"Dating" A Muslim/Arabic

[yellowrose]

Hello,

So long story short, or ill try to be. The guy is obviously Muslim, otherwise I wouldn't be on here lol. But I am not. And in the beginning , I got mad that he has people around me because I didn't understand why we couldn't be alone. But now I know. But anyways, like in the beginning , he said stuff about how I should have a boyfriend and stuff. And he's been here for 11 years, so I'm pretty sure he knows he's not supposed to date, because his parents are totally old school Arabic. And then he did stuff to make me angry, and we got into it. And then after a while we talked about it. And the age difference is that he said im old enough to be his daughter , and I cant have him cause of his job. And then I tried to apologize to him, but instead it was his parents, because they wouldn't let me speak to him. And his father said , because I am a Christian, and hes Muslim, I cant be with him, and I have to learn to live without him. And now I know it's because I'm the opposite sex. And after that, his friends talked about it, and how he wants to go out with me. And his mother and his friends are investigating me, ever since. Like my personality and stuff. But since hes not allowed to have "girlfriends" , I've been ignoring him and all his friends, because I got tired of the talk . And I accidently ran into him the other night, and he got into it with his parents about me because he kept looking at me the whole time he got into it with them. And they made him walk away from me, I think that's why he got into it with them...But I mean hes not allowed to have girlfriends at all....So like im really confused...

[drac16]

What a mess. He needs to obey his parents.

[Muslim Woman]

What a mess. He needs to obey his parents.

He needs to obey God Almighty first . It's not allowed to have girl / boy friend in Islam. Dating is haram .

And Allah knows Best.

[ardianto]

Greeting, Yellowrose.

In another thread you asked about understand Muslim men. Okay, basically Muslim men are still men too, with characteristic of men. Of course, like other men, there are Muslim men who respect women very well, there are Muslim men who look down on women, there are shy Muslim men, there are Muslim playboy too.

How about the Muslim man in your case?. What you have written was too short to make me have image of his character, but seem like he plays "drag and stalling" with you. I mean he tries to make you want to close with him, but after you come, he makes you far from him again (like when he said you can't have him). Then he tries to make you come again, and make you go again. Actually this is common behaviour of men who want to be chased by the women. And, I guess, he just want to date with you without intention to marry you.

Sister, outside of what is his religion and ethnic, I am sorry if I must say, a man like him actually is not the right choice to be expected as your life partner.

Okay, now the time for advice. People in my place say, the world is not as small as leaf. It's mean the world is large, and there are many people in it. Yes, sis, there are many other men in the world, there are many gentlemen who you can find.

So my advice is ignore him. Hold yourself to not come to him again when he tries to play "drag and stalling" again. Remember, he is not the right man for you, and there are many other men in the world. In Shaa Allah (God willing), in the future you will meet a gentleman who seriously want to marry you, and you will establish a happy family.

:)

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[yellowrose]

so im doing the right thing by ignoring him then right...the other night was an accident and he got into it with his parents about me in front of me...because he kept looking at me the whole time he got into it with them...so I have no clue hes been here 11 years maybe hes customed more towards the American dating?....but I know his parents are not...and his brother is married and has a kid..so that idk how that happened if it was arranged or if he was being stupid like how hes doing it with me...I kind of figured ..but theres talk hes gonna do something for my birthday ..but idk either and idk whyd he bring up about having a boyfriend then anyways if hes not allowed too..yeah he is really slow actually lol...

[yellowrose]

and hes never been alone with me at all at first it made me mad because I want my alone time with him im like the only person that doesn't get it...but now I know he cant be alone with the opposite sex. so im not so mad now about that part. but yeah his parents kind of hurt me it made me upset that I have to learn how to live with out him...now I know why...so now im not so frustrated. ..like hes totally super sweet and like not a jerk and stuff...like me and him just started talking a couple months ago...eventhough weve been neighbors for years ! lol. ...but yeah its been a while since our fight and ive ignored him since...except like I said the other night I ran into him by accident...and his parents took him away from me and made him keep walking he didn't like that too much...so I have no clue...

[yellowrose]

and im confused on this his brother is also muslim or arbaic but his wife is full Mexican...that's why im so confused and upset by this because shes outside of their sect...it just makes me feel like im not up to her standards or something....that's why it hurts me so much with this....

[ardianto]

As a man of course I've ever interested to a woman too. But when I realized I could not have her I could easily tell myself "It's okay, she is not for me", and I erase my special feeling to her. But, not every man can do this.

I guess, he likes you, although in another side he realize that he can't have you because specific reason. But unfortunately he can't accept it. Indeed, it accidentally made him play "drag and stalling" with you. He tries to make you close to him, but then he realize he can't have you. So, he tries to make you go again. He told you to have a boyfriend, didn't he?. Actually it's to make him have a reason to erase his feeling to you.

Sis, maybe you like him too. But noticed the situation, seem like there is no hope that you will marry him. Then it will hurt your feeling when finally you lose him. So it's better if you try to not close with him again, since now. Tell yourself "He is not for me. It's okay, there are many other men in the world, there must be someone else for me".

[yellowrose]

i know I take it day by day just because he is my neighbor which sucks..and ive ignored all his friends and him except like I said the other night that was an accident..it just frustrates me that his brother can have a Mexican wife and it just make me feel im not better than her and idk they sit there and talk about him wanting me all the time that's why ive been ignoring everybody because it does irritate me because I feel like its something I could have if he wasn't Arabic or muslim or whatever...because of his parents are old school so they wont let me because of that...but its been after since his parents told me that he really wants too...I guess like I said if he weren't Arabic...it wouldn't be such an issue with having someone outside ..

