Is this acceptable? Can my repentence be accepted?

[reemacookii]

I have commited some sins with this guy. I didnt know they were sins at the time. Alhamdullah i woke up and realized and told him and repented. I told this guy that is a close friend now (and only friends!) thatif we repeat anything i will stop talking to him again. He is muslim and we always discuss Islam. He knows i dont want to be anywhere near zina at all! I made him promise me that he will not do anything related to zina with me.My question is, can my tawba be accepted if i continue to be his friend? With the pure intention of just friends, no zin a AT ALL? He asked his parents and they said yes it can workout and they are very religious people. I just need help though. Can i still talk to him becuase we promised each other that if we get close to zina well stop talking forever. Can my tawba from the sins i commited and am willing to stop be accepted from Allah (swb) if i continue talking to him and no zina at all?
PS we are teens and have STRICT rules that keep us away from other girls/boys (example i can't talk to any boys if i am his friend and vice versa) and STRICT ideas and hopes for us to get married in the future INSHALLAH. We both make dua for marriage and his mom does too.
Thank you fellow muslims! Please help and please understand that this boy is a very religious person as well and comes from a religious mom. Also understand that when me and him don't talk for a few days we feel very sad..
Thank you and please don't give extreme or painful advice as i am already in a lot of pain and worry and i repented a lot repeatedly and mad dua for us. (PS i still don't wear hijab so don't be TOOO strict please :()
Also i already asked many people and they said it was okay to stay friends if we don't flirt or talk about anything bad or be alone or do any of the haram things. Just friends who give advice, talk about islam, help each other, hang out in groups… etc

ps. please dont be too harsh or religious as i just want to know if my repentence from sins can be accepted..

[Karl]

My advice is do not be alone together until you are married.

[reemacookii]

Thank you so so much! Can I still talk to him as long as we have limits?

[Scimitar]

Assalaam alaikum sister,

Could you go into the details of how you met, when you meet, under what circumstances? do your parents know you two are friends? Who else is present when you are around? etc...

The bottom line is, it is permissible to meet with someone from the opposite sex so long as you, as a female have your "mahram" with you present and you are not left alone.

You say you always talk about Islam and that he is religious - yet the issue of Zina came up in your post and I am slightly bewildered as to how your seemingly innocent situation has gotten to this stage?

Actually - to be honest, I am not that surprised...

...If you feel uncomfortable with the situation, then refrain from entertaining it sister. He, as a supposed strict Muslim should be able to respect your decision.

if you are serious about marriage then approach your parents and make it happen with their blessing.

Please provide detailed answers

Scimi

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[reemacookii]

We met on a beach with friends, thought it was my only time on a beach with friends. Yes, my mom is aware and she thinks he's a respectful guy and met him once and his parents and his older adult brother know. My mom even bought him a gift once for his birthday. We met about 2 years ago.We used to meet like once a week within a group or with my cousin or friend and the places I regret were at concerts or movies, and I talked to my mom about that and she told me never to see a movie with a guy cause I didn't know it was haram. You see., I knew nothing about Islam.. it is just recent that I am more strict. Talking about Islam is very recent and a resut of me feeling guilty and religious lately. Before, we didn't mention it because was not at all religious. He, on the other hand, knew everything and had a very relgious family and childhood but him, being a teenage guy, copying friends, you know all the influences, he didn't act religious but he acted the opposite. After this all happened he told me the truth about how religous he is and we talked hours about Islam and asking our parents very detailed questions. So he's always knew a lot about Islam but never really used it in life, now he's changed a lot due to my arguing. He prays a lot more now, he memorize soorat al baqara and isn't afraid to show his religion like he was before. His mom knows the sins we did, all of them I believe. We are very serious about marriage, and we told our mom's, but mine says I'm still young and doesn't like to talk about it, I'm only 15.. And I know I shoudl refrain if it doesn't feel right, that's what my dad told me, but you see, shaytan gets in my head a lot and I got crazy and start thinking everything is wrong even things that are far from wrong and I always panic and belive I won't be forgiven, but it's all shaytan as to what I've read online.


Thank you very much! P.S I haven't seen him in over 3 months or so

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:


we are not supposed to tell others about our sins . Allah is ready to accept our repentance 24/7.

we must ask for forgiveness and promise to stay away from that sin . Also stay away from those activities that may lead u to commit sin again . So , avoid boyfriend , mixed parties etc etc . Ask Allah to help u .

