What is the appropriate age for getting married?

[BilalKid]

My parents done around age 26, what age is good for marriage in today time? I mean everywhere I go women everywhere.. school especially its just getting disturbing.

[cogito ergo sum]

My parents done around age 26, what age is good for marriage in today time? I mean everywhere I go women everywhere.. school especially its just getting disturbing.

There's no such thing as "perfect age" for marriage. When you can do it, have someone you want to marry, and have some kind of income then just do it. Nike ;D

[syed_z]

My parents done around age 26, what age is good for marriage in today time? I mean everywhere I go women everywhere.. school especially its just getting disturbing.

The Fitnah that you have mentioned and brothers like you who face the same Fitnah of temptations in our times where women are 'dressed yet naked' as the Prophet (saw) predicted....the best option is to Fast, the beloved Prophet (saw) said to either marry if you have the means, and if you do not then fast, for fasting curbs one's passion.

Sadly (Sigh), the Prophet (saw) said 'Make marriage so cheap that Zinah becomes expensive.' .... in our times its the opposite :(.

[ShyFerdousi]

No offense but I think fasting doesn't always help avoiding that kind of emotions. I often keep fast and it's a great feeling but in that case, it doesn't always work for me. Or maybe I'm not keeping the principle of fasting properly? :confused:

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[ardianto]

My regular activity every Saturday night when I was teenager was gathered with other friends in house of one of us. Then we went to mountain area to enjoy the night.

On a Saturday night. When we were gathered, my friend grandma asked us "Hey guys! you always gather every Saturday night and spend the night together. Why? don't you have girlfriends?". One of us replied "Oh, grandma, we are the guys who run out the girls!". And we laugh.

Were we the guys who run out the girls?. No! we were just kidding. The true reason why we didn't have girlfriends was because we didn't want. We prefer to enjoy our youth life as free guys and do any activity that we like. We were sure, when the time to looking for life-partners has come, we would get our life-partner. In facts, all of us then get married in mid of 20's, the ideal age to get married.

We also had many female friends who attractive enough. But because we didn't think to have a girlfriend, then we could hold ourselves to not approach those girls. We could control our desire. Different than other guys who thought that they should have girlfriends.

:)

[786arman]

My parents done around age 26, what age is good for marriage in today time? I mean everywhere I go women everywhere.. school especially its just getting disturbing.

Assalamualaykum brother

The earlier the better, as in our generation there is mixing of both gender at young age and kids are having "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" at school, and marriage will be better as it would protect them from the zina of the eyes. Inshallah i hope to get married before going university in my gap year of education.

[Jedi_Mindset]

If you have the means to provide for yourself and a future spouse, its better to marry at young age. RasoolAllah(Saw) advised us to marry minimum at 17 years of age. However for many that isn't possible, especially for people living in the west. Adviceable would be atleast in your 20's because thats when youth here usually start to provide for themselves, have fine jobs etcetera

[syed_z]

No offense but I think fasting doesn't always help avoiding that kind of emotions. I often keep fast and it's a great feeling but in that case, it doesn't always work for me. Or maybe I'm not keeping the principle of fasting properly?

Asalaam O Alaikum...

Women are a trial for men and much greater than men are for women, and it is due to this reason why Allah (swt) has commanded the women to cover themselves because by exposing themselves (as it is happening big time in our age) they would be even a greater trial for the men.... therefore in that case fasting was advised by the Blessed Prophet (saw) to the younger men, who have strong passions....

[strivingobserver98]

:sl:

It is easy to say "I plan to get married early", but there are many hurdles to cross before getting to that stage. Parents are a major hurdle for some especially desi parents. Respect to the brothers & sisters who manage to overcome these hurdles, they are indeed big test and tribulations.

I would say appropriate age to get married is 16-18. If parents agree it makes the whole process easier and parents can provide for the new husband until he can financially support himself. Or if having trouble then 18+ but don't delay it.

May Allah give us guidance, grant us righteous pious spouses and make our marriages simple and easy. Ameen.

[ardianto]

Asalaam O Alaikum...

Women are a trial for men and much greater than men are for women, and it is due to this reason why Allah (swt) has commanded the women to cover themselves because by exposing themselves (as it is happening big time in our age) they would be even a greater trial for the men.... therefore in that case fasting was advised by the Blessed Prophet (saw) to the younger men, who have strong passions....

Wa'alaikumsalam

If we regard women are fitnah, it's mean we regard that our mothers and our sisters are fitnah.

Not the women themselves, but our sexual desire on women that become a fitnah for us. If we can control our sexual desire, then we can control our behaviour toward women. The way to control our desire is realize that women are human too who not different than our mothers and our sisters. In Shaa Allah, then we will have respect on women.

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum,

From the women's side, I'd like to comment that marriage is best delayed till at least 3 years after menarche (when a girl becomes a woman). The girl may be able to get pregnant, but as she has not finished growing, she can have a lot of problems, especially if her husband is considerably larger than herself (so more chance of a large baby).

Also, the woman needs to be able to cope with the realities of functioning in her society. So the age of marriage may need to be adjusted according to the social realities of where she lives.

