is this an act of kufr

[Aishath]

Asalaamu Alaikum

I am constantly in fear that I have said or done something that had taken me out of the folds of Islam. Numerous people have advised me this is just waswas including my husband, who has often had to deal with my waswas about whether my nikah is even valid.

The most recent case was when I was on my way to the bathroom to do wudu for Dhugr salaat. I sometimes get this weird rebellious 'don't care' feeling regarding everything. I can't explain it. I would do my salah carelessly (but I won't leave it) etc. I think that they are periods where my heart has heartened and I have low eeman.

In my room I have pasted various Duas and one is just by the bathroom door too. I had my back turned to the Dua as i was doing something else and I was making a face, like pulling a face as if there was a bad smell or I had seen something awful. I then got a thought that if I turn around with this face I'm making amd look at the Duas on the wall then that's me mocking it or its an act of Kufr.

No sooner had I got the thought, I did the action and turned whilst still pulling a face and looked at the Duas. Immediately I was filled with regret wondering what had I done. In my head I then started thinking that it's okay, you haven't committed kufr just because you did that. Just because you look at a Dua whilst making a face doesn't mean you are mocking it. I then did the action again but this time it was like I was trying to justify to myself that I hadnt committed kufr the first time.

This is something that happens to me where I do something bad and in my horror about what I did, I would repeat the action whilst trying to tell myself not to panic and it wasn't kufr. I recognised that I had fallen to that trap again and so I said Auoozu Billahi Mina Shaitha Ni Rajeem and put the thoughts away and went into the bathroom and did wudu and prayed.

I am now constantly wondering about what I did. I know that a mere thought alone without acting on it isn't something that could leaf to kufr but I am scared because I accompanied that thought with action. I wish I hadnt but I can't turn back the time.

What should I do. My husband keeps telling me I haven't become an apostate and that our nikah too is fine. He told me that leaving Islam is something you do with full yaqeen and that my intention wasnt to mock the Deen. But I'm scared my intention involved mocking as I got the thought that if I do something I would be mocking, and then I go and do it.

Please advise me.

JazakAllah Khair

[Signor]

Waalikum Assalaam

I then did the action again but this time it was like I was trying to justify to myself that I hadnt committed kufr the first time.

Narrated 'Umar bin Al-Khattab:

"I heard Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) saying, "The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended. So whoever emigrated for worldly benefits or for a woman to marry, his emigration was for what he emigrated for."" [Sahih Bukhari - Volume 1, Book 1, Number 1]

The Messenger of Allah (peace & blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

"Allah has pardoned for me my people for (their) mistakes and (their) forgetfulness and for what they have done under duress". [Hadith #39 in an-Nawawi's 40 Hadiths]

An advice would be to recite Sura An-Nās and Sura Al-Falaq as much as possible or atleast in all fardh salaat.

[InToTheRain]

Asalaamu Alaikum

I am constantly in fear that I have said or done something that had taken me out of the folds of Islam. Numerous people have advised me this is just waswas including my husband, who has often had to deal with my waswas about whether my nikah is even valid.

The most recent case was when I was on my way to the bathroom to do wudu for Dhugr salaat. I sometimes get this weird rebellious 'don't care' feeling regarding everything. I can't explain it. I would do my salah carelessly (but I won't leave it) etc. I think that they are periods where my heart has heartened and I have low eeman.

:wa:

Sister why would you say you have these periods where your heart has heardened and low emaan? A heardened heart will lead to low emaan.

(Nay, woe to those whose hearts are hard against the remembrance of Allah; those are in clear error.) (Az-Zumar 39:22)

The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Do not speak much without mentioning Allah, for too much speech without mentioning Allah hardens the heart, and the hard hearted are the furthest of all people from Allah Most High." [Tirmidhi]

The slave is not afflicted with a punishment greater than the hardening of the heart and being distant from Allah for the Fire was created to melt the hardened heart. The most distant heart from Allah is the heart which is hardened. If the heart becomes hardened, the eye becomes dry.

If four matters are exceeded in quantity, beyond what is necessary, the heart shall become hardened:
Food, sleep, speech and sexual intercourse. A body afflicted by disease does not derive nourishment from food or water, similarly a heart diseased by desire does not benefit from admonishment or exhortation.

Whosoever desires to purify his heart, then let him prefer Allah to his desires.

The heart which is clinging to its desires is veiled from Allah, commensurate to the degree that it is attached to them. The hearts are the vessels of Allah upon His earth, hence the most beloved of them to Him, are the ones most compassionate, pure and resistant to deviation.

They (the transgressors) preoccupied their hearts [in the pursuance] of the Dunya, would that they preoccupied them with Allah and the Hereafter, then surely they would have reflected upon the intended meaning of His poignant Words and Verses. Their hearts would have returned to their masters with a wisdom, marvelously curious and [in possession] of the rarest of precious gems.

If the heart is nourished with remembrance, its thirst quenched with contemplation and cleansed from corruption, it shall witness remarkable and wondrous matters, inspiring wisdom.

Not every individual is endowed with knowledge and wisdom, and assumes its character is from amongst its people. Rather the People of Knowledge and Wisdom are those who infused life into their hearts by slaying their desires. As for the one who slew his heart and vitalized his desires, then knowledge and wisdom are naked upon his tongue.

The destruction of the heart occurs by security [in this Dunya] and negligence, its fortification occurs by fear and remembrance. If the heart renounces the pleasures of the Dunya, it settles upon the [pursuance] of the pleasures of the Hereafter, and amongst those who call towards it. Should the heart become content with the pleasures of the Dunya, those pleasures [of the Hereafter] cease [to continue].

Yearning for Allah and His meeting is like the gentle breeze blowing upon the heart, extinguishing the blaze of the Dunya. Whosoever caused his heart to settle with his Lord shall be in a state, calm and tranquil, and whosoever sent it amongst the people shall be disturbed and excessively perturbed.

For the love of Allah shall not enter a heart which contains the love of this world, except as a camel which passes through the eye of a needle.

Hence, the most beloved servant before Allah is the one whom He places in His servitude, whom He selects for His love, whom He causes to purify his worship for Him, dedicates his objectives for Him, his tongue for His remembrance, and his limbs for His service.

The heart becomes sick, as the body becomes sick, and its remedy is al-Tawbah (repentance) and protection [from transgression].
It becomes rusty as a mirror becomes rusty, and its clarity is obtained by remembrance.
It becomes naked as the body becomes naked, and its beautification is al-Taqwa.
It becomes hungry and thirsty as the body becomes hungry, and its food and drink are knowledge, love, dependence, repentance and servitude.

By: Imam Ibn ul Qayyim al Jawziyyah