[Scimitar]

Eid mubarak to you sister Reemacookii,

I believe you said you are 15... I remember what it was like to be that age. Very powerful feelings and emotions flood our senses at that young age when hormones rule our mind and body over everything else - so I am quite pleased you are taking an Islamic frame of mind on this, whilst battling your emotions. This is very worthy of noting in my opinion. So salut to you :)

Do you believe you are in love? Even at this young age? I hope not - because most likely what you are experiencing is infatuation with this brother whom you are considering for marriage. Infatuation is a very strong feeling which doesn't rationalise very well - whereas love is patient, trusting and forgiving.

You say you feel emotionally torn when you are separated from him, this is a sure fire sign that what you are experiencing is actually infatuation, and not love. Love is altogether something which grows between two people who are married, see each others faults, smell each others smelly morning breath, and a lot more. You don't really know someone until you've lived with them - all else is speculation and big talk - trust me on this. In life, many people say things like:

"puppy love" "love at first sight" "first love is the strongest" etc etc etc - and it's all false, anyone with an ounce of real logic can tell you that these concepts of puppy love and all that jazz are nothing more than playful deceptions which lead to sin.

Real love is not like that - it is not based on emotion, but on patience and acceptance - and those two cannot be experienced until you are married and living together.

It is during those first few years as a married couple (the honeymoon years as they are termed these days) when the real love between two people has a chance to fruit its blessing... after that, the normality of everyday life takes a hold and an understanding between the two is the basis for the success in the marriage.

Sister, do not trouble your heart and mind over this matter any longer, and use your youthful emotions, which are innocent of any corruptions, to get closer to Allah - love HIM with a pure untainted love, and cling to HIM as you would to a parent. Thus Allah tells us that the path to Jannah is under the feet of our parents.

Once you can attain that understanding through the practice of pleasing them in every way possible, you will naturally want to please Allah also - and so, you will make salaat, stay long in sujood, beseech HIM to give you patience and a better understanding of your "self" so you can attain a mastery (over time) of your own faculties of things like emotion, reason, logic, faith, understanding, knowledge, etc etc etc - all these things I have mentioned are rapidly becoming lost in the youth of today - and I do not offer this advice to anyone easily - but I offer it to you because you have expressed a true interest in Islam from what I have read in your posts here. And for one so young, I find it admirable that you are not like the other girls who would easily give in to the whispers of the shayateen... you have a light within you which seeks Allah even in the most testing times. Which, I may - are right NOW for you, in the midst of your puberty (which will not end until a few more years)...

...you will know one thing when it does end. That you have changed, progressed, developed in every way possible - and have attained a higher wisdom and understanding about your "self".

Please consider for your sake, what I have to say - I am quite a bit older than you, and as an uncle type figure, I see you as a diamond amongst stones, and cannot see you be trampled by the tests life throws at you in these, very important years of your life.

I will keep you in my duas. Stay strong, and firm in making the best decision for YOU, not for anyone else - but for YOU, ok? At the end of the day, on Qiyamah, it will be only you left, even your parents won't intercede for you, so why go out on a limb for some emotions which are not even making any sense right now? right? Right!!!

Life is about self development so we can become the vice regency on this planet and do deeds which benefit our "self" and "humanity" as well as the "plant" and "animal" kingdoms... even these things are worship of Allah,

Stay stead fast in your salaat, and learn your Islam through whatever means you find beneficial (books, lectures, etc), and walk the walk - meaning, be a good Muslim who has one goal in life - to please Allah !!! :)

Everything else will fall into place, you will see!

Scimi

[greenhill]

Salaams,

Bismillahi Rohmanir Rohiim. His name says it all. Benevolent and Merciful, the Most.

Of course he will forgive his subjects if the subject genuinely seeks forgiveness and repents. Alhamdulillah, alhamdlillah, alhamdulillah! Just don't go down that road again.

Peace to you.

[reemacookii]

Thank you very much guys<3 I know I will never go down that road again and thank you sdo much for the replies and I've found myself change alot. I know that you guys might noit find it love but, feelings every since I met him for about 2 years. Anyway, I stopped telling him my feelings for him and he thinks I really hate him. Thank you a lot for the advice guys but I just wanted to know if I'm still allowed to talk to him like as normal friends. I know I should stay away from anything that leads to my sins again and if I'm careful with talking, and we have those rules where we stay away from sins, it's okay right? That's what I wanna know I'm really confused about it. Me and him both changed after this and we both became more religious, so in a way, it could have been like a gift from Allah (swt)

Thank you guys so much againn

[Alpha Dude]

Assalamu Alaykum,

It is best if you don't remain talking with him. The Prophet peace be upon him said "No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan will be the third one present."