[Saja]

There’s no right age for marriage, it depends on the person whether they can financially, and emotionally, but in my opinion the right age nowadays is in the mid-twenties, but then again it’s different from person to person.

[MuslimInshallah]

In response to brother Ardianto,

Perhaps what was meant was that as men are visual creatures, it is harder on them if women are more visually accessible. While I agree with you that men have a responsibility and ability to restrain themselves, I feel that women should have the courtesy of not forcing themselves upon the male gaze. It seems to me that both genders need to be reasonable. Women can't be expected to vanish, and men should not have to be harassed by the sorts of (un!)clothing that are way too prevalent in many countries.

[ardianto]

I would say appropriate age to get married is 16-18.

"How old are you?"
"17, sir"
"What's your job?"
"I still study at school, sir"
"Income?"
"Since I am still a student, I have no job, I have no income, sir"
"Hmmm .... hmmm ..... you have no job, you have no income, but ........... you dare to tell me that you want to marry my daughter ... !!!!!"

:p

[ardianto]

In response to brother Ardianto,

Perhaps what was meant was that as men are visual creatures, it is harder on them if women are more visually accessible. While I agree with you that men have a responsibility and ability to restrain themselves, I feel that women should have the courtesy of not forcing themselves upon the male gaze. It seems to me that both genders need to be reasonable. Women can't be expected to vanish, and men should not have to be harassed by the sorts of (un!)clothing that are way too prevalent in many countries.

One thing that made me grateful in my life was easiness that I got when I was looking for a life-partner. I didn't need to be bothered in trying to find someone because there was always woman who showed that she opened her heart for me. Even I was in position which I could choose one among those who were interested to me.

Miracle?. No! this is something that normally happen to a good looking guy like me.

Just like men attracted to woman's beauty, women are attracted to man's handsomeness. But I noticed a big difference, women more able to control their desire when they see a good looking men. I knew it from my experience. In example, when I caught a girl stared at me secretly, quickly she looked at other direction because she didn't want I knew it. Different than men who start to tease a woman when this woman catches him stare at her. And the women attitude toward me was very polite, far better than men attitude toward pretty woman.

Frankly, I often wonder why the men are easy to blame a woman as fitnah when they attracted to this woman but cannot get her?. Yes they blame only if they could not get this woman. If they could get this woman, they regard it as a success of a man. Different than women. They never accuse a man as a fitnah if they were attracted to this man but could not get him. They did not blame this man, but blame themselves because they could not control their feeling toward this man.

Yes, not the women who become fitnah for men. But man's desire toward women. This is what my Islamic teacher told me. This why my teacher taught me to be able to control my desire toward woman if I don't want to get a problem.

My sister. I hope you will not thinking that I want to show off if I tell about myself. I just want the men know this reality and rather than blame women, they will start to learn to control themselves.

About modesty. The both party should be modest. Women should not dress in the way that make the men sexually attracted, the men should control themselves to not tease the women.

:)

[Ali Mujahidin]

"How old are you?"
"17, sir"
"What's your job?"
"I still study at school, sir"
"Income?"
"Since I am still a student, I have no job, I have no income, sir"
"Hmmm .... hmmm ..... you have no job, you have no income, but ........... you dare to tell me that you want to marry my daughter ... !!!!!"

:p

Quite hilarious but, seriously speaking, I have actually met a young man of about that age who is married. His father was the one who arranged the marriage and paid for everything. As far as I know, the wife and the wife's family are very happy with the arrangement.

[MuslimInshallah]

One thing that made me grateful in my life was easiness that I got when I was looking for a life-partner. I didn't need to be bothered in trying to find someone because there was always woman who showed that she opened her heart for me. Even I was in position which I could choose one among those who were interested to me.

Miracle?. No! this is something that normally happen to a good looking guy like me.

Just like men attracted to woman's beauty, women are attracted to man's handsomeness.
:)

Hmm. (smile) I have read your postings on the “frustrations about marriage” thread. So I actually am quite aware of your views about handsomeness. I find that many men make the assumption that women are like them in this regard.


And this is natural. We view the world through our own lenses, so we tend to attribute to others our own qualities and intentions. For instance, a kind person will tend to assume that other people have kind intentions, whereas a selfish person will tend to see others as selfish.


Men think that women are as influenced by physical looks as they themselves are. I have come across this thought many times in my life. A man seeking to impress a woman, for instance, will tend to think that he needs to work on his muscles. He will talk about his sports abilities.


All this is relatively tedious to most women. They may feign interest because they care about him. They may even develop a genuine interest in his beloved sport ...because they care about him (what is dear to him, is dear to them). But it's unlikely to be that which attracted her to him in the first place.


Now the budding cynics on this forum may be saying to themselves: yeah, it's the money she's after… But this also misses a key point. I believe what women are really interested in (though for young women, it's largely unconscious) is something that distinguishes a man as being the source of some security. Having children is a huge commitment on the woman's side. If her children are to thrive (and women are as crazy about babies as men are about women!), she needs to feel that her husband is going to be good for her and her children.


