Assalaamu alaikum,
Something happened to me after Eid al-Adha this year. I found myself feeling very sad. I started crying. Nearly every day. I felt tired, even though I was sleeping more than I have in over 20 years (twinkle. Small children are
not good for your sleep!). I kept thinking about all the sad things in my life, though I repeatedly tried to think about the positive things and asked Allah to Help me. I found my interest in things that usually are very interesting to me, decreasing. I felt drained, my mind seemed sluggish, it took me longer and longer to get things done. I felt as if I was dragging myself through the day.
At first I thought it was because I had been sick a lot in the couple of months previous. I also had had a very painful experience back in the spring/summer. So I figured it was pretty normal that I'd feel a bit down. But as I've lived a lot of painful experiences in my life, and I've known a lot of health problems, I expected I'd bounce back. (smile) I'm a pretty high-energy person as a rule. Even when I'm slowed down by set-backs or illness, I still get a lot done. And my natural optimism has always lifted me, and helped me find innovative ways out of problems.
But after a month of weepiness and sleepiness, I realized that this time was different. I had the symptoms of a clinical depression.
If you google about depression, there are many websites with information. This is from the British National Health Service:
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depress.../Symptoms.aspx
The symptoms of depression can be complex and vary widely between people. But as a general rule, if you are depressed, you feel sad, hopeless and lose interest in things you used to enjoy.
The
symptoms persist for weeks or months and are bad enough to interfere with your work, social life and family life.
There are many other symptoms of depression and you're unlikely to have every one listed below.
If you experience some of these symptoms for most of the day, every day for more than two weeks, you should seek help from your GP.
Psychological symptoms include:
continuous low mood or sadness
feeling hopeless and helpless
having low self-esteem
feeling tearful
feeling guilt-ridden
feeling irritable and intolerant of others
having no motivation or interest in things
finding it difficult to make decisions
not getting any enjoyment out of life
feeling
anxious or worried
having
suicidal thoughts or thoughts of
harming yourself
Physical symptoms include:
moving or speaking more slowly than usual
change in appetite or weight (usually decreased, but sometimes increased)
constipation
unexplained aches and pains
lack of energy or lack of interest in sex (
loss of libido)
changesto your
menstrual cycle
disturbed sleep (for example, finding it hard to fall asleep at night or waking up very early in the morning)
Social symptoms include:
not doing well at work
taking part in fewer social activities and avoiding contact with friends
neglecting your hobbies and interests
having difficulties in your home and family life
(smile) Well, I certainly could check off quite a few of the above symptoms! My depression was still relatively mild, but I needed to do
something. Because it wasn't getting better. It was gradually getting worse.
So I decided to try a few things to get out of this pit. (smile) And as they helped me, I decided to share them with you. Because feeling miserable is really awful. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
1)
Prayer is helpful. Reading a little Qur'an morning and night is helpful.
2)
Exercise is helpful. (smile) At first you have
no energy, and it's hard to move. So start with low-impact exercise. Walking is helpful. Especially in the sunshine and fresh air, preferably with a lot of natural beauty around. You can take an exercise class. If the regular classes are too much, try taking a class for elderly people. You might try swimming.
3)
Vitamin D deficiency may be a problem, especially if you cover a lot of your skin, don't go outside much, or have darker skin in a country close to the poles. This is because vitamin D is naturally made in your skin when it is exposed to sunlight. While the scientific community is debating whether vitamin D supplements can help with depression, it seems like trying a supplement for a few weeks is not a bad idea. The vitamin D could also help with your absorption of calcium (for your bone health) and strengthening your immune system, and perhaps some others beneficial health effects. (smile) But don't go crazy. You don't need
huge amounts. Just a regular, therapeutic amount. Ask a health professional.
4)
Sunlight. In countries close to the poles (like mine), we don't get too much of this during the winter. This can have a negative effect on a person's mood. (smile) Going out for a brisk walk in the middle of a sunny day is helpful, and not just for the exercise and the vitamin D.