So irrespective of all the actions and rules you put in place and how strict you try to be, the shaytan will still be there trying to misguide you.

Shaytan is an open enemy. We constantly need to seek refuge in Allah from him (i.e. we recite Aaudhu Billahi Minash shaytan irajeem often). This means we should avoid all situations that give access to shaytan in our lives.

[Chavundur]

My advice is do not be alone together until you are married.

My advice is do not be close one another until you are married. :-)

[reemacookii]

Thanks guys.. but you also have to understand it's not that easy.. I mean I tried not talk talk to him for a few days and we're both really sad.. all we talk about is like football and countries and things like that, nothing bad.. thanks for the advice but both of us are really willing to follow the strict rules, and if they were followed, is it okay? I mean it's hard going from talking everyday for 2years to never talking.. we have rules and stuff now though but I hope you understand it's not that easyy

Thank you guys for the advice but I wanna make sure it's okay to normally talk with nothing bad or without doing anything bad, you know, like close friends who just give advice and stuff

[Alpha Dude]

The truth is, you already know that it is not allowed. The problem is, your desires and habit make you want to find any possible loop hole. As mentioned earlier, a man and woman can not be alone without shaytan being the third. Regardless of how strict you think you will be, eventually shaytan will misguide you. You're not smarter than shaytan in that respect. Shaytan and his clan have been misguiding people for many centuries, they have knowledge of what strings to pull and how human psychology works. You and I are no match for his experience. We seek Allahs protection from him.

It's difficult, of course but not impossible. Whenever you give something up for Allah, Allah will replace it with something better in sha Allah.

[Scimitar]

Thanks guys.. but you also have to understand it's not that easy.. I mean I tried not talk talk to him for a few days and we're both really sad.. all we talk about is like football and countries and things like that, nothing bad.. thanks for the advice but both of us are really willing to follow the strict rules, and if they were followed, is it okay? I mean it's hard going from talking everyday for 2years to never talking.. we have rules and stuff now though but I hope you understand it's not that easyy

Thank you guys for the advice but I wanna make sure it's okay to normally talk with nothing bad or without doing anything bad, you know, like close friends who just give advice and stuff

It is haraam. Bottom line.

You WILL sin... and as the brother above has said - if you have made up your mind, why did you even bother to come here? For a confirmation bias? ?? ??? :exhausted

This is the problem with the youth today, we try to make you understand, give you good solid advice, tread around your sensitive and emotional nature, be kind wih our words - - - and you still go ahead and put yourselves into the fire.

[Hulk]

Thanks guys.. but you also have to understand it's not that easy.. I mean I tried not talk talk to him for a few days and we're both really sad.. all we talk about is like football and countries and things like that, nothing bad.. thanks for the advice but both of us are really willing to follow the strict rules, and if they were followed, is it okay? I mean it's hard going from talking everyday for 2years to never talking.. we have rules and stuff now though but I hope you understand it's not that easyy

Thank you guys for the advice but I wanna make sure it's okay to normally talk with nothing bad or without doing anything bad, you know, like close friends who just give advice and stuff

Look at it this way. This person, is not your husband. No matter how you look at it, he is not your husband and he may never be. So do you think it is wise to place yourself in a position where you find it difficult not to talk to him? I understand that it's not easy, but if you think about it this is the smarter choice because if you carry on like this it will only get harder, and it would be a very ugly situation if one day you decide to part ways. Would it be fair to your future husband to have someone else in your memory/past?

If you feel that you are right for each other, get married. But hold on, I'm sure neither of you are capable nor ready for that. The responsible thing then would be to leave it. Then in the future when you're both more responsible and capable then you can have a serious discussion about it with your family. Otherwise, what you're doing is laying the path to a destination which would likely be a disaster.

As Bro Alpha Dude says, it may be difficult but it is not impossible. Even if the both of you feel that you belong together in the future, wouldn't you want your relationship to be a pure one? You have to be strong and smart enough to close the door for now, and wait till it's the right time to open it.

ps: Regarding repentance, Allah will most definitely accept sincere repentances. No doubt about it.

[Scimitar]

emotional wish wash... here today, until another fancy comes along and replaces it - she is infatuated. But cannot admit it because she doesn't know any different - I mean, how can she? She's still only 15 - and under age... for very good reason.

Infatuation is the most over rated of teen emotions - full stop.

Scimi

[Signor]

Assalamu Alaikum

I will try to make it simple,since you are constantly insisting on taking him as a "friend" instead of "boyfriend"(probably you are viewing this in the same light).