You have noted (in other posts), Ardianto, that women are attracted to self-confidence. I agree with you. The reason for this, I believe, is because if you are confident, they feel more confident and secure, too. I know this works with children. How many times have my children been nervous about something, and they turn to me! If I am calm and confident, half the work of reassuring them is done, even before I open my mouth.


Women are attracted to traits that imply security: skill, intelligence, self-confidence, wealth, a strong work ethic... and kindness. Physical strength can also be a form of security, and some women in some circumstances will favour this, but in today's world, other traits tend to be more reliable indicators of security.


You believe, Ardianto, that the reason that women were attracted to you was because you were very good-looking. Perhaps you were good-looking. But I doubt this was the trait that attracted you much female attention. For instance, have you not noticed that people on this forum generally like and respect you? But they have never met you. They have no idea of what you look like. So what could it be? I submit to you, that it is your qualities of character that have earned you this attention.


Through the posts of yours that I have come across on this forum, you have revealed yourself to have been a self-confident, entrepreneurial (which implies creativity and hardwork) and good-hearted young man. I suspect that these qualities, rather than your superficial looks, were the ones that garnered you attention.


(smile) So for all those younger men who are trying to decipher the mysterious code of how to attract a woman, you might consider working on yourselves to make yourselves more attractive: forget the body-building, and the grumbling about money... try instead to work on your security-feeling enhancing aspects of yourselves. You all have something that could be attractive, I'm sure. You just need to figure out what your particular areas of ability are, and develop them. Then you need to let women become aware of your particular genius. And finally, having a good heart really helps: women generally want someone who'll treat them and their eventual children kindly.

[ShyFerdousi]

Asalaam O Alaikum...

Women are a trial for men and much greater than men are for women, and it is due to this reason why Allah (swt) has commanded the women to cover themselves because by exposing themselves (as it is happening big time in our age) they would be even a greater trial for the men.... therefore in that case fasting was advised by the Blessed Prophet (saw) to the younger men, who have strong passions....

Of course brother and I believe in it very much. :)

[strivingobserver98]

Quite hilarious but, seriously speaking, I have actually met a young man of about that age who is married. His father was the one who arranged the marriage and paid for everything. As far as I know, the wife and the wife's family are very happy with the arrangement.

:ma: I have also heard of a 16 year old boy get married in UK with parents giving the helping hand. We need more marriages like this :ia: and understanding parents.

[Muhaba]

The right age for marriage is the age when the mind becomes mature enough to understand financial matters and take care of their finances. Allah has told us in the Quran (Surah Nisa) that when the orphan reaches the age of marriage, hand over to them their properties. Hence age of marriage is related to the maturation of the mind. If a person of age 16 can't take care of his/her property / finances, then 16 would not be the right age for that person to marry.

[ardianto]

@sister MuslimInshallah

Oh, no. You misunderstand me, sister. But I understand why you thought like that [smile].

Okay, I will tell you my true story.

My late wife was my classmate in highschool. She was a beautiful woman. Many men tried to get her, but instead of accept one of them, she tried to approach me through my mother although I absolutely did not try to approach her because I already had a future wife who was not approved by my mother. Finally the girl who I wanted to marry decided to not marry me because this pressure, and I decided to surrender to my ex-classmate.

I married her in 1994 and got two children. In 2009 she got breast cancer. that later attacked her bones. Late of 2010 doctor removed her left breast that made her mentally down and felt inferior to me. But her life spirit raised up again after she realized that I still love her. In 2011 her condition look good. But in mid of 2012 her condition getting worse again, very fast. She became lame, disabled, and totally lost her beauty. But I still love her, and still take care her until Allah call her return to him at June 11, 2013.

Yes, I love my wife, not because her beauty. And I have a strong reason why I must love a woman, not because her beauty.

I know, many men want to have a life like my life, being good looking and be liked by women. But do they know what I felt when a woman attracted to my beauty? ..... worry!

I felt very worry, and I asked myself "How if I lost my beauty? how if there's another good looking man?". This is why I love my wife, not on her beauty, because I don't want to be loved because beauty. The only reason why I want to be loved by a woman is because I want to love her too.

This is what I can say, sister. Don't worry, I am not angry [smile again]

[MuslimInshallah]

Okay, I will tell you my true story.

Thank you Ardianto, for sharing this beautiful and touching story. The gifts of the heart are the most precious. It sounds like the two of you were very Blessed with one another. And will be, inshallah.


May He Gift you and your children with strength and peace.

[MuslimInshallah]

:ma: I have also heard of a 16 year old boy get married in UK with parents giving the helping hand. We need more marriages like this :ia: and understanding parents.

Regarding the age of marriage, it has been my observation that early marriages are probably good for men. They do not, however, work very well for many women.


I have know girls as young as 13 being married. And what happened to them? They had to leave their educations and go and work for their in-laws. Then, after a few years of marriage, the boys grew up and were no longer interested in their uneducated and unsophisticated wives. They preferred more mature and interesting women.