5)
Connecting with other people. Reach out to people. Family, friends, neighbours, even strangers.Talk with them. Try to see if they are reliable people to lean on. And if they care about you, lean on them. Even if they have their own problems (and we all do), tell them about yours. (smile) Helping you with
your problems may help them feel better about themselves and help
their problems. This was really made obvious to me with my closest friend. All during the time I was feeling sad, I felt I
couldn't add to her burden by talking about mine. She kept having difficult problems. And I felt I needed to concentrate on lifting
her mood. Until I finally couldn't anymore, and started crying. And (smile), even though she was recovering from a pretty bad problem herself (one of her fallopian tubes ruptured from an ectopic pregnancy), she found herself feeling better while counselling
me on how to feel better.
Connecting comes more easily to women, often (there are always exceptions). But men can lean on their mothers, wives, sisters, as well as their buddies. And if you don't have any women in your life... (smile) maybe it's time to correct that. (smile) The mortality and morbidity rates for single men are much worse than for married men. Marriage is good for a man's health (the benefits for women are less obvious). Seems impossible? See the next point.
6)
Dealing with feelings of helplessness. Sometimes we feel that there are no ways out of our situations. We say to ourselves
no one will ever marry me, or
I'll never get a job/job I like, or
I can't juggle everything on my plate, or
I fail at everything I do, or
I can't leave him/her because what will happen to the children,or... whatever it is. We feel powerless and helpless. (smile) My friend exhorted me about Allah's Power. But I was so depressed, it was hard for me to feel buoyed by this. I could just think about how
long Yusuf (AS) was in jail for, how
much Ayyub (AS) lost... and I felt I couldn't bear all the vicissitudes of the world.
(smile) And yet, Allah
really is All-Powerful. And Kind to this foolish slave of His. Because as soon as I started to take steps to pull myself out of the depression, He Started Showering me with His Bounty. (sparkle) I can't reveal all quite yet (I've been asked not to quite yet), but a wonderful gift has been offered to me. And I unexpectedly received some money. And it looks like there may be a perfect one-day-a-week job that fits in with my plans and needs, as well as an opportunity in the longer term that fits another set of priorities. (smile) I can perhaps have my cake and eat it, too! And some people around me have given me various kinds of help, and have shown me who my
real caring supporters are. And I was able to get some studies done that ended up being simpler than I'd imagined. (laugh) And I'm getting back into shape, too!
7)
Taking some sort of medicine. I personally started using a herbal combination I had previously researched, that is drawn from Ayurvedic medicine. There are other traditional remedies, too. I don't want to mention them , because
any substance you take, whether traditional or modern, has it's risks as well as benefits. I have skills in this area, that help me evaluate what I can and cannot take. But you, my reader, may not. And I do not want you to take risks with your health. Even if I don't know you, your life is precious to me. So, if after a few weeks of trying the things I have offered above, or if you've gotten to the point where you feel you want to kill yourself, or you are so depressed you can't even
imagine doing the things I mentioned above,
please consult with a medical practitioner. Whether traditional or modern, sometimes we need medicine. Allah Expects us to take steps to help ourselves before we leave everything in His Hands. And medicine is one of these steps. (smile) If you have a serious bacterial infection, would you hesitate to take an antibiotic to restore or save your life? Well, if your depression has become so deep that you can't shake it despite your best efforts, then why not take a medicine to restore or save your life?
(Laugh) Would you tell someone who's just had a limb amputated and is gushing blood: hey, get over it, we all have our wounds?! Or someone with pneumonia: you just need to snap out of it and get out of bed?! Or a diabetic: it's all in your head?!
No, of course not. And some of us have bigger emotional wounds than others. And some have chemical imbalances or illnesses in their bodies that can push them into an intractable depression (a neighbour of mine had a severe depression... that was caused by a brain tumour. She got surgery and chemotherapy and felt
way better).
Are you depressed? Well, I hope not. But if you are, remember that there are people who
do care about you. Like me. I care that you are suffering. And I know there are others out there, closer to you, who do, too. You just need to reach out and find them.
May Allah, the Source of All, the Loving, the One Who Understands All, Infuse you with strength and Enfold you in His Care.