What is a FRIEND:

1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.


Have you ever seen friends who have nothing in common?No,it can't be.

Regardless of how you see it,"Friendship" will remain a unique and special relationship to a person from another and this is what Islam has forbidden.

Just friends who give advice, talk about islam, help each other, hang out in groups… etc

Fact of the matter is we all interact (or have to interact) with opposite gender,at work or at school,irrespective of the societies we are living in.Problem arises,when you select a person(in case of opposite gender) and make things personal and private instead of general.This is where you step into danger zone.Off course,along the lines,you need to draw a division before engaging in these types of conversations.

And Allah knows Best!

[reemacookii]

Okay thanks guys.. the people I asked before said it wasokay but I think u guys are wiser and stuff, I don't know why ijust feel so sad and depressed and all but thanks alot

[strivingobserver98]

Okay thanks guys.. the people I asked before said it wasokay but I think u guys are wiser and stuff, I don't know why ijust feel so sad and depressed and all but thanks alot

Develop a close relationship with Allah he will never break your heart. Keep sticking to remembrance of Allah and slowly :ia: the sadness and depression will ease away.

[Newly Born]

Thank you very much guys<3 I know I will never go down that road again and thank you sdo much for the replies and I've found myself change alot. I know that you guys might noit find it love but, feelings every since I met him for about 2 years. Anyway, I stopped telling him my feelings for him and he thinks I really hate him. Thank you a lot for the advice guys but I just wanted to know if I'm still allowed to talk to him like as normal friends. I know I should stay away from anything that leads to my sins again and if I'm careful with talking, and we have those rules where we stay away from sins, it's okay right? That's what I wanna know I'm really confused about it. Me and him both changed after this and we both became more religious, so in a way, it could have been like a gift from Allah (swt)

Thank you guys so much againn

Being a teenager and having feelings for each other make you quite vulnerable for committing any kind of sins (since you are not married),so Shaytaan will definitely take advantage of your feelings and get in the way of being just friends.
Consider this '' Even though Allah(swt) ordered Adam and Eva strictly not to eat that forbidden fruit, Shaytaan made them do it anyway'' .In your case it is a pieces of cake for Iblis to make you go astray.
The bottom line,if you still want to keep seeing him,you have to get engaged and not be alone I mean always with a group that will restraing you from doing something wrong while seeing each other.

[reemacookii]

I know I'm supposed to stay away from 'anything that leads tothe sin' but that doesn't mean normally talking right? Like I know I will never redo the sins but we can just talk normally though

[Alpha Dude]

Like I know I will never redo the sins but we can just talk normally though

You are being too confident here. Never say or believe this. You only say this due to the spiritual high you feel at the moment but this high goes up and down. Don't be too arrogant to assume you can be tempted into sin. This is what I've been trying to tell you in my past posts in this thread but you don't seem to get it. Shaytan is your enemy and will entice you. You are not strong enough or smart enough to outsmart him. No man is. That's why we have to seek refuge in Allah from his mischief. So when you make statements like you will never do this or that sin, you are only indulging in self delusion and of underestimating the enemy shaytan.

Also, you should know that most normal 15 year old boys will have a strong desire for sex. You may supposedly feel strong and try to avoid it but he probably won't and given the fact that you've talked in relation to it before, it makes it all the more easy to happen again.

End of the day, you can do whatever you want to do but the rules are clear. If you continue talking to this boy with the intention of becoming friends, you would be sinful and likely to end up indulging in further sin.

[hisnameiszzz]

I have commited some sins with this guy. I didnt know they were sins at the time. Alhamdullah i woke up and realized and told him and repented. I told this guy that is a close friend now (and only friends!) thatif we repeat anything i will stop talking to him again. He is muslim and we always discuss Islam. He knows i dont want to be anywhere near zina at all! I made him promise me that he will not do anything related to zina with me.My question is, can my tawba be accepted if i continue to be his friend? With the pure intention of just friends, no zin a AT ALL? He asked his parents and they said yes it can workout and they are very religious people. I just need help though. Can i still talk to him becuase we promised each other that if we get close to zina well stop talking forever. Can my tawba from the sins i commited and am willing to stop be accepted from Allah (swb) if i continue talking to him and no zina at all?
PS we are teens and have STRICT rules that keep us away from other girls/boys (example i can't talk to any boys if i am his friend and vice versa) and STRICT ideas and hopes for us to get married in the future INSHALLAH. We both make dua for marriage and his mom does too.
Thank you fellow muslims! Please help and please understand that this boy is a very religious person as well and comes from a religious mom. Also understand that when me and him don't talk for a few days we feel very sad..
Thank you and please don't give extreme or painful advice as i am already in a lot of pain and worry and i repented a lot repeatedly and mad dua for us. (PS i still don't wear hijab so don't be TOOO strict please :()
Also i already asked many people and they said it was okay to stay friends if we don't flirt or talk about anything bad or be alone or do any of the haram things. Just friends who give advice, talk about islam, help each other, hang out in groups… etc

ps. please dont be too harsh or religious as i just want to know if my repentence from sins can be accepted..