For example, one 13 year-old girl I knew was married to an 18 year old boy (this is not in Canada; this would have been a criminal offence, here). By 17, she had 2 children, and looked worn and tired. Her husband went off to the city (they are small-town rural people). There he became interested in some other woman. He then phoned his mother back home and said that he didn't want his wife anymore. He said she could stay with his mother, or leave, he didn't care. She was now 18.


The last I heard of her, she was staying with her children in her mother-in-law's house. Her status is weak. She's sort of in limbo. Not exactly divorced, but neither married. She has to obey her (ex?) mother-in-law, or she risks losing her children. She has virtually no mehr, little education, and has few skills outside of household ones. She's essentially like a slave.


However, if this girl had been able to avoid marriage till she was older, and finish her education, then she would have had a chance to be able to get a job and some independence. And she would have been more highly prized by her husband and in-laws.


Now, you may say that things are different elsewhere. But I think it is a general rule that when a woman is tied down with family responsibilities at a young age, her own development is stalled. And her husband may well out-grow his interest in her.


Incidentally, before you all feel I am very anti-marriage, I should state that if my daughter wanted to marry as from 16, I'd be ok with this, if it is her choice, and if I felt she was ready to take on the responsibilities of children (and indeed, my daughters know this).


But I would put some important clauses into the Nikkah regarding divorce (she should have the man's kind of right, too, in case he abandons her and leaves her in limbo), mehr (I'd want it to be an amount not-too-easy for him, so that her husband would value her more. I find men value their wives more if they have to sacrifice a little in order to obtain their hand. If everything is too easy, he doesn't value her.) and provisions regarding potential children and what would happen in the event of divorce. I'd also counsel her to use contraceptives and to try to finish her education. I'd also want to make sure she'd not be expected to be a housemaid to her husband and family, and that they would live independently.


Regarding my boys... hmm I have a boy of nearly 16, and he is not at all ready to take on family responsibilities. I'm not going to even let him get his driver's license until he's a bit older! And I can't imagine my 13 year-old being ready by 16, either. He's still at the stage where he can't understand at all why men are so interested in women! However,if they were really mature and ready, I'd keep an open mind, I think.


In a similar way, I would be reluctant for my daughter to marry such a young boy, unless he was exceptionally mature and responsible (for instance, worked part-time while studying and doing well. Also, they'd have to be mature enough to run their own household, not live with parents).


I'm not saying it's an impossible thing, but both young people would have to be serious, independent and hard-working.


On the other hand, if a 16 year-old boy wants to marry an older woman (say...25-30?), this is different. The woman is clearly old enough to make her own rational decisions, and the boy must be exceptional for her to consider him. They'd not live with anyone's parents, but would be more independent.

[greenhill]

Salaams,

It would be different for everybody. What may work for me may not work for you.

I remember towards the end of my A levels I looked a few years ahead and thought the number of years that still remained before I completed my studies, then added 5 years to stabilise myself after which I would seek a partner and hopefully start a family before I was 30. I really did not want to be too old by the time my kids reach their teenage years.

Alhamdulillah it worked out for me.

Can't say it is a formula for all, but that was for me.



Peace :shade:

[strivingobserver98]

:jz: MuslimInshaAllah that puts it into more perspective.

[Bint-e-Adam]

There is no specific age for this

[ardianto]

I remember my beautiful moments when I did many fun activities with my friends when I was 16. And I cannot imagine if I lost these beautiful moment because I had married in that time.

[Futuwwa]

Something that seems to be assumed by everyone here is that children is something that is supposed to happen soon after marriage. Well, it doesn't need to be that way. Young people can marry in their mid-teens but use contraception until they have the means to start a family.

[ardianto]

Something that seems to be assumed by everyone here is that children is something that is supposed to happen soon after marriage. Well, it doesn't need to be that way. Young people can marry in their mid-teens but use contraception until they have the means to start a family.

Something that seem to be assumed by you is the purpose of marriage is only for sex. In mid-teens the youth are still mentally unstable and have not ready for a serious commitment of marriage.

[ardianto]

What is the appropriate age for getting married?. It's depend on which community, which society. This is what I was not aware.

I come from upper-middle class family with big city life. The normal age for girls to getting married in my community is around 24-26. This is what I knew in that time, when I was in late of age 21 and met a girl in early of 21. Not in my city, but small town, south of my city which considered as village area.

She was working in a small company while I still in study. But when the first time I met her I was sure that she could be the right wife for me. So decided to 'take' her, and I got her.

I was happy, and planned to marry her around three years later after I finish my study and get a job. And I planned too, slowly I would tell my mother. Yeah, I was afraid my mother would not approve her due to social class difference. That girl was from low class. But she had something that I really like, modesty.

However, later she told me that she could not be with me because her mother did not approve me. Her mother urged her to marry soon, and her mother also had propose a man. So I went to that girl mother and ask her why she did not approve me. She told me, it's because I was still in study and need few years before I get a job. Then she explained that in her community, the appropriate age for girls to getting married was 18-20, and age 21 considered old. That's why her daughter should be married as soon as possible. I asked her how if her daughter was willing to wait for few years?. And replied with, if her daughter must wait for few years, there's possibility I would met another girl and leave her daughter. ....Ow, ow!