[yellowrose]

grammer srammer lol lol...well I am Christian. and im on here because my neighbor is muslim and he likes me. his father wont let me because I am a Christian...and I think all of us are just supposed to be taught to fear islam or muslim faith...and honestly ....I really like this guy I would convert to him eventhough everybody on here would probably say I have no clue what im getting into ...but if its what I have to do to respect his father ...so me and him can be happy then I would...but I think its just like the catholics..I guess its just the fear of the unknown all together...

[Iceee]

Salaam / Peace Be Upon You.

You seem like you really want this man and he really wants you, kind of.

How old are the two of you? What do your parents think about this issue? Have you talked to his mother one-on-one?

[yellowrose]

he said im old enough to be his daughter and that's why I cant have him that and cause of his job. and his father said I cant have him cause I'm a Christian. and then after all that mess was said, I guess he woke up and realized he wanted to have me...cause he started making excuses to come see me... uh yeah well his parents are old school Arabic and im not, so they really don't like it. and they don't like the fact that we got into an argument and I tried to come over and apologize and see him . and the mother wouldn't let me, and the father talked to me, and he just said hed tell him I just wanted to make it right , and apologize. and im not allowed to see him..and no after that his mother went around asking about me...trying to figure me out a little better more than his father ...but the other night a few nights ago...I accidently ran into him and he got into it with his parents and kept looking at me the whole time he got into it I feel bad I wish he didn't do that cause now I think its gonna make things worse with his parents and not liking me...since they already don't...but it just frustrates me because his brothers wife is Mexican...so obviously he can go out of his sect...but they wont let him..which im assuming that makes him the older brother...

[Iceee]

How old are the two of you? What do your parents think about this issue? Have you talked to his mother one-on-one?

he said im old enough to be his daughter and that's why I cant have him that and cause of his job. and his father said I cant have him cause I'm a Christian. and then after all that mess was said, I guess he woke up and realized he wanted to have me...cause he started making excuses to come see me... uh yeah well his parents are old school Arabic and im not, so they really don't like it. and they don't like the fact that we got into an argument and I tried to come over and apologize and see him . and the mother wouldn't let me, and the father talked to me, and he just said hed tell him I just wanted to make it right , and apologize. and im not allowed to see him..and no after that his mother went around asking about me...trying to figure me out a little better more than his father ...but the other night a few nights ago...I accidently ran into him and he got into it with his parents and kept looking at me the whole time he got into it I feel bad I wish he didn't do that cause now I think its gonna make things worse with his parents and not liking me...since they already don't...but it just frustrates me because his brothers wife is Mexican...so obviously he can go out of his sect...but they wont let him..which im assuming that makes him the older brother...

Salaam / Peace Be Upon You.

You aren't even answering basic questions. Why should we give you advise?

[yellowrose]

um im pretty sure I did. I said im old enough to be his daughter. (1)
(2) my parents know about him and him being Arabic
(3) his mother I said wouldn't let me even apologize but his father had let me, and then after his mother started investigating my personality ...

maybe you just didn't bother to read it, but im pretty sure those are the answers since I know my own story, and since I did..post them in their! try reading again?

[ardianto]

Age difference doesn't matter if a man a woman love each other. There are many men who married women in age that worth to be their daughters. However, if he tried to remind you about age difference with saying you are old enough to be his daughter, actually he wanted to say that it's better if you do not expect him. I know it because I am a man too, like him.

Young sis, after I read your further posts, I begin to have a clue about this case. Seem like it started because you like him first. But I don't blame you and don't say that this is wrong. I understand it because, excuse me if I must say, I had enough much experiences which I be liked by a girl, which one of them was Arab girl, and also there was a Catholic girl too.

Be liked by a girl can make a guy 'trapped' in dilemma situation. In one side this guy do not want to (or cannot) accept this girl, but attention that shown by this girl make this guy feel sympathy and pity that make him hard to avoid this girl. This situation indeed, unintentionally can cause this guy play "drag and stalling". Sympathy and pity make this guy feel should be nice to this girl. But this guy also tries to make a limit to make him not to fall in love with this girl. Sympathy and pity indeed, can make someone fall in love. However, in your case I don't suggest you to try to make him fall in love with you because very possible you will be disappointed.

I can't guess what is the barrier that make him feel he should not take you as his wife. Maybe faith difference, maybe culture difference, maybe his parent stance on you, maybe other matters. But, whatever this is, my advice still not different. It's better if you do not expect him again, and wait for someone else who really want to be your life-partner.

I can understand your feeling if you must release him from your heart. But if you still expect someone who feel hesitate to marry you, then you will feel disappointed when finally he meet someone else who he is not hesitate to marry her.

Remember what I've said, the world is not as small as leaf. There are many other men in the world. God willing, there will be someone else for you.

[yellowrose]

ardianto well at least you are kind to me :). mm...I don't really know who liked who first but he looks at me so different ...I guess that would be him liking me "first" but I don't know who attempted whom honestly I guess we both did...this is why Im glad I found this, because you have been a lot of help. I haven't seen him or engaged in him except like I said the other night, that was an accident I didn't expect him coming home the same time I went out...then he got into it with his parents maybe its a thing we would be together if it wasn't cause of him being Arabic and the huge differences ..but still I just don't get how his brother can have a Mexican wife?...does that make him the older brother since he knows hes not supposed to have me?...that part is whats hard on me ,because then I feel like im not up to her...but yeah...time will heal...

[ardianto]

People in my place said that spouse is on the hand of God. It's means who will become our life-partners are those who destined by God. You can expect someone, but if you cannot marry him, it's means he is not someone who destined for you. And you must also believe that God will gives you someone else.

First love is not always the last love. There are many people who live happily with their spouses although their spouses are not their first love.

:)