Salaams.

A lot of the brothers and sisters on here have given you excellent advice already. I am not qualified to advise but here is my two penny's worth.

You will be just fine if you don't talk to him. It might seem hard but it's not. You will probably feel sad, depressed, cry a lot, but you will get there in the end. I've been in the same kind of situation before and I managed to get through it, and trust me, I am a very weak person. I decided to learn to cook and started helping my Mom out at home. I now do all the cleaning and I can even cook! You could look for something else that is not sinful to do instead, for example, reading Islamic books, maybe start baking or cooking or sewing? Or even start learning some of the shorter suraahs from the Qura'an.

Do you have any aapaas (female Aalims) near where you live? Do they have any classes for girls or drop in appointments you could attend? I know my Masjid has a drop in appointment office for men that are going through problems like you have mentioned.

Good luck, and try your best to stay away from him if you can. Like one of the posters said, it won't ever just be you and your friend, it will be you, him and Shaytan!

[reemacookii]

Thanks a lot guys,
Btw I talked to him about it again and he promised on his life that he won't do anything bad, and he'd do anything for me to just talk to him and not leave him, he promised again and he said that talking isn't wrong as he asked his like super religious mom as long as we don't compliment each other or do anything more than just that.

[Iceee]

Salaam Sister reemacookii.

I got a way better idea in which everyone is happy. Do you have a mosque near your area which you can attend? If so, ask your friend to talk to the Imam and request a meeting with him during the weekend. Then both you, your friend, and both your parents should attend to speak to the Imam together. This way, he can suggest ideas and advise and see how you two can work things out. That's my advise to you sister, since it seems like he doesn't fear the power of Allah according to your texts or maybe he does, but we don't know because we don't know him in real life and his intentions.

Maybe you two can actually get married (Islamically) right now and live together in his parents home with him. Isn't that what both of you want? I don't know what the Imam will say, but I would recommend you talk to him Inshallah as soon as possible. If he doesn't want to, ask your protector (father) to request a meeting with the Imam.

[reemacookii]

Thank you, maybe I should talk to one

[Scimitar]

it is wrong. You CANNOT be friends with him.

whenever a man is alone with a woman, the devil makes the third - hadeeth in Tirmidhi

that includes phonecalls, internet, text messages - etc. This is all considered "private communication" between the two sexes - it is haraam.

Do not call on women in the absence of their husbands because the shaytaan may be circulating in you like the blood circulates - hadeeth in Tirmidhi... and you aren't even married.

The man who touches the hand of a woman without having lawful relation with her (ie: marriage) will have an ember (burning coal) placed in his palm on the day of judgement - hadeeth in Fath al Qadir

and there are more.

I ask you to do one thing, go to youtube and see what scholars say about boys and girls be friends in Islam?

for example:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hZSeAH522Y

this is the video the brother was talking about:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

point is, you are young and naive - you like this guy and want to marry him, he is not your mahram, further, you have no mahram - all you have is the permission of your mother - which is NOT enough, because she is not the LAW, she is not SHARIAH.

If you listen to your mother in this, then be assured, you will end up in the fire. She is not protecting you. Are your parents divorced? Does your father know about this? I can be sure that he doesn't - because if he did know - knowing what knows about the lusts of men, he will definitely not approve.

Your emotions and confirmation bias is sickening to be honest. You are trying to justify your need of a relationship by claiming that you talk only in an islamic context with him - well if that is your true purpose - to learn about Islam, then what do you need him for? Nothing... you learn your Islam through conventional methods outlined for you in the institutions and books and examples of Islam found from history right up til the modern age... you are very mistaken that you can take your deen from a non mahram whom has ideas of marriage for you, and vice versa - that is shaytaan setting up the stage for you both to end up in hell fire.

But you won't listen to us... you came here - to the best Islamic forum on the internet and WE ALL TELL YOU THE SAME THING - IT IS HARAAM FOR YOU TO MAINTAIN RELATIONS WITH HIM.