I asked help to her father (they divorced). He agree to give me time to finish study and get a job before marry his daughter. But that girl mother said, she was still worry that I would leave her daughter for another girl if the nikah delayed for few years. Then, after thought for a moment I decided to tell that I propose marriage and ready to talk about nikah. They changed their mind and agree, but they wanted to talk with my mother (my father had passed away).

Two day later I came with my mother. I told her that I would introduce someone, but after we arrived and she knew the situation, her anger exploded!. She told them that I was too young to get married, and also I was still in study. My mother scolded me in the car on the way home. But I was not give up. I back to that girl family and told them that I was serious to marry their daughter. Notice my seriousness, they agree to give me time to finish study and get a job.

End of the story?. finally that girl still decided to not marry me because she realized that she must wait if she wanted to marry me. Her age was one of her consideration.

So, what is the appropriate age for getting married?. Depend on which community, which society. This is what I have learned from my experience.

[MuslimInshallah]

Something that seems to be assumed by everyone here is that children is something that is supposed to happen soon after marriage. Well, it doesn't need to be that way. Young people can marry in their mid-teens but use contraception until they have the means to start a family.

Assalaamu alaikum Futuwwa,

I totally agree that young people may use contraceptives. But I also know that contraception is no guarantee of avoiding pregnancy (I know this personally and professionally). Even a vasectomy cannot rule out this possibility (pregnancy rate in first 12 months of use in Canada: 0,2%). As generally used, oral contraceptives have a pregnancy rate of 6-8%. Male condoms, 14%. (If anyone wants to look through the literature and find out more about this topic, here is the link for the Canadian Contraception Consensus General Guidelines http://sexualityandu.ca/uploads/file...ensus_2004.pdf)

It is therefore necessary to always keep in mind the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy. This is why I feel that a person should be mature enough to deal with the possibility of a child before engaging in activity which may produce one. It is also why I always tell my children that I am open to their wishing to marry at a younger age (and believe me, I'd love to be a grandma!), but that they have to consider whether they are up to looking after a baby. And we have discussed at length all that this entails. Not to mention (smile) that the older ones have a pretty good idea of what babies require (I have 6 in all...)!

Interestingly enough, I have never had any problems with my children desiring either licit or illicit relationships during their teen years.

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum,


I would like to stress that I am not against marriage when you are young. In fact, I think it's a good idea to have children when you are young, fertile and energetic.


Furthermore, I myself married when I was young (for my society. I was 20, and in my circles this was very shocking. Women usually marry more around 28). I have never regretted this, even though that marriage eventually collapsed (after 18 years). I did not want to engage in extra-marital activity, and I loved my husband very much. And I am glad I had the opportunity to have many children, and I'm glad I was able to devote a lot of energy to them.


I do have experience with being married and studying, as I continued my studies for 5 years after marriage before having my first child. I have also experienced having a child and studying, as I had one last Master's level class to complete after the birth of my first child. It's hard! We also both worked and supported ourselves during our studies. And this did have an impact on our grades. I went from being a top student, to having a little above average grades.


If a younger person wants very much to marry, I believe that option should be available. I believe that completely blocking this avenue might lead to the younger person engaging in even more risky behaviour. However, I also believe that the older people around that younger person should make it very clear what are the risks and benefits of marriage, and how great a responsibility marriage and children are.


(smile) Which is what I have attempted to do on this thread.


May Allah Guide us all in our choices, and Bless us with His Mercy.

[ardianto]

I totally agree that young people may use contraceptives.

Assalamualaikum, sister.

Men and women were created to attracted to each other, this is natural and not haram, but we should make it halal. Youth Muslim activist in my place can be attracted to each other too. In this situation, rather than engaged in bf/gf relationship, they choose to get married and still study with money that given by parents. And some of them use contraceptives because they haven't ready to have a child. But, they are already in college or university, not mid-teens youth.

What I disagree with brother Futuwwa is he suggest mid-teens boys and girls to get married to avoid haram relationship. Seem good, but relationship, especially marriage, need commitment. Anything can be happen in relationship, and only those who mature enough in the way of thinking that can solve the problems and maintain the relationship still harmonic. Are mid-teens people mature enough in their way of thinking?.

There is a better alternative.

In my first post in this thread I told the story which my youth gang proudly to call ourselves as "the guy who run out the girls". We were just joking with this term. Yes, we didn't have girlfriends. But it's because we prefer to be single which we could do many boy activities together. We had many female friends, but we were not interested to take them as girlfriends.

As boy, of course I had feeling toward the girls. Few times I felt attracted to a girl, but I could say "No!" to myself. Few times too, a girl interested to me, but I could avoid. The secret behind this ability was because I had learned much about love and marriage since I was kid. I believe that love cannot be separated from marriage. If a man and woman fall in love, they should get married. I also had been taught by older people to not hurt the woman's feeling. They told me "Imagine is a man hurt your sister's feeling".

