that other people that we see around us must be living a life happy and content. We are wrong to think in this way for we do not know what goes on in peoples lives. There are many examples of those who seemed as though they have SO much and seemed so happy but when certain things were revealed then it was clear that those people were living miserable lives full of torment! We may look at a person with a smile on his face but he may be going through trials we can never imagine.
Therefore when we are going through difficult times and trials then we should not look at others and think they are happy and living fulfilled lives for we do not know what any person on the street is going through on a day to day basis. Whenever we are going through difficult times and trials then we should put our full trust, hopes, faith and reliance in Allah for he will NEVER let us down but is only testing us because he wants us to turn towards him in humility, humbleness and meekness and he wants us to get much closer to him. He tests a person because he wants good for them and wants to forgive them and raise their ranks in the hereafter.
In reality how lucky is a person who is being tested greatly and is still patient and turning towards Allah night and day. How high must Allah be raising his ranks and forgiving his sins on a daily basis until he is like a new born baby who has little or no sins on him at all. So the way to approach this is to realise that a person who is being tested greatly is in fact lucky but shaythan is wanting one to think opposite.
Shaythan is our eternal sworn enemy and ONLY wants us to lose hope and faith and to go away from Allah. He wants us to become disillusioned and lose all hope so that we go away from Allah and our deen. But we should reject our enemy who only wants our destruction. We should disregard his evil whispers and know that they are only lies and deceit.
Shaythan will try to make us think that there is no way out of this and this is because he wants us to give in and lose hope. But we must realise that if we continuously strive and keep turning towards Allah and be patient then the final victory WILL be ours! We will taste the sweetness of victory but in order to taste this victory we need to fight and strive through the tests and trials that life throws at us!
If one who is going through great trials continues to turn towards Allah in humility, meekness and in humbleness then know that the reward one will gain will be unimaginable. On the day of judgement once we see the reward of being patient through great trials turning towards Allah in humility then we would want Allah to have tested us even more so that we could have reap the rewards of being patient and turning towards Allah through trials and hardships. It is only on the day of judgement will we truly realise how much we have missed out on and how much more we wished we were tested by Allah so that our ranks were even higher.
The Reward of going through terrible trials and hardships immense!
Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "On the Day of Resurrection, when people who have suffered affliction are given their reward, those who are healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world."
(Al-Tirmidhi #1570)
Therefore let us realise that the bigger trials and hardships we go through then the more rewards we will gain in the hereafter as long as we are patient and are constantly turning towards Allah.
In the hereafter when we see the rewards of going through trials and hardships then we will all wish that we wen through the WORST trials possible for the longest amount of time!
Also we must never lose hope in Allah when making Dua.
Sufyan ibn 'Uyaynah said "Let none of you think that his Du'aa will go unanswered because of the sins that he knows of himself.
Indeed, Allah responded to the Du'aa of the worst amongst His creation; Iblees (Shaitan, the cursed one), when he said; 'O My Lord! Give me respite until the Day of Judgement!' He (Allah SWT) replied, 'Then you are of those who have been reprieved.'
(Surah al-Hijr 36-37).
So if the Du'aa of Iblees' can be accepted, then surely the Du'aa of a sinner has more right than the devil himself!" And surely your Lord is never unjust...
Just because we may not see the immediate effects of our Dua's then it does not mean that we should get disheartened and lose hope in the effectiveness and powers of our Dua.
Ibn Al-Jawzi (Ra) commented in one of his books where he discusses this topic about the matter of Dua’s not being answered:
I think part of the test is when a believer supplicates and receives no response, and he repeats the dua for a long time and sees no sign of a response. He should realize that this is a test and needs patience.
What a person experiences of waswaas (whispers from shaytan) when the response is delayed is a sickness which needs medicine – I have experienced this myself. A calamity befell me and I supplicated and did not see any response, and Iblees started to lay his traps. Sometimes he said: The generosity (of Allah) is abundant and He is not miserly, so why is there a delay?
I said to him: Be gone, O cursed one, for I have no need of anyone to argue my case and I do not want you as a supporter!
Then I told myself: Beware of going along with his whispers, for if there was no other reason for the delay except that Allah is testing you to see whether you will fight the enemy, that is sufficient wisdom.
My soul (nafs) said: How could you explain the delay in the response of Allah to your prayers for relief from this calamity?
I said: It is proven with evidence that Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, is the Sovereign, and the Sovereign may withhold or give, so there is no point in objecting to Him.
The wisdom behind that is proven in definitive evidence. I may think that something is good, but wisdom does not dictate it, but the reason for that may be hidden, just as a doctor may do things that appear outwardly to be harmful, intending some good purpose thereby. Perhaps this is something of that nature.
There may be an interest to be served by delay, and haste may be harmful. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “A person will be fine so long as he does not become impatient and says, ‘I prayed but I did not receive any answer.’”
The response may be withheld because of some fault in you. Perhaps there was something dubious in what you ate or your heart was heedless at the time when you said the dua, or your punishment is being increased by means of your need being withheld, because of some sin from which you have not repented sincerely. So look for some of these reasons, so that you might achieve your aim.
You should examine the intention behind this request, because attaining it may lead to more sin, or prevent you from doing some good, so withholding it is better.
Perhaps losing what you have missed out on will cause you to turn to Allah and getting it will distract you from Him. This is obvious, based on the fact that were it not for this calamity you would not have turned to Him, because the real calamity is what distracts you from Him, but what makes you stand before Him is good for you and is in your best interests.
If you ponder these things you will focus on what is more beneficial for you, such as correcting a mistake or seeking forgiveness or standing before Allah and beseeching Him, and forget about what you have missed out on.
Source: Sayd al-Khaatir (59-60).
Therefore we must realise that Allah knows better what is best for us so we should have full faith, trust and reliance on him that he will do what is best for us. Also if we wants to increase the effectiveness of our Dua's then the following hadith tells us how to do this:
It was narrated that Faddalah ibn ‘Ubayd (Ra) said: The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) heard a man making dua after his prayer, but he did not send blessings upon the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “This man is in a hurry.” Then he called him and said to him or to someone else: “When any one of you has finished praying (and makes dua), let him start by praising Allah, then let him send blessings upon the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam), then after that let him ask for whatever he wants.”
(Al-Tirmidhi, 2765)
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “The slave will receive a response so long as his dua does not involve sin or severing of family ties, and so long as he is not hasty.” It was said, “What does being hasty mean?” He said: “When he says, ‘I made dua and I made dua, and I have not seen any response,’ and he gets frustrated and stops making Dua.”
(Al-Bukahari, 6340; Muslim, 2735)
May Allah make us patient through adversity, trials and hardships. Ameen
And Allah knows best in all matters
Listen to the following clips which will give you a very good understanding of trials and hardships in an Islamic perspective:
Understanding Trials and Difficulties: http://youtu.be/QmiG0mZhMbI
The secret: The Secret | Shaykh Hasan Ali - YouTube
How to respond to tests and trials: How to respond to Tests and Trials?~ Mufti Menk 2013 - YouTube