So consider this your warning from Allah - HE has forbidden you to have any relation with man outside of marriage. And your intentions are clear, you seek to justify your need to be his friend thru the excuse of learning about deen - this is what sickens me. It is a clear hypocrisy.

If you was sincere about your intention to learn the deen - you don't need him.

Further, why don't you invite this friend of yours to join this forum and talk to us? We will surely make him understand through the Islamic understanding that he is fooling you and fooling himself in the process, and shaytaan is laughing because he has found two more companions to join him in the fire of jahannam.

So invite him here, and lets get this started. My challenge to you.

if you cannot rise to this challenge, then you will have inadvertently exposed that you know how wrong your actions and intentions are, and we will wash our hands with you, and let Allah judge you on that day when HE judges all of creation. And know this: your place will be in the fire.

One last thing, your repentance is insincere - because you still want to engage in this unislamic relationship with him, even after you've supposedly repented - that is clear hypocrisy.

Assalaam alaikum

Scimi

[reemacookii]

Yeah I alredy saw many videos and looked up many things but some said that's it's okay if there is no flirting and the intention is pure and it is a pure relationship so I wasn't sure,
Sure ill tell him about what u said and ill send him the links but I don't think he'll wanna join becuase he gets all his islamic answers from his parents

thanks guys

[Hulk]

Sounds like he wants to get married.

[Scimitar]

Bottom line is, just look up that video "can men and women be just friends" and then see the reality of what women think, and what men think - and that will close the case.

This excuse of reemacookii that she is only interested in the firendship because she wants to discuss Islam - is a weak excuse considering she has already claimed she has sinned with him.

If she truly feared Allah, she would break all ties with him and be repenting for a faaaaaaaaaaaaaar longer time than what she has done. Further, what's really given the game away for her is that she still wants to be "friends" with him, after her repentance - what a joke.

The Islamic context is clear - men and women cannot be FRIENDS.

The opinion of scholars who say contradictory things should always be taken by the safest route to Allahs mercy, in this case it would be total refraining from contact with him.

Yet she only seeks to justify her emotions, which can never be justified in the Islamic context.

Scimi

[Scimitar]

Go to IslamQA and see what has been said about this:7

meeting together, mixing, and intermingling of men and women in one place and exposure of women to men are prohibited by the Law of Islam. These acts are prohibited because they are among the causes for fitnah (temptation or trial which implies evil consequences), the arousing of desires, and the committing of indecency and wrongdoing. even if you are "just friends" ( in reality there is no such thing by the way)

here is some evidence supporting this from the Quran and the sunnah :

-Verse No. 53 of Surat al-Ahzab, or the Confederates (Interpretation of the meaning); "...for anything ye want, ask them from before a screen: that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs..."

-The Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) enforced separation of men and women even at Allaah’s most revered and preferred place, the mosque. This was accomplished via the separation of the women’s rows from the men’s; men were asked to stay in the mosque after completion of the obligatory prayer so that women will have enough time to leave the mosque; and, a special door was assigned to women. Evidence of the foregoing are:

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said that after Allah’s Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) said "as-Salamu ‘Alaykum wa Rahmatullah’ twice announcing the end of prayer, women would stand up and leave. He would stay for a while before leaving. Ibn Shihab said that he thought that the staying of the Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) was in order for the women to be able to leave before the men who wanted to depart." Narrated by al-Bukhari under No. 793.

Abu Dawood under No. 876 narrates the same hadith. Ibn ‘Umar said that Allah’s Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) said: "We should leave this door (of the mosque) for women." Naafi’ said: "Ibn ‘Umar never again entered through that door until he died." Narrated by Abu Dawood under No. 484 in "Kitab as-Salah" under the Chapter entitled: "at-Tashdid fi Thalik".
This is the greatest evidence that the Law of Islam (Shari'ah) forbids meeting and mixing of men and women. The farther the men are from the women’s rows, the better, and vice versa.

If these procedures and precautions were prescribed and adhered to in a mosque, which is a pure place of worship where people are as far away as they ever are from the arousal of desire and temptation, then no doubt the same procedures need to be followed even more rigorously at other places.

Mixing and crowding together of men and women is part of today’s unavoidable yet regrettable affliction in most places, such as markets, hospitals, colleges, etc., but one should not willfully choose or accept mixing and crowding.

--- --- ---

Consider, if these laws apply to the masjid, the holy place - then the laws in private places are even stricter... and in public also stricter. With that in mind, how can you even entertain the idea of a friendship with him?

It's pure stupidity.