In the early of my teenage, a girl in my age showed her 'likes' to me. Her brother, my older friend, also told me about it. Frankly, she looked good in my eyes. But there was something that suddenly appeared in my mind. Time for marriage still very far. The risk of relationship break-out was still big. And what was her feeling if then our relationship broken while she already love me so big?.

When I was teen, few of my friends told me that I had a "female mindset". It's because I didn't want to have girlfriend few time before marry the last. I just want to meet a girl, marry her, and live with her until death do us part. One woman for lifetime. I also convinced myself, whatever happen to her, I should always love her. Yes, sister, the cause why I tried not to surrender when my mother and family of the girl from south did not approve me. It's because principle "one woman for lifetime". But I could not prevent her when she decided to leave me. So I switched my love to my wife, and you already know my story with her.

Now imagine if we teach our children about love and marriage like older people taught me. In Shaa Allah, they will have ability avoid engaged in relationship in teen age.

Teach our children like I have been taught. This is my suggestion.

[drac16]

:sl:

That's a good question. I think 18 or 19 would be a good age for those who have matured quickly and have demonstrated that he/she is responsible to handle that kind of comittment. For others, I don't know. There's no right or wrong answer.

[Karl]

There is no age of marriage in Islam. And while it is not compulsory to marry off prepubescent girls by Islamic law, it is still good for girls of my race, therefore I will continue to marry my prepubescent girls off and I don't care at all what the enemies of Islam say or think.

[seagulls]

The right age for marriage is the age when the mind becomes mature enough to understand financial matters and take care of their finances. Allah has told us in the Quran (Surah Nisa) that when the orphan reaches the age of marriage, hand over to them their properties. Hence age of marriage is related to the maturation of the mind. If a person of age 16 can't take care of his/her property / finances, then 16 would not be the right age for that person to marry.

as soon as an individual becomes mature (physically) would be the ideal age.

[Ali Mujahidin]

There is no age of marriage in Islam. And while it is not compulsory to marry off prepubescent girls by Islamic law, it is still good for girls of my race, therefore I will continue to marry my prepubescent girls off and I don't care at all what the enemies of Islam say or think.

Marry off prepubescent girls? Is that a cultural thing or is that something that's allowed in Islam? I am not very conversant with this aspect of Islam. Please quote the Holy Quran or Hadeeth Sahih in your reply. Thank you.

[ardianto]

There is no age of marriage in Islam. And while it is not compulsory to marry off prepubescent girls by Islamic law, it is still good for girls of my race, therefore I will continue to marry my prepubescent girls off and I don't care at all what the enemies of Islam say or think.

I don't care on what the enemies of Islam say or think, but I really care to what those little girls say and feel. They don't want to be married off and become sexual object. They just want to live their life, grow up, and reach their dream in the future.

Let her grow up,let her reach her dream, getting married in the right age with someone who she love.

Those girls as human too, like us.

[Karl]

I don't care on what the enemies of Islam say or think, but I really care to what those little girls say and feel. They don't want to be married off and become sexual object. They just want to live their life, grow up, and reach their dream in the future.

Let her grow up,let her reach her dream, getting married in the right age with someone who she love.

Those girls as human too, like us.

How do you know what they want? I'm getting really tired with people trying to turn Islam into a Zionist politically correct UN approved religion. Look the Zionists want to destroy Islam, they don't really care about child marriage as you may think, as they are always killing children anyway. The fact is, there is no age of marriage in Islam or any of the other major religions out there. Secularists have infiltrated and have destroyed the other religions and now they are working on Islam.
If you can't hold on to the tenets of Islam and you bend to the demands of the unbelievers then Islam will fall. Iblis wins the wager.

[Muhammad]

:salamext:

Let's keep this thread on topic. It is a general discussion about a good time to start thinking about marriage. We've already had discussions about children getting married before puberty - there's no need to repeat that here. Otherwise the thread may end up going downhill and getting closed.

[Karl]

Marry off prepubescent girls? Is that a cultural thing or is that something that's allowed in Islam? I am not very conversant with this aspect of Islam. Please quote the Holy Quran or Hadeeth Sahih in your reply. Thank you.

Marriage age laws are a radical modern secular concept, the state has forced its way into peoples private affairs and correlates in time to the rise of Marxism neo communism, collectivism and other extreme left wing ideologies.
The father decided the appropriate time for his daughter to marry throughout history. Islam is a conservative religion and adheres to the old traditional norms of private family affairs. In the Quran there is no age restriction of marriage nor the Bible or the Vedas (and other pagan religions). It has always been the father decides as head of the household.
The old communist Kibbutz has collectivist control over the children but many Jews can't stand this and leave them.

[MuslimInshallah]

How do you know what they want? I'm getting really tired with people trying to turn Islam into a Zionist politically correct UN approved religion. Look the Zionists want to destroy Islam, they don't really care about child marriage as you may think, as they are always killing children anyway. The fact is, there is no age of marriage in Islam or any of the other major religions out there. Secularists have infiltrated and have destroyed the other religions and now they are working on Islam.
If you can't hold on to the tenets of Islam and you bend to the demands of the unbelievers then Islam will fall. Iblis wins the wager.

Assalaamu alaikum Karl,


You seem to feel very strongly on this topic.