Scimi

[reemacookii]

I don't want to be friends just because we talk about Islam, it's because we've been through a lot and I've liked him fort over 2 years and to me I just won't find anyone better and yeah he really does want to get married

[Scimitar]

you are 15... what do you know about life? nothing.

So now you've admitted you like him (fancy him) and want to marry him - and you think that's a good reason to be friends? :D that's the worst reason.

Grow up first, you're still a kid. Your'e naive, learn your Islam first.

No one here is gonna say "yeah its ok for you two to be friends" lol

If you really came here for advice then take it

if you came here to hear us say "you can be friends" then leave because we are not going to say that - EVER.

You claim you have repented - but a sign of true repentance is to refrain from any action which puts the possibility of the sin to arise again - in your case that would mean cutting contact with him totally, as a way to show Allah that you are sincere in your repentance.

Instead, you want to justify your sin by being friends and claiming you want to marry him - this is only opening the doors for shaytaan to come and make you sin again.

Wise up

[Hulk]

and yeah he really does want to get married

Then what are you waiting for?

[Scimitar]

she just wants to be friends with him... I highly doubt she is being honest with us.

Honesty reflects in the text one posts - she has evaded the important questions asked to her in this thread and pretentiously come back with a "thank you all" as a means to alleviate her need to respond bro Hulk.

The truth is all too clear.

Scimi

[Hulk]

Unfortunately my senses are not very tuned when it comes to people and a lot of times in the past I realise that I am usually not the best judge of character Bro Scimitar. In this instance it does appear that she isn't really addressing the posts that were given as a response to hers, so I thought perhaps a more direct question would be a bit more helpful.

[Alpha Dude]

Thanks a lot guys,
Btw I talked to him about it again and he promised on his life that he won't do anything bad, and he'd do anything for me to just talk to him and not leave him, he promised again and he said that talking isn't wrong as he asked his like super religious mom as long as we don't compliment each other or do anything more than just that.

1. You and him can promise all you want but shaytan is going to be there to destroy all your promises and lead you to a wrong path, that's why it is wrong even if you are just being 'friends'. Even if both of your are genuine, it is still the problem of shaytan.
2. It is wrong. His mother is wrong. No disrespect to her, but her understanding of this matter is clearly wrong as you've got a forum full of people telling you so and if you did a bit more of your own research, you'll find that what we are saying is correct.
3. If you still want to be with him, get married to him as soon as possible. Get your parents involved and see when the earliest you can get married if they accept. During the waiting time, don't meet him or talk to him in private without someone else being present (this includes private texts on phone and emails etc.). If parents don't accept, move on and don't talk to this guy every again.

[greenhill]

Salaams to all.

I think the relevant point is here.

Also i already asked many people and they said it was okay to stay friends if we don't flirt or talk about anything bad or be alone or do any of the haram things. Just friends who give advice, talk about islam, help each other, hang out in groups… etc

The problem is that you are a teenager with as they say 'raging' hormones and growing up fast (not yet grown up). There is no way unless Allah wills it so that you know who your partner is. Even adults make mistakes in choosing their partner. Don't kid yourself that he is the right one (that is not to say that he isn't, either) But you have your life still ahead of you.

You are being pulled in 2 different direction and the majority of the advise given above is to protect your long term cause. If you allow yourself to mix, albeit in a group, you will open the doors for temptations to creep in.

[reemacookii]

No I am completely honest and im not addressing cause I'm just sad and I didn't expect it tobe like that after the parents and people I asked.. I just feel down and I feel like I'm just lost and sad and it's just too much to explain
I am completely honest about saying JUST friends and I know I won't sin again and repeat the things I did! I did them because I couldn't say no and because I didn't even know thewy were sins! I knew nothing plus I'm shy and I didn't wanna hurt him! I told him a lot I won't do them and we haven't sinned for 3 months, our last big sin was like 6 months ago anyways..

and hulk I really wanna get married and he asked his parents and they said when he finishes college so that's the answer to that, plus, i'm not giving up my straight A's to be ahousewife.. college comes first, then I think about getting married.