But I'm wondering if perhaps you aren't mixing different things.


I certainly applaud your anger at the injustices faced by many of the children of the world. And it is a valid point that there are those in our world who would like to weaken Islam. And that Iblis would like to see us fail (I don't think it's a wager, you know), is a definite truth.


It is also true that in many societies of the past (and some today), marriages were arranged between parents when the children were even infants in their cradles. The girls could be sent to live with their future in-laws at an early age, to be raised by her future mother-in-law. This was not an Islamic practice.This was a practice in many places.


The thing that was brought with the Prophet (PBUH) was the idea that the girl had a choice. Sure, she could be sent to live with her future in-laws, but the marriage was not actual. The girl had to be able to accept. And in order to do this, she had to have rushd. That is, have the maturity of mind to make an informed decision.


What is the age of rushd? Well, she had to at least be physically mature. Depending on the complexity of her society, and the level of understanding of the young woman, the marriage might not be able to be consummated for a while after her physical maturity. And if she refused, it wouldn't be consummated at all. At least, not if the Islamic requirements were to be met.


When you call for the marriage of prepubescent girls, you may also want to take into account the possibility that if she refuses the marriage when she has her rushd, that this may be damaging to the girl's future marital options. She may be seen as possibly damaged goods. I have actually known of this sort of circumstance. (smile) Someone even offered that my 2 year-old daughter be fiancéed to her grandson, and come to live with her when she was 11 or 12. To be properly trained (not for sexual relations), until the actual wedding.


I understand that you feel that Islam is under attack (because, well, it is), but please consider that your words may be misunderstood and further the cause of those who seek to discredit Islam.


May Allah Guide us all.

[ardianto]

Karl, there are other members who want to share their thought about appropriate age for getting married. So, don't make admin decide to close this thread because it turn into discussion about child marriage. Okay?.

[Karl]

Karl, there are other members who want to share their thought about appropriate age for getting married. So, don't make admin decide to close this thread because it turn into discussion about child marriage. Okay?.

I'm not actually getting "off topic" here anyway. As much as what I may say might be jarring to the misandrist politically correct enemies of Islam, what I am talking about IS on topic. It is a thread asking for opinions of what time is best to get married, so my replies are in keeping with that. The fact that I deem it ideal practice for my own daughters to marry in prepubescence does NOT take it "off topic" at all. But anyway, I will minimize my contribution if that's what you wish, provided of course you quit "correcting" and lecturing me how I should raise my own progeny. I alone as their father shall do that. It is NOT up to you to play part in my parenting because my offspring are simply none of your business to begin with. Remember, what might be appropriate for your offspring won't necessarily be appropriate for mine, especially for the fact that we are not even the same race. Even if I were to hypothetically and sycophantically agree with you to marry my daughters off as full grown adults that would still mean them marrying at age 12 anyway as that is the age at which my race is fully grown. Those of your race at that same age look only of the approximate development of 4 year olds of my race. That's why it is impossible that "one size can fit all". I bet you would not take kindly if I tried to tell you how to raise you own offspring so please have some decency and stop doing it to me. You employ the phrase "sexual object" and "marital rape", very typically feminist anti-Islamic expressions I shall remind you. Your arrogance assumes my daughters "don't want to be married off and become sexual object" (to quote your earlier post). Well for your information, you have that dead wrong. My daughters have no problem with being "sexual objects", but I as their father will NOT have them indulging in any sexual activity UNLESS they are married first. Because they are sexual beings in prepubescence I believe it of utmost importance that they marry as early as possible so that zina is avoided. The longer marriage is delayed, the more likely zina will occur. Over and out.

[Muhaba]

There is no age of marriage in Islam. And while it is not compulsory to marry off prepubescent girls by Islamic law, it is still good for girls of my race, therefore I will continue to marry my prepubescent girls off and I don't care at all what the enemies of Islam say or think.

A person cannot be married off without his or her consent. A prepubescent child cannot understand marital matters and so is not in the position to give consent. They don't understand what they are consenting to. Hence, such children cannot be married. The child would have to be at least 15 (in most cases older) to understand marriage and be able to give their consent. Marriage without consent is invalid according to hadith.

[Karl]

A person cannot be married off without his or her consent. A prepubescent child cannot understand marital matters and so is not in the position to give consent. They don't understand what they are consenting to. Hence, such children cannot be married. The child would have to be at least 15 (in most cases older) to understand marriage and be able to give their consent. Marriage without consent is invalid according to hadith.

All biased dogmatic assumptions on your part. Please note well that my comments are primarily about prepubescents of MY race. I am not trying to dictate what age is ideal for YOUR daughters, I am only speaking for what's fit for MINE, ok? 15 or even older to be capable of consent? You have to be joking though right? I would regard that as extreme retardation if it took my offspring that long to grasp the basics of consent. FYI, MY prepubescent offspring FULLY UNDERSTAND marital matters from they time they are 7 or 8, I teach them about it, and they can very easily fully comprehend it by then, hence why I marry them off at that age. They are fully capable of the basic principles of consent by the time they are able to SPEAK, and that's what I as their father also EXPECT from them too. Any inability to do something so basic as that would simply not be tolerated in my house. I would be highly embarrassed and appalled if it took them 15 long years just to grasp that. I teach my offspring the importance of the principle "If in doubt, leave it out", which basically means if one is not sure what they are consenting to then simply do not give consent at all. They understand the simple principle 100%. And also by the way, seeing a prepubescent IS a child there is no need in saying "prepubescent child" as you are only unnecessarily doubling up in much the same way as saying "the round circle" would also be an unnecessary double up.