Greenhill, I feel like since you have a daughter around my age you kind of understand it more easily. I KNOW chosing a husband is really tough. Most married people I know are abused and have the worst possible partners.. and I don't want that to be me inshallah.. so I just wanted to have a close friend so that in the future when it's time inshallah I won't get married to some stragern that'll abuse me, ill know the person and ill be safe and sure I won't be abused. Marriage is a scary topic, and that's a big reason for me still holding on to him. Look, thank you a lot guys for warnimg me about the shaytan as I kow his power and I know its huge and uncontrollable, but I can't do those sins again and im sure of it. If I ever did, I don't know what I'd do I'd hatemyself forever.. that's why I'm really really careful now, I'M SURE I won't flirt or redo my old sins, I just know I can't and if I did I'd hate myself even more than I already do. I just wanted to know, let's say we DID NOT sin at all, just normal friends who chat about random topics and movies and football players like a SISTER BROTHER relationship, and we gave advice about Islam and life.. cause I know that's the farthest we'd go, I just wanted to know if that was okay.. because guys trust me.. I CANT be the old me.. I just can't.. and I don't wanna lose the only human being that cares about me and treats me like his sister, he gets mad if I wear a shirt where my arms show or if I put on makeup, he thinks of me as a sister now! And I tell him everyday and he promises he won't be like before.. can't I give hima chance.. I mean, isn't Islam all about chances and being friendly, that's why people convert isn't it?

Also, Haj and Umrah is mixed.. so that shows that Allah didn't forbid mixing with genders.. I mean we are all human aren't we..

And I just wanted to say thank you again especially greenhill.. you guys don't understand how many people I've asked and how hard I cried.. I haven't been sleeping at all!

[Alpha Dude]

Just talking to him and being friends with him is a sin sister. You can of course do as you please but there is no other way about it, you would be sinning.

can't I give hima chance.. I mean, isn't Islam all about chances and being friendly, that's why people convert isn't it?

You don't be friendly to non-mahram men (males who are not your immediate relatives). That's what Islam says.

Also, Haj and Umrah is mixed.. so that shows that Allah didn't forbid mixing with genders..

Mixing of genders in hajj and umrah is worlds apart from the kind of mixing you are thinking of indulging in. In hajj/umrah men and women are praying individually to Allah. They are not finding 'friends' and doing 'friend-like' stuff.

[reemacookii]

Okay thank you,
I just want to know, are you guys extremists? Cause I mean you could say I'm religious but I'm not extreme, I don't wear hijab yet or anything but careful compared to friends

[Alpha Dude]

I just want to know, are you guys extremists?

Lol. Nope. Just normal like you.

Everyone sins. Nobody is perfect. However, there is a difference between sinning and believing it is okay and sinning and knowing you are doing something wrong. First one is a bigger sin as you are making what's impermissible to be permissible.

For example, you can:

1. continue talking to this boy and be his friend but also know that it is a sin that you need to seek forgiveness for.
or 2. continue talking to this boy but convince yourself that it is not a sin which means you'll never seek forgiveness for it.

[hisnameiszzz]

And I just wanted to say thank you again especially greenhill.. you guys don't understand how many people I've asked and how hard I cried.. I haven't been sleeping at all!

Salaams.

*puts on work head as I work with young teenagers anyway*

I think a lot of people have been through that. Either a break up or they have stopped keeping in touch with a loved one and you go through the whole "woe is me" scenario. I've been there. I've done that. I didn't sleep. I cried a lot. I thought my whole world was going to end. I couldn't face another day. I couldn't look people in the eye etc. And then a few weeks later, I got a grip and moved on. It's different for everyone and we all eventually move on. It might seem you like you will forever be happy if you don't speak to this young man again, but you won't. Things change. Life goes on and you will be just fine.

*takes word head off*

Like I said, I work with children, mainly from dysfunctional families (not that I am saying you are from a dysfunctional family at all), but we try and broaden their interests. A lot of the girls we deal with have had relationship problems and they think they won't be able to live another day without their ex, but they all do. Why don't you start studying something different like cooking or baking? It surely will take your mind off things.

Allah knows best.

Good luck.

[Hulk]

Please educate yourself on what an extremist is. Someone who adheres to the rules of Islam is not an extremist. A sister who wears a hijab is not an extremist.

Anyway, perhaps when you find some time you can actually address the valid reasons that has been brought up instead of asking if we are "extremists".

As it stands, I think it has been shown that being in this relationship is a bad idea. And so far your only argument against that is that it'll be ok because "he says so".

So unless you can actually give valid reasons in favour of your stance, you will have to acknowledge that despite knowing which is the better choice, you are still in favour of the bad one.

[Muhammad]

Assalaamu Alaykum,

Sister reema, a lot of good advice has been given in this thread. To prevent us going in circles, I'll close this thread now to give you a chance to reflect on what's been said. In Islam, we need to put what Allaah :swt: wants before our personal desires and opinions. So :ia: the right and wrong options will be clear to you now. It is time for you to choose the right path and Allaah :swt: will be pleased with that and make things easy :ia:.

Thread closed.