Again, I am not trying to shove my own position down your throat. I am merely stating my own personal position here. I respect individual parental prerogative to raise one's own offspring as one sees fit. As far as I'm concerned all such matters is down to individual parental discretion, not arrogant collective dictates. I am more than happy not to dictate to you how you should raise your offspring just as long as you have enough decency to also keep out of my parenting.

[Insaanah]

:salam: brothers and sisters,

As per brother Muhammad's earlier request, this thread is about the age that most people generally would think about getting married. It is not about pre-pubertal marriage, or specific exceptions to what happens generally, which we now know about. If this thread continues in this vein, then unfortunately it may have to be closed. Please no more posts on pre-pubertal marriage, nor any replies to posts on the topic. We will be keeping an eye on it.

And so, back to the topic.

[piXie]

:sl:

Allah :swt: does not give any specific age for the man and woman to marry, therefore how can we.

Is there a set age for marriage in Islam? - islamqa.info

No offense but I think fasting doesn't always help avoiding that kind of emotions. I often keep fast and it's a great feeling but in that case, it doesn't always work for me. Or maybe I'm not keeping the principle of fasting properly? :confused:

If Allahs messenger :arabic5: said fasting diminishes the desire then there is no doubt about it.

Allaah’s Messenger :arabic5: said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066.

What we eat and how we eat is important. Just some tips

1. Eat moderately - when keeping and opening your fast.

2. Try to avoid foods like honey, meat, mangos, figs, dates, chicken, cinnamon, olive oil, turmeric, eggs, fish because these foods increase the desire.

3. Increase foods like salads, yogurt, lentils, milk, cheese, bananas, cucumbers, watermelon, water, etc because these foods keep u cool.

4. Staying active

5. Avoid reading, watching etc anything which brings on these desires.

[Karl]

:salam: brothers and sisters,

As per brother Muhammad's earlier request, this thread is about the age that most people generally would think about getting married. It is not about pre-pubertal marriage, or specific exceptions to what happens generally, which we now know about. If this thread continues in this vein, then unfortunately it may have to be closed. Please no more posts on pre-pubertal marriage, nor any replies to posts on the topic. We will be keeping an eye on it.

And so, back to the topic.

Ok, I for one will make an effort to do that for you. After my initial short single reply to this thread I would have not at all been troubled to see it continue back to a more politically correct level of discussion, but unfortunately it seems that there are some who feel not content enough to make only their own personal contribution without also feeling the need to make needless attacks on my post and lecture me on how to parent my own offspring, which to be frank I think is highly audacious and rude.

Also to clarify things here, I presume that as well as avoiding discussion about actual prepubertal marriages you are also meaning to include marriages that are considered "too young" or "under age" by the arbitrary standards of the modern day secularist West? It is important to note that prepubertal and "under age" are far from being the same and one. So, discussion to be avoided in this thread would therefore include not just prepubertals but those who are of any lunar age under the West's Magical Age (i.e. 18). Any recommendations for marriage under the West's Magic Age is to be avoided as much as possible in this thread. Is that really more specifically it? Thank you.

[Muhammad]

without also feeling the need to make needless attacks on my post and lecture me on how to parent my own offspring, which to be frank I think is highly audacious and rude.

There is no harm in advising each other about good parenting.

Any recommendations for marriage under the West's Magic Age is to be avoided as much as possible in this thread. Is that really more specifically it? Thank you.

What is to be avoided is this needless arguing. I don't recall anyone mentioning a 'magic age', so I think that assumption is wrong.

[Karl]

There is no harm in advising each other about good parenting.

I agree, but the point here is that I was not even seeking advice in the first place. I think I made it quite clear that I am 100% confident and adamant in my parenting decisions and do not seek external interference or "advice", and I think the poster that tried to ridicule my position knew that perfectly well too. That's what angers me. As my offsprings' father only I know how to raise them properly, not any outsider. This is because it is me who produced them, I have first hand experience of who they are, and I have a thorough understanding of all their temperaments and various personal requirements. Remember that one size does not fit all, so there is no "one universally correct way" of parenting. While your parenting methods would obviously be completely inappropriate for my offspring, my parenting methods would also be completely inappropriate for yours. To each their own.

What is to be avoided is this needless arguing. I don't recall anyone mentioning a 'magic age', so I think that assumption is wrong.

I also agree that needless arguing should be avoided. I know no one here mentioned the "Magic Age". I was just using the phrase to demonstrate the West's ridiculous and arbitrary way of seeing the age of 18 as some sort of instant magical transformation, which of course it isn't.